Part of my presentation: Strength in Weakness

The following is some of my presentation that I'll be giving at the MOMS Conference at Northview on Saturday.

Strength in Weakness:

Some things I have learnt in weakness…

Will God Give you more than you can handle?

It drove me crazy when people would say, “Don’t worry God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

I had more than I could handle on a regular basis, that is what prompted me to surrender control to Him. “More than I can handle…” implies that I am in control, not Him.

When life is going along smoothly, I think it’s quite easy to think that we are handling it and under control, but when hard times arrive and we feel weak; that’s because it’s then that we find our strength in Him the most.

Everyone has them; times of weakness. But do we turn to Him or do we rely on ourselves?!?

It doesn’t actually say in the Bible that He won’t give us more than we can handle. It’s not a bible verse, though so many throw it around and use it that manner. It’s like people use it to pacify their own fears that they too may one day have more than they can handle; but they will “handle” it just fine?!?! OR won’t they?!?

What the Bible does say is, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” This verse in Pilippians (4:13) is one I’ve relied on greatly during times of weakness.

Another favourite is, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding, and in ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will keep your path straight.” Proverbs 3:5

It doesn’t say, “In all your ways acknowledge yourself, trust in yourself and that your understanding will keep you straight!!!”
God doesn’t want you to get busy and strength yourself with another work-out. In fact He asks you, “To be still, and to know that HE is GOD.” Psalm 46:10

Isaiah 40:31 says it so well, “They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.:

At my lowest times of weakness, I found strength from these verses, and I would repeat, “I can do all things, Be still, Trust in the Lord, and teach me to wait.”

Strength in the Lord doesn’t arrive “willy-nilly”, it requires discipline, commitment, and the repeated decision to seek it. I’d love to give you a four-part answer to discovering God’s strength in your life, especially during time of weakness, but it’s not simple and it’s not easy. The verse didn’t say, “In 4 ways acknowledge Him…” NO it said, In ALL your ways acknowledge Him.”

Some ways that have worked for me to “tap” into God’s strength during my times of weakness, or just during regular life maintenance.

1. Worship and praise; thanking God and singing praises (Yes, I’m one of those…that you see driving down the road singing my heart out to Praise 106.5)

2. Prayer; I sought all prayer, as much prayer as possible, anointed prayer, group prayer, laying on of hands prayer, over the telephone prayer, over msn prayer, and I often practice what I call contemplative prayer, when I’m thinking about something and I devote my thoughts to God in prayer. Of course Devotional prayer with scriptures read.

3. Connecting with people. When you connect with someone, God’s creation, there’s a strength that comes in the fellowship. Whether you are at church on Sunday , at work on Monday, at the movies on Tuesday, standing in the grocery line on Wednesday, at the playground with your kids on Thursday, out for dinner on Friday or on the phone Saturday, there are always opportunities to connect with others and rejoice in the fellowship.

4. Reaching out with compassion: Giving in anyway that you can brings strength. Even at your lowest time, you can smile, send an email, or text of encouragement to someone or donate to a worthy cause.

5. Journaling: I have a private journal where I write out my deepest and sometimes darkest thoughts and feelings. By letting them go in this way, I’m able to find strength. I also write a gratitude journal where I find at least 5 things to be thankful for that day and 3 things that I look forward to the next day. This helps my heart to have strength as I fall asleep. It’s easy to focus on the disappointments of the day, this helps you to refocus and hopefully rest better.

6. Bloggin/sharing: I also write a blog where I share with others some of my thoughts, feelings and life lessons.

7. Taking time to rejuvenate; reconnecting with yourself: taking time for you, doing something you enjoy, a few minutes a day or the occasion get-away. For me this includes reading, writing, photography, scrapbooking, a visit with a friend, traveling or even just a cup of tea in the afternoon.

8. Exercise: getting moving can bring clarity to your mind and spirit. When I walk I usually pray, and dedicate my thoughts to God. Physical activity also strengthens your body. Proper diet and exercise helps to keep this vessel that God created for us as effective and efficient as possible When I was at my physical weakest the only exercise I could do regularly was stretching, so I would stretch in my bed and it helped me to feel that I was preparing for the future when I’d be well again.
( Sometimes the weakness comes in the form of physical weakness, perhaps it’s emotional, mental or spiritual and at the lowest of times I’ve experienced all at the same time.)

