October has been an incredibly emotional month for me.October is breast cancer month and as much as I apprecite all of the "pink" awareness around me every where I go, I'm kind of glad the month is almost over. It is hard to be reminded of it for 31 days straight! It has been real enough for me for the 18 months before that; good thing pink is the "calming" color:)
Yes I will still dress my girls in pink through the year and I'll still wear something pink from time to time (it's nothing personal against te color pink) I JUST NEED a Break!
I went to Alberta for a get away last week and when I walked in their Safeway I stopped in my tracks...breast cancer awareness month followed be there!! I thought I was going to be able escape my reality for a couple of days, and there they were dozens of huge pink ribbon helium ballons, ARrrGGGHH!
Don't get me wrong...I'm thrilled that times are changing in that regard and that we can see and say breast in public with out hesitation (or maybe I can at least:) and that money is being raised for such a worth cause, and real lives are being saved through education, early detection, research and treatment. I believe these things have saved my life not once but twice. I rejoice in knowing that lives are being saved because we aren't afraid of pink!!
So "just a little tired of pink" and breast cancer, I think I'll take a break!!
Coffee anyone:)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Get Smart, Go get One!!
I'm refering to a mammogram!!
I attended the 17th Annual Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation's Awareness Luncheon.
I sat at a table with 9 other wonderful Abbotsford Ladies and enjoyed a delicious meal. Others in attendance included Priemier Gordon Campbell, Pamela Martin and Dr. Rhonda Low, just to name a few.
The main theme I left with was that we are all responsible for breast cancer awareness. We live in the best place in the world for beating breast cancer, but even then not even 30% of BC women are getting a FREE annual screening mammogram!
The first mammogram you get, which should be at 40, is the one they will compare all future mammograms too.(this is called a base line mammogram) If all women would get a mammogram every year from the age of 40 on, we would see a drastic reduction in breast cancer deaths. We could realistically see a survival rate of 95%+ for 20 years+ if this were to happen.
So I challenge you! If you are 40+ and haven't had a baseline mammogram, get off your ass (while you still have one) and go get one!!
If you have been smart and had your baseline AND continue to go EVERY year, then encourage other women you know to do the same. WE might not have a cure for breast cancer, but we know that if we catch it early, there is a slim chance we will lose our life to this disease! Please take this life saving tool, that we are so priviladged to have (mammography) and USE IT!! There are many women all over the world dying of breast cancer right now wishing they had the resources for early detection that you have. They are mothers,wives, sisters, daughters, grandmothers, aunts and friends...if you can't motivate yourself to suck it up and do it for yourself and your family...then do it for them!!! I'm very passionate about this and possibly even more fired up than I was before.
If you respect me and my life...If you respect you and your life...be smart and get a mammogram! Don't be stupid and ignore what has been made obviously undeniable through this email. I'm not calling you stupid, but every once in awhile we need to humble ourselves admit we were wrong and do better because we know better! And every once in awhile shame is a nasty motivator. It's never to late to make a good choice!!
Share your knowledge and inform women you care about and love. WE can save lives with early detection and I remain living proof of that!!
For young women who have dense breasts and mammography isn't as effective, we are in luck that digital mammography is making a huge difference in early detection of breast cancer in young women and Breast MRI is becoming more available.
We may not be able to cure breast cancer in the next 10 years, but there's no reason why my girls should grow up in a world where breast cancer is so feared and seen as a killer. We look forward to a future when breast cancer is seen as a treatable disease, because when caught early enough it is not life threatening.
Working towards creating a future, without the fear.
Please take your life into your own hands...
Thanking God that I'm still here to bitch at you:)
Feather Janz
I attended the 17th Annual Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation's Awareness Luncheon.
I sat at a table with 9 other wonderful Abbotsford Ladies and enjoyed a delicious meal. Others in attendance included Priemier Gordon Campbell, Pamela Martin and Dr. Rhonda Low, just to name a few.
The main theme I left with was that we are all responsible for breast cancer awareness. We live in the best place in the world for beating breast cancer, but even then not even 30% of BC women are getting a FREE annual screening mammogram!
The first mammogram you get, which should be at 40, is the one they will compare all future mammograms too.(this is called a base line mammogram) If all women would get a mammogram every year from the age of 40 on, we would see a drastic reduction in breast cancer deaths. We could realistically see a survival rate of 95%+ for 20 years+ if this were to happen.
So I challenge you! If you are 40+ and haven't had a baseline mammogram, get off your ass (while you still have one) and go get one!!
If you have been smart and had your baseline AND continue to go EVERY year, then encourage other women you know to do the same. WE might not have a cure for breast cancer, but we know that if we catch it early, there is a slim chance we will lose our life to this disease! Please take this life saving tool, that we are so priviladged to have (mammography) and USE IT!! There are many women all over the world dying of breast cancer right now wishing they had the resources for early detection that you have. They are mothers,wives, sisters, daughters, grandmothers, aunts and friends...if you can't motivate yourself to suck it up and do it for yourself and your family...then do it for them!!! I'm very passionate about this and possibly even more fired up than I was before.
If you respect me and my life...If you respect you and your life...be smart and get a mammogram! Don't be stupid and ignore what has been made obviously undeniable through this email. I'm not calling you stupid, but every once in awhile we need to humble ourselves admit we were wrong and do better because we know better! And every once in awhile shame is a nasty motivator. It's never to late to make a good choice!!
Share your knowledge and inform women you care about and love. WE can save lives with early detection and I remain living proof of that!!
For young women who have dense breasts and mammography isn't as effective, we are in luck that digital mammography is making a huge difference in early detection of breast cancer in young women and Breast MRI is becoming more available.
