I will not be participating in the weekend to end breast cancer this year, but I will be participating in the CIBC RUN for the CURE on October 5th, 2008. this event is very cloce to my heart, and I'm considered a top fundraiser, I've raised just under $13,000 in the past 3 years, this year I hope to keep the trend going. Please help me fundraise and help find a cure for breast cancer. Money raised also goes towards raising awareness, research, improved treatment and helping to take care of patients/survivours like me!
To make a Donation log onto:
www.cibcrunforthecure.com
or/ www.cbcf.org and click onto the Run icon on the left
Then on the Run page go to the middle "Donate" section
select "donate to a participant"
Then add my name "Feather Janz"
The location "Abbotsford"
and make your donation.
Thank-you for your continued support!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Our Girls.
We are often asked how our girls have been through all of this. We usually respond,that they are doing well and that we've all been lucky to have such great care-givers for them for the past year and a half. We'd like to think that they haven't been negatively affected at all and to cling to the phrase, "Children are so resiliant."
This cancer experience has taken up almost half of Cadence's life, she doesn't remember life being any different, she hardly recognizes me in pictures with long hair. Carmelle remembers me having long hair and going to work. She's told me all year that she's glad I don't leave for work anymore; she seems to forget how many times I've left to go to Dr's appointments, for tests, to the hospital and been sleeping.
We know our children have been changed by my breast cancer diagnosis and battle, and that we've had to focus on quality time as a family and not quantity. A positive thing has been that the girls have learnt to adjust well to change. They have had many positive experiences with many wonderful caregivers and have adjusted to obeying different authority figures. Each of this caregivers has offered things that are different than what Chris and I offer, so our children are perhaps more well rounded then they may have been. I believe that children thrive when receiving care and attention not just from their parent's but from many people who love and care about them.
Having said that, consistancy is always best for children and we've tried to achieve that for our girls as much as possible but we haven't always been able to. Inspite of this our girls are doing very well socially, their physical development is great and their personalities are strong and not to be missed:) Carmelle's vocabulary amazes me; I just asked her where her blue fork was and she told me it was "camoflaged" by her blue plate, I'm not sure how to spell it and my 5 year old is using it properly in a sentence! Though because her speech is so good, she often speaks for her baby sister, Cadence who's 3 and a half, who has been "babied" very much this year;and isn't speaking as she should by now. We will put her two years of pre-school, when Carmelle only did half a year, and I'm sure she'll be ready for Kindergarten when she's 5. We also haven't achieved complete potty training yet either. She was basically totally potty trained right before I went in for MAstectomy, and then she reverted and is now where she was then. The last two days she's been in panties, but with a few to many accidents. We are going to try and focus on it a lot over the month of August.
Cadence has much seperation anxiety and doesn't handle change very well, which we know has much to do with the events of the last year and a half. Carmelle has developed bad habits and behavioural issues of her own, with way to much whining being the most obvious. She is very excited to go to school and I know it'll be hard for Cadence to have her going three days a week when she isn't. I'm planning to do special one-on-one activities with Cadence when Carmelle is in school. I'm hoping she'll grow to look forward to that time, in her big-girl panties:)
Our girls have made this time easier in so many ways, even though childcare was a huge stress through most of it (financially and otherwise). My girls made me smile everyday, they gave me a reason to get up and going when I didn't feel I had the strength, they gave me hope and vision for our future and made "being-sick" a little easier. When I wondered sometimes why I was doing treatment, it made it easier on me to focus on it being for them, I'd do anything for my girls...because they have done everything for me.
For my girls, Carmelle and Cadence:
When I felt like giving up the fight, you gave me a reason to win.
When I felt weak, you gave me strength.
When I wanted to cry, you made me laugh.
When I felt like sinking, you threw me a line.
When I couldn't walk, you made me want to dance.
When I lost my voice, you sang for me.
When I lost sight of the goal, you gave me vision.
When I lost touch with reality, you held my hand.
When my arms were limp, you carried me.
When my heart ached and felt like breaking, you mended my soul.
When my mind wondered to dark places, you brought me home.
When my spirits were low, you picked them up.
When I couldn't reach out, you came to me.
When I couldn't speak, you said me, "I love you Mommy."
When I could hug, you squeezed even tighter.
When I could give you a kiss, you gave me one-hundred.
When I looked at you, your eyes twinkled back.
When I reached for you, you jumped into my arms.
When I stood, you lead the way.
When I moved forward, you ran ahead.
When I walked, you cleared the way.
When I stopped to ponder all that you have given to me...you held my hand.
From you Mommy
This cancer experience has taken up almost half of Cadence's life, she doesn't remember life being any different, she hardly recognizes me in pictures with long hair. Carmelle remembers me having long hair and going to work. She's told me all year that she's glad I don't leave for work anymore; she seems to forget how many times I've left to go to Dr's appointments, for tests, to the hospital and been sleeping.
We know our children have been changed by my breast cancer diagnosis and battle, and that we've had to focus on quality time as a family and not quantity. A positive thing has been that the girls have learnt to adjust well to change. They have had many positive experiences with many wonderful caregivers and have adjusted to obeying different authority figures. Each of this caregivers has offered things that are different than what Chris and I offer, so our children are perhaps more well rounded then they may have been. I believe that children thrive when receiving care and attention not just from their parent's but from many people who love and care about them.
Having said that, consistancy is always best for children and we've tried to achieve that for our girls as much as possible but we haven't always been able to. Inspite of this our girls are doing very well socially, their physical development is great and their personalities are strong and not to be missed:) Carmelle's vocabulary amazes me; I just asked her where her blue fork was and she told me it was "camoflaged" by her blue plate, I'm not sure how to spell it and my 5 year old is using it properly in a sentence! Though because her speech is so good, she often speaks for her baby sister, Cadence who's 3 and a half, who has been "babied" very much this year;and isn't speaking as she should by now. We will put her two years of pre-school, when Carmelle only did half a year, and I'm sure she'll be ready for Kindergarten when she's 5. We also haven't achieved complete potty training yet either. She was basically totally potty trained right before I went in for MAstectomy, and then she reverted and is now where she was then. The last two days she's been in panties, but with a few to many accidents. We are going to try and focus on it a lot over the month of August.
Cadence has much seperation anxiety and doesn't handle change very well, which we know has much to do with the events of the last year and a half. Carmelle has developed bad habits and behavioural issues of her own, with way to much whining being the most obvious. She is very excited to go to school and I know it'll be hard for Cadence to have her going three days a week when she isn't. I'm planning to do special one-on-one activities with Cadence when Carmelle is in school. I'm hoping she'll grow to look forward to that time, in her big-girl panties:)
Our girls have made this time easier in so many ways, even though childcare was a huge stress through most of it (financially and otherwise). My girls made me smile everyday, they gave me a reason to get up and going when I didn't feel I had the strength, they gave me hope and vision for our future and made "being-sick" a little easier. When I wondered sometimes why I was doing treatment, it made it easier on me to focus on it being for them, I'd do anything for my girls...because they have done everything for me.
For my girls, Carmelle and Cadence:
When I felt like giving up the fight, you gave me a reason to win.
When I felt weak, you gave me strength.
When I wanted to cry, you made me laugh.
When I felt like sinking, you threw me a line.
When I couldn't walk, you made me want to dance.
When I lost my voice, you sang for me.
When I lost sight of the goal, you gave me vision.
When I lost touch with reality, you held my hand.
When my arms were limp, you carried me.
When my heart ached and felt like breaking, you mended my soul.
When my mind wondered to dark places, you brought me home.
When my spirits were low, you picked them up.
When I couldn't reach out, you came to me.
When I couldn't speak, you said me, "I love you Mommy."
When I could hug, you squeezed even tighter.
When I could give you a kiss, you gave me one-hundred.
When I looked at you, your eyes twinkled back.
When I reached for you, you jumped into my arms.
When I stood, you lead the way.
When I moved forward, you ran ahead.
When I walked, you cleared the way.
When I stopped to ponder all that you have given to me...you held my hand.
From you Mommy
My prognosis.
People often ask me what my prognosis is and I have said all along; if it comes back it didn't work and if it doesn't it did! My Oncologist refered to my, Her2 positive, invasive ductual-carcinoma, lymph-node positive breast cancer, as very aggressive disease. When I asked mt oncologist 7 months ago if we could have another baby when this was all done (which by the way isn't going to happen, it was just my hormonal response to my fertility coming back after experiencing 6 months of chemically induced meno-pause)she said I could probably have another child, but that Chris and I'd have think seriously about how he would manage with three young children without me. We are happy with our two girls and feel that our family is complete.
I've studied and looked over the stats, which Doctor's generally like to avoid when talking about long term prognosis, and from what I can figure...I'm looking at a 70-something percent chance of surviving 5 years.
The cancer agency looks at their job being to get patients to 5 years, that's their goal.If the patient survives longer, great, but they won't make any guarentees. I see myself as living much longer than that, but I can see how the treatment of the cancer could shorten your life expectancy as well. Right now I don't see myself so much as recovering from cancer, but recovering from the treatment; of which I still have one more Herceptin treatment on August 6th.
My oncologist did say to me right off the bat, my first appointment, that it was her goal to get me to 50 years of survival, not just 5. So I'm sticking to that, 50 + my 35 at time of diagnosis = 85 years old; I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!
I've studied and looked over the stats, which Doctor's generally like to avoid when talking about long term prognosis, and from what I can figure...I'm looking at a 70-something percent chance of surviving 5 years.
The cancer agency looks at their job being to get patients to 5 years, that's their goal.If the patient survives longer, great, but they won't make any guarentees. I see myself as living much longer than that, but I can see how the treatment of the cancer could shorten your life expectancy as well. Right now I don't see myself so much as recovering from cancer, but recovering from the treatment; of which I still have one more Herceptin treatment on August 6th.
My oncologist did say to me right off the bat, my first appointment, that it was her goal to get me to 50 years of survival, not just 5. So I'm sticking to that, 50 + my 35 at time of diagnosis = 85 years old; I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!
A Time of Rehabilitation.
I am viewing this time now and for the months to follow as a time of rehabilitation for myself. When we think of rehabilitation we mostly think of and focus on the physical. I realize that that this process will take awhile and will include emotional, mental, social and spiritual rehab as well. When I was at my "cancer-survivour" retreat last weekend in Quebec, we talked a lot about what we phrased, "re-inter-jecteriz-ation". This is not a word,obviously, but stands for "integrating back into "normal" life" after being a patient for so long.
For me today this has already included, getting up alone with my girls today. Chris is off doing music and I'm managing the home and girls just fine. I decided to make the girls french toast for breakfast and as we waited for it to cook, I blew bubbles for them. I realized very quickly that blowing bubbles, which I haven't done in a long time, is actually a really good lung exercise. After 2 times, I was winded, light headed and dizzy, but I didn't stop, I just paced myself. I feel this is a symbol of how much of my life will be for awhile, I need to try things I haven't done and instead of stopping when it gets tough, pace myself and enjoy the process.
The joy I got from watching my girls laugh and jump, popping thing bubbles was a highlight of my morning.
It is my intention to try something each day that I haven't done for awhile. I also intend to try and do a little exercise here and there. By Fall I plan to get a gym membership and go 3 times a week. I'll have more of a structured routine with Carmelle starting Kindergarten, afternoon class, and Cadence going to preschool 2 afternoons a week, Mondays and Wednesdays. It'll be the first time our family has a structured routine and I hope we adjust alright.
As I "re-inter-jecterize" I know there will be times that are rough and frustrating, but I know there will be so much support through it, just as I've received so much all along.
Thank-you for your continued support and encouragement!
For me today this has already included, getting up alone with my girls today. Chris is off doing music and I'm managing the home and girls just fine. I decided to make the girls french toast for breakfast and as we waited for it to cook, I blew bubbles for them. I realized very quickly that blowing bubbles, which I haven't done in a long time, is actually a really good lung exercise. After 2 times, I was winded, light headed and dizzy, but I didn't stop, I just paced myself. I feel this is a symbol of how much of my life will be for awhile, I need to try things I haven't done and instead of stopping when it gets tough, pace myself and enjoy the process.
The joy I got from watching my girls laugh and jump, popping thing bubbles was a highlight of my morning.
It is my intention to try something each day that I haven't done for awhile. I also intend to try and do a little exercise here and there. By Fall I plan to get a gym membership and go 3 times a week. I'll have more of a structured routine with Carmelle starting Kindergarten, afternoon class, and Cadence going to preschool 2 afternoons a week, Mondays and Wednesdays. It'll be the first time our family has a structured routine and I hope we adjust alright.
As I "re-inter-jecterize" I know there will be times that are rough and frustrating, but I know there will be so much support through it, just as I've received so much all along.
Thank-you for your continued support and encouragement!
A Time of Rehabilitation.
I am viewing this time now and for the months to follow as a time of rehabilitation for myself.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
The first "normal" day of the rest of my life...
The day started off well. We had our babysitter come at 8am so we could sleep in. Sleeping in never felt so good, because I was doing it because I wanted to, not because I needed to for the rest.
I called some friends to give them the good news (I'll call some more tonight) we all got ready and went to a family friendly fundraiser for Zajac ranch for kids with terminal illness. We had the babysitter with us, so we could relax and enjoy visiting with people we knew there. It was so nice to be able to share our good news!
The babysitter, Jessyca and I took the girls to the park, and I got to share with a conplete stranger mom, Sara, my good news. She was very encouraged and thanked me for sharing with her.
There were points today that I just wanted to shout it from a mountian top...but as I walked around the park and got winded, my body reminded me that my lung is in rough shape from the radiation and that I can't quite do all that I'd like yet.
I was so grateful to have Jessyca with me as we took the girls to a birthday party in the park and she had to keep running after them when they'd get to far away; usually running after a new puppy they saw. I certianly couldn't be doing any running yet.
I feel like running, but there's a vast divide still between what my heart wants to do and what my body is capable of doing. That's okay with me... I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!!!
I called some friends to give them the good news (I'll call some more tonight) we all got ready and went to a family friendly fundraiser for Zajac ranch for kids with terminal illness. We had the babysitter with us, so we could relax and enjoy visiting with people we knew there. It was so nice to be able to share our good news!
The babysitter, Jessyca and I took the girls to the park, and I got to share with a conplete stranger mom, Sara, my good news. She was very encouraged and thanked me for sharing with her.
There were points today that I just wanted to shout it from a mountian top...but as I walked around the park and got winded, my body reminded me that my lung is in rough shape from the radiation and that I can't quite do all that I'd like yet.
I was so grateful to have Jessyca with me as we took the girls to a birthday party in the park and she had to keep running after them when they'd get to far away; usually running after a new puppy they saw. I certianly couldn't be doing any running yet.
I feel like running, but there's a vast divide still between what my heart wants to do and what my body is capable of doing. That's okay with me... I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!!!
