It's been a year of being cancer free and treatment free. It was a year ago that I finished my IV cancer treatments at the Vancouver cancer Agency.
The year hasn't been void of bumps and dips, like the big one in March/April when I ended up in the hospital for a month. (Now the Dr's feeling quite certain that I had swine flu, that was just before it hit the media.)Then getting shingles at the beginning of July. I've been feeling really good for about a month now.
My asthma has been much more under control, but with the use of steroids, which has now left me at the heaviest I've ever been, even at 9 months pregnant. 222 lbs isn't exactly where I feel comfortable, but I'm so happy to have a body (one that firstly is alive) and secondly that is able to do everything that I need it to do. There have been many times that I have thought that I might not be able to do the things I'm able to do now. I worried that life would never be normal again. And now it is as "normal" as can be; normal for us anyway:)
My next goals are setting some fitness goals; pushing my body just a little bit harder by walking more, working towards jogging again, hoping to be able ride my bike again next spring, working out at the gym regularly etc. If losing weight becomes a part of that, great, but if not...then I'll just get use to being "Feather on steroids:)"
If you ever wondered what Feather on steroids would look like, this is it:)!! I'm just an expanded version of myself. More to love, as Chris would say:) (LOVE HIM!!) People often comment on my name, especially wearing a name tag at work, but the "Light as a feather" jokes stopped a long time ago:( Lately I've been remembering what I heard my Grandma Bryce said when I was born and my parent's told her my name, she said, "What if she grows up to be fat?!?!!!!" Yikes! I guess she's resting in peace and I'll just leave it at that.
I've been thinking of starting a work-out group that meets at the ARC once a week, called, "Light as a Feather";which focuses more on physical, mental and emotional wellness. Since I have all the fitness knowledge, teaching aerobics for 4 years and working as a fitness instructor and trainer, plus leading running clinics for the Running Room, I have all the info to share. Whether women are trying to get back in shape, take their fitness to a new level, or getting in shape for the first time; I'm thinking we could all do it together.
I'll keep you posted.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Supporting a friend
We have a friend Vince Hartmann who is riding his bike from Victoria to Ottawa. He has set out to raise awareness about addiction and is advocating for a national day of sobriety. He is a recovered addict and is passionate about helping others find healing in their addictions and for the lives of the loved ones who have been devastated by the addiction as well.
We are encouraging others to support him in funds and prayer. He needs money to keep his ride alive. He has already made it to Calgary.
Donations can be made at Wentings cycle shop in Abbotsford on N. Railway and possibly at the CIBC into his chequing account, this is what I intend on doing. Or contact me and I'll be sure to get it to him. That would be a good reason for me to have coffee with some of you regular readers of my blog:) Not that I need a reason, lol!!!
Check out his website: www.nationaldayofsobriety.ca
Thank-you for your support:)
We are encouraging others to support him in funds and prayer. He needs money to keep his ride alive. He has already made it to Calgary.
Donations can be made at Wentings cycle shop in Abbotsford on N. Railway and possibly at the CIBC into his chequing account, this is what I intend on doing. Or contact me and I'll be sure to get it to him. That would be a good reason for me to have coffee with some of you regular readers of my blog:) Not that I need a reason, lol!!!
Check out his website: www.nationaldayofsobriety.ca
Thank-you for your support:)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Summer Updates
Wow! Is summer really winding down already?!? Is school really back in session right around the corner? Thank goodness I did the back to school shopping already.
I got good news that I will be able to maintain my medical and dental plan at work with working 25 hours a week starting in mid-September. YEAH! This enables me to build up to working that much in a week. It's very physical work, serving at the abc in Abbotsford, but I appreciate that my body is getting stronger and stronger every week. I worked 18 hours over three days this past weekend and I'm very exhausted, but I could do it; I'm very encouraged! On top of that I made the best tips I've ever made in one shift at abc, EVER!!