We may not be able to cure breast cancer in the next 10 years, but there's no reason why my girls should grow up in a world where breast cancer is so feared and seen as a killer. We look forward to a future when breast cancer is seen as a treatable disease, because when caught early enough it is not life threatening.
Working towards creating a future, without the fear.
Please take your life into your own hands...
Thanking God that I'm still here to bitch at you:)
Feather Janz
The Prairies came and went...but seemed to go on for ever while we were there!
Yes, we were in Alberta last weekend, Wed-Saturday. Chris was working with the Canadian Gospel Music Awards and I tagged along for a relaxing and fun get-away. The first two days Chris was kept very busy Judging a singing contest with 47 contestants and sat on a music producer planel.
During that time, I headed to Lethbridge with my great childhood friend Shannon (Nugent) Fulton. I joined her life for two days and did everything with her while relaxing and just going for the ride. I hung out with her daughters Taylor (10) and Ashley (almost 17) and her rocket-scientist husband, Trevor.(Yes, he is actually a rocket Scientist and works with the Canadian Space agency and other International Space agencies) Shannon will complete her teaching degree this next year, and I'm so proud of them!
I re-joined Chris on the friday evening for the GMA's Banquet dinner and Awards night. The music performances were great, my highlights for the night were Hockus Pick ( Life time Achievement award winners last year) and Rythmn and News ( Life time achievement award winners this year) If you were a Christian youth or just like to hang out a church youuth groups,around 1989--1996 you know exactly who I'm talking about:)Theses guys made it "cool" to be an "awesome" Christian and "radical" for Jesus. Especially us Mennotine raised children, that love that we were finally allowed to jump around, throw our bodies about, and scream to music...but not call it dancing:)Oh but there was dancing, I danced my ass off...I was such a rebel!! I need some more of that kind of dancing now, especially since my backside is at least 3X the size. But I trying to jump up and down to their music and I just ended up with a leg cramp half way through the first verse:( I tried at least. But even though my body felt "old" my heart sang strong and my voice sang along to the familiar songs of my youth. I also finally got to meet all (most)of the guys after many years of wanting to meet them, it wasn't quite what I had imagined at 21, they are all old now too:) Way to go guys!
Chris was asked to receive awards on behalf of Starfield, since they are regularly at our home in the studio working on their music stuff and hanging with Chris. They won 6 Covenent Awards, Congrats Tim, John and crew! (that's what Carmelle calls the band, "The crew".
While we were in Alberta we got the good news that my bone scan was clear of cancer, as previous suspected. It is now firming suspected that I'm suffering from early stage osteoperosis in my spine, but I can live with that and basically "drink more milk" to help out the situation.
WE had a great get-away and now are getting back into regular life, which is never particularly regular. I had my first modelling job yesterday, first one in a year. If they needed an averaged sized woman in her mid-30's, with short blonde hair.I was there girl:)After 3 hours of 4 outfit changes and holding still for the camera, my body had had enough. I'm hoping to get some f the pictures, but because it was a professioanl shoot, getting copies can be tricky. I'll try.. as I always say, "If you don't ask, the answer is always NO."
Heading off now to the Annual Canadian Breast Cancer Foundations Annual Luncheon in Vancouver.
Jumping back into life and trying to work my "back-side" off,
Feather
During that time, I headed to Lethbridge with my great childhood friend Shannon (Nugent) Fulton. I joined her life for two days and did everything with her while relaxing and just going for the ride. I hung out with her daughters Taylor (10) and Ashley (almost 17) and her rocket-scientist husband, Trevor.(Yes, he is actually a rocket Scientist and works with the Canadian Space agency and other International Space agencies) Shannon will complete her teaching degree this next year, and I'm so proud of them!
I re-joined Chris on the friday evening for the GMA's Banquet dinner and Awards night. The music performances were great, my highlights for the night were Hockus Pick ( Life time Achievement award winners last year) and Rythmn and News ( Life time achievement award winners this year) If you were a Christian youth or just like to hang out a church youuth groups,around 1989--1996 you know exactly who I'm talking about:)Theses guys made it "cool" to be an "awesome" Christian and "radical" for Jesus. Especially us Mennotine raised children, that love that we were finally allowed to jump around, throw our bodies about, and scream to music...but not call it dancing:)Oh but there was dancing, I danced my ass off...I was such a rebel!! I need some more of that kind of dancing now, especially since my backside is at least 3X the size. But I trying to jump up and down to their music and I just ended up with a leg cramp half way through the first verse:( I tried at least. But even though my body felt "old" my heart sang strong and my voice sang along to the familiar songs of my youth. I also finally got to meet all (most)of the guys after many years of wanting to meet them, it wasn't quite what I had imagined at 21, they are all old now too:) Way to go guys!
Chris was asked to receive awards on behalf of Starfield, since they are regularly at our home in the studio working on their music stuff and hanging with Chris. They won 6 Covenent Awards, Congrats Tim, John and crew! (that's what Carmelle calls the band, "The crew".
While we were in Alberta we got the good news that my bone scan was clear of cancer, as previous suspected. It is now firming suspected that I'm suffering from early stage osteoperosis in my spine, but I can live with that and basically "drink more milk" to help out the situation.
WE had a great get-away and now are getting back into regular life, which is never particularly regular. I had my first modelling job yesterday, first one in a year. If they needed an averaged sized woman in her mid-30's, with short blonde hair.I was there girl:)After 3 hours of 4 outfit changes and holding still for the camera, my body had had enough. I'm hoping to get some f the pictures, but because it was a professioanl shoot, getting copies can be tricky. I'll try.. as I always say, "If you don't ask, the answer is always NO."
Heading off now to the Annual Canadian Breast Cancer Foundations Annual Luncheon in Vancouver.
