Our five year old daughter, Carmelle, has left me speechless many times in the last week, as she’s begun to ask the tough questions, that many parents dread. Just when I was starting to think I might actually have discovered some of the answers to my own life questions;
she throws this at me, “So if God created me, how did I end up in your tummy, Mommy?!?!”
Ahhhhh….you are right God did create you and you were in Mommy’s tummy ahhh….God used Mommy and Daddy together in a very special way to make you just the way you are, a little bit of Mommy, a little bit of Daddy and a whole lot of Carmelle!!
“Oh, okay.” She said. Phew, I got off easy that time:)
Then she asked in the same car ride, when I hadn’t yet recovered form the first question, “Mommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I thought this one was easier; “But I am grown up Carmelle.” Easy done, I thought.
“No Mommy!!!” She proclaimed emphatically!
“What do you want to be when you grow up!!!???!?!”
Wow, I didn’t know what to say to her. I was slightly overwhelmed, as I realized I do in fact have a whole life time ahead of me, in which to set life goals and dreams, some long term and some short term. As I pondered these things, Carmelle grew more impatient. She wanted defined answers to her questions, and “I don’t know?!” Wasn’t going to cut it!
So my 5 year old caused me to dig deep within myself and realize what I want to be when I “grow-up”. This is what I came up with; I would like to be a published Author, I would like to be a Leader in my community, I would like to be heard as a Public Speaker, I want to continue my education as a Student; I want to become Grandparent’s one day with Daddy, to her children and I want to be a Runner again. She seemed satisfied with my answers and so was I. Just as I was starting to feel confident in parenting and abilities to answer my daughter’s questions, she came at me again, because we were driving down the road, there was no escape!
“Mommy, Santa Claus is real, right?!?!”
Oh, crap! With her sister in the car, I wanted to be careful, perhaps use words Cadence wouldn’t understand…the strategies of how to answer such a complex question eluded me.
I said something like, “Santa is real because we pretend he is real.”
Then I held my breath…”No, Mommy, he’s real because I saw him at the Mall, he’s not pretend!!”
Then I resorted to a good old-fashioned response, the trusty old stand-by, “Ask your father when we get home. Mommy is trying to concentrate on driving!”
Later that night, around dinner time, Carmelle decided to ask Chris a question, I gave him a bit of a heads-up on the Santa thing, (but that wouldn’t have helped him at all) She came up with another question that both of us were stumbling over, in amazement that she even thought of such a question. We then prolonged our inability to answer her, by praising her for such good question asking?!?
She’d said, “Daddy, is that a Masterpiece?” referring to the painting on the wall.
Ahhhh…No?!?
“How do you know it’s not a Masterpiece?” she asked.
“I suppose we don’t really Carmelle?!?”
“Then what is a Masterpiece?”
Chris and I looked at each other, he was already in motion so he kind of skipped out of the room, and I was left with the deep pondering of what defines a masterpiece.
Is it the world opinion that decides?; the partaker of that particular piece of art, the art world or the artist? What may be seen as a masterpiece by one, may not be seen by another. Perhaps that painting was that artists best life’s work, but did they know it at the time; probably not. Does one know when they are creating a masterpiece? Maybe.
But I’d think that it is not realized until one reflects on their life’s work, and sees then what stands out among the rest. Which project touched their heart and moved it like none other, and had the same effect on others.
So I replied, “A masterpiece Carmelle, is an extra special piece of work that stands out among the rest when someone reflects back on their life’s work.” Chris nodded in approval to my answer.
That seemed to work for her. Thank God, we can appear “intelligent” to our children for awhile longer!
And we were proud of our daughter for being able to ask such amazing questions at such a tender age. God knows we love such shining brilliance from our little girl who arrived to us 5 and a half years ago, in her birth moment, not responsive and needing full resuscitation, due to the fact she had no heart beat, no oxygen (for a scary amount of time) and myconium in her lungs and stomach. She is a little miracle who just keeps growing and growing!
Reflect on your life’s little miracle’s today!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Quote for tomorrow.
"Yesterday's miracle may not help at all in facing today's obstacle."
- Mike Mason, again:)
- Mike Mason, again:)
Shout out!
I just wanted to give an encouraging shout out to my Grandma (Peggy Butchart) who turned 87 two days ago, and when I talked to her she told me proudly that she has out lived both Doctor's who told her that she'd never live past 70!:) Apparently sass and getting new Doctor's can take you a long way!