Last week, a week ago, my friend Kari and I decided to take a spontaneous trip somewhere. We didn't know where but we both had three days off and her boys were at summer camp, so we packed our suitcases and passports and sat on-line until we found a deal we couldn't refuse.We thought of staying relatively local, but it decided to pour rain those days, great for our environment and air quality, not so good for laying by the pool and working on our tans:)SO up it popped, a trip to Vegas leaving in 8 hours, that we couldn't pass up. So we pulled an all-nighter, felt young again until around 2am, and then found ourselves pool side at the Wynn Las Vegas, in 12 hours!! What an adventure!!
When we saw that that we had to switch planes in LA, I told Kari, perhaps we'll see someone famous. We ended up on the plane with Criss Angel and ended up standing right beside him in first class as we made our way back to row 22 in economy:)
Pool side our last morning, I recognized the man next to me and I ended up in conversation with him and his wife for sometime. He was Mikko Brando, Micheal Jackson's best friend and son of Marlon Brando, I recognized him from Live with Larry King on CNN. I also recognized his voice and the large diamond cross he wore around his neck. He and his wife (Karen) were very kind and down to earth. We talked about losing our best friends, his friends children missing their Dad, my fears of leaving my children motherless from breast cancer, his adventures in Canada with Micheal, how he's coping now with Micheal being gone and how hard it is to avoid the media. It was a very interesting encounter, one I'll certainly never forget:)
Kari and I did many things we would normally never do:) What Happens in Vegas stays in Vegas:)!! NO!! But we did watch TV on the flat screen TV in our bathroom while having a bath (seperately:)went dancing at 1am, after a late night nap; went walking the Vegas strip until 5:30 am, had a drink by the pool before lunch...we are such rebels!! It was a wonderful get-away!!
Chris did a great job of managing house, girls and work while I was gone, with some help of babysitters and my parent's. When I got home we had house guests right away. Our friends Doug and Cynthia Peters arrived with their three young children from LA. They were in Abbotsford for a family wedding and we had the room for them for 5 nights. The girls loved playing with their girls the same ages and their baby boy, a year old. We will miss them when they leave tomorrow. We hope to visit them at their home on our next trip to LA, which we hope will be next spring.
We are finally all healthy, awaiting follow-up Dr's appointment's, but able to live life to the full and experience all that life has to bring. We are planning a short camping trip with the girls this week, a day at the water slides, a beach day and visit with more friends, all before my next set of days at work. Chris and I are planning a get-away for just the two of us in a month, and work has been quite steady for him.
Chris is excited to start working on music for our church's Christmas production, NBC. He's trying to fit in time to finish up songs for his next cd, which I hope will be ready for release next spring sometime. He's got some exciting projects starting soon and ones that we are hoping he will land. We still feel so blessed by our home and that it contains a great studio for Chris to work out of downstairs.
Life is good.
The sun is shining and Breathing is a little easier these days:)
I got good news that I will be able to maintain my medical and dental plan at work with working 25 hours a week starting in mid-September. YEAH! This enables me to build up to working that much in a week. It's very physical work, serving at the abc in Abbotsford, but I appreciate that my body is getting stronger and stronger every week. I worked 18 hours over three days this past weekend and I'm very exhausted, but I could do it; I'm very encouraged! On top of that I made the best tips I've ever made in one shift at abc, EVER!!
Last week, a week ago, my friend Kari and I decided to take a spontaneous trip somewhere. We didn't know where but we both had three days off and her boys were at summer camp, so we packed our suitcases and passports and sat on-line until we found a deal we couldn't refuse.We thought of staying relatively local, but it decided to pour rain those days, great for our environment and air quality, not so good for laying by the pool and working on our tans:)SO up it popped, a trip to Vegas leaving in 8 hours, that we couldn't pass up. So we pulled an all-nighter, felt young again until around 2am, and then found ourselves pool side at the Wynn Las Vegas, in 12 hours!! What an adventure!!
