A parent's greatest gift!

I received, Chris and I both, received the greatest gift any parent could hope for,to be blessed with Our 4 and a half year old daughter announcing at bedtime that she didn't want to go to sleep one more night without asking Jesus into her heart. SO together Chris and I explained a little more about living for Jesus and asking to have our sins forgiven, and she prayed to have Jesus Christ as the centre of her life. She is now a Christian and understands what that means for her young life. My heart is bursting with pride for our beautiful gift from above. I know He'll continue to guide her as she continues to seek Him on this life's journey of hers.God BLess.Amen!!

UPdates...

I was finally singing in the "rain" this moring!!YEAH!!As of today I'm booked to see at urologist, neurologist and for a head MRI. I had a great meetingn with my oncologist and she's taking all of my symptoms seriously while still encouraging me that she doesn't think that they are signs of metestatic disease. We just wouldn't want to be missing anything else that could be important. Lizzy and I drove in together with CArmelle and made a day of my appointments. WE had a wonderful time at Science World together. I'm not half way done my year of herceptin treatments!!

Please Pray

I'm lying in bed at 3:45 am having not been able to pee since early yesterday afternoon. I'm not sure what latest occurance is causing this, but I'll most likely be on my way to the ER again later this morning. Please pray that this is resolved quickly, and again that it's nothing related to cancer, or the spread of cancer. Going to try and go to sleep now. Thanks for praying.

Feather

PS... praying for a pee party not a pity party!

Weather conditions

I'm very concerned about not getting to my Doctor's appointment and Herceptin IV treatment at Vancouver Cancer Clinic tomorrow. My Doctor's apointment is for 10:30 am and my treatment is at 3:45pm. At the very least I'm hoping to get in for the afternoon treatment. Please pray that the road conditions won't be so bad tomorrow morning. Now I'm going to go to sleep and hope that everything works it's self out for tomorrow, and that I have a peaceful and restful sleep, last thing I need to do is lay awake worrying about it. Plus I'm fighting off a nasty head cold on top of everything else. Pray for good health I guess:)

Out of the mouths of babes.

As I tucked my baby girl into bed, and whispered in her ear, "I love you, Cadence." She replied in her new spoken words, "I yub you too, Mommy." How sweet it is to be loved by these little oones, who can bring so much healing with so few words. IT was the perfect timing for me to hear these words from my little one for the first time, as these are the words that build up ones soul.

Just for the record.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have a moment or two in which I'm paralyzed with fear; Fear that I'll be leaving my daughters without their mother, My husband without his wife, My Mother and Fathers without their daughter, my brother's without their sister, and my friends with a void (as I know all to well, how hard it is to lose a dear friend, I miss Carmen all the time)But I choose to overcome this fear and to not allow it to stop me from living my life. It is with strength that comes by my faith in something so much greater than all of this. The one who created me, knowing this would be a part of my life's journey, I have faith that with His hand to guide me, I can overcome this fear. So it is with prayer and faith that I have the strength to rise above the fear and not allow cancer to rob me of anything more.

My Wife's Blog (From Chris... to "Sarah")

As a husband with a wife going through danger, my instincts to protect my wife and my family run stronger than they do usually. So to "Sarah" who wrote the insulting comment on my wife's blog: PISS OFF. I'm going to give you my phone number, and I do hope that you call so I can tell you in stronger language what I think of you, and your comments. (604) 854-2808. If you can find the time to get down off of the GIANT freaking horse you're sitting on top of, maybe you can give me a call and answer for the utter arrogance and air of self-importance that you have shown here. God forbid YOU ever get cancer, fight a courageous fight through the whole of it, and then have someone want to encourage you for it.

So unless your next action is to call and appologize and take the verbal thrashing that you'll get from me, don't bother logging on here again. We can do just fine without your comments, or misguided advice, or whatever the hell you thought you were doing.

CHRIS

PS... to those who don't appreciate the strong lanauge, this is the EDITED version.

One more thing!

