Thursday, March 12, 2009

Longing to feel better.

I've spent 12 days in bed due to the flu settling in my lungs. I developed a horrible cough, which ended up being bronchitis and caused some rough times with my breathing that landed me in the hospital. I ended up in the ER 4 times with what we've realized is asthma attacks.

I was disgnosed with "mild" asthma and "reactive" airways last fall, but I had no idea that it could develop into something like this. I've had nebulizer treatments with ventalin to open up my airways so I can breath a bit better, but it only works temporarily. The in halers I was told I would only need once in a while, I now need to carry with me to help me breath. I got a chamber for the inhaler which helps.
There was concern that I had developed pnemonia but thankfully it didn't get that progressed.

I started antibiodics 8 days ago, the first ones didn't work the first three days and I just got worse. Now the ones I'm on seem to be working better, but the last visit to the ER two nights ago that without the help of streiods I wasn't going to recovery very quickly at all. SO I was started on IV steriods and now I'm on oral steriods, prendizone, for 5 days.
The steriods definately give me more energy and I was even able to get out to do some grocery shopping yesterday, though today I'm wiped out from all the activity yesterday:(

The only good thing about being so sick is the weight loss. I'd gained back almost all that I lost being sick last year, which I was okay with as long as I was feeling healthy. I'd much rather be heavy and feeling good than being smaller and feeling like crap!

Part of me feels like I don't have a right to complain about my poor health issues because I should be so grateful that the cancer isn't evident anywhere, but it's emotionally taxing feeling like this. IT reminds me so much of how sick I was, and how long those chemo recoverys were, and I often get haunted by thoughts that the cancer is back, they just haven't found it.

I'm quickly approaching the 2 year mark of my disgnosis, yesterday was 14 years since my original diagnosis. There is certianly cause to celebrate, I just hope I feel like it soon.

I have to remember that the oncologist said it takes two plus years after treatment is over to start to feel "normal" again. I suppose because there have been times that I have felt so well, that I've had a taste of what it feels like to feel that good again, that I just figured that was it now I was better for good.But the recovery is long and goes up and down.

I'm so looking forward to the weather getting warmer, days outside in the sun and breathing in the fresh spring air.

No comments: