Lord, help me to live the best life you have planned for me.
Please help me to see all your gifts along journey.
Open my eyes to your goodness.
Remind me that you have me right where you want me and need me.
My reminder:
Feather,(you could put your name here) remember God needs you; He created you for His purpose and His purpose is perfect!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday is tomorrow right?!?!
The days are starting to blend into each other now and I'm having trouble figuring out what day it is sometimes. But I do know that for sure tomorrow I am scheduled for an MRI. For some reason the machine they want to use on me is in Surrey. The test is in the afternoon, I will be transported by Ambulance from noon-around 4pm. If you were planning to visit around that time pleasee call me on my cell first to see if I will be around. 604-854-2800
Hoping to sleep well tonight.
You sleep tight too!!
Hoping to sleep well tonight.
You sleep tight too!!
Looking up !
The worst of the infection certianly seems to have passed.Things are looking up. My immediate concerns have been the state of my veins, which have been damaged from cancer treatment. They veins keep collapsing after awhile and those are the good ones they can even start. I had 21 needle pokes in my arms in two days. Not exactly fun. I'm quickly running out of usable veins. They wanted to put in a pick line but after evaluation they feel I am to high risk for that particular procedure, I don't exactly know why, but I am no a medical professsional.
If one more vein collapses I will be forced to take oral antibiodics, which are not as effective and are very hard on the stomach. I have a weak and sensitive stomach as it is, bleeding stomach ulcer issues etc, so I am concerned about the oral antibiodics. I am praying that the vein that is working now will keep working.
I will probably be here for a few more days still. Even with the improvement I would love to feel much better.
Looking up,
Feather
If one more vein collapses I will be forced to take oral antibiodics, which are not as effective and are very hard on the stomach. I have a weak and sensitive stomach as it is, bleeding stomach ulcer issues etc, so I am concerned about the oral antibiodics. I am praying that the vein that is working now will keep working.
I will probably be here for a few more days still. Even with the improvement I would love to feel much better.
Looking up,
Feather
Sunday, March 29, 2009
This was one worth sharing...
The 'LITTLE' Things. .
As you might know, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.
One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.
One of them Missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.
One's Car wouldn't start
One went back to Answer the telephone.
One had a Child that dawdled
And didn't get ready as soon as he should have.
One couldn't Get a taxi.
The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work But before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.
Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone...
All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment..
Next time your morning seems to be Going wrong,
The children are slow getting dressed,
You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
It May be just that
Someone is watching over you.
May you continue to find peace
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose,
is God's purpose.
I believe in Gods's purpose for where I am right now.
As you might know, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.
One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.
One of them Missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.
One's Car wouldn't start
One went back to Answer the telephone.
One had a Child that dawdled
And didn't get ready as soon as he should have.
One couldn't Get a taxi.
The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work But before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.
Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone...
All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment..
Next time your morning seems to be Going wrong,
The children are slow getting dressed,
You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
It May be just that
Someone is watching over you.
May you continue to find peace
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose,
is God's purpose.
I believe in Gods's purpose for where I am right now.
Alive and sort of well.
13 days and counting! And it looks like I will be here for at least another week. The infection I have in my lymphatic system is also in my blood. I am on 4 rounds of 2 different kinds of IV antibiodics everyday for 10 days, another week to go. At the end of that I will still most likely be facing surgery. Thankfully the infection is improving slowly but at least it is not getting worse.
I will be having an MRI in the next few days that will help see things more clearly and hopefully not find any suspicion of cancer. In the meantime visitors are welcome, call first to be sure I'm available or in my room. I like to go for walks when ever I feel up to it.
Tomorrow I should be getting a small medical procedure to have a pick line inserted in my arm, it's like a semi-permanent IV. The reason for it is because my veins are causing major issues. They are bad since chemo. They are small, few, weak, and tricky. I have 16 IV attempts in 24 hours yesterday, not my best day. I am literally praying over the vein I have working now, which is continuing to work. If it goes, I end up oral antibiodics, which are not as effective for the condition I have and would reak havok on my already weak and sensative stomach that just had another bleeding ulcer in January. Oral antibiodics would be very high risk for my stomach which would be another batch of issues.