Jumping back into life and trying to work my "back-side" off,
Feather
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Encouragement is Always Greatly Appreciated, Thank-you!
Almost a year and half ago many of my good friends put together a fundraiser called "Friends for Feather". That night Rosslyn encouraged everyone to write me an encouragement note, so that I could read them when I was feeling low. Well I didn't end up reading them until recently, because it wasn't until then that I really started feeling low. They were wonderful, there were dozens of them and they really did make me feel so much better. I will read them again in the future, and this time I may not wait until I feel like crying all the time. Not that crying isn't good...but everything in moderation :)
One letter I got during the last year and a bit, especially affected me. It came via my "un-real" Dad, Mr. Gary Wagner:) A young man, my age, that he plays soccer with (I believe) gave him a letter to get to me. On one side was a letter he just wrote for me, and on the other side was a printed letter. It was a rather worn piece of paper and I soon found out why.
I don't recall giving this young man this letter (I’m pretty sure I didn’t write it), or the night out. But I do remember him and working with him, some 17 years ago, at yet another abc restaurant.
This letter (both sides) made me reflect on my life with a surrendered heart. My life is all in His hands; beginning to end. The words of the letter apply to the whole “game” of life and not just a few hours on a soccer field.
He wrote, about a year ago:
Dear Feather,
A long time ago you gave me this letter. We both worked at abc and one night we went to the Husky for a bite to eat…after work. Anyway, we talked until it was late and you had this letter, which you gave me. I was having trouble in soccer at the time. I was trying to find out or understand my role on the team I was playing for. You thought this letter would inspire me and give me guidance. It did!
I never got a chance to thank-you, but I want you to know that I am grateful. I have read this letter hundreds of times and find new meaning in it every time.
I heard about your battle with cancer and have been thinking about you a great deal. You touched me and gave me meaning in a time when I needed it. I hope by returning this letter to you, I will give you at least some reassurance and meaning. You had a big impact on my life and I often think about you.
I learned to never give up and keep moving toward my goals. I hope you find this message in the letter as well. I wish you all the best.
The Letter:
Dear Friend,
When you play tonight, play your best. Play your hardest. But most of all…play for me. You say you will, you say you did, but you were wrong.
Encourage, Don’t discourage!
Smile, don’t complain.
Most importantly, look ahead-not behind!
When you play tonight, love your teammates. Love the ones that never do well, love the ones that are always the best. Love the person who loses the game for you. Love the person who gets all the cheers and compliments. Remember that I love them anyway and you should try to love them too.
When you play tonight, remember how blessed you are. You might ache all over, but it will go away. There are people who feel that way their whole lives. And there are people who can’t feel.
You may get frustrated at seeing a losing score on the scoreboard, but remember you can see. You may want to cry when someone yells at you, but try to say thanks because you can hear. When you feel excited, when you feel hurt, remember these are gifts I gave you that compliment each other, and that makes life a fascinating experience.
When you play tonight, remember that there are people watching you. That’s a scary thought, but it’s important. Be careful how you live, you may be the only Bible some people read. People notice when you hug instead of yell and when you win or lose well. Someone you’ve never even met may come away learning more from your team about life than about the sport.
When you play tonight, be humble. Don’t try to be the best, try to help the person next to you be the best. Don’t look for glory, you won’t find it. It will come when you aren’t seeking it. Don’t brag, don’t flaunt your talents. Quietly work, think and try to improve. Make yourself perfect before working on your teammates.
And the last request…though it comes last, in My eyes it is the most important…have FUN!! In competition it’s easy to forget why you started playing sports in the beginning. Ten years from now it won’t be easy to remember who won or lost, as it will be to remember if you enjoyed the sport. You don’t know when you’ll be able to play again, so go out there and use your abilities, and love every minute of it.
Love winning because it is easy to love but recognize that losing makes you become better. Love jumping, running, hitting and cheering. All over the world tonight there are people lying in bed dreaming of being able to do those things. And when it comes right down to it, that’s what really matters, that you can do these things. It’s not whether you win or lose…you still will be!
So when you play tonight, remember me. I’ll be watching you. So put up a good fight. I believe you can win and hope that you think so too. Love what you are doing, and always remember to laugh.
Love,
Jesus
• So perhaps it’s not sports for you, perhaps it’s something else. I offer this to you to apply to your life, right now, right where you are at. Whether it’s your career, your marriage, your parenting, your schooling, your health…
Still in the “game” and playing ‘till I puke,
Feather
One letter I got during the last year and a bit, especially affected me. It came via my "un-real" Dad, Mr. Gary Wagner:) A young man, my age, that he plays soccer with (I believe) gave him a letter to get to me. On one side was a letter he just wrote for me, and on the other side was a printed letter. It was a rather worn piece of paper and I soon found out why.
I don't recall giving this young man this letter (I’m pretty sure I didn’t write it), or the night out. But I do remember him and working with him, some 17 years ago, at yet another abc restaurant.
This letter (both sides) made me reflect on my life with a surrendered heart. My life is all in His hands; beginning to end. The words of the letter apply to the whole “game” of life and not just a few hours on a soccer field.
He wrote, about a year ago:
Dear Feather,
A long time ago you gave me this letter. We both worked at abc and one night we went to the Husky for a bite to eat…after work. Anyway, we talked until it was late and you had this letter, which you gave me. I was having trouble in soccer at the time. I was trying to find out or understand my role on the team I was playing for. You thought this letter would inspire me and give me guidance. It did!
I never got a chance to thank-you, but I want you to know that I am grateful. I have read this letter hundreds of times and find new meaning in it every time.
I heard about your battle with cancer and have been thinking about you a great deal. You touched me and gave me meaning in a time when I needed it. I hope by returning this letter to you, I will give you at least some reassurance and meaning. You had a big impact on my life and I often think about you.
I learned to never give up and keep moving toward my goals. I hope you find this message in the letter as well. I wish you all the best.
The Letter:
Dear Friend,
When you play tonight, play your best. Play your hardest. But most of all…play for me. You say you will, you say you did, but you were wrong.
Encourage, Don’t discourage!
Smile, don’t complain.
Most importantly, look ahead-not behind!
When you play tonight, love your teammates. Love the ones that never do well, love the ones that are always the best. Love the person who loses the game for you. Love the person who gets all the cheers and compliments. Remember that I love them anyway and you should try to love them too.
When you play tonight, remember how blessed you are. You might ache all over, but it will go away. There are people who feel that way their whole lives. And there are people who can’t feel.
You may get frustrated at seeing a losing score on the scoreboard, but remember you can see. You may want to cry when someone yells at you, but try to say thanks because you can hear. When you feel excited, when you feel hurt, remember these are gifts I gave you that compliment each other, and that makes life a fascinating experience.
When you play tonight, remember that there are people watching you. That’s a scary thought, but it’s important. Be careful how you live, you may be the only Bible some people read. People notice when you hug instead of yell and when you win or lose well. Someone you’ve never even met may come away learning more from your team about life than about the sport.
When you play tonight, be humble. Don’t try to be the best, try to help the person next to you be the best. Don’t look for glory, you won’t find it. It will come when you aren’t seeking it. Don’t brag, don’t flaunt your talents. Quietly work, think and try to improve. Make yourself perfect before working on your teammates.
And the last request…though it comes last, in My eyes it is the most important…have FUN!! In competition it’s easy to forget why you started playing sports in the beginning. Ten years from now it won’t be easy to remember who won or lost, as it will be to remember if you enjoyed the sport. You don’t know when you’ll be able to play again, so go out there and use your abilities, and love every minute of it.
Love winning because it is easy to love but recognize that losing makes you become better. Love jumping, running, hitting and cheering. All over the world tonight there are people lying in bed dreaming of being able to do those things. And when it comes right down to it, that’s what really matters, that you can do these things. It’s not whether you win or lose…you still will be!
So when you play tonight, remember me. I’ll be watching you. So put up a good fight. I believe you can win and hope that you think so too. Love what you are doing, and always remember to laugh.
Love,
Jesus
• So perhaps it’s not sports for you, perhaps it’s something else. I offer this to you to apply to your life, right now, right where you are at. Whether it’s your career, your marriage, your parenting, your schooling, your health…
Still in the “game” and playing ‘till I puke,
Feather
Friday, October 24, 2008
Good NEWS!!!
YEAH!! I'm so excited and happy to report that the "spot" in my spine is NOT cancer!!! The bone scan showed no signs of metestatic (spreading) cancer anywhere in my skeletal system. I'm so relieved and feel so free to start making more plans for the future.
Right now we are still in Alberta.
I received the good news by email from my GP, thank-you so much Dr. Newton, you are the best!
Chris and I are so excited to attend the GMA's banquet tonight as a celebration!
It's unclear what exactly is going on with my T1 verterae, that is causing arm discomfort (nerve pinching stuff) and stiff neck and back pain, but what ever it is, I can live with it!!
So now I'm continuing to plan to start work again part-time in a couple of weeks, just 8-10 hours a week to start. I'm really looking forward to it:)
Feel free to share my good news, I'm still considered in remission then, or cancer-free, and intend to stay here for a good long time!!
I do feel bad for those that feel stressed or overwhelmed by the "roller-coaster" of cancer; trust me, I know all about it. As much as it sucks, I'd rather live the roller-coaster; because the highs are so great and it feels good to be alive!!
This is how many people with cancer, living with cancer etc. would describe the journey, the beginning, middle and end; one big roller coaster ride.
IT(the entire cancer journey)takes you for a "ride" (some people really hate rollercoasters and some will never go on one, ever) on the "ride" some times you are terrified,sometimes there's a "thrill" (good news!); there are dips and bumps, when you feel like you have to hold-on for dear life.
Others times you squeal with joy and throw your hands in the air "like you just don't care", and then you hit a corner you weren't prepared for. The thoughts come and go, "How did I get here?", "Where's the fun?!?" When you are on it, it seems to last for- ever and when it's over, it's just a blurr.
When you get off, solid ground seems unfamiliar, your stomach thinks about emptying it's self (or does) your head is spinning and you aren't sure where you are for a little while.
Every roller coaster is unique, just like every journey with cancer.
I'm happy to be at the end of another "ride", though still woozy, I have a big bright...smile!
Thank-you for "riding" with me.
I'm heading out of the "theme park" and back into my life.
Right now we are still in Alberta.
I received the good news by email from my GP, thank-you so much Dr. Newton, you are the best!
Chris and I are so excited to attend the GMA's banquet tonight as a celebration!
It's unclear what exactly is going on with my T1 verterae, that is causing arm discomfort (nerve pinching stuff) and stiff neck and back pain, but what ever it is, I can live with it!!
So now I'm continuing to plan to start work again part-time in a couple of weeks, just 8-10 hours a week to start. I'm really looking forward to it:)
Feel free to share my good news, I'm still considered in remission then, or cancer-free, and intend to stay here for a good long time!!
I do feel bad for those that feel stressed or overwhelmed by the "roller-coaster" of cancer; trust me, I know all about it. As much as it sucks, I'd rather live the roller-coaster; because the highs are so great and it feels good to be alive!!
This is how many people with cancer, living with cancer etc. would describe the journey, the beginning, middle and end; one big roller coaster ride.
