I don’t ever know that I’ve gone through a whole night with out sleep. Mind you I’ve never found myself in more of a stressful life circumstance as well. Please pray that I can go to bed early tonight and get a good 12 hours in. We have a very important meeting today at 11am and we’d wish for as many to pray at that time, and more over the next few hours. I have trouble mostly because of painful chronic muscle cramps. It’s probably a side effect from not enough potassium in my system. So I uped my dose by another half, I hope it helps. I had three hot baths through the night trying to rest the cramping, but it only work for a short while.
Perhaps it’s because I drank some coke Classic to late. I’ve switched, but it takes me 2-3 to drink a 500ml bottle. New realeases in the cancer world discovered it was more effective on nausea, go figure, so I tried it and it works. I have a couple ounces when I eat, it calms my stomach, gives me a little caffine to get me up and going… and yes I had some with my breakfast, tat was a first for me.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Medical Test update
We've been informed that on Wed July 23rd, I'll meet with my oncologist, have a high resolution CT Scan of my lungs and my herceptin treatment all in the same day. So two weeks today, thankfully I have much distraction between now and then.I'm experiencing the most difficult time of my life, keep our entire family in your prayers, especially now. Pray that the Quebec Retreat provides me with much needed R&R, peace and insight.Just to come home to more testing and possible confirmation of bad news.As my right chest pain persists and so does this nagging cough, I keep thinking that I'm just having a harder time this year with allergies. I've had a buy day of errands and trying to organize the house the way I want it. I feel an extreme desire to be in control of something, the closets and shelves seem the easiest.
My Bucket list
My Bucket List
1. To experience at least one more miracle; Do you only get one?!?
2. To travel to Hawaii, I’ve always wanted to go; I’d love to have it as a couple get away sometime, perhaps for my 15 wedding anniversary.
3. To go to Europe at least one more time; stand on the Eiffel tower one more time, at 16 all I could think about was how romantic to be there with my life love. Chris and I have both been there, but not together.
4. To reach a point of physical fitness that allows me to once again run 5kms, play soccer, and go for walks for hours just because I want to.
5. To get every closet and shelf in my house organized; considering I’m not nearly done unpacking from our move 7 months ago, this could very well be an impossible goal but I will rejoice in each shelf that does reach my approval
6. To learn how to scan, crop and print pictures on our computer all by myself.
7. Catch up with my scrapbooking and considering I have about 16 to put together, I doubt it will all happen, So instead I’ll enjoy each page I complete.
8. Somehow get to the Oprah show; better yet get ON the Oprah show.
9. Make some kind of contact with Michael J Fox; my favorite actor. I’ve collected hundreds of photos of him since I was 12, I know a lot about him (and I just finished reading his book, his second one is scheduled to be released this summer, CAN’T WAIT!!
10. To meet Lance Armstrong, in hopes of his physical healing rubbing off on me.
11. To watch my husband achieve the career success he deserves; few compare to his musical talent. www.chrisjanz.com
12. To mark on our wall the growth of my girls until they pass both of us.
13. To see my girls enjoy Disneyland again; it brought me much delight, better yet going with my girls and their children.
14. To see my brothers become fathers.
15. To record me singing; even if no one listens to it but my girls.
16. To lose 15-20 more lbs; but the healthy way with proper nutrition and exercise and to be able to maintain that goal weight.
17. To be able to put my hair in a pony tail again.
18. To get published; a life story by “Feather Janz”
19. To book an international speaking engagement.
20. Go to Scotland with my Dad, his home land.
*Perhaps I'll think of a few more I must add, but for now this is it.
1. To experience at least one more miracle; Do you only get one?!?
2. To travel to Hawaii, I’ve always wanted to go; I’d love to have it as a couple get away sometime, perhaps for my 15 wedding anniversary.
3. To go to Europe at least one more time; stand on the Eiffel tower one more time, at 16 all I could think about was how romantic to be there with my life love. Chris and I have both been there, but not together.
4. To reach a point of physical fitness that allows me to once again run 5kms, play soccer, and go for walks for hours just because I want to.
5. To get every closet and shelf in my house organized; considering I’m not nearly done unpacking from our move 7 months ago, this could very well be an impossible goal but I will rejoice in each shelf that does reach my approval
6. To learn how to scan, crop and print pictures on our computer all by myself.
7. Catch up with my scrapbooking and considering I have about 16 to put together, I doubt it will all happen, So instead I’ll enjoy each page I complete.
8. Somehow get to the Oprah show; better yet get ON the Oprah show.
9. Make some kind of contact with Michael J Fox; my favorite actor. I’ve collected hundreds of photos of him since I was 12, I know a lot about him (and I just finished reading his book, his second one is scheduled to be released this summer, CAN’T WAIT!!
10. To meet Lance Armstrong, in hopes of his physical healing rubbing off on me.
11. To watch my husband achieve the career success he deserves; few compare to his musical talent. www.chrisjanz.com
12. To mark on our wall the growth of my girls until they pass both of us.
13. To see my girls enjoy Disneyland again; it brought me much delight, better yet going with my girls and their children.