Mildly relating to Job,
Feather
I will be having an MRI in the next few days that will help see things more clearly and hopefully not find any suspicion of cancer. In the meantime visitors are welcome, call first to be sure I'm available or in my room. I like to go for walks when ever I feel up to it.
Tomorrow I should be getting a small medical procedure to have a pick line inserted in my arm, it's like a semi-permanent IV. The reason for it is because my veins are causing major issues. They are bad since chemo. They are small, few, weak, and tricky. I have 16 IV attempts in 24 hours yesterday, not my best day. I am literally praying over the vein I have working now, which is continuing to work. If it goes, I end up oral antibiodics, which are not as effective for the condition I have and would reak havok on my already weak and sensative stomach that just had another bleeding ulcer in January. Oral antibiodics would be very high risk for my stomach which would be another batch of issues.
Mildly relating to Job,
Feather
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Longest running episode.
SO this has been my longest running stay in a hospital ever. I am going on day 10 and won't be going home anytime to soon, a few more days at least. Just as my bronchitis, bronchial spasms and asthma were getting under control, I was overwhelmed that they were missing something and that something else must be going on in my body because I was still feeling so terribly. Of course my biggest fear was that there could be cancer that had returned.
Thankfully all the tests they have run in the last two days have not shown any indication of malignancy. However what we did find was an infection that has spread through my lymphatic system. The origin of the infection is, of all places, my right breast mound. Where I had major infection problems in May of 2007, almost 2 years ago, appears to have reared it's ugly head. Why, they have no idea. Perhaps it was dorment and flared up do to my immune system being compromised by the bronchitis etc.
So I will be on IV antibiodics for a few days. I have had one set and just starting a second. I will be consulting with a surgeon. If the antibiodics do not clear this infection up soon, the implant will probably have to come out.Hopefully this won't have to happen.But if it does I am okay with that.
Right now the swollen lymphnodes under my right arm are so sore it's more comfortable to lay with my right arm over my head. The breast is very swollen, hard, hot, red and purple, sore, and feels like it could burst; also very painful. I am on some pain medication that helps take the edge off.
I am glad I was here when this infection was discovered so it could be treated so quickly.
Again, confirmation to me that I am right where I should be.
I look forward to visit from Chris and the girls. I am thrilled that we have found a wonderful caregiver, Rea, she is a true belessing to our family!! It really helps to know that our home and girls are being so well cared for. This brings my heart peace and comfort.
Thank-you for your thoguhts and prayers.
Getting better slowly but SURELY,
Feather
Thankfully all the tests they have run in the last two days have not shown any indication of malignancy. However what we did find was an infection that has spread through my lymphatic system. The origin of the infection is, of all places, my right breast mound. Where I had major infection problems in May of 2007, almost 2 years ago, appears to have reared it's ugly head. Why, they have no idea. Perhaps it was dorment and flared up do to my immune system being compromised by the bronchitis etc.
So I will be on IV antibiodics for a few days. I have had one set and just starting a second. I will be consulting with a surgeon. If the antibiodics do not clear this infection up soon, the implant will probably have to come out.Hopefully this won't have to happen.But if it does I am okay with that.
Right now the swollen lymphnodes under my right arm are so sore it's more comfortable to lay with my right arm over my head. The breast is very swollen, hard, hot, red and purple, sore, and feels like it could burst; also very painful. I am on some pain medication that helps take the edge off.
I am glad I was here when this infection was discovered so it could be treated so quickly.
Again, confirmation to me that I am right where I should be.
I look forward to visit from Chris and the girls. I am thrilled that we have found a wonderful caregiver, Rea, she is a true belessing to our family!! It really helps to know that our home and girls are being so well cared for. This brings my heart peace and comfort.
