Survivor: “I’m a Bag!?!?”

“Survivors are like teabags: You don’t know how strong we are until you dip us in Hot water!”

I have always said that I’ve seen myself as a survivor cancer right from the moment of diagnosis, both times I was diagnosed. I never really saw myself as a sick patient, rather I just saw myself as being “a-little-under-the-weather”. I always thought of myself as being strong and of excellent health, I just happened to be having a few bad days (that added up to about a year and a half).

I had a couple comments in the past years that resinated oppositely for me. The first being, “We are not survivors, we are Victors.” Was the word “Victor” posed as the opposite to “Victim”? Surely I never seen myself as a victim of cancer, but neither have I seen myself as a “Victor”; I am much more comfortable with the term “Survivor”.I’m not sure why, but this phrase, “We are Victor’s”, made me feel like“I-was-suppose-to-be-to-good-for-cancer.” Anyone can get cancer, and not just if you are bad. It made me feel like those that were not victorious, were some how not good enough to beat it in battle, which I don’t agree with at all. I’ve known many extraordinary people who have lost their fight against cancer and they will always be survivors to me.

The second phrase changed how I saw my life, not just my journey with cancer. It was in Fall of 2001, I was 29 almost 30 (a transitional age anyway) and I had the honour of sharing a dinner meal with an incredible muslim Doctor and his family in Niagaira Falls. I was there for some speaking engagements and I was enlightened by his words and his wife’s sharing of her journey with breast cancer. After an enjoyable conversation he said to me, “It appears to me that you are not just surviving breast cancer but thriving because of it.” I received this as a huge compliment and embraced it as a part of my life as I headed into my thriving 30’s.

I believe that I have seen myself thrive through most of this more recent journey and I have clung to much of what I learnt through the first experience with breast cancer over 13 years ago. I’ve said to others, “I wonder if God allowed me to have cancer the first time as a practice run, so I could be better prepared to get this time right.”
I saw a quote recently that made me smile and gave me a warm feeling inside. I suppose it touched me this way because I’m a tea-drinking Scottish/English lass at heart.

“Survivors are like teabags: You don’t know how strong we are until you dip us in Hot water!”

I suppose I’m embracing the title of “Survivor” a little more tightly now that I’ve received this , “cancer-free” diagnosis. “Cancer-free” is in quotations, because there’s really no such thing. Once your body has “failed” to ward off malignancy not once but twice, there are no 100% guarantees. For example, I’m still considered some what at risk of my first cancer returning, even after 13 years. Do I believe this will happen, no way. But if someone had told me, when I was approaching my 20’s, that I would face cancer not once but twice by 35, I would have never believed them. The Doctor’s would have said it was near impossible, “near” being the key word here. I’m not being dismal, in fact I’m feeling rather triumphant at the moment. I’m in a good place, even though today (physically) wasn’t a very good day.

Still Thriving as a Survivor.

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