Watching life pass you by...

So here I am, still in the hospital. Getting tests and more tests, feeling a little better but only slightly. I am plauged by weakness, fatigue, shortness of breath,aches, discomfort and haunted by the fear that the cancer has possibly returned.
After all of the tests it should be much more clear as to what I am actually dealing with here. I am in no shape to go home and handle the daily rigors of home life. Often not even having the energy to eat I force myself because I know I need to. I also make myself walk downstairs everyday, to renew my tv and internet access,get some snacks and maybe even a Starbucks some days. The new hospital here is so bright, light, open, and lovely. I enjoy sitting and resting in the main area, having a tea and people watching:)Pretending I am somewhere else, even if only for awhile. It reminds me of waiting in an airport, with the anticipation of something else arrivinng around the corner.
I have run into people I know and fit in a bit of a social life along the way.I shared a wonderfully connected conversation with a nurse, who I actually went to highschool with and have maintained communication with over the years. She is an incredible woman thats life story change me for ever when I was 16 years old. Her life was devestated by horrible tragedy when she was 17 and one night her brother and his friend murdered their mother in her own bed, and attempted to murder her and her father. Her brother serves life in prision, and both her and her father have not only survived, they have survived, forgiven and shown love beyond measure. The ability she now has to connect to the deepest part of a persons soul is a gift beyond measure because it is divinely appointed. We had a deep and wonderful chat that moved my soul and ministered to the depths of who God has created me to be. What a gift!! And she had just loved a family to the door, who had just lost their baby half term. I stood in wonder of her, so honoured to know her and then even more delighted that she took the time to speak with me. Another reminder of why I am here.

Watching people in the main lobby can be a moving and life changing experience. This is the only place that you see people from every walk of life and every stage of life. You see very expectant women waddling and pausing, lloking at their watches, in anticipation of the pain easing and their wonder arriving!! You see famil and friends arriving laden with pink or blue, or both! You see saddness hanging hard as a woman departs without the child their family anticpiated arriving in the near future. You hear the wailing and mourning of a very large indo-canadian family greiving the initial loss of a young male member of their family. You hear different codes announced and medical professional running.
Lives delivered, lives saved, lives changed, lives lost...all in one place all at once.

Sure puts it all in perspective!!

I see it, I feel it, I know it. I am grateful.