Thank-you for your thoguhts and prayers.
Getting better slowly but SURELY,
Feather
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Cross cultural connection.
For the past three days I have shared a room with an indo-Canadian woman in her 70's. She is constantly accompanied by family, and sometimes LOTS of family!! They are all wonderful caring and loving people. The generations of family, probably 3-4 generations come to show their support to her all through the day. It is beautiful to see.
They are so kind to me. She smiles and speaks to me in punjabi with a few english words thrown in here and there. She is so sweet. I smile at her and practise my lame one phrase of punjabi "ki-hal-a", which is a basic greeting or "how are you?"
She told her nurse aid, who is bilingual, to tell me that she thinks I am nice. I was touched.
I ended up being able to have a nice talk with her son, who is the age of my parents. He translated to her, what I was saying. I felt very much again the peace that God has me right where He wants me:) I have no doubts!
They are so kind to me. She smiles and speaks to me in punjabi with a few english words thrown in here and there. She is so sweet. I smile at her and practise my lame one phrase of punjabi "ki-hal-a", which is a basic greeting or "how are you?"
She told her nurse aid, who is bilingual, to tell me that she thinks I am nice. I was touched.
I ended up being able to have a nice talk with her son, who is the age of my parents. He translated to her, what I was saying. I felt very much again the peace that God has me right where He wants me:) I have no doubts!
Watching life pass you by...
So here I am, still in the hospital. Getting tests and more tests, feeling a little better but only slightly. I am plauged by weakness, fatigue, shortness of breath,aches, discomfort and haunted by the fear that the cancer has possibly returned.
After all of the tests it should be much more clear as to what I am actually dealing with here. I am in no shape to go home and handle the daily rigors of home life. Often not even having the energy to eat I force myself because I know I need to. I also make myself walk downstairs everyday, to renew my tv and internet access,get some snacks and maybe even a Starbucks some days. The new hospital here is so bright, light, open, and lovely. I enjoy sitting and resting in the main area, having a tea and people watching:)Pretending I am somewhere else, even if only for awhile. It reminds me of waiting in an airport, with the anticipation of something else arrivinng around the corner.
I have run into people I know and fit in a bit of a social life along the way.I shared a wonderfully connected conversation with a nurse, who I actually went to highschool with and have maintained communication with over the years. She is an incredible woman thats life story change me for ever when I was 16 years old. Her life was devestated by horrible tragedy when she was 17 and one night her brother and his friend murdered their mother in her own bed, and attempted to murder her and her father. Her brother serves life in prision, and both her and her father have not only survived, they have survived, forgiven and shown love beyond measure. The ability she now has to connect to the deepest part of a persons soul is a gift beyond measure because it is divinely appointed. We had a deep and wonderful chat that moved my soul and ministered to the depths of who God has created me to be. What a gift!! And she had just loved a family to the door, who had just lost their baby half term. I stood in wonder of her, so honoured to know her and then even more delighted that she took the time to speak with me. Another reminder of why I am here.
Watching people in the main lobby can be a moving and life changing experience. This is the only place that you see people from every walk of life and every stage of life. You see very expectant women waddling and pausing, lloking at their watches, in anticipation of the pain easing and their wonder arriving!! You see famil and friends arriving laden with pink or blue, or both! You see saddness hanging hard as a woman departs without the child their family anticpiated arriving in the near future. You hear the wailing and mourning of a very large indo-canadian family greiving the initial loss of a young male member of their family. You hear different codes announced and medical professional running.
Lives delivered, lives saved, lives changed, lives lost...all in one place all at once.
Sure puts it all in perspective!!
I see it, I feel it, I know it. I am grateful.
After all of the tests it should be much more clear as to what I am actually dealing with here. I am in no shape to go home and handle the daily rigors of home life. Often not even having the energy to eat I force myself because I know I need to. I also make myself walk downstairs everyday, to renew my tv and internet access,get some snacks and maybe even a Starbucks some days. The new hospital here is so bright, light, open, and lovely. I enjoy sitting and resting in the main area, having a tea and people watching:)Pretending I am somewhere else, even if only for awhile. It reminds me of waiting in an airport, with the anticipation of something else arrivinng around the corner.