9. Leaning on loved ones/asking for help; there were times when I had to rely on the strength of those who loved me to carry me through with prayer and support. I learnt that asking for help and receiving help is actually a strength.
10. Surrender: For me the strength came the strongest when I was able to hand everything over to Him.

11. Celebrate; even the small things! Focusing on uplifting and positive things will bring strength to each day. God wants you to rejoice in all things great and small

12. Rest: Without proper rest , sleep, we can’t function the way God intends for us to. When you don’t get the rest and sleep you need you will automatically feel weaker.


In the quite times, restful times, especially the quite times of suffering, what ever your suffering is, God will meet you where you are at, when you invite him to come. He’s just waiting for your invitation. When I felt too weak to pray, which was often, I’d regularly sing songs of praise in my mind or hum them. They would lift me up, where I was at and bring me joy.

I was able to find joy even at my weakest, my most vulnerable, when I feared for my very life. I found peace, comfort and even joy, as I humbly surrendered myself, my life to Him over and over again and received His strength. You may not know it right away, you may not always recognize it, but it’s always there, He never leaves you or forsakes you.

I had to realize that even in death He was not forsaking me, because He’d given me the gift of life to begin with. My “lifetime” was what ever He decided, it wasn’t up to me. When I could go there…I found peace, comfort and joy. Knowing that what ever time He gave me, was my LIFETIME.

A friend of mine, Cyndi Esau, wrote a poem when she found out that she was terminal with breast cancer and only had a few months to live. She found peace with her creator that her time here was to be short, only 35 years and that HE was strong in her, even when her body failed her.

She wrote: Beneath His wings

Loneliness crept up one night
Grief and fear ensnared
I entered in my darkest hour,
My hour of despair.

I called to you “please take this cup
From which I cannot drink
Let me awake to health renewed”
I awake my heart to sink

You did not answer me that night
Nor many nights to follow
“God has turned from me” I cried
His ears to me are hollow.

So many prayers for me unanswered
I reminisce them all
Prayers for others- yes You are true
For me, that ceasing wall.

What did I do, or should have done
That God has punished me,
If only I’d done this or that
Perhaps He’d answer me.

If God’s highest calling for me
Is to be a Godly Mom
How can He allow disease
to take me from my son?

The tears are flowing often
I’m crumbling inside
The family rock can hold no more
In God I must abide.

He seems so far away from me
So I seek His face in prayer
And through the prayers of friends in Christ
I no longer feel despair.

God has met me where I’m at
Wrapped me beneath His wing
Spoke to me through scriptures read
Removed me from death’s sting.

No, He’s not my punisher
But Great and mighty is He
For when I’m weak, then He is Strong
He’s the rock-not me!

Jesus, you’re my firm foundation
The rock on which I stand
The arrows you allow to pierce me
Refine me for your plan.

My life is very different now
Quite difficult at times
But life is so much richer now
As Your plan for me unwinds.

For in my darkest hour
When I thought you cease to care
Father dear you touched my life
And answered me my prayer.

My prayer to be a Godly Mom
Worthy in your view
Focused fully on Your Word,
Who strives to be like You.

Thank-you Lord for answered prayer
For loving me that much,
Thank-you for Your works in me
and for your healing touch!


Cyndi radiated the strength of God, even on her death bed. She rejoiced with me, 13 years ago when I received my first cancer free diagnosis, just 10 days before her passing.

I sang to her one of her favorite songs
“Whom have I in heaven but Thee.” I was one of her favorites. It was, taken from Psalm 73: vs. 23-26, Steve Otterbein wrote the music to the words,

“Though my heart and body may fail and soon in time become weak, you are my portion and strength, oh Lord, faithful to meet every need.”

It’s in our brokenness that God can rebuild. What doesn’t destroy us will make us stronger…actually even if it does destroy us and end our time here on earth God in His infinite wisdom and strength can bring Good, He’s very good at it For He is Good…He is good, all the time.

Even when we don’t see Good, He has a plan. It may not be our plan, probably not, but He has a plan,
…a plan that is meant to “prosper us and not to harm us.”

And that doesn’t mean that we’ll be RICH, NEVER suffer, and live for ever, or course not!!! We will leave with even less than we arrived with…there will be some pain along the wait and I hope this doesn’t come as a surprise to you we are all going to die one day!! It’s actually the one of the things we all have in common.

