Danced my "hair" off!

I had the best time at the INXS concert! I danced like no one was watching and I rocked my face off, or for those around me, I rocked my hair off!!! I went bald. I’m feeling much more comfortable with my baldness, especially in public. Perhaps it’s because with these new chemo drugs, they really make your hair fall out even more, and with it go my eyelashes and eye brows. I’ve got very little of either left. I’ve gotten pretty good at putting on the fake ones, and I got a special eyebrow kits with stencils to draw on my eyebrows, and powder that doesn’t smudge, it’s much better than brow pencil. I got it given to me by a local company called www.eyebrowz.com , they are old friends of mine, thanks Nancy and Doug, my new eyebrows look great!
My hair would try and grow a little bit in between my old chemo’s, but with my new chemo drugs it really falls out and you get the shiny bald head, instead of a little stubble like I had before. I have to say, I’m liking this new smoother look, then old scalp felt like sand paper. I think the public will be seeing more and more of my head. Having a shiny head, no brows and no eyelashes will be a new look for me, though I’ll usually put my coverings on. With the bloating and darkness under my eyes getting darker, I do look sicker and sicker all the time. Sometimes I catch a look at myself in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. Thank goodness for make-up, especially the great new Arbonne stuff I now sell. If you are interested in some of these great Arbonne products, just click to the link on this page.
When I danced to the rock music I loved so much when I was so much younger, I felt free. As my body moved to the music, I didn’t fell sick at all! I felt like the old me. The only problem was that I couldn’t dance the entire concert like I could last year. But I got up and shook it to my favorite songs!! I love to dance, I need to dance more. That’s what I’m going to do.

We have two things in common.

Everyone in this world has at least two things in common…we are all doing to die and none of us knows when. There were some horrific, sudden, tragic accidents this past weekend that ended the lives of several people in my local area. My heart aches for them and their families, not having any chance to prepare or say good-bye. I find myself almost daily preparing to die, and I wonder if I’m being pessimistic, but I don’t believe so. I see myself as being very optimistic, while being a realist. Does that mean I think I’m going to die? While obviously at some point, we all will, but it certainly doesn’t stop me from truly living!! I feel more alive than ever before, I see things I know I would have otherwise missed before. I find gifts in so many things so many times a day. I have more joy, more excitement and more love than ever before. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about what I would do for my girls if I was dying; so that they would always remember me and so that they would always feel like they knew me. I plan on what it is that I can do that so I can still contribute to their lives, even after I’m gone.
But having said that… I equally see myself walking them to school, seeing them in their school plays, Chris and I having to add on to the house to accommodate all their friends when they are teenagers, seeing them move out on their own, on their wedding days and seeing our grandchildren. I plan on all of that.
Today my plan is to drive to Kamloops with my husband where we are going to see my favorite band from when I was a teenager, INXS!! We got front row seats and we are going to dance our faces off, at least I will be! ( I’ll be taping my feet to try and avoid getting blisters, even though I will no matter what I do, oh well) There is fun to be had and I’m going to have it!!!

Climbing the Mountian.

Within in 36 hours of my diagnosis of breast cancer, back in mid-March, God gave me a vision of what lay ahead of me. He showed me a mountain in the path of my journey that I couldn’t get around and had to go over. It was a high mountain, with rough and rugged terrain. Before I was to start the climb, I was to equip myself for the long hike and climb (not knowing then how long it would be but knowing I’d have to prepare for the long haul). So I equipped myself with a team of climbers, those that would pray were the first needed. Then I added to the team, those that would help financially, with meals along the way, with meeting basically daily needs and again more prayer.
I was ready to start my climb…many see a diagnosis of breast cancer as a dark and low time of a life, a “valley”, but I saw it completely differently. I saw this as an opportunity to get to higher ground. Though it would be hard and some days harder than others, I knew that there would be great views and sights to be seen and that the Son would shine brighter and warmer than ever before.
This pushed me forward, even up and out of my sleepy slumber some days, when I just didn’t feel like climbing. When I would stumble there would be a hand provided to care for me and to help me up. The gear that I’d prepared before the climb would catch me if I were to fall. (I don’t feel that I’ve had to use that gear yet, but it sure is reassuring to know it’s there just in case.) As these hands that God has provided reach out to help not only me, but my family along the way, we feel the tender touch of our Heavenly Father affirming peace in the chaos.
I know that when I reach that peak and see the glory of all creation from high a top my victory mountain, I will proclaim, “This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Though coming down the other side won’t exactly be smooth sailing, it will be much easier. I know I’ll still need prayer and a helping hand from time to time, there will still be the risk of falling, but I believe my journey will continue on with a glorious life of wonder and amazement.
As for today and everyday, let us say, “This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