I have run into people I know and fit in a bit of a social life along the way.I shared a wonderfully connected conversation with a nurse, who I actually went to highschool with and have maintained communication with over the years. She is an incredible woman thats life story change me for ever when I was 16 years old. Her life was devestated by horrible tragedy when she was 17 and one night her brother and his friend murdered their mother in her own bed, and attempted to murder her and her father. Her brother serves life in prision, and both her and her father have not only survived, they have survived, forgiven and shown love beyond measure. The ability she now has to connect to the deepest part of a persons soul is a gift beyond measure because it is divinely appointed. We had a deep and wonderful chat that moved my soul and ministered to the depths of who God has created me to be. What a gift!! And she had just loved a family to the door, who had just lost their baby half term. I stood in wonder of her, so honoured to know her and then even more delighted that she took the time to speak with me. Another reminder of why I am here.
Watching people in the main lobby can be a moving and life changing experience. This is the only place that you see people from every walk of life and every stage of life. You see very expectant women waddling and pausing, lloking at their watches, in anticipation of the pain easing and their wonder arriving!! You see famil and friends arriving laden with pink or blue, or both! You see saddness hanging hard as a woman departs without the child their family anticpiated arriving in the near future. You hear the wailing and mourning of a very large indo-canadian family greiving the initial loss of a young male member of their family. You hear different codes announced and medical professional running.
Lives delivered, lives saved, lives changed, lives lost...all in one place all at once.
Sure puts it all in perspective!!
I see it, I feel it, I know it. I am grateful.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Live and love long!!
In the media today it was published, the passing of an infamous british woman, Jade Goody. I have only started to follow her story lately, though she stumbled upon celebrity about 7 years ago. Fame became her as she sought it out and used it to her advantage. Often critisized and notorious for putting her feet in her mouth, feet often covered with sh@#&%#$?%*, she made a name for her self, mothered two boys and became a household name in the UK all before the age of 25.
Then the news came that she had cancer only 7 months ago. She was shocked, saddened and dismayed as she had had many tests over the pervious 6 years that all ruled out cancer. Now she was being told that not only did she have cervical cancer it had spread, was stage 4 and she was dying. 27 years old, a young mother and planning to marry her life love, and not much time left.
This story of course devastates my heart I do not know her but it still hits so close to home and my heart. Today of all days being Mothers Day in the UK, she passed away in the night before her boys could even wish her Happy Mothers Day. Just last week she took a very powerful step as a mother and had herself and her sons baptized together. All mothers make many mistakes in raising their children and thankfully we also make many great decisions like this mother showed the world. In her dying days she gave her boys a life long gift.
Even though she has said and done many things publically that many have found appaulling and disgraceful, have we not all done similarily behind closed doors if we are truely honest with ourselves. I am sure glad that my apaulling and distasteful behaviours have not been caught on reality tv and put out for the whole world to judge.I have been upset in the past for just being misquoted in the press!!
This young womans life ends like so many before her, to soon, to young and so tradgic. Though the beauty of it all, and she was beautiful, is that she was created in Gods perfect image, she sinned and found forgivness, she was hated and loved, she adored and admired, she surrended and suffered.Now she is gone, she will be remembered, and she serves as a reminder of how percious life is. How much we are loved and how much love we have to give.
Go on, giving and receiving love as long and as often as you can!!
Then the news came that she had cancer only 7 months ago. She was shocked, saddened and dismayed as she had had many tests over the pervious 6 years that all ruled out cancer. Now she was being told that not only did she have cervical cancer it had spread, was stage 4 and she was dying. 27 years old, a young mother and planning to marry her life love, and not much time left.