When we saw that that we had to switch planes in LA, I told Kari, perhaps we'll see someone famous. We ended up on the plane with Criss Angel and ended up standing right beside him in first class as we made our way back to row 22 in economy:)
Pool side our last morning, I recognized the man next to me and I ended up in conversation with him and his wife for sometime. He was Mikko Brando, Micheal Jackson's best friend and son of Marlon Brando, I recognized him from Live with Larry King on CNN. I also recognized his voice and the large diamond cross he wore around his neck. He and his wife (Karen) were very kind and down to earth. We talked about losing our best friends, his friends children missing their Dad, my fears of leaving my children motherless from breast cancer, his adventures in Canada with Micheal, how he's coping now with Micheal being gone and how hard it is to avoid the media. It was a very interesting encounter, one I'll certainly never forget:)
Kari and I did many things we would normally never do:) What Happens in Vegas stays in Vegas:)!! NO!! But we did watch TV on the flat screen TV in our bathroom while having a bath (seperately:)went dancing at 1am, after a late night nap; went walking the Vegas strip until 5:30 am, had a drink by the pool before lunch...we are such rebels!! It was a wonderful get-away!!
Chris did a great job of managing house, girls and work while I was gone, with some help of babysitters and my parent's. When I got home we had house guests right away. Our friends Doug and Cynthia Peters arrived with their three young children from LA. They were in Abbotsford for a family wedding and we had the room for them for 5 nights. The girls loved playing with their girls the same ages and their baby boy, a year old. We will miss them when they leave tomorrow. We hope to visit them at their home on our next trip to LA, which we hope will be next spring.
We are finally all healthy, awaiting follow-up Dr's appointment's, but able to live life to the full and experience all that life has to bring. We are planning a short camping trip with the girls this week, a day at the water slides, a beach day and visit with more friends, all before my next set of days at work. Chris and I are planning a get-away for just the two of us in a month, and work has been quite steady for him.
Chris is excited to start working on music for our church's Christmas production, NBC. He's trying to fit in time to finish up songs for his next cd, which I hope will be ready for release next spring sometime. He's got some exciting projects starting soon and ones that we are hoping he will land. We still feel so blessed by our home and that it contains a great studio for Chris to work out of downstairs.
Life is good.
The sun is shining and Breathing is a little easier these days:)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Really?!? Wow.
I took this quiz that tells you which woman in the Bible you are most like and a description of yourself. I was very surprised with the outcome:)
Which mighty woman of the Bible are you most like? quiz and the result is You are most like DEBORAH
You aren't afraid to speak your mind. You know what you want, and go for it. You are motivated, and you revel in personal victories. You are wise in many ways, and you know well, and trust the God you serve. You are courageous, and can look fear in the face. You are a victor.
Which mighty woman of the Bible are you most like? quiz and the result is You are most like DEBORAH
You aren't afraid to speak your mind. You know what you want, and go for it. You are motivated, and you revel in personal victories. You are wise in many ways, and you know well, and trust the God you serve. You are courageous, and can look fear in the face. You are a victor.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Hope.
My dear little four year old just handed me a card in an envelope, one she signed, that made my heart melt.
It says," Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops - at all." Emily Dickinson
Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
It says," Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops - at all." Emily Dickinson
Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
More to share.
I was thinking of Rachel a lot today and realized it has been a month since her passing. Her message continues to spread around the world, just a reminder to all of us that death is not dying and that there is life after this one. I came upon a written version of most of her talk and I want to share it now. If you haven't had a chance to listen to her talk I hope you can take the time to read this.
Rachel: Know the Gospel. The Gospel, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, means “good news,” the good news that, in light of God's perfection and our imperfection, God has made a way for us to know Him, and that way is Jesus.
Paul, speaking in his letter to the church in Corinth says,
For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures (1 Corinthians 15:3-4).
When I was a kid, I must have prayed a bunch of times for Jesus to come into my heart. I thought that I had asked Him to come in, but I was afraid He might have left.
Then when I got older and was sure that He hadn't left, I didn't really understand the difference that it made for me now. I had my ticket to heaven, so to speak, but what difference did this good news make to me now, today? All the difference in the world, and let me tell you why.
What happened on the cross at Calvary was that every sin of every person was placed on Jesus, and God the Father poured out His wrath on His Son. God looked at Jesus, His Son, as if He had committed the sins of horrible men and women and was punished for it, not just the murderers and the child molesters, yes, them too. But my sins and your sins, all the pride, all the selfishness, all the lies, all the unkind thoughts and actions.
The second part of Isaiah 53:6 talks to this. The first part we read earlier is about our sin, and then we find out what God has done with it.
