I’m happy that I’m sad.

I had a photo taken of me by my brother, Forrest, at the Thanksgiving table and something was said that made me burst out laughing. The conversation at the “Wagner” home can get quite lively, so I fail to remember exactly what it was that was said, perhaps it was my dear new sister in-law Rachel, informing us that, “ Sea cucumbers do in fact breath through their ass-holes.”
What ever it was, Forrest photographed my “burst”, I realized quickly that you couldn’t tell if I was laughing or crying, either way it looked painful, and there was no telling by someone who wasn’t there, exactly what emotion was being captured. As I drove home I started to think about the close nature of weeping sadness and wailing laughter, and I wondered if the body it’s self knew the difference. And in my heart I knew then, what I was to read three weeks later confirmed for me in this book, that both were of equal healthy strength, that with both I would live a richer, fuller and healthier life. Perhaps not the “Happy” life the world views; but something deeper; when was the last time you weep with sadness and felt it deeply? When was the last time you laughed so hard, your face and side hurt and your and muscles ached the next day?
These to me are signs of a life well lived and felt; they go together, feel one and open yourself up to feel the other, because it’s coming and you can’t have one without the other. They work together to dig more deeply into yourself. When you dig if you find hurt, pain, suffering, disappointment, regret, allow yourself to be sad and feel the emotions of these things in your lives, only then will you discover the hope to live a life in happiness that you’ve always desired.
This is what I realized I’ve been doing for the last few weeks, about 6 weeks so far, allowing myself to dig deeper to experience my sadness, as far back as my early childhood; because I knew that in the depths of my soul that this would mean happiness and joy on the other side like I’ve never experienced before. I have hope in a greater life, not one free from sadness, but one embracing sadness and truly experiencing and dancing with the joys of life and in my life. So where am I at right now, in this moment, I’m embracing sadness but with a growing smile on my face! I’m happy that I’m sad.

They say you learn something new everyday, well yesterday I learnt something big about myself and how I view life. The catalyst was a book I’m reading called, “Practicing the Presence of people”, by Mike Mason ( a local author from Langley BC, I’m now very much looking forward to reading some of his other works, “The Mystery of Marriage”, and “The Gospel According to Job.”)
What I have learn this, that not only is sadness okay, it is necessary. It’s necessary if you want a happy, joy filled life. The deeper you feel your sadness the deeper you will feel your joy.
I sucked into the worldly message that essence of a good life is a happy life; void of sadness. When most people are asked what they want for their children when they grow up, or even for their own lives, they say, “I just want them to be happy!” But this statement is setting your children and yourself up for grave disappointment. Unrealistic expectations, such as having a life only of happiness, set yourself up for failure ( or as the author Mr. Mason states ‘Expectations could be defined as “premeditated resentments.”) Obviously no parent wishes to set their children up for a life of disappointments and resentments, but many have and continue to do so. Mike Mason offers, “Seek a happy, lighthearted life and it will elude you. But seek a godly sadness, and happiness will come running as if its name had been called.”
I life with out sadness wouldn’t be very happy at all, because they need each other to have not just a happy life, but a joyful life. When you truly allow yourself to feel your sadness deep within, it is then that you will truly be able to experience happiness like never before.
Now sadness doesn’t need to go hand in hand with self-pity or depression, but happiness does do hand in hand with love, peace, faith and hope.
Because sadness and happiness are so closely linked, then we can choose to view sadness as hope, if we choose to do so. The author Mike Mason says it like this, “Sadness signals change. It is an intermediate emotion, a feeling that is going somewhere. Like a seventh or a ninth chord in music, it is rich in subtle tones that tend toward resolution, lean toward home.”
Home; being where we feel we are safe and can truly express our selves without judgment. Many of us have never experienced a home like this, or even feel at home within ourselves (void of our own personal judgments)…but this doesn’t been that we can’t start our journey HOME…to that place that God intended for us to find somewhere along this journey. I feel I have arrived at a home, I think it’s mine, I’ve hesitated to knock, but I’m bursting with anticipation to see what is inside!
Perhaps you have no idea what home feels like, or you are one of the rare few that’s always felt at home…where ever you are, there is always more. Even in your sadness, reach out to others with compassion, mercy, grace and love and you will find comfort; that’s what home feels like. Make yourself at home!
Mike Mason write, “ Sadness is hopeful. Sadness is like that moment in a rainstorm when the rain has not yet stopped, but there is a perceptible brightening, and there comes that subtle change in the atmosphere signifying the imminence of a rainbow.” Ahhhh, the hope that can shine through in the pouring rain!

Wearing my sunglasses to hide my tears and to reflect the glaring beauty of the hope for my future; while making myself at home,
Join me will you?...

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