Also to my Brother Daniel and His wife Racheal, who just celebrated their 1st wedding anniversary yesterday; I'd like to tell them it gets easier...but...I prefer not lying:) How about, it just gets "richer"...and I put that in quotes, because finanically you may have a little rough road ahead:0 It took Chris and I about 5 years to finally get ahead financially. You've got all the right stuff, I have no doubt!
To my good friend Evelyn, who lives in Manitoba, I may have forgotten to send you a card and forgot to call, but I have thought of you lots. And I love you my dear friend (I think you read my blog?!? I hope so anyway:) Happy Birthday, last Thursday!
To Uncle Wayne, probably my most faithful blog reader, right from the start. I know it's your birthday this month, I just don't remember what day exactly. Thanks for your continued support and positive encouragement.
And I certianly must not miss my Aunt Wendy, who was born on the same day as my Uncle wayne....yes they are twins:)Your on going love and support through the last year and a half has been wonderful, you bless my heart everytime we are in touch.
Also to my Brother Daniel and His wife Racheal, who just celebrated their 1st wedding anniversary yesterday; I'd like to tell them it gets easier...but...I prefer not lying:) How about, it just gets "richer"...and I put that in quotes, because finanically you may have a little rough road ahead:0 It took Chris and I about 5 years to finally get ahead financially. You've got all the right stuff, I have no doubt!
To my good friend Evelyn, who lives in Manitoba, I may have forgotten to send you a card and forgot to call, but I have thought of you lots. And I love you my dear friend (I think you read my blog?!? I hope so anyway:) Happy Birthday, last Thursday!
To Uncle Wayne, probably my most faithful blog reader, right from the start. I know it's your birthday this month, I just don't remember what day exactly. Thanks for your continued support and positive encouragement.
And I certianly must not miss my Aunt Wendy, who was born on the same day as my Uncle wayne....yes they are twins:)Your on going love and support through the last year and a half has been wonderful, you bless my heart everytime we are in touch.
Quote for today.
"Yesterday's discouragement need not hold us back from victory today!"
-Mike Mason, "Practicing the Presence of People"
-Mike Mason, "Practicing the Presence of People"
Monday, November 3, 2008
Back in the "game"...
So this is it, the single biggest step back into "normal" life... I have my first shift back at work tonight. I will be hostessing at abc restaurant starting tonight!
This will be a fairly big physical test for me, even though the shifts are just 4 hours, 4-8 over dinner time, 2 times a week. Once I do this for a couple of weeks then I'll try 3 shifts like this a week, then back to two shifts but longer shifts. I hope to be back waitressing 4 times a week, by spring 2009.
This restaurant is a very busy one and the job is very physical, especially waitressing. Wish me well, as I re-enter the work force, though very part-time, it feels like a huge step. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time:)
I'm excited to do out doing something that is social and brings in a little income. I miss the ladies at work, it's a great work environment and our boss is wonderful.
They've changed a lot of things since I worked there last, so there will be a learning curve at first, but I'm excited for this new challenge. I haven't done a hostess shift in 2 years and haven't waitressing in 19 months.
Off I go...
( I wonder if I'll fit into my uniform?!?!)
This will be a fairly big physical test for me, even though the shifts are just 4 hours, 4-8 over dinner time, 2 times a week. Once I do this for a couple of weeks then I'll try 3 shifts like this a week, then back to two shifts but longer shifts. I hope to be back waitressing 4 times a week, by spring 2009.
This restaurant is a very busy one and the job is very physical, especially waitressing. Wish me well, as I re-enter the work force, though very part-time, it feels like a huge step. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time:)
I'm excited to do out doing something that is social and brings in a little income. I miss the ladies at work, it's a great work environment and our boss is wonderful.
They've changed a lot of things since I worked there last, so there will be a learning curve at first, but I'm excited for this new challenge. I haven't done a hostess shift in 2 years and haven't waitressing in 19 months.
Off I go...
( I wonder if I'll fit into my uniform?!?!)
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Be not Afraid.
A moving and inspiring quote from Nelson Mandela,
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. IT's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. IT's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
I’m happy that I’m sad.
I had a photo taken of me by my brother, Forrest, at the Thanksgiving table and something was said that made me burst out laughing. The conversation at the “Wagner” home can get quite lively, so I fail to remember exactly what it was that was said, perhaps it was my dear new sister in-law Rachel, informing us that, “ Sea cucumbers do in fact breath through their ass-holes.”