First "normal" day of the rest of my life...
The day started off well. We had our babysitter come at 8am so we could sleep in. Sleeping in never felt so good, because I was doing it because I wanted to, not because I needed to for the rest.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Good news...
My Doctor,oncologist, called to let me know that my follow-up tests (done Wednesday) show no signs of metastatic disease in my right lung. Previous tests ruled out there being being metestatic disease anywhere else in my body, and my blood work for tumor markers came back clear. So this is good news. It's means that there is no signs of cancer anywhere in my body.
In the last week specifically, I felt that this was true. My gut feeling was that i was cancer free, as I was feeling so well and so "normal". As I've mentioned before, my life has been, thus far "anything but normal...".
When I heard a month ago that my right lung was irregular and possibly damaged by radiation or the site of metestatic breast cancer, I thought it was the later as I was not well and right before I headed to the hospital, felt like I was dying.As it turned out my body was in serous trouble, not from cancer, but because my electralites were very unbalanced and my potassium levels had bottomed out. I felt comatose and my muscles began seizing, but after a week in the hospital they had me almost back to normal. After another week of potassium pills, I felt the best I had in a very long time.
As the last few weeks passed, I felt better and better in every way. Currently, I don't have to take any medications at all to get through my day. I still have some dizziness from the labrithintitis (inner ear balance disorder) but even that is sooooo much better than it was.
I'm now able to eat a balanced diet through the day and I've been able to take vitamins for the first time in 6 months, without feeling sick. My body will take time to rebuild all of it's strength, muscles and organs, but I feel confident that it will in the next while. My faith in my body is returning and I'm learning to trust it again.
I'm looking forward to start excercising regularly again, little by little, as my lungs will allow. Currently my right lung is limited, but my left is healthy and should compensate for the weakness of the right. It will take longer to rebuild my cardio-vascular health, but in time it should be as strong as it once was.
I don't plan on walking the 60kms for the wekend to end breast cancer, like I once did, but perhaps next year. I also won't be running the 5kms for the Run for the Cure, but last year I couldn't even walk the 1 km as it was only 2 days post chemo.
My goal will be to walk the 5kms in October, pushing my youngest daughter in the stroller and holding the hand of my oldest.
It is my intention to walk the 5kms every year, with my two girls, holding hands of their children...and so on.
In the last week specifically, I felt that this was true. My gut feeling was that i was cancer free, as I was feeling so well and so "normal". As I've mentioned before, my life has been, thus far "anything but normal...".
When I heard a month ago that my right lung was irregular and possibly damaged by radiation or the site of metestatic breast cancer, I thought it was the later as I was not well and right before I headed to the hospital, felt like I was dying.As it turned out my body was in serous trouble, not from cancer, but because my electralites were very unbalanced and my potassium levels had bottomed out. I felt comatose and my muscles began seizing, but after a week in the hospital they had me almost back to normal. After another week of potassium pills, I felt the best I had in a very long time.
As the last few weeks passed, I felt better and better in every way. Currently, I don't have to take any medications at all to get through my day. I still have some dizziness from the labrithintitis (inner ear balance disorder) but even that is sooooo much better than it was.
I'm now able to eat a balanced diet through the day and I've been able to take vitamins for the first time in 6 months, without feeling sick. My body will take time to rebuild all of it's strength, muscles and organs, but I feel confident that it will in the next while. My faith in my body is returning and I'm learning to trust it again.
I'm looking forward to start excercising regularly again, little by little, as my lungs will allow. Currently my right lung is limited, but my left is healthy and should compensate for the weakness of the right. It will take longer to rebuild my cardio-vascular health, but in time it should be as strong as it once was.
I don't plan on walking the 60kms for the wekend to end breast cancer, like I once did, but perhaps next year. I also won't be running the 5kms for the Run for the Cure, but last year I couldn't even walk the 1 km as it was only 2 days post chemo.
My goal will be to walk the 5kms in October, pushing my youngest daughter in the stroller and holding the hand of my oldest.
It is my intention to walk the 5kms every year, with my two girls, holding hands of their children...and so on.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Oh yes, the fire...
So we were enjoying the beauty of the outdoors in Quebec last Friday night, and thought it was a perfect night for a camp fire and s'more making. I decided to show off my s'more making abilities from all my years at summer camp. We'd just gotten started when it started to pour rain, again! So I stuffed the four marshmellows I was working on and headed up to the main resort building we were staying in.(heaven forbid the 4 marshmellows get wet from the rain, that would have wrecked them and who wants to destroy perfectly roasted marshellows) We gathered around the indoor fire place and decided to light a fire to warm -up, dry off and finish making smores. I offered to make the fire and smores for everyone. I'd seen a fire there the night before and thought it looked so cozy. We got cozy, about 12 of us and everyone enjoyed the smores. Then we heard a roaring sound, I figured it was just a "roaring" fire place. Then we heard Julie "singing?!?!?" She was actually out of breath, running up the stairs yelling, "The chimney is on fire, FIRE...flames are shooting out 5-6 feet!!" I looked up and saw that the chimney flute at the ceiling as glowing orange/red. There was a bad fire in the chimney. I knew that the base fire needed to be put out as soon as possible, We started an asembley line from the bar, with water jugs. I immediately used the few bottles of water near me, right away. We had the fire out in a couple minutes, I looked up and the red glow was gone, I knew the worst was over, the flames had stopped shooting out the top. Just as I was calm and knew it was all okay, that's when everyone else started to panic just a little. I'd asked someone to call the maintenance man asap, one of our group leaders pulled the fire alarm and everyone headed outside in the rain. While I spoke with the maintenance man and informed him that the fire was out, but that a fireman would have to take a look at it, because the chimney had obviously not been cleaned recently or properly. It was admitted to me later, that the chimney sweep had cleaned the upper part of the chimney but not the lower.Plus it was pointed out the smoke detectors didn't work/go off. The smoke was actually a result of the fire being put out, but there was a lot of smoke and someone called 911. I knew that probably wasn't necessary, but they came out in full force, 2 trucks and 10 men,to put out a fire that was already out. Once we realized we were not in harms way and wet from the rain, we headed into the main meeting room, that was even before the firemen all arrived. I was surprised by the over reaction, but later the scene calmed down. I apologized for the fire I didn't intend to start, I said, "I just wanted to mske my friends smores!" By then everyone was able t laugh at the situation, the firemen were not laughing. IT could have been so much worse, I'm so grateful that it was raining and that the roof was wet. It was a "wake-up" call for the resort owners, as the firemen were not impressed that the smoke detectors didn't work and that the chmney had not been properly cleaned.
We weren't allowed to go back to bed for awhile, so out came the game "Taboo", we had two teams, mine team was called "firestarters" those that joined me for smores, and the others, the "smoke-eaters". We ended up having so much fun, laughing so hard and for the first time on the retreat, we forgot that we had cancer.
For the rest of the weekend, the fire jokes were sent my way and we all had fun with it. The fire became a theme of the weekend, and I joked that I "feather" was a part of the phoenix that rose up out of the flames.
Considering my Grandpa Butchart was a fire chief for 30 years, I figure he would have been proud of me for putting out the fire and safetly assessing the situation, but he would not have been impressed that it was because I wanted to make smores. oops!
I was forgiven and I am welcome back at the follow-up retreat in Lake Louise in Alberta in October. Thank-you Geoff and Leslie for still liking me after I almost gave you heart failure.