14. To see my brothers become fathers.
15. To record me singing; even if no one listens to it but my girls.
16. To lose 15-20 more lbs; but the healthy way with proper nutrition and exercise and to be able to maintain that goal weight.
17. To be able to put my hair in a pony tail again.
18. To get published; a life story by “Feather Janz”
19. To book an international speaking engagement.
20. Go to Scotland with my Dad, his home land.
*Perhaps I'll think of a few more I must add, but for now this is it.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Bucket list?
Chris and I decided to have an entertaining evening of video rental. " The Bucket List" was the movie of choice. Two men given less than a year to live, both with cancer in their lungs. No tears yet...thoughts of writing my own bucket list arise...a morbid thought perhaps?!?!? I do believe I wrote one in a journal once, i think I was 19. To be honest In think I've done everything on that list, travel to Europe, go to college, get a career, make a name for myself, fall in love, get married, have sex ( in that order) have lots of sex...anyway...become a mother etc. Perhaps I need to write another list since I've managed to do the first one quite well. Would I put sky diving on it...possibly, would I put long term or short term activities? For now I'm looking forward to the family scrapbook of our recent Disneyland trip, going to Quebec for a young cancer patients retreat July 16th-21st, Summer family trips and get aways, dates with my husband and getting the best tan I
possibly can (apparently vitamin D helps reduce your risk of cancer)Have a great summer and take a minute to write or at least think about your bucket list.
'm looking forward to doing the family scrapbook of the Disneyland trip.
possibly can (apparently vitamin D helps reduce your risk of cancer)Have a great summer and take a minute to write or at least think about your bucket list.
'm looking forward to doing the family scrapbook of the Disneyland trip.
Hitting the ground running...
I'm in the process unwinding from a very busy day. It was my choice to go out beyond just my Dr's appointment. My Mom's famous last words to, "Now take it easy and don't push yourself." So what did I do, cleaned the master bathroom, got bathed and preped to go out, Went to Costco shopping (by-myself)Chris drove me but had to drop me off for an appointment he had to keep. I wanted to get some stuff done, it helps me feel alive. I also got all the pictures selected and developed that i want to put in our Disneyland Scrapbook. Lisa I have the discs of the trip pictures ready for you, A BIG Thank-you again for Lisa "adrianne" Witt (Wiebe) who came with us on our vacation and helped us out more than could be imagined. We were so happy tohave you there and thanks for grinning and baring through the difficult times (like having to change plans all the time because I wasn't feeling well). When I got home I managed to put almost all of the groceries away,(lots), organize Disneyland photos for the scrapbook, tidy up, and all opf this with me now switched to all oral meds and no more IV medications!! The Dr gave me a great set of non-narcotic meds for my migraines, Torodal and Imitrex. I've had waves of nausea, but no vomitting, I have a nagging cough I'm concerned about.
The Dr's don't seem overly concerned with the discivery in my right lung, it appreas to be another glitch in our "Universal" Health care system. When you pay for private tests, the provincial system doen't recognize them. Though my oncologist, not seeming to argree with the findings, seems to want to find it herself. I sure hope it's not human pride standing in my way. She has now however ordered at high-resolution CT at the Van BC Cancer Agency. I don't expect to get this test anytime soon, perhaps 3-4 weeks. But of course I'll see what I can do to get it sooner. Unfortuanetly the weaker I get the less fight I have in me. It saddens me tothink of how many laid back people, of one I am not, slip through the cracks of our system. Even when you have the money to pay, or opportunity to get such tests.
Refusing to slip,
Feather
The Dr's don't seem overly concerned with the discivery in my right lung, it appreas to be another glitch in our "Universal" Health care system. When you pay for private tests, the provincial system doen't recognize them. Though my oncologist, not seeming to argree with the findings, seems to want to find it herself. I sure hope it's not human pride standing in my way. She has now however ordered at high-resolution CT at the Van BC Cancer Agency. I don't expect to get this test anytime soon, perhaps 3-4 weeks. But of course I'll see what I can do to get it sooner. Unfortuanetly the weaker I get the less fight I have in me. It saddens me tothink of how many laid back people, of one I am not, slip through the cracks of our system. Even when you have the money to pay, or opportunity to get such tests.
Refusing to slip,
Feather
Monday, July 7, 2008
Home sweet Home
I am now home after a week in the hospital. I was only home two days when I went to the hospital. We enjoyed a wonderful vacation, I was able to muster up a lot of energy for the trip. Coming home to lousy test results on our tenth wedding anniversary, wasn't my idea of a good time. Not to mention my body was rebelling, for what ever reason. The vomitting and diherhea caused my electrelites become imbalanced and I got exteremly low on potassium. That's why I was in the hospital for so long, I had to get my potassium levels up to normal again through IV treatment. I was also having sereve migraines, the worst of my life. I wouldn't be surprised if they were stress related, I've definately had stress. My nurses worked hard to find a treatment regiment that was narcotic free and fairly easy for me to administer at home. I was very happy with my care in the hospital, and thankful to my nurses and Dr's. Thank-you Dr. Newton.