I'd just like to add...that if it isn't already clear...enduring a life threatening illness like cancer has got to be one of the most humbling experiences that anyone could face or endure. The amount of weakness that one encounters even on an hourly basis is often debilitating and heart breaking. To have someone see you as courageous through all of this, is the greatest compliment and encouragement. As I know it is not my strength, but the stregnth of my Heavenly Father that sees me through. It is not with pride that I humbly request nominations for the "Courage to come back awards", I've already been nominated without any suggestion on my part; it is with a fighting spirit to survive. As I fight each and every day this battle against cancer, that seeks to destroy my body, it escapes me why I must also fight off hurtful comments from others. I have written this with tears running down my face and my heart aching, perhaps someone might think twice before writing off a quick comment into my life.

What the heck!

I just received a very upsetting comment from someone about my previous blog entry in regards to the Courage to Come Back Awards.

She stated that: Perhaps soliciting nomiations was not a very humble thing to do.

To which I'd like to publically reply:

Wow, you obviously don't know me very well. It was my friend who nomiated me who suggested I add it to my blog, not mine in fact. But having said that I'm not sure why I feel the need to defend myself, especially during this time in my life. Not knowing you very well, it would suggest to me that it be prideful of someone to make such a comment to someone in my situation, fighting for my life.I sure hope you never find yourself fighting for your life and fighting off such hurtful comments. I'd like to humbly suggest you not read my blog anymore, especially if you have such comments that I could do without.

Feather

I'd like to suggest that if anything I write rubs you the wrong way, that you humbly bow out of reading my blog, than intentionally cause me hurt and pain with a comment such as this, I've got enough hurt and pain going on thanks.

Nominated for "The Courage to Come Back" Awards

A dear friend of mine has nominated me for "The Courage to come Back" Awards and I have accepted this nomination. I was previously nominated 7 years ago, long before this new battle with breast cancer. I didn't win then, perhaps because I'm ment to win now.Nominations year after year are allowed, but you can only win once. The more nomination submissions I receive the better my chances of winning.

If you feel that I have inspired you with my courage, please take the time to nominate me. YOu can do so through the website: www.coastmentalhealth.com
Through the experience of being nominated recipients have realized how strong they have been and now far they have come.

My nomination category would be, Medical: A person who has demonstrated inspirational achievement overcoming the challenges of serious medical conditions such as cancer etc.

The deadline for submissions is Monday, February 18th.
If you need info for writing your submission you can refer to my website and blog:
www.featherjanz.com
Thank-you for your continued encouragment and support!!

This is my prayer!

Yes, I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exhalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far, But it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my living with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

This passage is found in the Bible in Philipians 1:18b-26

11 Reasons why It’s good to have a week in the Hospital (every once in awhile)

1. You really don’t care what you look like for a week and if you’re lucky you won’t even see a mirror.
2. If you’re lucky you’ll get a super cute paramedic (not better looking than my own husband of course
3. You can entertain yourself for hours just moving your bed up, down and back and forth.
4. You can channel surf between a rerun of Friends, the News, ET Canada and Ugly Betty and no one has anything to say about it.
5. You look around your hospital room and find at least one person who’s worse off than you, which helps to put everything in perspective.
6. You have a good excuse to read all the gossip magazines, hoping you won’t have to read one more thing about Britany Spears (though she also makes your life seem better some how?!?!)
7. You don’t have to remember to drink 8 glasses of water because you’ve got a non-stop flow of IV fluids.
8. You can “cat-nap” several times a day and have no guilt.
9. Your only exercise is having to get up to go to the bathroom again.
10. The call button comes in very handy, especially when you need some good drugs to knock you out, in the middle of the night, when the man in the bed next to you won’t stop talking in his sleep.
11. If you ever had a secret desire to “flash” someone it will happen during this week whether you want it to or not!

I'm finally home!

After a literally "blurry" week in the hospital, I have arrived home with my stomach pain under control with ulcer medication, my radiated skin extremely tender and my eyes having to readjust frequently on the computer screen. We are unsure why my dizziness and loss of balance has now combined with blurred vision, probably side effects from medication. It could even be side effects from radiation and long term side effects from chemo. This is the hope and prayer.
I'm off to rest, just wanted to let people know that I'm home and ready heal.
Thank-you for all your prayers and words of encouragment!
God Bless.

Update (From Chris)

Feather spent the night in hospital again tonight. Today she developed some blurred vision, another troubling symptom. After talking to our doctor it looks like Feather will get in for an MRI, hopefully as soon as possible. He will also be showing her CT pictures to a neurologist and possibly some docs at the cancer clinic as well. Hopefully these will just turn out to be the continuing side effects of treatment. Must run, kids are awake and I have to put them back to bed. More to come when I have time.