Needless to say, everyone at the retreat knew who I was after that. I don't know that I've ever been notorious for anything, I have to admit I felt a little like a rebel:)
The Rebellious one,
Feather
We weren't allowed to go back to bed for awhile, so out came the game "Taboo", we had two teams, mine team was called "firestarters" those that joined me for smores, and the others, the "smoke-eaters". We ended up having so much fun, laughing so hard and for the first time on the retreat, we forgot that we had cancer.
For the rest of the weekend, the fire jokes were sent my way and we all had fun with it. The fire became a theme of the weekend, and I joked that I "feather" was a part of the phoenix that rose up out of the flames.
Considering my Grandpa Butchart was a fire chief for 30 years, I figure he would have been proud of me for putting out the fire and safetly assessing the situation, but he would not have been impressed that it was because I wanted to make smores. oops!
I was forgiven and I am welcome back at the follow-up retreat in Lake Louise in Alberta in October. Thank-you Geoff and Leslie for still liking me after I almost gave you heart failure.
Needless to say, everyone at the retreat knew who I was after that. I don't know that I've ever been notorious for anything, I have to admit I felt a little like a rebel:)
The Rebellious one,
Feather
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
“Firestarter”
I feel privileged to have spent five days with such incredible people who helped me find myself again and help to establish who I am now. I wasn’t there as Chris’s wife, or Carmelle and Cadence’s Mommy,or as Mrs. Janz, I was there as Feather.My responsibility was to myself and my wellness, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally and socially. Who I am as a breast cancer survivor wasn’t even the focus much of the time. I felt myself focusing on who I am as a woman, as a human being and on being human. I was given the opportunity and tools to define my “new normal”. Which now includes expert smore maker and firestarter.
I just wanted to make my friends smores…to be continued.
I just wanted to make my friends smores…to be continued.
How I ended up as Feather "Firestarter" Janz...
I’ve been away for 6 days in Quebec at a retreat for young cancer survivours. It was so hard to say good-bye to so many new friends, but having my girls running to me on my arrival home shouting, “Mommy, Mommy!” as loud as they could, was amazing! Carmelle said, “I love you Mommy, I was missing you so much, I’m glad you are home.” These words made me even more happy about going on this retreat because I know I’ve returned as a better Mother and as a better Feather.
It’s incredible to me how much difference a few days can make, when you lay out your heart and soul and commit to doing the work you need to do. I’ve returned home with so much more than I expected. I feel healed in so many ways, ways I didn’t even know I needed healing in. I thank every one of the retreaters for being vulnerable and transparent, and making me feel safe to do so myself. There were many tears, but so many shoulders to cry and rest on; there was laughter, so much so that I think I got a mini face lift from my face muscles getting such a workout. I could never express enough the gratitude for the many “gifts” I received from so many. Though I left with so many connections and new friends, I was changed forever by one particular and incredible new friendship. I’ve never had a friend so different from me, but some how so much the same. Thank-goodness for email so we can keep in touch, as distance (Toronto) keeps us apart.
Julie, Michelle and I started our trip through Calgary airport, were I was so excited to see
Shannon (my life long friend of over 30 years) who drove with her girls from Lethbridge just to see me for just over an hour. It was so great to spend time with someone who knows me so well before heading into a weekend with all new faces.
We arrived last Wednesday the 16th, at dinner time and headed into the downtown of Montreal, to catch as much of the “Just for Laughs” Comedy Festival as we could. The downtown core of the city was blocked off and the streets were alive with laughter, professional acts and great entertainment. I got a very good sleep that night and the retreat started with us all meeting at the Hilton Hotel, where we were staying, and all loading into an old yellow school bus, with no air conditioning for a 3 hour journey to Jouvence. Need less to say many of us were already bonded to each other from that ride; especially since many of us thought the Montreal drivers were going to take our lives, not cancer.
Perhaps you are wondering how I ended up with the nickname, Firestarter…to be continued!
It’s incredible to me how much difference a few days can make, when you lay out your heart and soul and commit to doing the work you need to do. I’ve returned home with so much more than I expected. I feel healed in so many ways, ways I didn’t even know I needed healing in. I thank every one of the retreaters for being vulnerable and transparent, and making me feel safe to do so myself. There were many tears, but so many shoulders to cry and rest on; there was laughter, so much so that I think I got a mini face lift from my face muscles getting such a workout. I could never express enough the gratitude for the many “gifts” I received from so many. Though I left with so many connections and new friends, I was changed forever by one particular and incredible new friendship. I’ve never had a friend so different from me, but some how so much the same. Thank-goodness for email so we can keep in touch, as distance (Toronto) keeps us apart.
Julie, Michelle and I started our trip through Calgary airport, were I was so excited to see
Shannon (my life long friend of over 30 years) who drove with her girls from Lethbridge just to see me for just over an hour. It was so great to spend time with someone who knows me so well before heading into a weekend with all new faces.
We arrived last Wednesday the 16th, at dinner time and headed into the downtown of Montreal, to catch as much of the “Just for Laughs” Comedy Festival as we could. The downtown core of the city was blocked off and the streets were alive with laughter, professional acts and great entertainment. I got a very good sleep that night and the retreat started with us all meeting at the Hilton Hotel, where we were staying, and all loading into an old yellow school bus, with no air conditioning for a 3 hour journey to Jouvence. Need less to say many of us were already bonded to each other from that ride; especially since many of us thought the Montreal drivers were going to take our lives, not cancer.
Perhaps you are wondering how I ended up with the nickname, Firestarter…to be continued!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
In Quebec
I have very limited computer time, but I wanted everyone to know that I feel the best physically in 2 years. I`m basically drug free, not even anti-nausea meds. I`m doing lots of work here, it is a retreat, but the emotional and mental work is pretty intense. I`ve made life long friend connections and I`m so grateful to be here. I feel this is a turning point in my life in so many ways. This experience will be in the top ten of my life most life altering experiences. I feel prepared emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally to face what ever my come my way in the next few weeks. Wed finds me in many appointments and tests, keep my family in your thoughts and prayers this week, we really need them.
Salute,
Feather
Salute,
Feather
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
To tan or not to tan, hmmm that is the question?
This is a question that many people have strong opinions on. Since I've had cancer twice most people assume I'm against tanning. I in fact love getting the "Perfect Tan", that's also where I go to achieve this "Perfect Tan", My good friend Lisa Byers owns this company with her husband, and I've been going there fairly consistantly for about 13 years. I've loved how the sun feels on my skin since I was a little girl. I got my first sun burn at 4 years old, i've never have a bad burn again (until my radiation burn) From then on I used sun screen or covered up before I'd burn. when I went to Australia at 19, that's when I really learnt about sun safety, skin cancer is a major problem there because they have hot sun all year round. They had a campain "Slip. slop. Slide" (Slip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen and slide on a hat") I did tan fairly irresponsibly for a few years, not wanting to spend money on good lotions and tanning a lot all year round. My skin on my face started to age beyond it's years and my pigment on my face got tired and started getting really blotchy. So when I was 27 I made a decision to give it up partially. I began always using the good lotions provided, and covering up my face, ears, neck and chest, the most likely places to get skin cancer. So for nine years I've tanned only a few months of the year and always covered up my upper parts. I realized some years ago that I was a summer girl and aways got a little down around Feb/March and couldn't wait for the sun to come. I found out later that this is very common in the Northern Hemisphere and is called, seasonal depression. I know I have a mild case of this and the Vitamin D and calming warm comfort of the tanning beds releaves the symptoms. Canadians generally only have natural tanning weather a few months of the year and are encouraged to get more vitamin D one way or another. My prefered source of Vitamin D is the sun. I use some sunless tanning lotions, especially on my face, and chest which I normally don't tan. I've had fun with Mystic Tan the last couple days, it's a natural spray on tan, that you can find at perfect tan. I love the color it gives me and I feel and look so much healthier with a tan. I haven't been able to tan very much at all the last few years with chemo last summer and babies and pregnancies, when I couldn't stand the heat. I'm making up for lost time:)
Tanning also provides me an outing each day or so, Dr's orders that no matter how crappy I feel I must get up, and go out, even if only for a little bit. Tanning is a short outing that makes me feel so much better, I find it so relaxing, and it's something I can do just for me.I don't remember the last time I had a burn, so I believe I'm doing it right. I made Chris go a few times, so he'd look more like an outdoors mand and less like a studio rat:) He was so white in California, he got burnt really bad in one short morning time, and had to wear long shirts to cover-up his sensitive burn the rest of the holiday. Not my idea of a good time.