This story of course devastates my heart I do not know her but it still hits so close to home and my heart. Today of all days being Mothers Day in the UK, she passed away in the night before her boys could even wish her Happy Mothers Day. Just last week she took a very powerful step as a mother and had herself and her sons baptized together. All mothers make many mistakes in raising their children and thankfully we also make many great decisions like this mother showed the world. In her dying days she gave her boys a life long gift.
Even though she has said and done many things publically that many have found appaulling and disgraceful, have we not all done similarily behind closed doors if we are truely honest with ourselves. I am sure glad that my apaulling and distasteful behaviours have not been caught on reality tv and put out for the whole world to judge.I have been upset in the past for just being misquoted in the press!!
This young womans life ends like so many before her, to soon, to young and so tradgic. Though the beauty of it all, and she was beautiful, is that she was created in Gods perfect image, she sinned and found forgivness, she was hated and loved, she adored and admired, she surrended and suffered.Now she is gone, she will be remembered, and she serves as a reminder of how percious life is. How much we are loved and how much love we have to give.
Go on, giving and receiving love as long and as often as you can!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Being in the hospital has allowed me the time and energy I have needed to focus on what I need to be well and to be the best that I can be for my family. I am doing what I believe is the best emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
I have just had the opportunity to listen to the recorded message my dear friend Rachel gave two weeks ago, March 4th at River Rock Casino. I was not able to attend due to being so sick, but I feel so mooved and honouredc now to have been able to focus on the message she spoke so filled with Gods love and purpose.
I would you to listen to it and to share it with others. She does not hold back that she is dyiing and only has a few weeks to live, which only adds to the mighty impact of Gods voice through her. Let it touch your soul and be sure to have some tissue near by.
HEr words were good therapy for me and exactly what I needed to hear. I htink it is exactly what all of us need to hear, all of the time. There are never enough reminders of how precious life really is.
God loves us all so much, no matter what. Please hear Rachel Barkeys words as she shares: www.churchonthewestside.com
You will be blessed,
Moved beyond measure,
Feather
I have just had the opportunity to listen to the recorded message my dear friend Rachel gave two weeks ago, March 4th at River Rock Casino. I was not able to attend due to being so sick, but I feel so mooved and honouredc now to have been able to focus on the message she spoke so filled with Gods love and purpose.
I would you to listen to it and to share it with others. She does not hold back that she is dyiing and only has a few weeks to live, which only adds to the mighty impact of Gods voice through her. Let it touch your soul and be sure to have some tissue near by.
HEr words were good therapy for me and exactly what I needed to hear. I htink it is exactly what all of us need to hear, all of the time. There are never enough reminders of how precious life really is.
God loves us all so much, no matter what. Please hear Rachel Barkeys words as she shares: www.churchonthewestside.com
You will be blessed,
Moved beyond measure,
Feather
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Childcare help needed for our girls!
It has been confirmed that I will be here for a few more days, over the weekend for sure. My Mom is out of town and the babysitter can only work so much so if you are able to help in anyway, it would be greatly appreciated. You can call my cell 604-854- 2800. Thank-you.
God Bless,
Feather
God Bless,
Feather
From Feather at Abbotsford Hospital
As Chris posted, I am hospitalized again. I have been here two nights and I will be here for at least one more night. One good thing is that I am staying at the new hospital which is amazing and beautiful. I recognize much of the great same staff, just with a much newer and nicer environment. Not only do I have tv access but also internet!! Yeah! So even without visitors I still feel a little connected:)
Chris is very busy with work and the girls. We are actually in desperate need of help with the girls.If you could help out at all please post here or connect Chris at home. That would be greatc, thank-you!!!
Sincerely,
Feather
C3012 Abbotsford Regional hospital
604-854-2800
Chris is very busy with work and the girls. We are actually in desperate need of help with the girls.If you could help out at all please post here or connect Chris at home. That would be greatc, thank-you!!!
