Reflections of the Cross.

The following is an article I just wrote that will be published in the next publication of the "Reflections of the Cross" newsletter, put out by Rosslyn Delmonico(my mentor)and Valley Christian women's Network.

It's Entitled:

Living my miracle in the midst of the “C”-word.

Do miracles still happen today? Or were they just for biblical times? I know miracles are happening around and in my life often, because I believe it and I choose to see them. Big or small my Saviour Jesus Christ made them all and I do believe that they are even more prevalent in our modern times. Many of my life miracles can be condensed into 6 “C” words; Conception, Conversion, Christ, Cancer, Childbirth and Choosing. ( And NO I didn’t choose my name, it was given to me at birth by my Hippie Parent’s:))

I was first diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 23. Within the hour of being diagnosed I remember very clearly praying out loud, “Lord, whether in my life or in my death, I just want you to use me.” At the time the desire and prayer of my heart was that my life wouldn’t be over anytime soon, as I’d fully intended to find my true love,Chris Janz, get married and become a Mommy to our two girls, Carmelle and Cadence . I cried out to God, that I’d have a miracle in body and that the cancer would be gone. I do believe that the miracle came and I lived free from cancer for 12 years.

With in this time, I met my wonderful husband Chris, fell in love, had the wedding and just shy of 5 years later was expecting our first baby. I was so close to having everything I’d asked God for, I was living my miracle. God heard my prayers and answered them, in His time. The miracle of life was growing inside of me, which was soon to be discovered to be our daughter Carmelle. I embraced my time of being pregnant because, I realized it was the only time I was going to assist God in a miracleJ

When I went into labour with Carmelle, many things went wrong very quickly. When I realized that our baby was in serious trouble, I remember praying out to God, knowing that this child was His, but that I desperately wanted to meet him or her. I desired to love this child, even though I knew that the love I had to give was only a fraction of the love He had to give both of us. Carmelle was born as a “code pink”, an emergency C-section, with me under immediate anesthetic and Chris pushed out of the OR, so Carmelle could be resuscitated. She was born not breathing, with no heart beat and with her lungs and stomach full of myconium. They didn’t know how long she’d gone without oxygen, so she was in an incubator in the special care nursery for the first few days, while they observed her for any brain damage. She is now a perfecting healthy, active and precocious 4 yr. old, who’d sternly correct me and state that she is in fact, 4 and a half!

When I was pregnant I was also able to realize what a miracle my own existence was. Recognizing the miracle of my own conception, even though my parent’s marriage didn’t last and I was the only child, I wasn’t a mistake. My life was God’s plan from the beginning to the end. Now is that not a miracle that we can all claim in our own lives?!?

I found Christ and converted to Christianity, into a then non-Christian home, when I was only 7 years old. I discovered Christ and the Bible through my Great-Aunt Catherine, who was a Nun and a beacon for Christ in my young life and through into my 20’s. One Summer Sunday morning in 1979, I obeyed the Lord’s call, when He made clear to me that I couldn’t enter His house that day with out Him being “King” in the castle of my heart. This was the second Sunday school song I ever learnt, “Let His flag fly High in the castle of my heart”, the first was, “He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me His Love.” That day I prayed in my neighbour lady’s car, right there in the parking lot, and then testified in front of the entire Sunday school program of 100 of my peers. (That was met first speaking engagement.) I soon learnt my first Bible verse, which has been a theme verse for my life, Matthew 5:14, “You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden.” I received my very first Bible and entered an essay contest, “What the Bible means to me.” I won that contest, with my mother helping me write my words, and she received Christ as her Lord and Saviour soon after.

When I was 17, God called on me to serve Him in the mission field. Over the subsequent 10+ years I served in South Central LA, East LA, Australia, Camden New Jersey, Belfast N. Ireland, Germany, England and in my community. All of these experiences brought miraculous changes to my life and to my spiritual walk through it.

Chris and I got married in June of 1998 and we wanted to wait until I was 7 years cancer free before trying to start a family. Just as we started to put the “plan into action”, of bringing a new life into the world, my best friend Carmen (Toews) Anderson was called Home to Jesus. The tragic loss of Carmen left a huge void in my life and in the lives of so many who loved her. She was the sister I’d never had, she was my matron-of-honour, she was my sounding board for my life decisions and my side-kick. She was irreplaceable, but when my first daughter was born 9 months later, she was to bear the name of my childhood best friend, Carmen- Elizabeth (Carmelle). My 17 year friendship with Carmen was a miracle and so was her life. She taught me many things, but the one thing I reflect on the most these days, is how she truly embraced each day of her life in the face of her own mortality.

On March 16th, 2007, 12 years and 6 days after my first diagnosis with breast cancer, I was told I had cancer again, only this time a different form of breast cancer. I faced another mastectomy, 6 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation and a year of IV herceptin treatment. I’m now half way done and the worst is behind me. I haven’t mourned the loss of my breasts or my long blonde hair, instead I have decided to choose to see the miracles. I choose to celebrate the miracles of each new day, each day being one that the Lord has made and I shall rejoice and be glad in it! Big or small, I sense His presence and hand in everything. Even in the fact that I have a nicely shaped bald head…that being bald brings out my eyes…that God guided the hand of my gifted plastic surgeon…and that my husband is a "butt-man" who appreciates my “Chemo-padded” one:)

I challenge you to look into your own life, find your miracles and to pray for your own “C’s”.

To follow my journey of “C’s” log onto my website and read my blog at: www.featherjanz.com