Off I go for another tan today, My idea of a good time and a good use of my time, as the tanning bed gves me the color in 20minutes, that 3-4 hours of tanning outside woud take.
Using my time wisely, as far as I'm concerned. Loving the sun, loving my tan, feeling good in my skin. (darker stretch marks and cellulite just look better)
If you don't share my opinion for any reason, please just read my truth (or not) but please don't shoot something negative back to me, especially not stats that I already know. Thanks.
Enjoy your summer, what ever way works for you!
Tanning also provides me an outing each day or so, Dr's orders that no matter how crappy I feel I must get up, and go out, even if only for a little bit. Tanning is a short outing that makes me feel so much better, I find it so relaxing, and it's something I can do just for me.I don't remember the last time I had a burn, so I believe I'm doing it right. I made Chris go a few times, so he'd look more like an outdoors mand and less like a studio rat:) He was so white in California, he got burnt really bad in one short morning time, and had to wear long shirts to cover-up his sensitive burn the rest of the holiday. Not my idea of a good time.
Off I go for another tan today, My idea of a good time and a good use of my time, as the tanning bed gves me the color in 20minutes, that 3-4 hours of tanning outside woud take.
Using my time wisely, as far as I'm concerned. Loving the sun, loving my tan, feeling good in my skin. (darker stretch marks and cellulite just look better)
If you don't share my opinion for any reason, please just read my truth (or not) but please don't shoot something negative back to me, especially not stats that I already know. Thanks.
Enjoy your summer, what ever way works for you!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Aurevior?Bondjour?
I'm gunna hav' ta brush up on my french, as I'm heading to Montreal, Quebec on Wed morning. I'm going to the "Real Time Cancer" retreat, with two other young ladies from my support group.It is an all expenses paid trip, which included some fundraising, so thank-you to those of you who donated for this trip. We have 4 nights/5 days at an incredible resort, and the event is geared towards cancer patients ages 18-35. (I just sqeaked in at 36 because I was diagnosed twice in the age spread.) I sure feel young in my heart and mind, though there are times when my body is so weak and I feel old. My plan for this trip is to find as much meanful time to just be still and rest. I intend to come home restored and renewed and ready for whatever lays ahead. I believe it's times like these that bring us home to be better wives, mothers, women... and survivors.
Doing what I have to, to thrive and survive,
Feather
Doing what I have to, to thrive and survive,
Feather
Friday, July 11, 2008
Letter to myself; from half my life ago.
“Letter to myself “ Written by Feather Bryce-Wagner (Janz)
Sept 1989 at the start of my Grade 12 year.
* Now that we have a bigger house, my parent’s brought over my many rubber maid containers from their basement. These are full of special things that I collected in the first half of my life. The following letter I found in these things, those of you that are interested in my life and read my blog, I thought would gat a kick out of this letter to myself, I was surprised at how much of myself I already was at 17 years old. I was given 8 questions to answer. What you read in parenthesis is what I’ve added now.
Feather,
You are the only one who is going to read this so let’s make it as basic as possible.
1. What is your present emotional state?
- extremely thankful for everything and quite stable after such a rewarding summer. I hope to carry the emotional state throughout the year. (I’m grateful that I’ve been able to carry in on much longer than that)
2. What are your hopes for the year?
- start a good and successful Red Cross Club.-Get to know lots of people; mostly those in my Grad Class. (I got to know even more when I was a main organizer of my Grad reunion in 2000, now even more through facebook; I love face book, you can tell when you see I have currently 812 friends)
- To get on the Honour Roll, as much as possible ( I did in fact never miss one semester on the Honour Roll for all of Grades 8-12. I shared the “General Proficiency” award with my friend Erin at Grade time.)
- To see my Friends as much as possible and to maintain a stable, growing relationship with my parent’s. (Done)
- To have a great and memorable Grad. (Achieved, I still remember every minute of it well)
3. What are your expectations for Grad?
-. To get a Date. (Little did I know that I would ask 6 guys who for various reasons couldn’t be my date; I landed a BLIND date, a friend’s friend, Jason, who was a great guy, I saw him a few times that summer before he went to Ontario for University. Thanks Dean for the set up and memorable relationship.)
- To enforce “No Drinking and Driving” to the best of my ability. ( I was a member of the Counter Attack Club for a few years in HighSchool; I didn’t have my first drink until I was 27 and haven’t driven when I’ve been drinking, which only happens a few times a year anyway.)
-to go somewhere else for after Grad. (I didn’t want to attend or encourage a “Wet Grad”, my friends and were the first in Sardis High school to try for a Dry Grad. We didn’t have much success but many Grad classes after us did. I feel we were ahead of our time. About 30 of us did manage to Get donated a half floor of the Harrison Hotle, where we had our Dinner and Dance. All of the left ove food was brought uop to our rooms, and they agreed to let us use the pools after hours. We didn’t sleep a wink that night and had a blast!!)
- To get to know the entire Grad class.
- To pass all my provincials with flying colors (with very little studying I managed a B average; I was very happy to be done with school)
4. What kind of marks do you hope to attain this term?
- in this class A’s and overall the A honour Roll
5. What are your academic or career goals for the future?
- After Grad, take 3 courses at the college and work full/part time. (I took 2 courses at UCFV and worked full-time at ABC Chilliwack, waitressing)
-Go to Australia for all of ’91 and attend Bible school (I did go to Capernwray and my family decided to join me as Dad did a teachers exchange for a whole year; I returned before them in Oct ’91 I ran out of money and missed my friends. I surprised my best friend Carmen when I called her and she thought I was still in Australia. She wrote me 3 letters a week for the 10 months I was gone, A great friend, The Best!)
-Come back and be a full-time student at college. For 2 years; then attend either Trinity Western or SFU for 3 years off university, (Instead I came home and worked full-time for 8 months, worked at Camp Squeah as a counselor and then Did a 2 year ECE (Early Childhood education) program at Columbia Bible College. I did 7 courses per semester (21 credits) this included courses in Counselling (Thought about becoming a Children’s therapist) Probably because by then I realized I could have used some therapy in my child hood. I’ve made up for it by many counseling sessions in my adult life. I also played Volleyball at CBC and worked part-time waitressing at Earl’s. I managed to hold a 3.8 GPA)
6. What is your family life like?
- At the present I’d say it’s the best it’s ever been. (IT’s only gotten better now that I have my own family)
- There has been much less bickering between my brother Forrest and I and our parent’s.
-I’m feeling a great deal of love and support from them.