We are happy to have Chris's Dad visiting from England. The girls love every minute they have with him, and Chris and his Dad are so close.
I'm sure I've lost a few pounds and I feel very weak. I look forward to growing stronger and stronger each and every day! God Bless you and thank you all so much for your prayers, support and love. I'm going to get some pj's on, get in my own bed and have a bowl of ice cream.
We are happy to have Chris's Dad visiting from England. The girls love every minute they have with him, and Chris and his Dad are so close.
I'm sure I've lost a few pounds and I feel very weak. I look forward to growing stronger and stronger each and every day! God Bless you and thank you all so much for your prayers, support and love. I'm going to get some pj's on, get in my own bed and have a bowl of ice cream.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
In The Hospital Again (From Chris)
At the beginning of this week I took Feather to emerg again with severe pain in her head and chest. It's now Wednesday night, and the short visit that I had hoped it would be has turned into a few days as they continue to try and find an effective way to treat her symptoms. I wish she was home; even if she's sick in bed, the house feels complete with her here. I like being able to treat her myself, as it makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING to help. With her in the hospital there's really nothing I can do except for continuing conversations with her doctors and nurses. I have to remember that she is getting the care she needs there, even if the house feels empty without her. At this point there's no real effort to explain her symptoms as her cancer docs are worrying about what's next, and what her body is doing. I'm hoping that she can come home tomorrow and that there is an effective list of meds that they come up with so that I can keep her comfortable at home.
Today was the first day that I had some help with the kids at home which I grudgingly admit was needed. I ended up sleeping almost the entire afternoon to get me caught up after about 2 hours a night for the last few days. We still have not heard about what the next step is after her scans, and we're anxious to get a firm diagnosis on whether or not we have more cancer to worry about.
My heart has really sunk the last few days as I grapple with the prospect of this whole thing starting over again with chemo and other possible treatments. Life continues to feel like it's on hold; I try my best to make some time for writing and for moving forward musically, but it seems like it's a hopeless endeavor at the moment. The last few days sleep has brought vivid and disturbing dreams about hospitals and doctors, and it seems that no matter how hard I try to force some degree of normalcy on our life, it's an lost cause.
The good news is that Feather does seem to be feeling better today, and I'm hopeful that we'll have a solid plan of action for her treatment at home as well. To those that I've talked to on the phone the last couple of days, my apologies for my scattered conversation. My catch up on sleep today has remedied most of that :)
Please continue to pray for strength for all of us. I cannot help feeling somewhat defeated and helpless lately as my world continues to feel very small, and taken up with the mere act of survival. Pray for Feather, that her pain may subside, and that despite the scans lately, that she would be brought back to health. Pray for the girls, that their amazing spirits would continue to thrive and rise above this mess that our family is in. They really are amazing, and are doing so well in the face of all this.
Feather is in 3 west at MSA hospital in the TV lounge and would love visitors. However, I am hoping that she can come home tomorrow. But we'll see. Give me a call (853-2966) if you're not sure, or give her a call on her cell to chat (854-2800). Thanks again to all for reading, praying and standing with us in this battle. I'll post more as I know more.
Chris
Today was the first day that I had some help with the kids at home which I grudgingly admit was needed. I ended up sleeping almost the entire afternoon to get me caught up after about 2 hours a night for the last few days. We still have not heard about what the next step is after her scans, and we're anxious to get a firm diagnosis on whether or not we have more cancer to worry about.
My heart has really sunk the last few days as I grapple with the prospect of this whole thing starting over again with chemo and other possible treatments. Life continues to feel like it's on hold; I try my best to make some time for writing and for moving forward musically, but it seems like it's a hopeless endeavor at the moment. The last few days sleep has brought vivid and disturbing dreams about hospitals and doctors, and it seems that no matter how hard I try to force some degree of normalcy on our life, it's an lost cause.
The good news is that Feather does seem to be feeling better today, and I'm hopeful that we'll have a solid plan of action for her treatment at home as well. To those that I've talked to on the phone the last couple of days, my apologies for my scattered conversation. My catch up on sleep today has remedied most of that :)
Please continue to pray for strength for all of us. I cannot help feeling somewhat defeated and helpless lately as my world continues to feel very small, and taken up with the mere act of survival. Pray for Feather, that her pain may subside, and that despite the scans lately, that she would be brought back to health. Pray for the girls, that their amazing spirits would continue to thrive and rise above this mess that our family is in. They really are amazing, and are doing so well in the face of all this.
Feather is in 3 west at MSA hospital in the TV lounge and would love visitors. However, I am hoping that she can come home tomorrow. But we'll see. Give me a call (853-2966) if you're not sure, or give her a call on her cell to chat (854-2800). Thanks again to all for reading, praying and standing with us in this battle. I'll post more as I know more.
Chris
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