Sincerely,
Feather
C3012 Abbotsford Regional hospital
604-854-2800
Update (From Chris)
So Feather is in the hospital again, has been for 2 nights now. She's having lung complications as a result of being sick, and from just being so run down after all the cancer treatments. We're hoping she'll be better soon. In the meantime, I'm trying to hold down the fort with a great deal of work to do, and childcare to try and arrange. If there's anyone around who knows of some babysitters, please let me know.
Chris
Chris
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Time to repair and recover.
I've been very sick with this flu virus that's been going around and it's been complicated by developing bronchitis and battling quite serious asthma. I've been sick over two weeks and though I'm getting better, it's been a very slow process. I've had to book another 2 weeks off of work because I just can't see myself being able to function normally for awhile.
I'm suffering from extreme fatigue, shortness of breath (from the asthma) which also causes light headedness, dizziness and loss of balance. I feel really weak and shaky most of the time and can't seem to get enough sleep. I've just finished a week of antibiodics and oral steriods, so we'll see what my body does on it's own now.
My parent's have taken the girls over night a couple of times, which has been a huge help, as Chris has also been sick with it. Our trusty babysitter Jessyca has been grateful for the extra hours we've needed her to help over spring break (I've even had her doing the grocery shopping!)
I feel so lost as to how I should be feeling...I'm so grateful that my cancer clinic tests came back with good results, but then I worry that they missed something and that's why I'm so sick right now. Is this a normal ailment or is it masking something much worse? When I feel this sick and weak it's hard to not imagine the worst being possible.
Hoping to feel better soon,
Feather
I'm suffering from extreme fatigue, shortness of breath (from the asthma) which also causes light headedness, dizziness and loss of balance. I feel really weak and shaky most of the time and can't seem to get enough sleep. I've just finished a week of antibiodics and oral steriods, so we'll see what my body does on it's own now.
My parent's have taken the girls over night a couple of times, which has been a huge help, as Chris has also been sick with it. Our trusty babysitter Jessyca has been grateful for the extra hours we've needed her to help over spring break (I've even had her doing the grocery shopping!)
I feel so lost as to how I should be feeling...I'm so grateful that my cancer clinic tests came back with good results, but then I worry that they missed something and that's why I'm so sick right now. Is this a normal ailment or is it masking something much worse? When I feel this sick and weak it's hard to not imagine the worst being possible.
Hoping to feel better soon,
Feather
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Longing to feel better.
I've spent 12 days in bed due to the flu settling in my lungs. I developed a horrible cough, which ended up being bronchitis and caused some rough times with my breathing that landed me in the hospital. I ended up in the ER 4 times with what we've realized is asthma attacks.
I was disgnosed with "mild" asthma and "reactive" airways last fall, but I had no idea that it could develop into something like this. I've had nebulizer treatments with ventalin to open up my airways so I can breath a bit better, but it only works temporarily. The in halers I was told I would only need once in a while, I now need to carry with me to help me breath. I got a chamber for the inhaler which helps.
There was concern that I had developed pnemonia but thankfully it didn't get that progressed.
I started antibiodics 8 days ago, the first ones didn't work the first three days and I just got worse. Now the ones I'm on seem to be working better, but the last visit to the ER two nights ago that without the help of streiods I wasn't going to recovery very quickly at all. SO I was started on IV steriods and now I'm on oral steriods, prendizone, for 5 days.
The steriods definately give me more energy and I was even able to get out to do some grocery shopping yesterday, though today I'm wiped out from all the activity yesterday:(
The only good thing about being so sick is the weight loss. I'd gained back almost all that I lost being sick last year, which I was okay with as long as I was feeling healthy. I'd much rather be heavy and feeling good than being smaller and feeling like crap!
Part of me feels like I don't have a right to complain about my poor health issues because I should be so grateful that the cancer isn't evident anywhere, but it's emotionally taxing feeling like this. IT reminds me so much of how sick I was, and how long those chemo recoverys were, and I often get haunted by thoughts that the cancer is back, they just haven't found it.