What ever it was, Forrest photographed my “burst”, I realized quickly that you couldn’t tell if I was laughing or crying, either way it looked painful, and there was no telling by someone who wasn’t there, exactly what emotion was being captured. As I drove home I started to think about the close nature of weeping sadness and wailing laughter, and I wondered if the body it’s self knew the difference. And in my heart I knew then, what I was to read three weeks later confirmed for me in this book, that both were of equal healthy strength, that with both I would live a richer, fuller and healthier life. Perhaps not the “Happy” life the world views; but something deeper; when was the last time you weep with sadness and felt it deeply? When was the last time you laughed so hard, your face and side hurt and your and muscles ached the next day?
These to me are signs of a life well lived and felt; they go together, feel one and open yourself up to feel the other, because it’s coming and you can’t have one without the other. They work together to dig more deeply into yourself. When you dig if you find hurt, pain, suffering, disappointment, regret, allow yourself to be sad and feel the emotions of these things in your lives, only then will you discover the hope to live a life in happiness that you’ve always desired.
This is what I realized I’ve been doing for the last few weeks, about 6 weeks so far, allowing myself to dig deeper to experience my sadness, as far back as my early childhood; because I knew that in the depths of my soul that this would mean happiness and joy on the other side like I’ve never experienced before. I have hope in a greater life, not one free from sadness, but one embracing sadness and truly experiencing and dancing with the joys of life and in my life. So where am I at right now, in this moment, I’m embracing sadness but with a growing smile on my face! I’m happy that I’m sad.
They say you learn something new everyday, well yesterday I learnt something big about myself and how I view life. The catalyst was a book I’m reading called, “Practicing the Presence of people”, by Mike Mason ( a local author from Langley BC, I’m now very much looking forward to reading some of his other works, “The Mystery of Marriage”, and “The Gospel According to Job.”)
What I have learn this, that not only is sadness okay, it is necessary. It’s necessary if you want a happy, joy filled life. The deeper you feel your sadness the deeper you will feel your joy.
I sucked into the worldly message that essence of a good life is a happy life; void of sadness. When most people are asked what they want for their children when they grow up, or even for their own lives, they say, “I just want them to be happy!” But this statement is setting your children and yourself up for grave disappointment. Unrealistic expectations, such as having a life only of happiness, set yourself up for failure ( or as the author Mr. Mason states ‘Expectations could be defined as “premeditated resentments.”) Obviously no parent wishes to set their children up for a life of disappointments and resentments, but many have and continue to do so. Mike Mason offers, “Seek a happy, lighthearted life and it will elude you. But seek a godly sadness, and happiness will come running as if its name had been called.”
I life with out sadness wouldn’t be very happy at all, because they need each other to have not just a happy life, but a joyful life. When you truly allow yourself to feel your sadness deep within, it is then that you will truly be able to experience happiness like never before.
Now sadness doesn’t need to go hand in hand with self-pity or depression, but happiness does do hand in hand with love, peace, faith and hope.
Because sadness and happiness are so closely linked, then we can choose to view sadness as hope, if we choose to do so. The author Mike Mason says it like this, “Sadness signals change. It is an intermediate emotion, a feeling that is going somewhere. Like a seventh or a ninth chord in music, it is rich in subtle tones that tend toward resolution, lean toward home.”
Home; being where we feel we are safe and can truly express our selves without judgment. Many of us have never experienced a home like this, or even feel at home within ourselves (void of our own personal judgments)…but this doesn’t been that we can’t start our journey HOME…to that place that God intended for us to find somewhere along this journey. I feel I have arrived at a home, I think it’s mine, I’ve hesitated to knock, but I’m bursting with anticipation to see what is inside!
Perhaps you have no idea what home feels like, or you are one of the rare few that’s always felt at home…where ever you are, there is always more. Even in your sadness, reach out to others with compassion, mercy, grace and love and you will find comfort; that’s what home feels like. Make yourself at home!
Mike Mason write, “ Sadness is hopeful. Sadness is like that moment in a rainstorm when the rain has not yet stopped, but there is a perceptible brightening, and there comes that subtle change in the atmosphere signifying the imminence of a rainbow.” Ahhhh, the hope that can shine through in the pouring rain!
Wearing my sunglasses to hide my tears and to reflect the glaring beauty of the hope for my future; while making myself at home,
Join me will you?...
