A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
A message from Rachel (Sawer) Barkey
The following is written by my friend Rachel who is approaching the final stretch of a hard battle with breast cancer. She is just 37, a wife and mother of two little ones. She shares:
Dying is hard.
I'm not sure what I thought it would be like but I think I hoped it
would be easier than this. But, admittedly, I'm not that tough.
First of all, I've never done it before and there's no one around
who's done it before to ask how to do it well. You have to prioritize
and plan your days, weeks, months, without knowing how much time you
actually have. You have to find the balance between complaining so
that you can get relief and not complaining so that you don't annoy
all the nice people who are trying to help you. All this, I am
learning, I am not that good at.
I went to bed the other night feeling ok but woke up an hour later
with searing pain in my head. If it didn't sound so odd, I'd say that
I can feel the cancer growing. My face went more numb and I had crazy
pain in my jaw and head. The cancer has spread to my shoulders too so
those ache often as well. I took some pain medication and it's
subsided somewhat but was then wide awake and couldn't stop thinking
about how this is all going to go down. Will it be fast? Slow? More
painful than it is now? I ask but there are, of course, no answers.
The last couple of weeks have been a bit more rough. More bad days.
Fewer good days. I've had some more radiation on my other hip and my
sternum where the cancer has spread and was causing discomfort. I
usually get a little "bounce" a few days after the radiation when the
nausea and fatigue from the treatment have worn off. Today was one of
those days - kind of. I got to to go out for lunch with a friend. I
got to take the kids to their art class. I got to get the groceries
for supper. And then I came home and spent the rest of the day in
bed...and my head started hurting. It's like that. Ups and downs. And
it can vary by the hour. Which I'm sure, if it is frustrating for me,
must be maddening to those around me who have to deal with me. One
moment I am insisting that I am perfectly fine to do something and the
next am asking for help to get a sip of water.
Dying is hard. And now I better understand some of the things people
struggle with as they near death.
I remember my grandmother who, at the end of her life could not move,
see or hear very well and wondered what Jesus was waiting for - why
wouldn't he take her home now? I understand how she felt. I remember
my grandfather, who died just last year, as he patiently endured our
entreaties to eat, our constant asking of "How are you feeling?" or
our efforts to make him more comfortable. I understand how he felt.
And then there are the moments where the kids ask, "Mom, how come you
got cancer?" Those questions, of course, are the hardest.
Although I do very little these days, the one thing I do is pray more.
I've never been a great person of prayer, to my shame. But when I'm
lying awake at night or trying not to throw up or just alone in bed -
I pray. I pray because it is the only useful thing I can do. And, that
said, it is a very good investment of the time I do have. I pray for
Neil. A lot. How grateful I am for him and for strength to endure what
is being asked of him. I pray for Quinn and Kate - while I still can.
And I pray for the many people that God brings to my mind in the midst
of my darkness.
So all that to say, I'm not very good at this. I am trying though. And
when I think of the end, of how hard dying already is, and of how
hard it will be for those I love when I'm gone, these are the verses
that come to mind:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you."
Isaiah 43:1-2
Dying is hard. But not as hard as it could be.
with love,
rb
Dying is hard.
I'm not sure what I thought it would be like but I think I hoped it
would be easier than this. But, admittedly, I'm not that tough.
First of all, I've never done it before and there's no one around
who's done it before to ask how to do it well. You have to prioritize
and plan your days, weeks, months, without knowing how much time you
actually have. You have to find the balance between complaining so
that you can get relief and not complaining so that you don't annoy
all the nice people who are trying to help you. All this, I am
learning, I am not that good at.
I went to bed the other night feeling ok but woke up an hour later
with searing pain in my head. If it didn't sound so odd, I'd say that
I can feel the cancer growing. My face went more numb and I had crazy
pain in my jaw and head. The cancer has spread to my shoulders too so
those ache often as well. I took some pain medication and it's
subsided somewhat but was then wide awake and couldn't stop thinking
about how this is all going to go down. Will it be fast? Slow? More
painful than it is now? I ask but there are, of course, no answers.
The last couple of weeks have been a bit more rough. More bad days.