As for my real Dad, I’ve never felt this close to him before. We both seem to be relating to each other as friends and adults.
7. What is your social life like?
- I love my friends, family and school . I want to get to know more people on a personnal basis. I bfeel quite content with the social part of my life. Actually the social part IS MY Life! (My best friends in School, all the way through were Carmen Toews- Anderson who passed away May 13th 2002. My three other close friends are still my good friends now, Shannon Nugent (Fulton), Erin Mcastocker (Brookes) and Tania Peters (Schulz)
-
8.What is your biggest concern/worry right now?
- Personnal nconcrens don’t matter that much, but I am concerned about: World hunger, Abortion (I’ve always been pro-life, though sadden by friends decision to terminate a pregnancy, I’ve never judged, only loved)
I have concern for the homeless, the loveless and also the greedy and the hateful.
Conclusion:
What this year may bring I don’t know. I can only hope for the best but it isn’t in my hands. We can only trust God our Father in what the future holds.
Love in Him,
Feather
:) Smile God Loves You and I know that!
PS. Even my writting is the same!
Sept 1989 at the start of my Grade 12 year.
* Now that we have a bigger house, my parent’s brought over my many rubber maid containers from their basement. These are full of special things that I collected in the first half of my life. The following letter I found in these things, those of you that are interested in my life and read my blog, I thought would gat a kick out of this letter to myself, I was surprised at how much of myself I already was at 17 years old. I was given 8 questions to answer. What you read in parenthesis is what I’ve added now.
Feather,
You are the only one who is going to read this so let’s make it as basic as possible.
1. What is your present emotional state?
- extremely thankful for everything and quite stable after such a rewarding summer. I hope to carry the emotional state throughout the year. (I’m grateful that I’ve been able to carry in on much longer than that)
2. What are your hopes for the year?
- start a good and successful Red Cross Club.-Get to know lots of people; mostly those in my Grad Class. (I got to know even more when I was a main organizer of my Grad reunion in 2000, now even more through facebook; I love face book, you can tell when you see I have currently 812 friends)
- To get on the Honour Roll, as much as possible ( I did in fact never miss one semester on the Honour Roll for all of Grades 8-12. I shared the “General Proficiency” award with my friend Erin at Grade time.)
- To see my Friends as much as possible and to maintain a stable, growing relationship with my parent’s. (Done)
- To have a great and memorable Grad. (Achieved, I still remember every minute of it well)
3. What are your expectations for Grad?
-. To get a Date. (Little did I know that I would ask 6 guys who for various reasons couldn’t be my date; I landed a BLIND date, a friend’s friend, Jason, who was a great guy, I saw him a few times that summer before he went to Ontario for University. Thanks Dean for the set up and memorable relationship.)
- To enforce “No Drinking and Driving” to the best of my ability. ( I was a member of the Counter Attack Club for a few years in HighSchool; I didn’t have my first drink until I was 27 and haven’t driven when I’ve been drinking, which only happens a few times a year anyway.)
-to go somewhere else for after Grad. (I didn’t want to attend or encourage a “Wet Grad”, my friends and were the first in Sardis High school to try for a Dry Grad. We didn’t have much success but many Grad classes after us did. I feel we were ahead of our time. About 30 of us did manage to Get donated a half floor of the Harrison Hotle, where we had our Dinner and Dance. All of the left ove food was brought uop to our rooms, and they agreed to let us use the pools after hours. We didn’t sleep a wink that night and had a blast!!)
- To get to know the entire Grad class.
- To pass all my provincials with flying colors (with very little studying I managed a B average; I was very happy to be done with school)
4. What kind of marks do you hope to attain this term?
- in this class A’s and overall the A honour Roll
5. What are your academic or career goals for the future?
- After Grad, take 3 courses at the college and work full/part time. (I took 2 courses at UCFV and worked full-time at ABC Chilliwack, waitressing)
-Go to Australia for all of ’91 and attend Bible school (I did go to Capernwray and my family decided to join me as Dad did a teachers exchange for a whole year; I returned before them in Oct ’91 I ran out of money and missed my friends. I surprised my best friend Carmen when I called her and she thought I was still in Australia. She wrote me 3 letters a week for the 10 months I was gone, A great friend, The Best!)
-Come back and be a full-time student at college. For 2 years; then attend either Trinity Western or SFU for 3 years off university, (Instead I came home and worked full-time for 8 months, worked at Camp Squeah as a counselor and then Did a 2 year ECE (Early Childhood education) program at Columbia Bible College. I did 7 courses per semester (21 credits) this included courses in Counselling (Thought about becoming a Children’s therapist) Probably because by then I realized I could have used some therapy in my child hood. I’ve made up for it by many counseling sessions in my adult life. I also played Volleyball at CBC and worked part-time waitressing at Earl’s. I managed to hold a 3.8 GPA)
6. What is your family life like?
- At the present I’d say it’s the best it’s ever been. (IT’s only gotten better now that I have my own family)
- There has been much less bickering between my brother Forrest and I and our parent’s.
-I’m feeling a great deal of love and support from them.
As for my real Dad, I’ve never felt this close to him before. We both seem to be relating to each other as friends and adults.
7. What is your social life like?
- I love my friends, family and school . I want to get to know more people on a personnal basis. I bfeel quite content with the social part of my life. Actually the social part IS MY Life! (My best friends in School, all the way through were Carmen Toews- Anderson who passed away May 13th 2002. My three other close friends are still my good friends now, Shannon Nugent (Fulton), Erin Mcastocker (Brookes) and Tania Peters (Schulz)
-
8.What is your biggest concern/worry right now?
- Personnal nconcrens don’t matter that much, but I am concerned about: World hunger, Abortion (I’ve always been pro-life, though sadden by friends decision to terminate a pregnancy, I’ve never judged, only loved)
I have concern for the homeless, the loveless and also the greedy and the hateful.
Conclusion:
What this year may bring I don’t know. I can only hope for the best but it isn’t in my hands. We can only trust God our Father in what the future holds.
Love in Him,
Feather
:) Smile God Loves You and I know that!
PS. Even my writting is the same!
Coke...adds life!
It's true. I would have never imagined it, but has become an incredibly useful aid for releaving me of my nausea. I have suffered with nausea my entire life, from motion sickness, but never like this year with chemotherapy, cancer treatment. I figured Gingerale would work, but it didn't do much, not like Coke Classic. Coke Classic has not been a prefered beverage choice in my life, until now. I don't have to drink much, in fact I have a couple ounces when I eat, even at breakfast time, and I don't feel the nausea or end up vomitting. I think it's the combination of the slight tartness, sugar and caffine. A nurse told me to try it, after she had been to a workshop with an oncologist, specializing in cancer treatment. I figured I rather drink some coke each day than take all the anti-nausea drugs I've been on for so long. Coke is cheaper,tastes much better and from what I can tell works. The sugar and caffine gives me a little more energy, which doesn't hurt. Though for me I can't take it at night or I don't sleep. As a very nausated cancer patient, who's rapidly losing weight and can't tolerate eating very much, the calories I get from some Coke Classic, do no harm. I'm a new found Coke Classic fan and I'm off to the store to buy more!
Enjoy Coke, I am!!
Feather Janz
www.featherjanz.com
Enjoy Coke, I am!!
Feather Janz
www.featherjanz.com
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Not a wink...
