Friday, October 26, 2007
Quote for my Day!
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat" Teddy Roosevelt
Quote for my Day!
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat" Teddy Roosevelt
Reflections of the Cross.
The following is an article I just wrote that will be published in the next publication of the "Reflections of the Cross" newsletter, put out by Rosslyn Delmonico(my mentor)and Valley Christian women's Network.
It's Entitled:
Living my miracle in the midst of the “C”-word.
Do miracles still happen today? Or were they just for biblical times? I know miracles are happening around and in my life often, because I believe it and I choose to see them. Big or small my Saviour Jesus Christ made them all and I do believe that they are even more prevalent in our modern times. Many of my life miracles can be condensed into 6 “C” words; Conception, Conversion, Christ, Cancer, Childbirth and Choosing. ( And NO I didn’t choose my name, it was given to me at birth by my Hippie Parent’s:))
I was first diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 23. Within the hour of being diagnosed I remember very clearly praying out loud, “Lord, whether in my life or in my death, I just want you to use me.” At the time the desire and prayer of my heart was that my life wouldn’t be over anytime soon, as I’d fully intended to find my true love,Chris Janz, get married and become a Mommy to our two girls, Carmelle and Cadence . I cried out to God, that I’d have a miracle in body and that the cancer would be gone. I do believe that the miracle came and I lived free from cancer for 12 years.
With in this time, I met my wonderful husband Chris, fell in love, had the wedding and just shy of 5 years later was expecting our first baby. I was so close to having everything I’d asked God for, I was living my miracle. God heard my prayers and answered them, in His time. The miracle of life was growing inside of me, which was soon to be discovered to be our daughter Carmelle. I embraced my time of being pregnant because, I realized it was the only time I was going to assist God in a miracleJ
When I went into labour with Carmelle, many things went wrong very quickly. When I realized that our baby was in serious trouble, I remember praying out to God, knowing that this child was His, but that I desperately wanted to meet him or her. I desired to love this child, even though I knew that the love I had to give was only a fraction of the love He had to give both of us. Carmelle was born as a “code pink”, an emergency C-section, with me under immediate anesthetic and Chris pushed out of the OR, so Carmelle could be resuscitated. She was born not breathing, with no heart beat and with her lungs and stomach full of myconium. They didn’t know how long she’d gone without oxygen, so she was in an incubator in the special care nursery for the first few days, while they observed her for any brain damage. She is now a perfecting healthy, active and precocious 4 yr. old, who’d sternly correct me and state that she is in fact, 4 and a half!
When I was pregnant I was also able to realize what a miracle my own existence was. Recognizing the miracle of my own conception, even though my parent’s marriage didn’t last and I was the only child, I wasn’t a mistake. My life was God’s plan from the beginning to the end. Now is that not a miracle that we can all claim in our own lives?!?
I found Christ and converted to Christianity, into a then non-Christian home, when I was only 7 years old. I discovered Christ and the Bible through my Great-Aunt Catherine, who was a Nun and a beacon for Christ in my young life and through into my 20’s. One Summer Sunday morning in 1979, I obeyed the Lord’s call, when He made clear to me that I couldn’t enter His house that day with out Him being “King” in the castle of my heart. This was the second Sunday school song I ever learnt, “Let His flag fly High in the castle of my heart”, the first was, “He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me His Love.” That day I prayed in my neighbour lady’s car, right there in the parking lot, and then testified in front of the entire Sunday school program of 100 of my peers. (That was met first speaking engagement.) I soon learnt my first Bible verse, which has been a theme verse for my life, Matthew 5:14, “You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden.” I received my very first Bible and entered an essay contest, “What the Bible means to me.” I won that contest, with my mother helping me write my words, and she received Christ as her Lord and Saviour soon after.
When I was 17, God called on me to serve Him in the mission field. Over the subsequent 10+ years I served in South Central LA, East LA, Australia, Camden New Jersey, Belfast N. Ireland, Germany, England and in my community. All of these experiences brought miraculous changes to my life and to my spiritual walk through it.