Fewer good days. I've had some more radiation on my other hip and my
sternum where the cancer has spread and was causing discomfort. I
usually get a little "bounce" a few days after the radiation when the
nausea and fatigue from the treatment have worn off. Today was one of
those days - kind of. I got to to go out for lunch with a friend. I
got to take the kids to their art class. I got to get the groceries
for supper. And then I came home and spent the rest of the day in
bed...and my head started hurting. It's like that. Ups and downs. And
it can vary by the hour. Which I'm sure, if it is frustrating for me,
must be maddening to those around me who have to deal with me. One
moment I am insisting that I am perfectly fine to do something and the
next am asking for help to get a sip of water.
Dying is hard. And now I better understand some of the things people
struggle with as they near death.
I remember my grandmother who, at the end of her life could not move,
see or hear very well and wondered what Jesus was waiting for - why
wouldn't he take her home now? I understand how she felt. I remember
my grandfather, who died just last year, as he patiently endured our
entreaties to eat, our constant asking of "How are you feeling?" or
our efforts to make him more comfortable. I understand how he felt.
And then there are the moments where the kids ask, "Mom, how come you
got cancer?" Those questions, of course, are the hardest.
Although I do very little these days, the one thing I do is pray more.
I've never been a great person of prayer, to my shame. But when I'm
lying awake at night or trying not to throw up or just alone in bed -
I pray. I pray because it is the only useful thing I can do. And, that
said, it is a very good investment of the time I do have. I pray for
Neil. A lot. How grateful I am for him and for strength to endure what
is being asked of him. I pray for Quinn and Kate - while I still can.
And I pray for the many people that God brings to my mind in the midst
of my darkness.
So all that to say, I'm not very good at this. I am trying though. And
when I think of the end, of how hard dying already is, and of how
hard it will be for those I love when I'm gone, these are the verses
that come to mind:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you."
Isaiah 43:1-2
Dying is hard. But not as hard as it could be.
with love,
rb
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Over all good News.
I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon today and over all he had good news for me. In his opinion he didn't feel there was any concern for any Breast cancer "brewing" at my mastectomy site (it's always great to get a few opinions I say) and he was fairly confident that the infection was irraticated by the antibiodic regiment that I'd been on. Having said that he also said there were also no guarentees of either, that they were his medical opinion only. I love a Dr. who admits openly that he doesn't have all the answers:)
The long and the short of it is that I won't be having surgery for another 8 weeks or so, and even then I will be on a cancellation wait list so I won't have a date until shortly before the procedure. I was releived that it will be done by summer more or less and was even happier when he said that it was very likely that he could replace the old implant with a new one. Part of the reason for the wait is the time it takes to get MSP approval for the surgery. If I had an infection now I'd could have the surgery now, but because it cleared up I can't. A little frustrating. This puts off returning to work, as the incapsulation of the implant (long story) has caused a dull ache and often pain in my chest (the right side mostly of course but all over when it's really bad)
I am feeling a little stronger each day. I managed part of the day even by myself with the girls and took them to playplace for a bit. I had help with the house and the girls today and I still feel wiped out. I am looking forward to a good nights sleep, mom is here for the night. Chris left this morning for tour. He is definately missed already.
All in all it's all good. Day by day looking forward. Day by day a little bit more.
The long and the short of it is that I won't be having surgery for another 8 weeks or so, and even then I will be on a cancellation wait list so I won't have a date until shortly before the procedure. I was releived that it will be done by summer more or less and was even happier when he said that it was very likely that he could replace the old implant with a new one. Part of the reason for the wait is the time it takes to get MSP approval for the surgery. If I had an infection now I'd could have the surgery now, but because it cleared up I can't. A little frustrating. This puts off returning to work, as the incapsulation of the implant (long story) has caused a dull ache and often pain in my chest (the right side mostly of course but all over when it's really bad)
I am feeling a little stronger each day. I managed part of the day even by myself with the girls and took them to playplace for a bit. I had help with the house and the girls today and I still feel wiped out. I am looking forward to a good nights sleep, mom is here for the night. Chris left this morning for tour. He is definately missed already.
All in all it's all good. Day by day looking forward. Day by day a little bit more.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It came up and then flew out...yuck!
Just when I started feeling a bit better and was able to go home for some visits, I got hit with a nasty stomach "bug". Easter Sunday night for about 8 hours I experienced violent vomitting, horrible gut wrenching pain.(and NO I didn't have too much chocolate:) I was left exhausted and slept most of Monday.