I don’t ever know that I’ve gone through a whole night with out sleep. Mind you I’ve never found myself in more of a stressful life circumstance as well. Please pray that I can go to bed early tonight and get a good 12 hours in. We have a very important meeting today at 11am and we’d wish for as many to pray at that time, and more over the next few hours. I have trouble mostly because of painful chronic muscle cramps. It’s probably a side effect from not enough potassium in my system. So I uped my dose by another half, I hope it helps. I had three hot baths through the night trying to rest the cramping, but it only work for a short while.
Perhaps it’s because I drank some coke Classic to late. I’ve switched, but it takes me 2-3 to drink a 500ml bottle. New realeases in the cancer world discovered it was more effective on nausea, go figure, so I tried it and it works. I have a couple ounces when I eat, it calms my stomach, gives me a little caffine to get me up and going… and yes I had some with my breakfast, tat was a first for me.
Perhaps it’s because I drank some coke Classic to late. I’ve switched, but it takes me 2-3 to drink a 500ml bottle. New realeases in the cancer world discovered it was more effective on nausea, go figure, so I tried it and it works. I have a couple ounces when I eat, it calms my stomach, gives me a little caffine to get me up and going… and yes I had some with my breakfast, tat was a first for me.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Medical Test update
We've been informed that on Wed July 23rd, I'll meet with my oncologist, have a high resolution CT Scan of my lungs and my herceptin treatment all in the same day. So two weeks today, thankfully I have much distraction between now and then.I'm experiencing the most difficult time of my life, keep our entire family in your prayers, especially now. Pray that the Quebec Retreat provides me with much needed R&R, peace and insight.Just to come home to more testing and possible confirmation of bad news.As my right chest pain persists and so does this nagging cough, I keep thinking that I'm just having a harder time this year with allergies. I've had a buy day of errands and trying to organize the house the way I want it. I feel an extreme desire to be in control of something, the closets and shelves seem the easiest.
My Bucket list
My Bucket List
1. To experience at least one more miracle; Do you only get one?!?
2. To travel to Hawaii, I’ve always wanted to go; I’d love to have it as a couple get away sometime, perhaps for my 15 wedding anniversary.
3. To go to Europe at least one more time; stand on the Eiffel tower one more time, at 16 all I could think about was how romantic to be there with my life love. Chris and I have both been there, but not together.
4. To reach a point of physical fitness that allows me to once again run 5kms, play soccer, and go for walks for hours just because I want to.
5. To get every closet and shelf in my house organized; considering I’m not nearly done unpacking from our move 7 months ago, this could very well be an impossible goal but I will rejoice in each shelf that does reach my approval
6. To learn how to scan, crop and print pictures on our computer all by myself.
7. Catch up with my scrapbooking and considering I have about 16 to put together, I doubt it will all happen, So instead I’ll enjoy each page I complete.
8. Somehow get to the Oprah show; better yet get ON the Oprah show.
9. Make some kind of contact with Michael J Fox; my favorite actor. I’ve collected hundreds of photos of him since I was 12, I know a lot about him (and I just finished reading his book, his second one is scheduled to be released this summer, CAN’T WAIT!!
10. To meet Lance Armstrong, in hopes of his physical healing rubbing off on me.
11. To watch my husband achieve the career success he deserves; few compare to his musical talent. www.chrisjanz.com
12. To mark on our wall the growth of my girls until they pass both of us.
13. To see my girls enjoy Disneyland again; it brought me much delight, better yet going with my girls and their children.
14. To see my brothers become fathers.
15. To record me singing; even if no one listens to it but my girls.
16. To lose 15-20 more lbs; but the healthy way with proper nutrition and exercise and to be able to maintain that goal weight.
17. To be able to put my hair in a pony tail again.
18. To get published; a life story by “Feather Janz”
19. To book an international speaking engagement.
20. Go to Scotland with my Dad, his home land.
*Perhaps I'll think of a few more I must add, but for now this is it.
1. To experience at least one more miracle; Do you only get one?!?
2. To travel to Hawaii, I’ve always wanted to go; I’d love to have it as a couple get away sometime, perhaps for my 15 wedding anniversary.
3. To go to Europe at least one more time; stand on the Eiffel tower one more time, at 16 all I could think about was how romantic to be there with my life love. Chris and I have both been there, but not together.
4. To reach a point of physical fitness that allows me to once again run 5kms, play soccer, and go for walks for hours just because I want to.
5. To get every closet and shelf in my house organized; considering I’m not nearly done unpacking from our move 7 months ago, this could very well be an impossible goal but I will rejoice in each shelf that does reach my approval
6. To learn how to scan, crop and print pictures on our computer all by myself.
7. Catch up with my scrapbooking and considering I have about 16 to put together, I doubt it will all happen, So instead I’ll enjoy each page I complete.
8. Somehow get to the Oprah show; better yet get ON the Oprah show.
9. Make some kind of contact with Michael J Fox; my favorite actor. I’ve collected hundreds of photos of him since I was 12, I know a lot about him (and I just finished reading his book, his second one is scheduled to be released this summer, CAN’T WAIT!!
10. To meet Lance Armstrong, in hopes of his physical healing rubbing off on me.
11. To watch my husband achieve the career success he deserves; few compare to his musical talent. www.chrisjanz.com
12. To mark on our wall the growth of my girls until they pass both of us.
13. To see my girls enjoy Disneyland again; it brought me much delight, better yet going with my girls and their children.
14. To see my brothers become fathers.
15. To record me singing; even if no one listens to it but my girls.
16. To lose 15-20 more lbs; but the healthy way with proper nutrition and exercise and to be able to maintain that goal weight.
17. To be able to put my hair in a pony tail again.
18. To get published; a life story by “Feather Janz”
19. To book an international speaking engagement.
20. Go to Scotland with my Dad, his home land.
*Perhaps I'll think of a few more I must add, but for now this is it.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Bucket list?
Chris and I decided to have an entertaining evening of video rental. " The Bucket List" was the movie of choice. Two men given less than a year to live, both with cancer in their lungs. No tears yet...thoughts of writing my own bucket list arise...a morbid thought perhaps?!?!? I do believe I wrote one in a journal once, i think I was 19. To be honest In think I've done everything on that list, travel to Europe, go to college, get a career, make a name for myself, fall in love, get married, have sex ( in that order) have lots of sex...anyway...become a mother etc. Perhaps I need to write another list since I've managed to do the first one quite well. Would I put sky diving on it...possibly, would I put long term or short term activities? For now I'm looking forward to the family scrapbook of our recent Disneyland trip, going to Quebec for a young cancer patients retreat July 16th-21st, Summer family trips and get aways, dates with my husband and getting the best tan I
possibly can (apparently vitamin D helps reduce your risk of cancer)Have a great summer and take a minute to write or at least think about your bucket list.
'm looking forward to doing the family scrapbook of the Disneyland trip.
possibly can (apparently vitamin D helps reduce your risk of cancer)Have a great summer and take a minute to write or at least think about your bucket list.
'm looking forward to doing the family scrapbook of the Disneyland trip.
Hitting the ground running...
I'm in the process unwinding from a very busy day. It was my choice to go out beyond just my Dr's appointment. My Mom's famous last words to, "Now take it easy and don't push yourself." So what did I do, cleaned the master bathroom, got bathed and preped to go out, Went to Costco shopping (by-myself)Chris drove me but had to drop me off for an appointment he had to keep. I wanted to get some stuff done, it helps me feel alive. I also got all the pictures selected and developed that i want to put in our Disneyland Scrapbook. Lisa I have the discs of the trip pictures ready for you, A BIG Thank-you again for Lisa "adrianne" Witt (Wiebe) who came with us on our vacation and helped us out more than could be imagined. We were so happy tohave you there and thanks for grinning and baring through the difficult times (like having to change plans all the time because I wasn't feeling well). When I got home I managed to put almost all of the groceries away,(lots), organize Disneyland photos for the scrapbook, tidy up, and all opf this with me now switched to all oral meds and no more IV medications!! The Dr gave me a great set of non-narcotic meds for my migraines, Torodal and Imitrex. I've had waves of nausea, but no vomitting, I have a nagging cough I'm concerned about.