All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his [or her] own way; and the LORD has laid on him [Jesus] the iniquity of us all.
When you know the Gospel, when you know what has been done for you and you remind yourself of it every day, you don't get offended when someone criticizes you, because you realize that you actually deserve much harsher criticism, but you've avoided it because of Jesus.
You forgive your husband or your friend when they slight you or treat you unkindly because you realize how much you have already been forgiven because of Jesus. You're okay with it when you don't get the credit you deserve, or worse, when somebody else gets it, because you know that you have been given far more than you deserve because of Jesus.
The Gospel is not just a ticket to heaven. It is a whole way of living. Some of you who know Jesus still struggle to understand how this applies to your daily life, and even if you do understand, my challenge to you is this: talk to yourself.
Martyn Lloyd-Jones says, “Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself?” We do it to ourselves every day. Every morning, we wake up, and it begins.
“What day is it? Wednesday, oh great, another day of laundry and errands. It is never ending, and oh, the car is making that funny noise.” You need to get it fixed. Then your feet hit the floor, and the talking continues. “Doesn't anyone in this family know how to put away the toothpaste?” and on it goes, all day.
C. J. Mahaney says in his book, The Cross-Centered Life.
On a daily basis, we are faced with two simple choices. We can either listen to ourselves and our constantly changing feelings about our circumstances, or we can talk to ourselves about the unchanging truth of who God is and what He's accomplished on the cross for us in His Son, Jesus.
I realized that I was spending more time listening to myself rather than talking to myself. But because I knew God, I knew myself, and I knew the Gospel, I began to remind myself of these truths daily.I would read books that reminded me of who God is and what Jesus has done for me.
I was in a regular Bible study with others who were likeminded in their desire to know Jesus and to seek truth. I made and committed to a plan to regularly read the Bible. I attended a church where Jesus, who He was and what He accomplished on the cross, was regularly taught. I chose friends who would encourage and challenge me in my spiritual walk.
All these things I would encourage each of you to do, too, in your efforts to know Jesus and to talk to yourself. If you haven't already,
* Make and stick to a plan to read the Bible.
* Join a small group Bible study.
* Read good books, and I mean books that might even make you uncomfortable.
* Choose friends who want to know Jesus like you do. I have great friends, truly. I don't do many things well, but the one thing I have done well is to pick good friends.
* Choose a good church that talks a lot about Jesus.
Because I have done these things, in the midst of conflict, I am able to remind myself of the Gospel.
The final thing I have learned: know your purpose. The Westminster Catechism (a lot of you probably haven't heard that one before) states, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him.” This seems at first blush a rather odd thing to have as our purpose. It goes against everything our culture tells us that we should want or live for.
First of all, to glorify God, what kind of purpose is that? Is God arrogant, selfish, or meglomaniacal to want things for His glory? I wish I could answer that for you in depth. Time does not permit, but ask it. Ask it and seek the answer.
Don't just dismiss God or assume that you know who He is because you don't understand Him. He is knowable. If you seek the truth, it will stand under the hard questions.
As a brief answer, we start where we began. Know God. We know God is perfect, and so His desire for us to glorify Him is rooted in this perfection. One author explains this when he says,
When a human glorifies himself, he robs others of joy, but when God displays and exhibits His glory, He shares joy with His creatures and wholeness with all creation. Put most directly, without the knowledge of God's glory, we would be robbed of true joy.
How do we glorify God? The answer is in the second part of the equation—by enjoying Him, by knowing God, by being like Jesus. What did Jesus do? He served. Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” He came to serve us, and He did it joyfully.
A few years ago, I was struggling with the daily grind of constantly cleaning and tidying, laundry (which I detest), trying to meet project deadlines, cooking meals and washing dishes, replying to work emails, refereeing disagreements with the kids, homeschooling, only to turn around the next day or even the next moment to have to do it all over again. I thought, “Is this it? Is this all that I'm supposed to be doing?”
Right about that time, I came across a blog of someone who put it so succinctly, it has stuck with me ever since. They said, “I am here to serve with joy.” Up until that point I had been serving. Believe you me, I was serving and serving and serving—meals, sippy cups, snacks, housekeeping, diaper changing, toothbrushing, organizing.