Chris and I got married in June of 1998 and we wanted to wait until I was 7 years cancer free before trying to start a family. Just as we started to put the “plan into action”, of bringing a new life into the world, my best friend Carmen (Toews) Anderson was called Home to Jesus. The tragic loss of Carmen left a huge void in my life and in the lives of so many who loved her. She was the sister I’d never had, she was my matron-of-honour, she was my sounding board for my life decisions and my side-kick. She was irreplaceable, but when my first daughter was born 9 months later, she was to bear the name of my childhood best friend, Carmen- Elizabeth (Carmelle). My 17 year friendship with Carmen was a miracle and so was her life. She taught me many things, but the one thing I reflect on the most these days, is how she truly embraced each day of her life in the face of her own mortality.
On March 16th, 2007, 12 years and 6 days after my first diagnosis with breast cancer, I was told I had cancer again, only this time a different form of breast cancer. I faced another mastectomy, 6 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation and a year of IV herceptin treatment. I’m now half way done and the worst is behind me. I haven’t mourned the loss of my breasts or my long blonde hair, instead I have decided to choose to see the miracles. I choose to celebrate the miracles of each new day, each day being one that the Lord has made and I shall rejoice and be glad in it! Big or small, I sense His presence and hand in everything. Even in the fact that I have a nicely shaped bald head…that being bald brings out my eyes…that God guided the hand of my gifted plastic surgeon…and that my husband is a "butt-man" who appreciates my “Chemo-padded” one:)
I challenge you to look into your own life, find your miracles and to pray for your own “C’s”.
To follow my journey of “C’s” log onto my website and read my blog at: www.featherjanz.com
It's Entitled:
Living my miracle in the midst of the “C”-word.
Do miracles still happen today? Or were they just for biblical times? I know miracles are happening around and in my life often, because I believe it and I choose to see them. Big or small my Saviour Jesus Christ made them all and I do believe that they are even more prevalent in our modern times. Many of my life miracles can be condensed into 6 “C” words; Conception, Conversion, Christ, Cancer, Childbirth and Choosing. ( And NO I didn’t choose my name, it was given to me at birth by my Hippie Parent’s:))
I was first diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 23. Within the hour of being diagnosed I remember very clearly praying out loud, “Lord, whether in my life or in my death, I just want you to use me.” At the time the desire and prayer of my heart was that my life wouldn’t be over anytime soon, as I’d fully intended to find my true love,Chris Janz, get married and become a Mommy to our two girls, Carmelle and Cadence . I cried out to God, that I’d have a miracle in body and that the cancer would be gone. I do believe that the miracle came and I lived free from cancer for 12 years.
With in this time, I met my wonderful husband Chris, fell in love, had the wedding and just shy of 5 years later was expecting our first baby. I was so close to having everything I’d asked God for, I was living my miracle. God heard my prayers and answered them, in His time. The miracle of life was growing inside of me, which was soon to be discovered to be our daughter Carmelle. I embraced my time of being pregnant because, I realized it was the only time I was going to assist God in a miracleJ
When I went into labour with Carmelle, many things went wrong very quickly. When I realized that our baby was in serious trouble, I remember praying out to God, knowing that this child was His, but that I desperately wanted to meet him or her. I desired to love this child, even though I knew that the love I had to give was only a fraction of the love He had to give both of us. Carmelle was born as a “code pink”, an emergency C-section, with me under immediate anesthetic and Chris pushed out of the OR, so Carmelle could be resuscitated. She was born not breathing, with no heart beat and with her lungs and stomach full of myconium. They didn’t know how long she’d gone without oxygen, so she was in an incubator in the special care nursery for the first few days, while they observed her for any brain damage. She is now a perfecting healthy, active and precocious 4 yr. old, who’d sternly correct me and state that she is in fact, 4 and a half!
