Could it be?!?!?

Could it be...that I feel normal?!? I had a rare feeling yesterday as I realized for just a moment I felt normal. It seemed like such a foreign feeling, unlike any I'd felt recently, that I almost didn't recognize it. It was called, "Feeling normal." It only lasted a brief few minutes, but I realized it was a glimpse of my "new-normal", and it felt so good!! By the time I really was ready to take it in, it was gone. But it gave me a renewed sense of hope that around the corner, is wellness. I've experienced a few more moments like this today, as we headed to the passport office to get our passports for our family vacation in three weeks. I felt like I could finally get excited about our family vacation/10th Wedding anniversary trip. I feel like I'm going to be capable of having so much fun. I haven't been having very much fun the past few months and I can say that my heart has lightened and my heavy burden has been lifted. I know I'm on the road to wellness in my body, and my spirit rejoices!

Home

I'm home from the hospital. This time it really couldn't come soon enough. After spending a day in the ER, and day and night in a hallway, and then finally into a room where they could fit me. Which was acute care and the three other people in my room were scheduled for changing 3 times a day, needless to say, it was gross. If I wasn't feeling sick to my stomach already, this put me over the edge. I couldn't decide which was worse, the man cursing like a sailor, or the stench of human waste.
Once I started feeling better, hydrated and ran three full days of Iv anti-biodics; my cough let up and I was feeling incredibly anxious to be home. It certianly didn't help that I got my period on Saturday and got seriously uncomfortable with cramps, which they couldn't give me anything for. As all women know, there's nothing you want more when you are on your period than the comfort of home, your bed and the bath. Emotionally I felt wore out, hormones I'm sure didn't help, and my body wasn't rested, as I found it so hard to get sleep in the hospital. That is actually a bit of an understatement, the elderly lady across from me would get lost in the evening and one night I was even woken with her trying to get in my bed. Anyway, it's good to be home though I'm still far from perfect (100%) it's good to be feeling much better. Though I'm probably only at about 40%, it's much better than I was. I actually went down the stairs and wasn't doubled over when I got to the top. I was able to keep a couple appointments today, but with other people (my mom) driving me.
Thank-you for the continued prayers and support.

Loving my home more than ever,

Feather

The Latest (From Chris)

Feather's post below is amazing. I love her with all my heart, and I suppose one silver lining in all this cloud is that these trials have galvanized my love for her, and they have shown both of us just how deep the depth of our love for each other is.

Feather has been admitted to the hospital for 4 days for observation, and to try and re-work her medication to try and deal with some of her symptoms. There is a possibility now with all the meds that she has been on that the medications themselves may be at least in part to blame for some of her symptoms. As she has been on some of these medications for quite a while now, it was deemed best that they try and do this under 24hr medical supervision.

Things have been pretty hard for me lately as although I have tried so hard to do everything, and to carry the many burdens that life has given us right now, I have been forced to realize that I am human, that I am not infallible, and that my strength is finite. As Feather is in the hospital now, I am struggling with some deep feelings of inadequacy, and that I am letting everyone down, and that my strength just isn't enough to cover everything.

Please pray for strength for both Feather as she is in hospital, amd for me ss I continue to cope with the feeling that my best just isn't good enough. Also, with Feather gone again now for a few days it is again quite lonely here as again my wife becomes a patient; the house feels empty without her here.

Lastly, pray for the girls, that they weather this newest development in stride, and that I have the energy to be doubly there for them as a father during this time.

Once again, thank-you all for your thoughts, your prayers and your support.

Chris

Love of my Life...

I thank God every day for the amazing gift He brought to me just over 10 years ago, in my husband, Chris. I can't imagine life without him and I certianly can't imagine getting through this time without His ever present support, love, care and comfort. This time, especailly in the last few months, has been hard on both of us, but I realize it is mostly harder on him. For him to watch me suffer, I know is more difficult than being the one who is suffering. I know that if the worst case senerio were to occur, I'd be in a Divinely better place with divine understanding and peace, while he would be here struggling to carry on as a devoted father and provider. There are times where it is hard for us to maintain a proper husband/wife relationship and instead find our selves as patient and caregiver. Chris is an amazing caregiver, but there are times when I miss my husband and he is missing his wife. There are tears as we cling to the love we have for each other and seek to renew our bond as partners and lovers. When you think of us, please devote time to praying specifically for Chris. He has been the life line for our family through this last year, and we are so glad to have him as our own. As we head into 16 months of living to get through each day, our spirits are often weighted down. We fight together to rise above it, with God's Love, His people's support and all the care that has been given. Through it all we have received many blessing, which humble us daily. For me the greatest blessing has been to share my life with such an amazing man who loves me and his creator with all his being. I love and appreciate my husband more than words can say, but I have tried to express it this way, in this blog entry. I am who I am today, because of the love and support of my husband. Please let that someone in your life know today how you feel and may you contiune on in love.
Continuing on in Love,

Feather

Hospital Patient once again...

It has been decided that it is in my best interest to be admitted to the hospital (MSA) sometime between now and tomorrow night, Thursday. My chest infection has not been getting better, due to my not being able to keep the antibiodics down or to take them regularly enough. The last week I've found my self out of breath from basic activities, heaviness in my chest, violent coughing spells and over all muscle fatigue and joint pain. While in the hospital for about four days, I will receive Iv antibiodics and constant IV hydration, as I've found myself very dehydrated due to vomitting and nausea. If you are available to visit me, I'd love some company, hospital stays can be very lonely.

Better Luck Next Time

I wasn't able to get a ride into Vanvouver for my Herceptin Appointment today. So it's been bumped until tomorrow, Friday May 16. If you are able to help out with driving me, or staying here with the girls, that would be great. Thank-you.