IT(the entire cancer journey)takes you for a "ride" (some people really hate rollercoasters and some will never go on one, ever) on the "ride" some times you are terrified,sometimes there's a "thrill" (good news!); there are dips and bumps, when you feel like you have to hold-on for dear life.
Others times you squeal with joy and throw your hands in the air "like you just don't care", and then you hit a corner you weren't prepared for. The thoughts come and go, "How did I get here?", "Where's the fun?!?" When you are on it, it seems to last for- ever and when it's over, it's just a blurr.
When you get off, solid ground seems unfamiliar, your stomach thinks about emptying it's self (or does) your head is spinning and you aren't sure where you are for a little while.
Every roller coaster is unique, just like every journey with cancer.
I'm happy to be at the end of another "ride", though still woozy, I have a big bright...smile!
Thank-you for "riding" with me.
I'm heading out of the "theme park" and back into my life.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Like Mother, Like Daughter
A few weeks ago, Carmelle came home from Kindergarten with a story that left me speechless (this doesn't happen to often, me being speechless that is, so I thought I'd better document it)
The teacher had been telling them about Terry Fox because they were going to do the Terry Fox Run/walk at school. Carmelle realized very quickly that he had cancer like her Mommy. (Though I hadn't been doing do much running she added)She was excited to inform her class that her Mommy was like Terry Fox, only I wasn't dead, and instead of losing my leg to cancer...I'd lost my boobies!!
Oh..?!?!? I replied, speechless. She contined to let them know that her Mommy got new boobies, just like Terry Fox got a new leg! Right, Mommy...?!?!? She said.
"Right." I said.
And I headed to the other room to have a good laugh. She seemed quite pleased that she got her facts right and that she had something special to contribute to her friends. Though I'm mildly embarassed, I'm very proud of her for not being afraid to share.
I suppose some would say, "Like Mother, Like daughter." I hope one day she'll be proud of that statement as well.
The teacher had been telling them about Terry Fox because they were going to do the Terry Fox Run/walk at school. Carmelle realized very quickly that he had cancer like her Mommy. (Though I hadn't been doing do much running she added)She was excited to inform her class that her Mommy was like Terry Fox, only I wasn't dead, and instead of losing my leg to cancer...I'd lost my boobies!!
Oh..?!?!? I replied, speechless. She contined to let them know that her Mommy got new boobies, just like Terry Fox got a new leg! Right, Mommy...?!?!? She said.
"Right." I said.
And I headed to the other room to have a good laugh. She seemed quite pleased that she got her facts right and that she had something special to contribute to her friends. Though I'm mildly embarassed, I'm very proud of her for not being afraid to share.
I suppose some would say, "Like Mother, Like daughter." I hope one day she'll be proud of that statement as well.
Monday, October 20, 2008
More tests.
After having increased discomfort in my arm, neck and head (sometimes incredibly painful) I headed to the ER two weeks ago, on a mission to get a CT for my neck (spine) and head. Hoping of course nothing would be found, but needed to be reassured, the former was confirmed on Friday. There is something about 1 and a half cms at my T1 vertbrae, at the base of my neck and top of my back.
I'm hoping and praying that it's possible radiation damage, old injury (but didn't show up in previous CT scans) genetic spinal degenerative osteoperosis; all of these things I can live with.
The alternative I couldn't live with very long. Possible metestatic Her2 breast cancer to the bones would really suck. It would literally want to suck the life out of me. So we pray it's not that...
Otherwise I'm feeling really quite well. Much better in so many ways in fact.
I have a bone scan for follow up, marked urgent, for tomorrow, tuesday 11:15am to be exact.
We pray there is nothing to be found by this test. I see it as a precaution to rule out other things. But I'm grateful to have it so soon and to not have to wait much longer.
Waiting for test results, especially with so much at stake, has got to be the hardest part of this journey. The not knowing can often be very stressful and difficult; a "no-man's-land" of sorts. Though I prefer to make it "God's-land" and not something I need to stress or worry about, because my soul knows that He is in control and He wants what is best for my life and my loved ones.
He knows the big picture and sees the heart, mind, soul and body...I surrender it all.
I'm hoping and praying that it's possible radiation damage, old injury (but didn't show up in previous CT scans) genetic spinal degenerative osteoperosis; all of these things I can live with.
The alternative I couldn't live with very long. Possible metestatic Her2 breast cancer to the bones would really suck. It would literally want to suck the life out of me. So we pray it's not that...
Otherwise I'm feeling really quite well. Much better in so many ways in fact.
I have a bone scan for follow up, marked urgent, for tomorrow, tuesday 11:15am to be exact.
We pray there is nothing to be found by this test. I see it as a precaution to rule out other things. But I'm grateful to have it so soon and to not have to wait much longer.
Waiting for test results, especially with so much at stake, has got to be the hardest part of this journey. The not knowing can often be very stressful and difficult; a "no-man's-land" of sorts. Though I prefer to make it "God's-land" and not something I need to stress or worry about, because my soul knows that He is in control and He wants what is best for my life and my loved ones.
He knows the big picture and sees the heart, mind, soul and body...I surrender it all.
A "Good Cry"
Who ever called it a "Good cry" sure knew what they were talking about, it sure feels good to me. I never realized what a good cry was until recently, when I could literally wash my face with my tears. Those are some cleansing tears...
When you have the time and the kleenex, have yourself a "good cry"....It's not bad!
When you have the time and the kleenex, have yourself a "good cry"....It's not bad!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Quote
This one took a lot of thinking and working on it today.
"It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindered to the great God who made him."
- Abraham Lincoln
I think I'll sit on this one all day!
"It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindered to the great God who made him."