When I was pregnant I was also able to realize what a miracle my own existence was. Recognizing the miracle of my own conception, even though my parent’s marriage didn’t last and I was the only child, I wasn’t a mistake. My life was God’s plan from the beginning to the end. Now is that not a miracle that we can all claim in our own lives?!?
I found Christ and converted to Christianity, into a then non-Christian home, when I was only 7 years old. I discovered Christ and the Bible through my Great-Aunt Catherine, who was a Nun and a beacon for Christ in my young life and through into my 20’s. One Summer Sunday morning in 1979, I obeyed the Lord’s call, when He made clear to me that I couldn’t enter His house that day with out Him being “King” in the castle of my heart. This was the second Sunday school song I ever learnt, “Let His flag fly High in the castle of my heart”, the first was, “He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me His Love.” That day I prayed in my neighbour lady’s car, right there in the parking lot, and then testified in front of the entire Sunday school program of 100 of my peers. (That was met first speaking engagement.) I soon learnt my first Bible verse, which has been a theme verse for my life, Matthew 5:14, “You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden.” I received my very first Bible and entered an essay contest, “What the Bible means to me.” I won that contest, with my mother helping me write my words, and she received Christ as her Lord and Saviour soon after.
When I was 17, God called on me to serve Him in the mission field. Over the subsequent 10+ years I served in South Central LA, East LA, Australia, Camden New Jersey, Belfast N. Ireland, Germany, England and in my community. All of these experiences brought miraculous changes to my life and to my spiritual walk through it.
Chris and I got married in June of 1998 and we wanted to wait until I was 7 years cancer free before trying to start a family. Just as we started to put the “plan into action”, of bringing a new life into the world, my best friend Carmen (Toews) Anderson was called Home to Jesus. The tragic loss of Carmen left a huge void in my life and in the lives of so many who loved her. She was the sister I’d never had, she was my matron-of-honour, she was my sounding board for my life decisions and my side-kick. She was irreplaceable, but when my first daughter was born 9 months later, she was to bear the name of my childhood best friend, Carmen- Elizabeth (Carmelle). My 17 year friendship with Carmen was a miracle and so was her life. She taught me many things, but the one thing I reflect on the most these days, is how she truly embraced each day of her life in the face of her own mortality.
On March 16th, 2007, 12 years and 6 days after my first diagnosis with breast cancer, I was told I had cancer again, only this time a different form of breast cancer. I faced another mastectomy, 6 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation and a year of IV herceptin treatment. I’m now half way done and the worst is behind me. I haven’t mourned the loss of my breasts or my long blonde hair, instead I have decided to choose to see the miracles. I choose to celebrate the miracles of each new day, each day being one that the Lord has made and I shall rejoice and be glad in it! Big or small, I sense His presence and hand in everything. Even in the fact that I have a nicely shaped bald head…that being bald brings out my eyes…that God guided the hand of my gifted plastic surgeon…and that my husband is a "butt-man" who appreciates my “Chemo-padded” one:)
I challenge you to look into your own life, find your miracles and to pray for your own “C’s”.
To follow my journey of “C’s” log onto my website and read my blog at: www.featherjanz.com
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Suffering from uninspired chemo-brain!
I sat down to write on my blog, hoping something thought provoking and inspired would come to me. But alas...nothing. As my final chemo causes it's last amount of brain damage, brain cells not multiplying and dying because of the chemo drugs, I have nothing to write, offer or give. Even these few sentences have taken me several minutes to compile and I've had to correct about 8 words already. Sorry if I missed any:)It's a beautiful Fall day outside, Lizzy has taken the girls off for a walk and to the park, Chris is on an airplane to Calgary and I hardly have the energy to write even this. I'm glad at least that the lives of those I love, continues on around me. I'm happy that my cancer doesn't get to stop everything, just the cellular development in my body right now (including those dang cancer cells:)
Chris is going to the CGMA's (Canadian Gospel Music Awards) He'll be doing some workshops, presenting awards and hopfully winning for Producer of the Year, which he's nomoinated for the second year in a row! He'll also perform live on a local radio station, 3 of his new songs. Pray that he makes lots of new contacts and possible producing gigs that he can do in our new home studio in the new year!