I'm quickly approaching the 2 year mark of my disgnosis, yesterday was 14 years since my original diagnosis. There is certianly cause to celebrate, I just hope I feel like it soon.
I have to remember that the oncologist said it takes two plus years after treatment is over to start to feel "normal" again. I suppose because there have been times that I have felt so well, that I've had a taste of what it feels like to feel that good again, that I just figured that was it now I was better for good.But the recovery is long and goes up and down.
I'm so looking forward to the weather getting warmer, days outside in the sun and breathing in the fresh spring air.
I was disgnosed with "mild" asthma and "reactive" airways last fall, but I had no idea that it could develop into something like this. I've had nebulizer treatments with ventalin to open up my airways so I can breath a bit better, but it only works temporarily. The in halers I was told I would only need once in a while, I now need to carry with me to help me breath. I got a chamber for the inhaler which helps.
There was concern that I had developed pnemonia but thankfully it didn't get that progressed.
I started antibiodics 8 days ago, the first ones didn't work the first three days and I just got worse. Now the ones I'm on seem to be working better, but the last visit to the ER two nights ago that without the help of streiods I wasn't going to recovery very quickly at all. SO I was started on IV steriods and now I'm on oral steriods, prendizone, for 5 days.
The steriods definately give me more energy and I was even able to get out to do some grocery shopping yesterday, though today I'm wiped out from all the activity yesterday:(
The only good thing about being so sick is the weight loss. I'd gained back almost all that I lost being sick last year, which I was okay with as long as I was feeling healthy. I'd much rather be heavy and feeling good than being smaller and feeling like crap!
Part of me feels like I don't have a right to complain about my poor health issues because I should be so grateful that the cancer isn't evident anywhere, but it's emotionally taxing feeling like this. IT reminds me so much of how sick I was, and how long those chemo recoverys were, and I often get haunted by thoughts that the cancer is back, they just haven't found it.
I'm quickly approaching the 2 year mark of my disgnosis, yesterday was 14 years since my original diagnosis. There is certianly cause to celebrate, I just hope I feel like it soon.
I have to remember that the oncologist said it takes two plus years after treatment is over to start to feel "normal" again. I suppose because there have been times that I have felt so well, that I've had a taste of what it feels like to feel that good again, that I just figured that was it now I was better for good.But the recovery is long and goes up and down.
I'm so looking forward to the weather getting warmer, days outside in the sun and breathing in the fresh spring air.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Update from my dear friend Rachel.
From Rachel:
It has been several weeks since I wrote with our news and I know many
are wondering how we are doing. I am sorry that I have not written
sooner. It is harder than I thought to write these notes. Last time
around there was at least the rigour of treatment that made these
updates an easier task.
We've had a wonderful and challenging few weeks as we have tried to
pack in some memory making while I am still well enough. We went on a
few trips away with family and friends which were a wonderful gift all
around. And now, as Neil says, "we are reigning in the jetsetting"
which is good and necessary.
I am essentially bedridden already. The pain in my back and constant
nausea make it difficult for me to be vertical for more than a few
moments of each day. I had radiation on my back in mid-February which
really helped once I got over the side effects of fatigue and nausea.
Then we discovered, after I lost feeling in my chin, that the cancer
has spread to my skull and was encroaching on my facial nerves. There
was some concern that it may affect my speech and vision but that
seems to be avoidable now that we have been able to radiate it this
week. My nausea is constant (due to the cancer in the liver) and
particularly aggravated by the radiation but we have all the "big
guns" on board and are managing to keep it under control for the most
part. Pain, too, is constant but manageable.
We opted, as I mentioned we might, to decline chemo. With all the
appointments and tests we've had even without taking chemo, it has
reassured us that we have made the right decision. If I was doing
radiation plus chemo - well, I might as well be living at the cancer
clinic. Radiation has a much higher likelihood of benefit and I seem
to be responding which is a good thing. After this week is done, I
will hopefully get another break from the daily trips to the clinic.