Is that not one of the things that the “world” guarantees us?!?! “Life is hard and then you die.” I think I saw that on a bumper sticker once…NICE!!???

I’m not in denial, but do I need to be reminded on my way to work ?!?!

But it is true. We will all suffer some kind of pain in our life…the pain of loss, physical pain, emotional pain…and He wants us to call out to Him for healing. He will hear us and He will answer. Perhaps not always in the way we want, but HE will ….what will He do?....His will! His will, will be done…On earth as it is in Heaven. He will give us our daily bread; He will give us what we need. Will it be what we want? Perhaps not. But the Bible doesn’t say that our will, will be done one earth as it is in Heaven…it’s His will.

Will we always understand it? Probably not. But we must surrender to His will. Because these are the plans He has for us. It is not our job to declare the plans for our life that is His job.

When I find myself overwhelmed with different circumstances of life…and yes I still sweat the small stuff!!...I declare, often out loud, this is your job Lord, I’m giving it to you.

I’ve even done this when I couldn’t find a babysitter one time, and there one came, literally walking towards me!!!

There are some who have “STOOD STRONG” and not allowed weakness to break them, I’ve met a few of these righteous people, I recognize them because I was one once myself. I misunderstood and thought that God couldn’t use weak people, only strong people.

But in my brokenness, I was able to see, the blinders were removed and I saw for the first time that we are all broken, in one way or another. In order to have true compassion for another, we must see that we are all in the same condition, weak and in desperate need of God’s strength.

It’s not sinful to be vulnerable. Even Jesus wept. There is no time more vulnerable then when you weep.

*


Someone who has joined me on my breast cancer journey and allowed me to join me on hers is a childhood friend Rachel. Last month she showed me the utmost strength of God in her greatest time of weakness. This is what she wrote:

For those who have not yet heard, my cancer has returned.

After being ill for a couple of weeks over Christmas with what I thought was a flu, I finally went in to the doctor and discovered, after 24 hours of lab-rat-ness, that the cancer has spread to my liver and bones. It is in over half of my liver and has also spread to virtually every bone on my spine and perhaps elsewhere.

This, obviously, is not good news.

There is no cure. My oncologist has offered chemotherapy in the hope that it will shrink the cancer and make me more comfortable as the cancer progresses but, at this point, we are likely going to decline. The side effects and time involved with doing chemo are not really worth the potential benefits that it offers. And, really, I do not want to spend any more time waiting for appointments, getting blood work, having scans, etc. when that time could be spent with my family.

Many have asked how I am feeling and, at the moment, I am feeling alright. In fact, much better than I have felt in three or four weeks. The fever and pain are under control with medication. I have some discomfort but nothing that is not manageable.

And everyone is wondering "how long" and the truth is, we don't know. It is likely several months but it could be less or it could be more. How I hope it is more as the tears flow freely when my mind wanders to the birthdays, Christmases, summers at the cabin - all the moments I will miss.

This is, by far, the hardest part of this for me: leaving my husband an d my children.. Serving them is my joy. Loving my husband and helping him has been the most wonderful privilege I could ask for. And being a mother has been a gift that I did not deserve. Our children are treasures that were entrusted to me for a time and I am grateful that I was able to be their mother for these years. I struggle, of course, with the knowledge that I will not be there for them for much longer and wonder what life will be like for them without me. But I wrestled with this years ago, as some of you will remember, and was gently reminded that there is One who loves them even more than I do. And so He gently reminds me again.

We are overwhelmed, once again, by the love and care being offered and given by our family and friends. Thank you so much for your words of comfort and offers of help. And especially for your prayers.

Last Friday night in the hospital, as wel sat on my bed and we wept together at the news we had just received, we said, "God is still good." And He is. We will not doubt Him now when the road ahead is dark. He will use this for good and for His glory. There is no doubt. And, in the depths of my sadness, that makes my heart glad.

Wow! I know.
Could I find this strength in my weakness?!?!?
Only God knows:)

Even now as her reality is my greatest nightmare, she reminds me that He is faithful. That He knew us in our mother’s womb and has never forsaken us. That His will, will be done on earth and that He will take us to Heaven. She finds peace in knowing God has prepared a place for her that she will be sooner than we’d all like, but she knows she serves a God who is good...all the time.