The Janz Family Benefit Concert!!

You are invited to the Janz Family Benefit Concert which will be held in less than a month, on Friday Septemeber 21st at the Abby Arts Centre in Abbotsford (At Abby Sec) The Concert will feature the music of Kelsey, Colin and Chris Janz. There will also be songs written by Paul Janz performed by his kids. The tickets are $22 in advance at www.chrisjanz.com the tickets will be $24 at the door. It will be a full evening of professional performances and an intermission with a cash bar, raffle prizes and a 50/50 draw. Bring extra cash so you can contribute to the fundraising this way as well. The money rasied at the Janz Family Benefit Concert will go to help out our family financially during this time, as Feather fights Breast Cancer. If you'd like to make additional donations to our family, that would be greatly appreciated. If you'd like to make a donation but would like a receipt, you have to write your cheque to "The Run for the Cure" and you'll get a tax receipt from the CAncadian Breast Cancer Foudantion and the money will go towards my fundraising efforts for the CIBC Run for the Cure, Sept. 30th, 2007.
Please come and invite all of your friends for this great night of entertainment, inspiration and fundraising! See you there!
God Bless!!

Funny Face!

Carmelle made me laugh with her great sense of humour, and I said to her proudly, "I think you got that from me." "What...?" She says as she pulls the corners of her mouth out and sticks out her tongue,"...my funny face?!?!"

My Truth.

Someone just asked a question on facebook, “What is truth?” and I responded by saying, “Knowing what the lies are.” I feel that getting cancer has given me the focus that I truly needed to focus on the truth in life, in my life. In doing so I’ve revealed many lies that have been a part of my life. I’ve realized how judgmental I am by nature and though I’ve come a long way, I still have a ways to go. Recognizing these inner lies and revealing my inner truth has been a process I’d wish on anyone and everyone, though it’s too bad that most of us have to face a tragic circumstance to really take the time and energy needed to look and dig deep within. I challenge you to do this no matter what your life circumstance. My life is certainly richer now and I wish for you the same wealth.

Not as strong as I look either

I have to say, I’m growing quite tired of hearing how strong I am! I feel very weak, exhausted, spent and desiring nap time, most of the time; even on my good days. I can pull myself together and put on my face and present myself to the world, not because I’m deceiving anyone, but because it does help to make me feel better. It’s my way of making sure I know, and those that are around me daily, that I don’t look like death warmed-over, all of the time, just some of the time. It’s a reminder to cancer that it only gets me for part of the time, not full-time. I realize that this cancer is strengthening my character and in turn, I’m becoming stronger emotionally, mentally and spiritually, even when it makes my physical body so weak. Am I strong? If I am it’s not just me, it’s those that I have around me, my husband (who’s changed more diapers than any man I know, my vibrant girls (who have filled those diapers for their Daddy my family (especially my Mom who comes by to help out a couple times a week) and my friends (of whom I have more than I ever knew). But most of all I know and believe my strength comes from the Lord. I don’t know where I would be with out my faith in all of this. To be honest , I’d be a mess without it. I don’t know how others get through tough and trying times without faith and prayer. I’d be lost without it. Thank God for it. I wouldn’t want to live without it. Faith.

PS. I’m writing this as 2:45am, I’m having trouble sleeping again, could use some prayers for that. Thanks.