Some News and News Yet to Come (From Chris)

Feather had her scope done yesterday, and it was determined that she has a sizable ulcer which would be causing her an extreme amount of pain. She's on medication now to deal with it. However, they also took a biopsy because the ulcer could have been caused by steroid use (which she received during chemo) or cancer. So we're back to waiting to see if this whole thing is going to start over again. Hopefully I can bring her home today. She will probably request that her port access be left in at least for a few days at home.
On the gallbladder front, the search team lost two more good men today as they continue to infiltrate an organ black market syndicate, with there still being no sign of Feather's. The doctors also still have not come up with anything. Must run now, I'll update more when I hear, or if Feather's home today you won't have to listen to my ramblings anymore.

Chris

News of the Day (from Chris)

feather will be spending another night in the hospital, as there is still no indication as to what is wrong with her. There was not a lot done today (besides the search party that was dispatched to find her missing gallbladder... we're fairly certain that it's somewhere on the black market in Asia).

She was supposed to have a scope done (down her esophageal tract and into the stomach) to try and find that cause of this pain, but when they showed up to pick her up from her bed, she had already been picked up by the ambulance to go to radiation. Evidently the phones between departments were on the fritz today. I'm under the impression that a technician has been called. The unfortunate thing was that she was ordered not to have any food for the test this morning... and the test never came, and her food orders never changed. So again they brought her clear liquids for dinner. If you've ever had hospital food, the REGULAR food is pretty close to clear liquids, so this really was thin rations. By permission of her doctor I brought her in some food tonight. She ate readily, but felt sick after eating, so it's a bit of a catch 22. I hope she's not in more pain or discomfort tonight for eating.

I took the girls to see her tonight and they were very happy to spend time with her after what I think is now 2 full days apart. Cadence ate half of Feather's frosty I had brought her before I knew what she was up to. Sneaky kid.

So the test will now be tomorrow after she returns from radiation. Her skin is also not doing very well at all. Thank goodness for painkillers, or she'd be a lot more miserable than she already is.

So please continue to pray that they find the solution to her pain issue, and that it's a simple (non-life threatening) condition to remedy. Pray that she finds comfort in her hospital room, and that she is not too lonely. (I cannot be there as much as I want, because I still have a lot of work, as well as kids on my plate of responsibility.) Pray that all the schedules work together tomorrow so that she can hopefully do all the tests needed and then get out of the hospital if the doctor deems it safe.
Oh, and also that the search team finds her gallbladder safe and sound before it's transplanted into some wealthy person in need of that particular organ.

Thanks again to all for continuing to care so much about Feather... it means so much.

Chris

PS... Most of you who know me will know which parts above are meant in sarcasm, and recognize that I still use humor as a pretty good coping mechanism. For those who are offended by my humor, I have an alternate "safe" site here: http://www.disney.com
:)

Update (From Chris)

Feather will be spending tonight in the hospital again. She REALLY wants to come home as she's now in a crowded room and has been moved twice, and is generally just not having a good time.
However, it helps to have one of the best doctors in Canada as an advocate for you. Dr. Newton has been incredible as usual, and I'm hoping that maybe tomorrow we can get to the bottom of this pain and that she can at least go home with her port still accessed which would allow Feather to continue to receive IV therapy when needed while at home. For tonight she at least has a TV in her room now, so she can drown some of her sorrows in Oprah, Dr. Phil and Entertainment Tonight. I think there was also a Michael J Fox movie on (her celebrity crush since she was a teenager), so hopefully Michael can perk up her evening a bit. More to come when I hear more.

Chris

Some Good News (from Chris)

So we've had some good news for the time being... Feather's head CT and abdominal ultrasound have come back negative for tumors or mets. However, her pain still remains so this just means that there must be further tests done to figure out what exactly is happening. The ultrasound also listed her gallbladder as removed, when it has not been removed. So we're not sure what to think about that. For the moment she is still on heavy painkillers in the hospital, and we will find out today what tests they will be doing and when. We expect that there will hopefully be an abdominal CT and barium swallow to rule out anything that the ultrasound may have missed. Besides... if the ultrasound radiologist missed seeing her gallbladder, that's probably not a fantastic resume to speak to his ability.