- Abraham Lincoln
I think I'll sit on this one all day!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I think I forgot?!?!
Those close to me have realized that my memory isn't what it once was; in fact it has been so bad at times,it's been a bit of a mystery. I've had times when I don't remember seeing movies, hearing messages, buying things or even placing when in the last days, weeks or months certian events took place.
This is commonly called, "Chemo brain", but it doesn't seem common when you have it. Though I have adapted to informing people, in conversation, that they will have to remind me of what ever it is we are talking about. Apparently this can last for 2 years, and since I'm appraoching the one year mark of finishing my last harsh chemo treatment, perhaps I only have one more year of this.
Chemo does cause short term, long term and permanent brain damage. Lately my short term has been quite bad; I've even forgotten appointments, which isn't like me. I can't commit to things because I don't know that I'll even remember doing it. Others have had to take over some of the getting the girls to and from school on time, mostly Chris, because I lose track of time and forget.
So my Mom did a little reasearch and found out that "ginkgo biloba" is helpful with memory loss and has success with chemo brain. So she bought me some and gave it to me at their house on Thanksgiving.
But of course I forgot it there!:) Of course expecting me to remember much of anything lately is interesting.
So if you have called and I haven't called you back, I probably forgot that you even called. Don't take it personally:)
Apparently this is all still considered normal.
Redefining Normal,
Feather (At least I'll always remember my name...no one ever forgets it!)
This is commonly called, "Chemo brain", but it doesn't seem common when you have it. Though I have adapted to informing people, in conversation, that they will have to remind me of what ever it is we are talking about. Apparently this can last for 2 years, and since I'm appraoching the one year mark of finishing my last harsh chemo treatment, perhaps I only have one more year of this.
Chemo does cause short term, long term and permanent brain damage. Lately my short term has been quite bad; I've even forgotten appointments, which isn't like me. I can't commit to things because I don't know that I'll even remember doing it. Others have had to take over some of the getting the girls to and from school on time, mostly Chris, because I lose track of time and forget.
So my Mom did a little reasearch and found out that "ginkgo biloba" is helpful with memory loss and has success with chemo brain. So she bought me some and gave it to me at their house on Thanksgiving.
But of course I forgot it there!:) Of course expecting me to remember much of anything lately is interesting.
So if you have called and I haven't called you back, I probably forgot that you even called. Don't take it personally:)
Apparently this is all still considered normal.
Redefining Normal,
Feather (At least I'll always remember my name...no one ever forgets it!)
Tribute to the Life and Fun times of Casey Bosch...
A great man of God, an adoring husband, devoted father,legendary Grandpa and irreplaceable friend. Casey was so many things to so many people. I know he'll be missed by neices and nephews and many who just wanted him to be their "Uncle" Casey.
Everyone was draw to him who knew him, the love of Chirst and faith shown through him constantly. His voice inspired through laughter, songs, lines delivered and praises spoken. Whether behind the wheel of his beloved truck or behind his guitar, his family always knew he was right behind them always. Now he stands even taller in the presence of his Lord and Saviour, beaming, bellowing laughter and belting out praises.
He embodied all that Christ wants us to be joy-filled, blessed, generous in spirit, loving from deep with in, hands-on, hard working, long-suffering; and adding "zest" to our lives and laughter to our hearts. As we mourn what we have lost, we think of his glorious family who will struggle to cling to his amazing memories. May we do what we can to help and to ensure that they'll never let us forget all that Casey would want us to remember.
Be spontaneous, but don't forget to watch where you are going.
In the midst of pain and suffering, remember to see the joy in all things great and beautiful that God has created.
Never give up on a good truck, and good partner and a good script.
We feel hounered to have knowen you; honoured that you opened your home, arms and heart when we needed it.
Our hearts ache and break for the empitness that will be felt with your absence; and we thank our God for the reassurance that we will see you again in your place of glory. That you will be welcoming us in with you strong, clear, destinctive voice, and say, "Welcome Home, I've been waiting for you to arrive."
Casey your eyes were always welcoming, warm, kind, mischivous and full of the love of Jesus. We will miss not working on the NBC program at Northview church with you, we will cherish always those never wasted hours back stage with you, waiting for our next cue.
It seems your cue came to soon for this final curtian; but I rest tonight knowing that you are getting the biggest hug of your life from your creator. I'm sure He's already filling you in on all the mysteries of His creation and you are loving it!!
We will miss you our friend, brother-in-Christ and lover of music,
You will never be forgotten, always rememebered and echoed in all of the creation around us.
Thank-you for a live so well lived, for us to be touched my your existance and by the love of Christ in you.
When I sit by the babbling, rolling river...I will close my eyes and hear your laugh, just the thought brings smile to my face through my tears.
Thank-you for this, one of so many gifts from Mr. Casey Bosch.
Your love will continue on....
Everyone was draw to him who knew him, the love of Chirst and faith shown through him constantly. His voice inspired through laughter, songs, lines delivered and praises spoken. Whether behind the wheel of his beloved truck or behind his guitar, his family always knew he was right behind them always. Now he stands even taller in the presence of his Lord and Saviour, beaming, bellowing laughter and belting out praises.
He embodied all that Christ wants us to be joy-filled, blessed, generous in spirit, loving from deep with in, hands-on, hard working, long-suffering; and adding "zest" to our lives and laughter to our hearts. As we mourn what we have lost, we think of his glorious family who will struggle to cling to his amazing memories. May we do what we can to help and to ensure that they'll never let us forget all that Casey would want us to remember.
Be spontaneous, but don't forget to watch where you are going.
In the midst of pain and suffering, remember to see the joy in all things great and beautiful that God has created.