I was serving—just like Jesus, but I wasn't doing it with joy. Big difference. Being here tonight is part of fulfilling my purpose to serve with joy because I know that one of my roles is to encourage and challenge other women in the church. Titus 2 says,
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled (verses 3-6).
Now, there is a lot in there to talk about, but the point is that I am an older woman, despite the efforts of Oil of Olay and some serious concealer. One of my God-given roles is to help other women serve with joy.
Another role in which I serve with joy is to share my faith with those who are not Christians. First Peter 3:15 says,
Always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.
I hope that I have done that tonight for those of you who do not yet know Jesus, and it is for my children.
Deuteronomy 6:7 says,
You shall teach them [talking about the things of God] diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
I asked that tonight be videoed so that some day Quinn and Kate would be able to watch this and to hear my heart. I have been blessed to be their mother for these years.
I have many roles, including others not mentioned here, most noteably being a wife, but in all of these I have one purpose—to be like Jesus, to serve with joy. Many have asked why. Why is this happening to you, to Neil, to Quinn and Kate, to your family and friends?
I don't ask why because I know the answer, and here it is. We live in a sinful world. Bad things happen, but it was not supposed to be this way, and it will not always be this way.
God has a plan. He has made a way for sinful people, you and me, to be with Him in a perfect world. The way is Jesus.
* Acknowledge that you have sinned and that you have a serious problem before you in light of a God who is perfect and just.
* Recognize that there is nothing you can do to save yourself.
* Trust that Jesus, who died to pay the penalty for your sin, has risen from the dead and given you His righteousness.
This is the way to know God and someday be free from this world of disease and pain.
Second Peter 3:9 says this,
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
So God is being patient, patient so that everyone has the opportunity to repent and to make things right with Him. That is why there is evil and suffering in the world, because when He does return to bring judgment, there will be no second chances.
I am dying, but so are you. Neither of us knows if he will even see tomorrow, and perhaps the reason that I am suffering now, the reason that God is waiting to bring judgment against all the evil in this world, is because He's waiting for you, for you to acknowledge your sin and to turn to Him for forgiveness. Maybe you are the one we are waiting for.
Jesus suffered. God did not spare Him. Why would He spare me if my suffering would result in good for you? If my suffering is the means that God would use to bring even one person to Himself, it is an honor for me to suffer.
Does that seem strange? I suppose it does, but really, it is the only way that all of this makes any sense at all. A God who sees my suffering but is unable, or worse, unwilling to spare me? A God who sees my suffering but allows it with no greater purpose or hope? My God is able to save me, but save me from what? From a life without Him.
There is a place where there is nothing good, not even a gentle rain or a child's laugh. It is a place where everything that we despise about this world, the evil, the injustice, is the rule with no exceptions.
Hell is a physical place where God is not. Instead, He will bring me to a perfect world where He is, heaven, where life is full of wonder, adventure, and joy, everything good, for all eternity. My God is able to save me, and He will. This suffering is temporary, and the life I will live in eternity will make all this seem light and momentary.
As one speaker explained, “God allows in His wisdom that which He could easily prevent by His power.”
I chose the title of this talk, Death Is not Dying: A Faith that Saves. The first part came from one of my favorite preachers and authors, Charles Spurgeon, and the second came from another of my favorite teachers, our Pastor at Westside, Norm Funk, when he recently posed the question from James 2:14, “Can that faith save?” He pointed out the most important word in that verse is the word, that.
Can that faith save? We all have faith in something, but not all faiths save. The faith I have saves, so when I say that death is not dying, the part of me that will die is only a shell.
The next few weeks or months will not be pretty. Bone cancer is intensely, intensely painful, and I am already bedridden for almost the entire day, taking three, sometimes four different medications to control the pain.
Liver cancer causes intense nausea. Last Saturday I woke up, and I instantly had to run to the washroom to throw up. I did not stop throwing up all day, and just last week when we learned that the cancer has spread to my skull, it made sense because it has started affecting the nerves in my face.