Conclusion:

I challenge you to surrender to Him in your time of weakness and give Him the glory and rejoice in your strong times…and don’t be surprised if your strong times rise up in the midst of your weakness…to God be the Glory!!

Crazy?!?! Maybe a little:)

So perhaps we are a little crazy, but it sure was fun!!!

We took our family on a spontaneous 4 night trip to Disneyland. We found ourselves finally one step ahead financially and decided that the best way to spend our money was on a holiday. Chris hadn't had a break from work since last spring and all he wanted to do was take the family to disneyland.
We were originally looking for 2-3 months from now, but the last minute deals were amazing!! We found flights from Seattle to LA for only $113 per person return!! We found a super cheap hotel and right now adults go for the same price as kids. We got 3 day passes, which is cheaper when you buy them altogether as well, and off we went, the next day we were in Disneyland! Exhausted, but so excited!!

When we woke the girls up to take them to the airport, they had no idea (well Carmelle had guessed that something was up with disneyland:) Kids are so perceptive!!)
They bounced for the next four days, just like Tigger!! They got to see Tigger too!
We got so many great photos, so many wonderful family memories and no regrets!!
Last time we went I wasn't sure how long I had because I felt so terribly:( There was a sense of urgency that trip to try and fit in as many family memories as possible.
This time I felt so good, it was a real time of celebration!
I was also quite nervous about my check-up yesterday, which went very well, but the trip was the ultimate distraction from my fears about the tests results:)

I'm definately in a phase of life right now when saving for a "rainy" day doesn't make any sense to me. I'm all about making the most of each day and celebrating every opportunity we get!

I may have to work a few extra shifts to pay off part of the vacation, but it was worth it!!

The weather was amazing, though I think I may have brought on the snow here:)!!
I was so encouraged that I had so much energy and strength to spend long days in the park with my family.

Chris took a day for himself, which I encouraged him to do, and he wanted to go to Universal studios, I'd have choosen to lay on the beach:) He had a great day, rode many roller coasters and I had a wonderful day with the girls at Downtown Disney and at the pool.

If and when we can do it again, we will!! Watching our girls light-up at the sight of Winnie-the-pooh and Tigger too, was well worth every cent:)
Carmelle discovered a new love for roller coasters, I felt more alive than ever before, our family shared in wonderful moments together, the lines were super short because of the time of year and Chris got a much needed break.

Now we are home, happy to be home.

Living Happily ever after!!

Good News...BAD driving conditions!!

So I've made it home safe and well a little shaky after a drive home from Vancouver in a blizzard!! Thankfully i started the drive with a lighten heart due to great test results. There are no signs of cancer and the oncologist is happy with how I'm doing. I will be having an MRI due to some back issues I'm having, but she's quite sure they are nothing serious.
I was happy to be alive and then afraid of dying in a car wreck on the drive home!! If you live here and are planning to go out tonight, please don't! Stay home and save yourself some stress. I'm exhausted from the drive and looking forrd to bed already:)
I'd write more now but I have a presentation to prep for Saturday. I'm speaking at Northview Church at the annual MOMS Conference. I'm sharing my story and spekaing on "Strength in Weakness". Refering to the verse: "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength and mount up on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31.(If it sounds familiar it's what Ihad tattooed across my shoulders last summer.)

Thank-you Lord for Friends and family.

Tomorrow, Wednesday Feb 25th I have another four month check-up at the Vancouver Cancer Agency. I'd appreciate your prayers, as i am more nervous about this check-up than I have been for any other in the past.
I have been "sick" for about 2 months with what I'm hoping and praying is a viral flu/cold. I've experienced every cold/flu symptom possible over the last 8 weeks, the scariest being the extreme fatigue.
I've also been emotional maxed out with the news of my childhood friend, Rachel, receiving a terminal diagnosis with her breast cancer. It is my prayer that I'll see her next week, March 4th, when we'll celebrate with her "Marching Forth" to victory. If you'd like to join Rachel and her friends and family let me know and I'll let you know how you can get tickets to this special event. I'm honoured to be able to go and spend some time with her.

I'm grateful for my friend Sheryl who will be joining me at the Cancer Agency tomorrow. Chris wanted to come but he has to stay home and bring the girls to and from school. My appointment was originally scheduled for Monday but got changed to Wednesday, and Mom wasn't availbale then due to her organizing the "World day of prayer" for her community.