Never give up on a good truck, and good partner and a good script.
We feel hounered to have knowen you; honoured that you opened your home, arms and heart when we needed it.
Our hearts ache and break for the empitness that will be felt with your absence; and we thank our God for the reassurance that we will see you again in your place of glory. That you will be welcoming us in with you strong, clear, destinctive voice, and say, "Welcome Home, I've been waiting for you to arrive."
Casey your eyes were always welcoming, warm, kind, mischivous and full of the love of Jesus. We will miss not working on the NBC program at Northview church with you, we will cherish always those never wasted hours back stage with you, waiting for our next cue.
It seems your cue came to soon for this final curtian; but I rest tonight knowing that you are getting the biggest hug of your life from your creator. I'm sure He's already filling you in on all the mysteries of His creation and you are loving it!!
We will miss you our friend, brother-in-Christ and lover of music,
You will never be forgotten, always rememebered and echoed in all of the creation around us.
Thank-you for a live so well lived, for us to be touched my your existance and by the love of Christ in you.
When I sit by the babbling, rolling river...I will close my eyes and hear your laugh, just the thought brings smile to my face through my tears.
Thank-you for this, one of so many gifts from Mr. Casey Bosch.
Your love will continue on....
Monday, October 13, 2008
HAPPY THANKS-GIVING?!?
I'm feeling rather overwhelmed by the statment of the day. "Happy Thanksgiving."
Am I to be all of these things to all people and are they to me all these things to me all day?!? Wow, that seems like a lot to expect from one little old day...
HAPPY- Happiness
Thanks- Thankfulness
Giving- Generosity
I guess I'll try:)
Blessings to you on this Happy, Grateful, generous Day,
Feather
Am I to be all of these things to all people and are they to me all these things to me all day?!? Wow, that seems like a lot to expect from one little old day...
HAPPY- Happiness
Thanks- Thankfulness
Giving- Generosity
I guess I'll try:)
Blessings to you on this Happy, Grateful, generous Day,
Feather
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thanks-Giving...
By nature, with some nuturing involved, I'm a grateful person; but lately I've had to make much more of an effort at it. This especially feels poinient now heading into Thanksgiving weekend (Canada) So I started a "healthy" habit two weeks ago, when I started a "Gratitude Journal". It's quick and can be easy; harder some days. I have my own rules you could adopt, or you could try your own, or you can say, no-thank-you to the whole idea (but I thought that might be harder for you since it's thanksgiving weekend and all:)
So this is it, every day, usually at night, somtimes throughout the day I have to write a minimum of 5 things I'm grateful for ( at least one has to be about my husband (grateful remember:) Then I finish with making 3 "wishes" for the next day. Three things that you want to happen and very likely are going to happen.
My extra personal rule, is that my husband is free to read my "gratitude journal" at anytime. (This would be up to you)
So for example today:( My journal entry October 10th)
- We had a wonderful family breakfast with Chris's Mom before saying our good-byes
- We got some great pictures of the visit time with Grandma Janz(Beth)
- I got to go for a tan
- Therapy with Lois was productive
- the nurse got my IV in, on her first try:)
- Chris made me a cup of tea when I got home, while I was relaxing in the bath
-Jessyca (the wonder babysitter cared well for the girls as always)
- I enjoyed reading the girls to sleep by 7:15
3 "Wishes" for tomorrow:
- Chris has a safe drive to Penticton for a weekend gig.
- I manage okay with chris gone.
- The weather is nice so I can enjoy lots of outdoor play with the girls.
* Just something I'm Thankful for, that I'd thought I'd share with you this weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families!!
So this is it, every day, usually at night, somtimes throughout the day I have to write a minimum of 5 things I'm grateful for ( at least one has to be about my husband (grateful remember:) Then I finish with making 3 "wishes" for the next day. Three things that you want to happen and very likely are going to happen.
My extra personal rule, is that my husband is free to read my "gratitude journal" at anytime. (This would be up to you)
So for example today:( My journal entry October 10th)
- We had a wonderful family breakfast with Chris's Mom before saying our good-byes
- We got some great pictures of the visit time with Grandma Janz(Beth)
- I got to go for a tan
- Therapy with Lois was productive
- the nurse got my IV in, on her first try:)
- Chris made me a cup of tea when I got home, while I was relaxing in the bath
-Jessyca (the wonder babysitter cared well for the girls as always)
- I enjoyed reading the girls to sleep by 7:15
3 "Wishes" for tomorrow:
- Chris has a safe drive to Penticton for a weekend gig.
- I manage okay with chris gone.
- The weather is nice so I can enjoy lots of outdoor play with the girls.
* Just something I'm Thankful for, that I'd thought I'd share with you this weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families!!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Faith
Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe.
-St. Augustine
I believe what I see,
I believe without seeing,
I'm seeing what I believe,
I see,
I believe,
Blind Faith.
-Feather Janz
-St. Augustine
I believe what I see,
I believe without seeing,
I'm seeing what I believe,
I see,
I believe,
Blind Faith.
-Feather Janz
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Fundraising goal met!!!
Thank-you everyone for your support! I just reached $1020 in fundraising for the CIBC Run for the Cure!! It was an emotional day and a great event as always and I'm happy to say that I just confirmed $1020 in funds raised, reaching my $1000 goal! Thank-you again, I won't bug you again until next year:)
My quote for today
I found something I can say to myself that helps to relieve a lot of guilt and makes a good excuse to reward myself:)
"Healthy choices are always best but naughty choices aren't always bad!"
- Feather Janz (You can quote me on that!)
"Healthy choices are always best but naughty choices aren't always bad!"
- Feather Janz (You can quote me on that!)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
We got our PINK ON!!