Feather
What ever it was, Forrest photographed my “burst”, I realized quickly that you couldn’t tell if I was laughing or crying, either way it looked painful, and there was no telling by someone who wasn’t there, exactly what emotion was being captured. As I drove home I started to think about the close nature of weeping sadness and wailing laughter, and I wondered if the body it’s self knew the difference. And in my heart I knew then, what I was to read three weeks later confirmed for me in this book, that both were of equal healthy strength, that with both I would live a richer, fuller and healthier life. Perhaps not the “Happy” life the world views; but something deeper; when was the last time you weep with sadness and felt it deeply? When was the last time you laughed so hard, your face and side hurt and your and muscles ached the next day?
These to me are signs of a life well lived and felt; they go together, feel one and open yourself up to feel the other, because it’s coming and you can’t have one without the other. They work together to dig more deeply into yourself. When you dig if you find hurt, pain, suffering, disappointment, regret, allow yourself to be sad and feel the emotions of these things in your lives, only then will you discover the hope to live a life in happiness that you’ve always desired.
This is what I realized I’ve been doing for the last few weeks, about 6 weeks so far, allowing myself to dig deeper to experience my sadness, as far back as my early childhood; because I knew that in the depths of my soul that this would mean happiness and joy on the other side like I’ve never experienced before. I have hope in a greater life, not one free from sadness, but one embracing sadness and truly experiencing and dancing with the joys of life and in my life. So where am I at right now, in this moment, I’m embracing sadness but with a growing smile on my face! I’m happy that I’m sad.
They say you learn something new everyday, well yesterday I learnt something big about myself and how I view life. The catalyst was a book I’m reading called, “Practicing the Presence of people”, by Mike Mason ( a local author from Langley BC, I’m now very much looking forward to reading some of his other works, “The Mystery of Marriage”, and “The Gospel According to Job.”)
What I have learn this, that not only is sadness okay, it is necessary. It’s necessary if you want a happy, joy filled life. The deeper you feel your sadness the deeper you will feel your joy.
I sucked into the worldly message that essence of a good life is a happy life; void of sadness. When most people are asked what they want for their children when they grow up, or even for their own lives, they say, “I just want them to be happy!” But this statement is setting your children and yourself up for grave disappointment. Unrealistic expectations, such as having a life only of happiness, set yourself up for failure ( or as the author Mr. Mason states ‘Expectations could be defined as “premeditated resentments.”) Obviously no parent wishes to set their children up for a life of disappointments and resentments, but many have and continue to do so. Mike Mason offers, “Seek a happy, lighthearted life and it will elude you. But seek a godly sadness, and happiness will come running as if its name had been called.”
I life with out sadness wouldn’t be very happy at all, because they need each other to have not just a happy life, but a joyful life. When you truly allow yourself to feel your sadness deep within, it is then that you will truly be able to experience happiness like never before.
Now sadness doesn’t need to go hand in hand with self-pity or depression, but happiness does do hand in hand with love, peace, faith and hope.
Because sadness and happiness are so closely linked, then we can choose to view sadness as hope, if we choose to do so. The author Mike Mason says it like this, “Sadness signals change. It is an intermediate emotion, a feeling that is going somewhere. Like a seventh or a ninth chord in music, it is rich in subtle tones that tend toward resolution, lean toward home.”
Home; being where we feel we are safe and can truly express our selves without judgment. Many of us have never experienced a home like this, or even feel at home within ourselves (void of our own personal judgments)…but this doesn’t been that we can’t start our journey HOME…to that place that God intended for us to find somewhere along this journey. I feel I have arrived at a home, I think it’s mine, I’ve hesitated to knock, but I’m bursting with anticipation to see what is inside!
Perhaps you have no idea what home feels like, or you are one of the rare few that’s always felt at home…where ever you are, there is always more. Even in your sadness, reach out to others with compassion, mercy, grace and love and you will find comfort; that’s what home feels like. Make yourself at home!
Mike Mason write, “ Sadness is hopeful. Sadness is like that moment in a rainstorm when the rain has not yet stopped, but there is a perceptible brightening, and there comes that subtle change in the atmosphere signifying the imminence of a rainbow.” Ahhhh, the hope that can shine through in the pouring rain!
Wearing my sunglasses to hide my tears and to reflect the glaring beauty of the hope for my future; while making myself at home,
Join me will you?...
Feather
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)