I have not felt hungry in more than two months. Any food I do eat is forced down, but it will not always be this way. Soon I will become too weak or in too much pain to get out of bed at all. It will become harder and harder to eat and drink. My body and the cancer will fight over the few calories that I do consume. Eventually, the cancer will win, and I will starve to death.
That is the most likely scenario. I have lived a seemingly picture-perfect life from the outside looking in. In truth, I have been very blessed, but in my life there have been many difficult things that the Lord has allowed.
I have known the shame of being sexually abused. I have made poor decisions in relationships and have hurt others and have been hurt as a result of them. I have known the searing pain of loss with the death of a loved one. I have been diagnosed with cancer twice now, and this second time, barring a miracle, will end my life before I reach my 38th birthday.
In His providence, God has used the tough things in my life to draw me closer to Him, to show me His great love, and to teach me many things. I have learned that I am not perfect, and I have the scars to prove it, 13 of them. They serve as a physical reminder of a spiritual reality that I can never be perfect on my own. I need a savior.
I have learned that the greatest evidence of God's love is seen when I stand at the foot of the cross. He took my shame upon Himself and rescued me. I have learned that being a Christian is not just hope for the future, although it is most definitely that, but that it is the joy of knowing and trusting in a God who is loving and faithful no matter what the circumstances.
So , when I say that death is not dying, death will not kill my soul. It is eternal just like yours. It is just this physical body that will die, but even it will be raised again just like Jesus. It will be better than the one I have now.
Like everything, it will be better because God is going to make everything new, and I know this, why? Because I know God. I know myself. I know the Gospel, and I know my purpose. I know I have a faith that saves because my faith is in Jesus alone.
Rachel: Know the Gospel. The Gospel, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, means “good news,” the good news that, in light of God's perfection and our imperfection, God has made a way for us to know Him, and that way is Jesus.
Paul, speaking in his letter to the church in Corinth says,
For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures (1 Corinthians 15:3-4).
When I was a kid, I must have prayed a bunch of times for Jesus to come into my heart. I thought that I had asked Him to come in, but I was afraid He might have left.
Then when I got older and was sure that He hadn't left, I didn't really understand the difference that it made for me now. I had my ticket to heaven, so to speak, but what difference did this good news make to me now, today? All the difference in the world, and let me tell you why.
What happened on the cross at Calvary was that every sin of every person was placed on Jesus, and God the Father poured out His wrath on His Son. God looked at Jesus, His Son, as if He had committed the sins of horrible men and women and was punished for it, not just the murderers and the child molesters, yes, them too. But my sins and your sins, all the pride, all the selfishness, all the lies, all the unkind thoughts and actions.
The second part of Isaiah 53:6 talks to this. The first part we read earlier is about our sin, and then we find out what God has done with it.
All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his [or her] own way; and the LORD has laid on him [Jesus] the iniquity of us all.
When you know the Gospel, when you know what has been done for you and you remind yourself of it every day, you don't get offended when someone criticizes you, because you realize that you actually deserve much harsher criticism, but you've avoided it because of Jesus.
You forgive your husband or your friend when they slight you or treat you unkindly because you realize how much you have already been forgiven because of Jesus. You're okay with it when you don't get the credit you deserve, or worse, when somebody else gets it, because you know that you have been given far more than you deserve because of Jesus.
The Gospel is not just a ticket to heaven. It is a whole way of living. Some of you who know Jesus still struggle to understand how this applies to your daily life, and even if you do understand, my challenge to you is this: talk to yourself.
Martyn Lloyd-Jones says, “Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself?” We do it to ourselves every day. Every morning, we wake up, and it begins.
“What day is it? Wednesday, oh great, another day of laundry and errands. It is never ending, and oh, the car is making that funny noise.” You need to get it fixed. Then your feet hit the floor, and the talking continues. “Doesn't anyone in this family know how to put away the toothpaste?” and on it goes, all day.
C. J. Mahaney says in his book, The Cross-Centered Life.
On a daily basis, we are faced with two simple choices. We can either listen to ourselves and our constantly changing feelings about our circumstances, or we can talk to ourselves about the unchanging truth of who God is and what He's accomplished on the cross for us in His Son, Jesus.