I'm going to go eat something and rest my body, that's my job right now, and I'm doing it well:)!!
Chris is going to the CGMA's (Canadian Gospel Music Awards) He'll be doing some workshops, presenting awards and hopfully winning for Producer of the Year, which he's nomoinated for the second year in a row! He'll also perform live on a local radio station, 3 of his new songs. Pray that he makes lots of new contacts and possible producing gigs that he can do in our new home studio in the new year!
I'm going to go eat something and rest my body, that's my job right now, and I'm doing it well:)!!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Packing has started...
When I'm feeling up to it, I pack as many boxes as possible. At this rate should go fairly smoothly over the next weeks. I pack a box or two and then take a break. It's A system that seems to be working and isn't very stressful. I'm starting to crash from the chemo. THe first couple of days aren't so bad because of the steriods. By tomorrow I crash for a few days. I hope to be feeling much better by next week and I'm looking forward to a few weeks of feeling pretty good. My hair will start to grow back around a month from now. By spring I should have a cute new short do. I'm off to sleep now. Last night I slept 16 hours, I'm hoping the same for tonight.
Good-night!
Good-night!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Who's the idiot...oh it's my husband:)
We were in Vancouver for my final chemo and it good Vancouver, West Coast, fashion it was pouring rain! So we stopped at a store where Chris could run in and get an umbrella. While I was waiting for him to return I noticed a guy walking through the down pour holding a closed umbrella. I thought, what an idiot, why doesn't he open his umbrella and use it!! Then I realized the "idiot" was my dear husband!! When he got in the car soaked, twice as wet as he should have been, we had a good laugh. As he too thought to himself half way to the car, I'm an idiot why don't I have my umbrella open?!? We laughed until our faces hurt, so we didn't care how wet and dismal it was outside:)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Dates set...
We signed the deal to our new house last night! My parent's came to see the house as well. They were very excited for us, as they walked through our soon-to-be home, they were impressed with how nice it is. We thought the house looked even better seeing it the second time, as our home. So moving day is Saturday Dec 1st. If you are available and willing around that date to help us with, packing, moving, cleaning and unpacking, please contact us! You can find my contact info atmy website: www.featherjanz.com
I've just returned from my radiation oncology appointment. Treatment will start on Monday Dec 3rd. SO I have about a month of recovery time between Chemo ending and radiation starting. This is great for me, as treatment doesn't interfer with packing and moving.
This does mean that treatment will go over the holiday season and into the New Year. I'll have to have treatment on my birthday, but I'm glad with how it's working out. This will be what's best for me and my family.
The Radiation Oncologist was very encouraging today that I should feel quite normal on radiation treatment. The hardest part is going in every day for the 6 weeks. She said it will be a bit longer because of missing three days over the holidays (Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day) and they will probably add and extra day, making it 29 treatments total.
Anyway, I'm off to a nap, as are my girls. All is quite, but never for long around here:)
I've just returned from my radiation oncology appointment. Treatment will start on Monday Dec 3rd. SO I have about a month of recovery time between Chemo ending and radiation starting. This is great for me, as treatment doesn't interfer with packing and moving.
This does mean that treatment will go over the holiday season and into the New Year. I'll have to have treatment on my birthday, but I'm glad with how it's working out. This will be what's best for me and my family.
The Radiation Oncologist was very encouraging today that I should feel quite normal on radiation treatment. The hardest part is going in every day for the 6 weeks. She said it will be a bit longer because of missing three days over the holidays (Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day) and they will probably add and extra day, making it 29 treatments total.
Anyway, I'm off to a nap, as are my girls. All is quite, but never for long around here:)
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