I am feeling much better today, though tired and weak, as I have been for some time.
I was hoping to come home from the hospital for good tomorrow, but it maybe a few more days now. I allow my Dr's make those decisions. I believe they are doing what they feel is best for me. I'm having to trust their decisions, though it is hard sometimes.When I feel so unwell most of the time, I know I am where I should be.
I meet with the surgeon tomorrow to decide when it's best for me to get surgery, I will post when that will be as soon as possible.
Chris leaves tomorrow for a 13 day tour, playing drums for an artist named Janelle. He flys to Edmonton and leave on the tour bus heading for the US. It will be tricky having him gone and me probably needing the surgery while he's away. I'll try not to worry about it now and take one day at a time.
Hope you had a wonderful weekend with your families for Easter!
God Bless,
Feather
I am feeling much better today, though tired and weak, as I have been for some time.
I was hoping to come home from the hospital for good tomorrow, but it maybe a few more days now. I allow my Dr's make those decisions. I believe they are doing what they feel is best for me. I'm having to trust their decisions, though it is hard sometimes.When I feel so unwell most of the time, I know I am where I should be.
I meet with the surgeon tomorrow to decide when it's best for me to get surgery, I will post when that will be as soon as possible.
Chris leaves tomorrow for a 13 day tour, playing drums for an artist named Janelle. He flys to Edmonton and leave on the tour bus heading for the US. It will be tricky having him gone and me probably needing the surgery while he's away. I'll try not to worry about it now and take one day at a time.
Hope you had a wonderful weekend with your families for Easter!
God Bless,
Feather
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Not Guilty.
The following is an exerpt from the book "Not Guilty-My guide to Working Hard, Raising kids and laughing through the Chaos." by Debbie Travis. I love her honesty about parenting. There needs to be more of this floating around and landing in our laps. This bit can be found in May's Reader's Digest.
"It's all right not only to cry but to laugh at the insanity that is motherhood."
GETTING PAST THE GUILT
A few years ago, I was asked to speak to a group of women at a charity luncheon. It was the first time I'd been asked to talk publicly about something other than decorating. As I went on stage, the organizer whispered, "Just tell tham about your life."
So I did. I told them how I'd started from nothing, moving to Canada from England after I met Hans, building up a decorative-painting business while my lids were small, then doing two Tv shows- Painted house and Facelift.
I said that by painting and filming in other families' homes I had a birds-eye view of the dynamics of parents and children, husbands and wives and saw it is normal to swing wildly between loving our husbands and children and wanting to throw them out the window.
After, a woman stood up and siad show owned two coffee-shop fanchises and was a mother of three children. "My questions to you Debbie, is: How do you get up in the morning?" She promptly burst into tears; then, to my horror, everyone in the audience began to cry.
It was an indication of how stressed out and fearful women are these days. They feel guilty about even the smallest things. Is the world really going to implode if you don't bake cookies for the school bake sale?!? Does it matter if your house is spotless for the mother's group?
The women at the talk were relieved to hear someone say that they didn't have to be perfect, that it's all right not only to cry but to laugh at the insanity that is motherhood.
Debbie Travis's Ten Commandments for Parenting
1. Treat your kids like a painting job: It's all in the preparation. Take the time to sand and prime well, and the results will be as good as perfect. Don't worry too much about the cracks or blotches-they just add character.
2. Make life as easy as possible. Do not be afraid to cut corners.
3. Learn to use the word NO at every opportunity. Your children will soon get bored and move on to the next demand.
4. Burn your child-rearing books. OR stack them up and stand on them so you can reach your towering teen to be able to shout at him, eye to eye. Or build a wall with them to seperate bickering siblings.
5. Be prepared for war. You need a brilliant strategy and state-of-the-art weapons to raise a family. Conquer your children early on, but be fore-warned: they are masteres of the element of surprise!
6. Don't be afraid to ask for help. When the going gets tough, call for real-life back-up. Share your failures with other leaders, as they may have more advanced weaponry up their sleeves.
7. A good tantrum clears the air. I'm talking about you here: Learn from your kids that crying can get you what you want.:)
8. Follow your kid's lead in laughter, games and plain silliness. They know best about some things.
9. Love the chaos. Praise your messy house daily, even pray to it, because before you blink, your children will be gone and it will be way too tidy.