For my part, I'm hoping Feather can come home soon, it's lonely here with her in the hospital and the girls and I are both missing her. Continue to pray that the diagnosis will continue to lead away from anything cancer related, that it's quickly treatable and that we continue to be successful in managing Feather's pain, and that we can do this successfully when she comes home as well. Thanks again for keeping tabs on us. And thank-you for your prayers, they are so needed, and so effective.

Chris

From Chris...

I wish these were better circumstances that I'm for the first time writing on Feather's blog, as she's unable to do it herself. This morning at 4:00am after the second night of severe abdominal pain I took Feather to emergency. She's since been admitted for further tests and observation. One does not have to be in MENSA to know that there are many things these tests could find that would be very bad. We are of course chiefly concerned about mets, and that her cancer has spread. So if you would please remember to lift Feather and our family up in prayer, we would very much appreciate it. I have no idea how long she'll be in the hospital, or if she'll be staying in the ER or moving upstairs, but you know Feather... she'd probably love vists from anyone who was in the area. Even in sickness, always the socialite.

Many thanks to all of you who continue to read, and continue to care. Blessings on you all.

Chris

Not feeling so well.

As I approach the last few days of radiation treatment my body isn't very happy. Infact I've been displaying symptoms that are not pleasing to me or my Doctor. I've been having headaches, dizziness, clumbsiness and extreme fatigue. My Doctor has shown concern about the possibility that my cancer has spread to my brain. She has ordered a brain CT scan for Wednesday morning to rule out a brain tumor. Last night my symptoms got worse and were accompanied with severe stomach pains. I ended up very nauseated and threw up more than I would have liked. I was very close to calling 911 as I came close to losing consciousness. But I started to feel better and put off the call. I was up all through the night, unable to sleep. I slept some this moring and afternoon. When I tried to eat again some stomach pain returned. I'm still very dizzy and "foggy brained". If I get that bad again tonight I'll be going to the hospital. We've been in touch with our Doctor and this is what he's suggested. Please pray mostly that my cancer hasn't spread. I'm hoping it's Norwalk virus or something. Pray that my stomach pain and dizziness goes away.
Going to lay down,
Feather

"I'm a really healthy person, I just happen to get cancer!"

Well I had a Happy New Year and a Happy Birthday! I turned 36 and loved every minute of it…except the torturous 30 minutes in my radiation appointment. There were difficulties getting my arm and body in proper position, as my custom made form is starting to fall apart. So by the 15th minute, which is usually when I’m done, my arm and shoulder started to ache terribly. I just kept reminding myself that I was going to have a facial that afternoon and how relaxing that would be. It didn’t really help, but the facial was very relaxing.
I received many wonderful birthday greetings and three sets of lovely flowers. I received gifts and one that I’ll benefit from in the near future. Chris got me a flight to Las Vegas for one month after my radiation treatment is done. I’ll stay with my friend Julie and enjoy some great Vegas shows and have some fabulous girlfriend time. I leave Feb 14th, so the trip will kind of also be my Valentine’s gift. I’m so looking forward to this trip, it’s something to look forward to as I get through these final days of Radiation.
I got good news and bad news today, I only have 9 more radiation treatments, yeah! But the reason I don’t have 12 more is because my skin is in rough shape. I’m now having to do saline compresses 3 times a day to help ward off infection. My skin is bright red, sore, bubbling and peeling in some places, very itchy and tight. I have to stretch my muscles as they are getting tight as well.
The good thing is that my energy is pretty good, much better than I expected at this point. I otherwise feel pretty healthy. I had to fill out a questionnaire at the spa yesterday and one of the questions was, “Are you in good, excellent or poor health?”, I instinctively circled the word “excellent” and then laughed at myself. I don’t think it’s denial, I just feel well, other than having cancer. Other than cancer, I’m otherwise really healthy. I’ve said a few times, “I’m a really healthy person, I just happen to get cancer!”
Chris and I had a wonderful date night as my brother Daniel and his wife Rachael babysat. We got to use our Earl’s gift card and also a set of movie passes. We saw an entertaining movie, National Treasure, and Chris surprised me with flowers and great card and a pretty necklace. The most romantic part was he took the time to totally clean our very messy room. Our room has been the last place to receive attention with all the unpacking and the holidays, come to think of it…it’s always the last place to get cleaned, perhaps you can relate.
Hope your New Year is off to a good start, just like mine!