The Dr's don't seem overly concerned with the discivery in my right lung, it appreas to be another glitch in our "Universal" Health care system. When you pay for private tests, the provincial system doen't recognize them. Though my oncologist, not seeming to argree with the findings, seems to want to find it herself. I sure hope it's not human pride standing in my way. She has now however ordered at high-resolution CT at the Van BC Cancer Agency. I don't expect to get this test anytime soon, perhaps 3-4 weeks. But of course I'll see what I can do to get it sooner. Unfortuanetly the weaker I get the less fight I have in me. It saddens me tothink of how many laid back people, of one I am not, slip through the cracks of our system. Even when you have the money to pay, or opportunity to get such tests.
Refusing to slip,
Feather
The Dr's don't seem overly concerned with the discivery in my right lung, it appreas to be another glitch in our "Universal" Health care system. When you pay for private tests, the provincial system doen't recognize them. Though my oncologist, not seeming to argree with the findings, seems to want to find it herself. I sure hope it's not human pride standing in my way. She has now however ordered at high-resolution CT at the Van BC Cancer Agency. I don't expect to get this test anytime soon, perhaps 3-4 weeks. But of course I'll see what I can do to get it sooner. Unfortuanetly the weaker I get the less fight I have in me. It saddens me tothink of how many laid back people, of one I am not, slip through the cracks of our system. Even when you have the money to pay, or opportunity to get such tests.
Refusing to slip,
Feather
Monday, July 7, 2008
Home sweet Home
I am now home after a week in the hospital. I was only home two days when I went to the hospital. We enjoyed a wonderful vacation, I was able to muster up a lot of energy for the trip. Coming home to lousy test results on our tenth wedding anniversary, wasn't my idea of a good time. Not to mention my body was rebelling, for what ever reason. The vomitting and diherhea caused my electrelites become imbalanced and I got exteremly low on potassium. That's why I was in the hospital for so long, I had to get my potassium levels up to normal again through IV treatment. I was also having sereve migraines, the worst of my life. I wouldn't be surprised if they were stress related, I've definately had stress. My nurses worked hard to find a treatment regiment that was narcotic free and fairly easy for me to administer at home. I was very happy with my care in the hospital, and thankful to my nurses and Dr's. Thank-you Dr. Newton.
We are happy to have Chris's Dad visiting from England. The girls love every minute they have with him, and Chris and his Dad are so close.
I'm sure I've lost a few pounds and I feel very weak. I look forward to growing stronger and stronger each and every day! God Bless you and thank you all so much for your prayers, support and love. I'm going to get some pj's on, get in my own bed and have a bowl of ice cream.
We are happy to have Chris's Dad visiting from England. The girls love every minute they have with him, and Chris and his Dad are so close.
I'm sure I've lost a few pounds and I feel very weak. I look forward to growing stronger and stronger each and every day! God Bless you and thank you all so much for your prayers, support and love. I'm going to get some pj's on, get in my own bed and have a bowl of ice cream.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
In The Hospital Again (From Chris)
At the beginning of this week I took Feather to emerg again with severe pain in her head and chest. It's now Wednesday night, and the short visit that I had hoped it would be has turned into a few days as they continue to try and find an effective way to treat her symptoms. I wish she was home; even if she's sick in bed, the house feels complete with her here. I like being able to treat her myself, as it makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING to help. With her in the hospital there's really nothing I can do except for continuing conversations with her doctors and nurses. I have to remember that she is getting the care she needs there, even if the house feels empty without her. At this point there's no real effort to explain her symptoms as her cancer docs are worrying about what's next, and what her body is doing. I'm hoping that she can come home tomorrow and that there is an effective list of meds that they come up with so that I can keep her comfortable at home.
Today was the first day that I had some help with the kids at home which I grudgingly admit was needed. I ended up sleeping almost the entire afternoon to get me caught up after about 2 hours a night for the last few days. We still have not heard about what the next step is after her scans, and we're anxious to get a firm diagnosis on whether or not we have more cancer to worry about.
My heart has really sunk the last few days as I grapple with the prospect of this whole thing starting over again with chemo and other possible treatments. Life continues to feel like it's on hold; I try my best to make some time for writing and for moving forward musically, but it seems like it's a hopeless endeavor at the moment. The last few days sleep has brought vivid and disturbing dreams about hospitals and doctors, and it seems that no matter how hard I try to force some degree of normalcy on our life, it's an lost cause.
The good news is that Feather does seem to be feeling better today, and I'm hopeful that we'll have a solid plan of action for her treatment at home as well. To those that I've talked to on the phone the last couple of days, my apologies for my scattered conversation. My catch up on sleep today has remedied most of that :)
Please continue to pray for strength for all of us. I cannot help feeling somewhat defeated and helpless lately as my world continues to feel very small, and taken up with the mere act of survival. Pray for Feather, that her pain may subside, and that despite the scans lately, that she would be brought back to health. Pray for the girls, that their amazing spirits would continue to thrive and rise above this mess that our family is in. They really are amazing, and are doing so well in the face of all this.
Feather is in 3 west at MSA hospital in the TV lounge and would love visitors. However, I am hoping that she can come home tomorrow. But we'll see. Give me a call (853-2966) if you're not sure, or give her a call on her cell to chat (854-2800). Thanks again to all for reading, praying and standing with us in this battle. I'll post more as I know more.
Chris
Today was the first day that I had some help with the kids at home which I grudgingly admit was needed. I ended up sleeping almost the entire afternoon to get me caught up after about 2 hours a night for the last few days. We still have not heard about what the next step is after her scans, and we're anxious to get a firm diagnosis on whether or not we have more cancer to worry about.
My heart has really sunk the last few days as I grapple with the prospect of this whole thing starting over again with chemo and other possible treatments. Life continues to feel like it's on hold; I try my best to make some time for writing and for moving forward musically, but it seems like it's a hopeless endeavor at the moment. The last few days sleep has brought vivid and disturbing dreams about hospitals and doctors, and it seems that no matter how hard I try to force some degree of normalcy on our life, it's an lost cause.
The good news is that Feather does seem to be feeling better today, and I'm hopeful that we'll have a solid plan of action for her treatment at home as well. To those that I've talked to on the phone the last couple of days, my apologies for my scattered conversation. My catch up on sleep today has remedied most of that :)
Please continue to pray for strength for all of us. I cannot help feeling somewhat defeated and helpless lately as my world continues to feel very small, and taken up with the mere act of survival. Pray for Feather, that her pain may subside, and that despite the scans lately, that she would be brought back to health. Pray for the girls, that their amazing spirits would continue to thrive and rise above this mess that our family is in. They really are amazing, and are doing so well in the face of all this.
Feather is in 3 west at MSA hospital in the TV lounge and would love visitors. However, I am hoping that she can come home tomorrow. But we'll see. Give me a call (853-2966) if you're not sure, or give her a call on her cell to chat (854-2800). Thanks again to all for reading, praying and standing with us in this battle. I'll post more as I know more.
Chris
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