All - well, most - of the staff are amazing and very compassionate and
I feel very grateful to have had such good care there - especially
over these past weeks.
Last Wednesday, I spoke at a women's event for our church. What was
initially supposed to be 40-60 women at the church office turned out
to be about 550+ at the River Rock Show Theatre here in Vancouver.
Craaazzzy. Totally God - because, first of all, I couldn't even
imagine myself speaking to that many people much less that that many
people being interested in anything I wanted to say! But come they
did. And speak I did. It was a special night and I am grateful to have
had the opportunity to share my heart with so many. The audio is
supposed to be up sometime soon at www.churchonthewestside.com - as I
know many have been asking.
We continue to be grateful for all the messages and expressions of
love. Thank you. Truly.
And so life continues. In a much different way than we expected this
spring. We are often sad, of course, but underpinned with a deep and
abiding peace and hope. God is with us and we know and treasure His
comfort keenly, these days. These days, weeks or months are often and
will continue to be long and difficult. We find ourselves fumbling
about trying to figure out how best to handle these circumstances that
we have been given. But we are not alone.
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not
leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." (Deut. 31:8)
And it is true: He has gone before us. We are not alone. And so we are
not afraid.
Til next time and...
with love,
rb
It has been several weeks since I wrote with our news and I know many
are wondering how we are doing. I am sorry that I have not written
sooner. It is harder than I thought to write these notes. Last time
around there was at least the rigour of treatment that made these
updates an easier task.
We've had a wonderful and challenging few weeks as we have tried to
pack in some memory making while I am still well enough. We went on a
few trips away with family and friends which were a wonderful gift all
around. And now, as Neil says, "we are reigning in the jetsetting"
which is good and necessary.
I am essentially bedridden already. The pain in my back and constant
nausea make it difficult for me to be vertical for more than a few
moments of each day. I had radiation on my back in mid-February which
really helped once I got over the side effects of fatigue and nausea.
Then we discovered, after I lost feeling in my chin, that the cancer
has spread to my skull and was encroaching on my facial nerves. There
was some concern that it may affect my speech and vision but that
seems to be avoidable now that we have been able to radiate it this
week. My nausea is constant (due to the cancer in the liver) and
particularly aggravated by the radiation but we have all the "big
guns" on board and are managing to keep it under control for the most
part. Pain, too, is constant but manageable.
We opted, as I mentioned we might, to decline chemo. With all the
appointments and tests we've had even without taking chemo, it has
reassured us that we have made the right decision. If I was doing
radiation plus chemo - well, I might as well be living at the cancer
clinic. Radiation has a much higher likelihood of benefit and I seem
to be responding which is a good thing. After this week is done, I
will hopefully get another break from the daily trips to the clinic.
All - well, most - of the staff are amazing and very compassionate and
I feel very grateful to have had such good care there - especially
over these past weeks.
Last Wednesday, I spoke at a women's event for our church. What was
initially supposed to be 40-60 women at the church office turned out
to be about 550+ at the River Rock Show Theatre here in Vancouver.
Craaazzzy. Totally God - because, first of all, I couldn't even
imagine myself speaking to that many people much less that that many
people being interested in anything I wanted to say! But come they
did. And speak I did. It was a special night and I am grateful to have
had the opportunity to share my heart with so many. The audio is
supposed to be up sometime soon at www.churchonthewestside.com - as I
know many have been asking.
We continue to be grateful for all the messages and expressions of
love. Thank you. Truly.
And so life continues. In a much different way than we expected this
spring. We are often sad, of course, but underpinned with a deep and
abiding peace and hope. God is with us and we know and treasure His
comfort keenly, these days. These days, weeks or months are often and
will continue to be long and difficult. We find ourselves fumbling
about trying to figure out how best to handle these circumstances that
we have been given. But we are not alone.
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not
leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." (Deut. 31:8)
And it is true: He has gone before us. We are not alone. And so we are
not afraid.
Til next time and...
with love,
rb
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