A friend just sent me this prayer, for which I'm so grateful and for all the others who lift me and my family up on a regular basis. thank-you.


Lord, I pray today for my sister Feather

She is a faithful daughter, faithful to you and her life Lord

I pray that Feather receive the calmness and serenity that she needs Lord

A calmness for her and her family

To clearly undersatand your will

We love Feather Lord and pray that your will be done, that Feather be with us for so much more in our unorthidox human way

We thank you Lord, I thank you for my sister Feather, in you Holiest of Names I pray, AMEN

Love you Feather, I will be around, stay safe, for you i will pray continuous until I hear from you again

A friend in Christ

The greatest of these is Love.

Faith.
Hope.
Love.
The greatest of these is love.

But love cannot stand alone.
Hope and Faith set the foundation of long lasting love.
Love can fade but still survive with a heart of hope and a strong will set in faith.

These are what the vows on the wedding day are about; the public statement of love but more importantly the promise of hope for the future and faith in the relationship until death.

So celebrate love but don’t ever lose sight of faith and hope; Faith in your marriage, hope in your spouse and you’ll always be reunited with love.

Love never fails when there is hope and faith.

Never give up hope, never lose faith and you’ll always have LOVE!!!

Just a few of my thoughts on love to share with you on this Valentine’s day.

Happy Valentine’s day!!

Random things about me; just for fun!

A friend sent me a list of 25 random things about herself, so that I could get to know her better, she encouraged me to do the same. I thought it was a neat idea. So here goes 25 random things about me that most people probably don’t know.

1. My middle name is Lee, so my name said together is “Feather-ly”.
2. I am my father’s only child.
3. I was the second smallest student in my Grade 5 class.
4. I have a deviated septum.
5. I have size 6 and half feet; my right is a bit bigger than my left.
6. My mom almost named me Karma; thank goodness for “Feather”( though I do love the “Carm” part)
7. I was born in the same Hospital room that my mom was born in, in Chilliwack BC.
8. The first contest I ever won was “What the Bible means to me.”essay writing contest.
9. I had three different horses growing up from ages 4-14.
10. Figure skating is my favourite sport to watch; Soccer is my favourite to play.
11. I Swam with dolphins, manates, a sting ray and coral reef creatures in the wild in Belize.
12. I won second for swimsuit in the Miss Chilliwack Beauty Pagent when I was 18.
13. I took piano lessons for 4 years, when I was a kid, and I never play anymore.
14. Chicken is my favourite food, and it has nothing to do with my name or being called “chicken-feather” growing up!
15. I always thought thought that I’d be a mother to sons?!?! Perhaps I’ll have a few Grandsons one day
16. In my dreams I still have my long hair; though I’m enjoying my shorter do.
17. I still bite my fingers nails; since I was 3.
18. My body looks the same to me whether I’m a size 8 or 18. (I’m embracing my plus size figure, and that I can still call myself "feather" at this weight!!)The "light-as-a-feather" jokes stopped years ago:)
19. I still have my belly button pierced; wore it through both pregnancies.
20. I have 10 tattoos and I want more.(they are addictive)
21. I’m pigeon-toed; I learnt how to walk properly with teen modelling training (when I’m tired I slip back into old habits
22. I have a pink birth mark on the back of my head; which everyone got to see when I was bald.
23. I believe that I’m really healthy; I just happen to get cancer.
24. One place I want to bring my girls, that I’ve already been, is to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
25. My husband’s music is definately my favourite music!! www.chrisjanz.com

Normal illness...

As I head into my 4th week of fighting this terrible flu/cold, I’m still thankful that at least this is a normal ailment that many others experience and it’s normal. Somehow it makes me feel better knowing that at least I’m fighting something normal, that many others can relate to. The problem however is that everyone in my family has gotten it as well, so we are all sick together and we are all miserable together. Chris and I evaluate who feels the worst, because the “winner” doesn’t have to get up and care for the sick kids!
Needless to say the household turns upside down and looks like a bomb went off. My babysitter that has often rescued me in such disarray has broken her foot and is limited as to how much she can do. So as we all hobble around the house, trying to keep joy in our hearts, while we feel like we are hacking out a lung and sneezing away our brain cells, we embrace that this is a “normal” ailment.