We were in pink from head to toe, except Chris who was just surrounded by pink:), and I managed to slowly walk the 1 km with my Mom and friend Tara. By the end of today I was able to raise $920 for breast cancer research, awareness,treatment and ultimately a cure. I can raise money until the end of the month, and it's my goal to reach $1000, so only $80 to go. If you can help me out, please let me know:)
It was quite an emotional day. I'm exhausted and I'm going to lie down for awhile and go to sleep early.
It was quite an emotional day. I'm exhausted and I'm going to lie down for awhile and go to sleep early.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
An "Uhuh" moment...
I had one of those, an "Uhuh" moment...
I realized...
"I've gotten really good at expressing my emotions, but I'm not so good at letting them sink in."
Hmmmmmm...Letting that sink in.
Feather
I realized...
"I've gotten really good at expressing my emotions, but I'm not so good at letting them sink in."
Hmmmmmm...Letting that sink in.
Feather
Friday, October 3, 2008
Sunday October the 5th is the Run for the Cure!
2008 has been interesting and inspiring year. I've fought hard and come through cancer free, once again! I want The Run for the cure to be such a day of celebration for my life, the life of my family and our girls. All of this is believing that breast cancer can be history for them; never again!
Help us to celebrate life, remember those we've lost to this devastating disease and let's all do our part to make cancer history!
I am participating in the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure, on Sunday, October 5th and I am asking for your support for a cause that is very important to me.
Help create a future without breast cancer by making a donation today. Donating online is quick, easy and secure. Your donation will be added to the critical funds raised by the Run, and will be directed towards research, education and awareness programs.
Go to the website:
www.cbcf.org
(official website of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation)
Click to "Make a Donation"; centered on the page
CLick on the circled in pink "Donate Now!"
Scroll down and find, "Donate to a particpant", that's me :)
Click- "support a run participant"
Scrolol down againa to " Donate to a run participant"
Another POP up!
Finally:
Donate to a participant : First name:Feather
Last nameJanz
Location: Abbotsford, BC
Then click again "donate to this participant"
Please fill out your personal info and donate what ever your heart feels. Thank-you for thaking the time and necessary steps to do this. I feel well supported and I'll be walking the steps with joy and tears!
Bless you all!!
They will issue you a tax receipt and that's all you have to do and I hope you do it!
Thank you. I appreciate your support!
Sincerely,
Feather Janz, Husband Chris and our girls Carmelle and Cadence.
Help us to celebrate life, remember those we've lost to this devastating disease and let's all do our part to make cancer history!
I am participating in the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure, on Sunday, October 5th and I am asking for your support for a cause that is very important to me.
Help create a future without breast cancer by making a donation today. Donating online is quick, easy and secure. Your donation will be added to the critical funds raised by the Run, and will be directed towards research, education and awareness programs.
Go to the website:
www.cbcf.org
(official website of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation)
Click to "Make a Donation"; centered on the page
CLick on the circled in pink "Donate Now!"
Scroll down and find, "Donate to a particpant", that's me :)
Click- "support a run participant"
Scrolol down againa to " Donate to a run participant"
Another POP up!
Finally:
Donate to a participant : First name:Feather
Last nameJanz
Location: Abbotsford, BC
Then click again "donate to this participant"
Please fill out your personal info and donate what ever your heart feels. Thank-you for thaking the time and necessary steps to do this. I feel well supported and I'll be walking the steps with joy and tears!
Bless you all!!
They will issue you a tax receipt and that's all you have to do and I hope you do it!
Thank you. I appreciate your support!
Sincerely,
Feather Janz, Husband Chris and our girls Carmelle and Cadence.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
I am literally stopping to smell the roses!
The 2 dozen pink ones in my dining room table:)
The 2 dozen pink ones in my dining room table:)
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Today's BIG life lesson!
I figured out a huge life lesson all by myself today!
" I can be grateful for all that I have, while grieving for all that I've lost."
" I can be grateful for all that I have, while grieving for all that I've lost."
Lyric Quote
I found solice in the lyrics of a popular song by Match box 20 today.
As I heard Rob Thomas croon, "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell."
I embraced those words and repeated them to myself today as I cruised through my daily duties as Mommy, wife and homemaker.
As I heard Rob Thomas croon, "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell."
I embraced those words and repeated them to myself today as I cruised through my daily duties as Mommy, wife and homemaker.
A new family member!
Our girls have a new baby cousin and we have a sweet new niece!
Baby girl Adeline Elizabeth Olguin was born today October 2nd in Seattle, weighing 6lbs 15 ozs!
Congratulations to Chris's little sister Kelsey and her husband Rob, the proud new Mommy and Daddy!! All the best you guys, she's beautiful and we can't wait to hold her!
Chris's Mom was so happy to be there, after just arriving from London, England.
We look forward to Chris's mom coming here for a visit sometime in the next couple of weeks. The girls are extatic about having another cousin and having Grandma Janz coming for a visit.
Welcome to the family baby Addy!!
Baby girl Adeline Elizabeth Olguin was born today October 2nd in Seattle, weighing 6lbs 15 ozs!
Congratulations to Chris's little sister Kelsey and her husband Rob, the proud new Mommy and Daddy!! All the best you guys, she's beautiful and we can't wait to hold her!
Chris's Mom was so happy to be there, after just arriving from London, England.
We look forward to Chris's mom coming here for a visit sometime in the next couple of weeks. The girls are extatic about having another cousin and having Grandma Janz coming for a visit.
Welcome to the family baby Addy!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Nobody is perfect?!?
This one made me laugh through my tears, at the painful truth of it;
"They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds!"
- Wilt Chamberlain
"They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds!"
- Wilt Chamberlain
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