I realized that I was spending more time listening to myself rather than talking to myself. But because I knew God, I knew myself, and I knew the Gospel, I began to remind myself of these truths daily.I would read books that reminded me of who God is and what Jesus has done for me.
I was in a regular Bible study with others who were likeminded in their desire to know Jesus and to seek truth. I made and committed to a plan to regularly read the Bible. I attended a church where Jesus, who He was and what He accomplished on the cross, was regularly taught. I chose friends who would encourage and challenge me in my spiritual walk.
All these things I would encourage each of you to do, too, in your efforts to know Jesus and to talk to yourself. If you haven't already,
* Make and stick to a plan to read the Bible.
* Join a small group Bible study.
* Read good books, and I mean books that might even make you uncomfortable.
* Choose friends who want to know Jesus like you do. I have great friends, truly. I don't do many things well, but the one thing I have done well is to pick good friends.
* Choose a good church that talks a lot about Jesus.
Because I have done these things, in the midst of conflict, I am able to remind myself of the Gospel.
The final thing I have learned: know your purpose. The Westminster Catechism (a lot of you probably haven't heard that one before) states, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him.” This seems at first blush a rather odd thing to have as our purpose. It goes against everything our culture tells us that we should want or live for.
First of all, to glorify God, what kind of purpose is that? Is God arrogant, selfish, or meglomaniacal to want things for His glory? I wish I could answer that for you in depth. Time does not permit, but ask it. Ask it and seek the answer.
Don't just dismiss God or assume that you know who He is because you don't understand Him. He is knowable. If you seek the truth, it will stand under the hard questions.
As a brief answer, we start where we began. Know God. We know God is perfect, and so His desire for us to glorify Him is rooted in this perfection. One author explains this when he says,
When a human glorifies himself, he robs others of joy, but when God displays and exhibits His glory, He shares joy with His creatures and wholeness with all creation. Put most directly, without the knowledge of God's glory, we would be robbed of true joy.
How do we glorify God? The answer is in the second part of the equation—by enjoying Him, by knowing God, by being like Jesus. What did Jesus do? He served. Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” He came to serve us, and He did it joyfully.
A few years ago, I was struggling with the daily grind of constantly cleaning and tidying, laundry (which I detest), trying to meet project deadlines, cooking meals and washing dishes, replying to work emails, refereeing disagreements with the kids, homeschooling, only to turn around the next day or even the next moment to have to do it all over again. I thought, “Is this it? Is this all that I'm supposed to be doing?”
Right about that time, I came across a blog of someone who put it so succinctly, it has stuck with me ever since. They said, “I am here to serve with joy.” Up until that point I had been serving. Believe you me, I was serving and serving and serving—meals, sippy cups, snacks, housekeeping, diaper changing, toothbrushing, organizing.
I was serving—just like Jesus, but I wasn't doing it with joy. Big difference. Being here tonight is part of fulfilling my purpose to serve with joy because I know that one of my roles is to encourage and challenge other women in the church. Titus 2 says,
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled (verses 3-6).
Now, there is a lot in there to talk about, but the point is that I am an older woman, despite the efforts of Oil of Olay and some serious concealer. One of my God-given roles is to help other women serve with joy.
Another role in which I serve with joy is to share my faith with those who are not Christians. First Peter 3:15 says,
Always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.
I hope that I have done that tonight for those of you who do not yet know Jesus, and it is for my children.
Deuteronomy 6:7 says,
You shall teach them [talking about the things of God] diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
I asked that tonight be videoed so that some day Quinn and Kate would be able to watch this and to hear my heart. I have been blessed to be their mother for these years.
I have many roles, including others not mentioned here, most noteably being a wife, but in all of these I have one purpose—to be like Jesus, to serve with joy. Many have asked why. Why is this happening to you, to Neil, to Quinn and Kate, to your family and friends?
I don't ask why because I know the answer, and here it is. We live in a sinful world. Bad things happen, but it was not supposed to be this way, and it will not always be this way.
God has a plan. He has made a way for sinful people, you and me, to be with Him in a perfect world. The way is Jesus.
* Acknowledge that you have sinned and that you have a serious problem before you in light of a God who is perfect and just.
* Recognize that there is nothing you can do to save yourself.
