Good-bye my friend.

July 2nd, Rachel(Sawer) Barkey passed away; she slipped away peacefully her father has said. I thought I would wait until the veil of tears ceased before I would write, but since it doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon, I thought I would write now. Since not very much is making sense to me now, as I mourn such a tradgic loss, I don't know that if what I now share will make much sense either.
I'm so torn and overwhelmed with emotions, I can hardly speak. The tightness in my chest makes it feel as though my heart is actually aching; perhaps it is.
I reflect on the emails she wrote to me, just three weeks ago and I can hardly believe she's actually gone. I'd just heard that she'd had to be tube fed this past week and that another tube had been inserted to help drain her liver. I knew with hearing this that she must be close to the end, but I don't think one can ever be fully prepared for the death of one so young, so loved, so loving, and so strong.
Rachel set an amazing example to me of how to live life, fight illness and even how to die. She was so much to so many people, God used her in mighty ways in her 37 short years. She lived her life time. Though we wish it was so much longer, selfishly and for the sake of her children and husband.
I know that a huge void will be felt in the lives of her family, the Sawers and the Barkeys.
In the pit of my sorrow I wonder why her and not me? And fear steps in and leaves me wondering if my turn is around the corner? I pray against it, knowing God has it all under control, even when it makes no sense to me. It really makes no sense to me, but I thank God for my faith, my faith that allows me to hand it all over to God who knows what he is doing; this gives me peace.
I know Rachel is experiencing peace. Where she is, everything makes complete sense to her now. She is in the presence of her Creator; who knew her before she was born and will be present with her for eternity. She has a new and perfect body, that can run faster and dance better than she ever could here. Here, she still had limitations, now she doe not. She is healed, she is free from suffering, she understands all the; WHYS?
I will cling to this as I continue on with my day and my life.