* Trust that Jesus, who died to pay the penalty for your sin, has risen from the dead and given you His righteousness.
This is the way to know God and someday be free from this world of disease and pain.
Second Peter 3:9 says this,
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
So God is being patient, patient so that everyone has the opportunity to repent and to make things right with Him. That is why there is evil and suffering in the world, because when He does return to bring judgment, there will be no second chances.
I am dying, but so are you. Neither of us knows if he will even see tomorrow, and perhaps the reason that I am suffering now, the reason that God is waiting to bring judgment against all the evil in this world, is because He's waiting for you, for you to acknowledge your sin and to turn to Him for forgiveness. Maybe you are the one we are waiting for.
Jesus suffered. God did not spare Him. Why would He spare me if my suffering would result in good for you? If my suffering is the means that God would use to bring even one person to Himself, it is an honor for me to suffer.
Does that seem strange? I suppose it does, but really, it is the only way that all of this makes any sense at all. A God who sees my suffering but is unable, or worse, unwilling to spare me? A God who sees my suffering but allows it with no greater purpose or hope? My God is able to save me, but save me from what? From a life without Him.
There is a place where there is nothing good, not even a gentle rain or a child's laugh. It is a place where everything that we despise about this world, the evil, the injustice, is the rule with no exceptions.
Hell is a physical place where God is not. Instead, He will bring me to a perfect world where He is, heaven, where life is full of wonder, adventure, and joy, everything good, for all eternity. My God is able to save me, and He will. This suffering is temporary, and the life I will live in eternity will make all this seem light and momentary.
As one speaker explained, “God allows in His wisdom that which He could easily prevent by His power.”
I chose the title of this talk, Death Is not Dying: A Faith that Saves. The first part came from one of my favorite preachers and authors, Charles Spurgeon, and the second came from another of my favorite teachers, our Pastor at Westside, Norm Funk, when he recently posed the question from James 2:14, “Can that faith save?” He pointed out the most important word in that verse is the word, that.
Can that faith save? We all have faith in something, but not all faiths save. The faith I have saves, so when I say that death is not dying, the part of me that will die is only a shell.
The next few weeks or months will not be pretty. Bone cancer is intensely, intensely painful, and I am already bedridden for almost the entire day, taking three, sometimes four different medications to control the pain.
Liver cancer causes intense nausea. Last Saturday I woke up, and I instantly had to run to the washroom to throw up. I did not stop throwing up all day, and just last week when we learned that the cancer has spread to my skull, it made sense because it has started affecting the nerves in my face.
I have not felt hungry in more than two months. Any food I do eat is forced down, but it will not always be this way. Soon I will become too weak or in too much pain to get out of bed at all. It will become harder and harder to eat and drink. My body and the cancer will fight over the few calories that I do consume. Eventually, the cancer will win, and I will starve to death.
That is the most likely scenario. I have lived a seemingly picture-perfect life from the outside looking in. In truth, I have been very blessed, but in my life there have been many difficult things that the Lord has allowed.
I have known the shame of being sexually abused. I have made poor decisions in relationships and have hurt others and have been hurt as a result of them. I have known the searing pain of loss with the death of a loved one. I have been diagnosed with cancer twice now, and this second time, barring a miracle, will end my life before I reach my 38th birthday.
In His providence, God has used the tough things in my life to draw me closer to Him, to show me His great love, and to teach me many things. I have learned that I am not perfect, and I have the scars to prove it, 13 of them. They serve as a physical reminder of a spiritual reality that I can never be perfect on my own. I need a savior.
I have learned that the greatest evidence of God's love is seen when I stand at the foot of the cross. He took my shame upon Himself and rescued me. I have learned that being a Christian is not just hope for the future, although it is most definitely that, but that it is the joy of knowing and trusting in a God who is loving and faithful no matter what the circumstances.
So , when I say that death is not dying, death will not kill my soul. It is eternal just like yours. It is just this physical body that will die, but even it will be raised again just like Jesus. It will be better than the one I have now.
Like everything, it will be better because God is going to make everything new, and I know this, why? Because I know God. I know myself. I know the Gospel, and I know my purpose. I know I have a faith that saves because my faith is in Jesus alone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)