10. Look after yourself. The wheels on the bus go round and round...and round and round. Learn to take a break. Never be ashamed to tell the family you are leaving, and you are going to be alone, even if it's only for 24 hours. They will survive.
By: Debbie Travis
Feather's Comments: I hope reading this gave you a reason to breath a little easier like it did for me. Perhaps I am more normal than I thought after all!!
"It's all right not only to cry but to laugh at the insanity that is motherhood."
GETTING PAST THE GUILT
A few years ago, I was asked to speak to a group of women at a charity luncheon. It was the first time I'd been asked to talk publicly about something other than decorating. As I went on stage, the organizer whispered, "Just tell tham about your life."
So I did. I told them how I'd started from nothing, moving to Canada from England after I met Hans, building up a decorative-painting business while my lids were small, then doing two Tv shows- Painted house and Facelift.
I said that by painting and filming in other families' homes I had a birds-eye view of the dynamics of parents and children, husbands and wives and saw it is normal to swing wildly between loving our husbands and children and wanting to throw them out the window.
After, a woman stood up and siad show owned two coffee-shop fanchises and was a mother of three children. "My questions to you Debbie, is: How do you get up in the morning?" She promptly burst into tears; then, to my horror, everyone in the audience began to cry.
It was an indication of how stressed out and fearful women are these days. They feel guilty about even the smallest things. Is the world really going to implode if you don't bake cookies for the school bake sale?!? Does it matter if your house is spotless for the mother's group?
The women at the talk were relieved to hear someone say that they didn't have to be perfect, that it's all right not only to cry but to laugh at the insanity that is motherhood.
Debbie Travis's Ten Commandments for Parenting
1. Treat your kids like a painting job: It's all in the preparation. Take the time to sand and prime well, and the results will be as good as perfect. Don't worry too much about the cracks or blotches-they just add character.
2. Make life as easy as possible. Do not be afraid to cut corners.
3. Learn to use the word NO at every opportunity. Your children will soon get bored and move on to the next demand.
4. Burn your child-rearing books. OR stack them up and stand on them so you can reach your towering teen to be able to shout at him, eye to eye. Or build a wall with them to seperate bickering siblings.
5. Be prepared for war. You need a brilliant strategy and state-of-the-art weapons to raise a family. Conquer your children early on, but be fore-warned: they are masteres of the element of surprise!
6. Don't be afraid to ask for help. When the going gets tough, call for real-life back-up. Share your failures with other leaders, as they may have more advanced weaponry up their sleeves.
7. A good tantrum clears the air. I'm talking about you here: Learn from your kids that crying can get you what you want.:)
8. Follow your kid's lead in laughter, games and plain silliness. They know best about some things.
9. Love the chaos. Praise your messy house daily, even pray to it, because before you blink, your children will be gone and it will be way too tidy.
10. Look after yourself. The wheels on the bus go round and round...and round and round. Learn to take a break. Never be ashamed to tell the family you are leaving, and you are going to be alone, even if it's only for 24 hours. They will survive.
By: Debbie Travis
Feather's Comments: I hope reading this gave you a reason to breath a little easier like it did for me. Perhaps I am more normal than I thought after all!!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Happy Easter.
This Easter I feel like a good egg with a wee-bit of a crack:)
Happy Easter to all the good eggs I know, the slightly cracked, the grade A, the broken and the rare double yolked!
God Bless you and your families this Holy holiday.
Feather and Family
Happy Easter to all the good eggs I know, the slightly cracked, the grade A, the broken and the rare double yolked!
God Bless you and your families this Holy holiday.
Feather and Family
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Clearing the air.
There seems to be a little confusion out there so I would like to clear the air. I was admitted to the out-patient psych program as a medical patient. I know there is so much stigma out there attached to the mental health community, that many people don't quite know what to make of me being where I am.
To be honest it has been one of the more interesting experiences of my life:) And again I believe I am right where I need to be. They nurses have been amazing! As well as being able to have my medical needs closely supervised, I've also been able to find a medication that helps me to sleep better at night and a medication that helps me with some of my anxieties.
I have met an incredibly diverse group of wonderful people that I otherwise would have not likely met. Though it has truned out that there are a few that I have discovered I only have one degree of seperation from. We've celebrated with one patient her birthday and in the same week her becoming a grandmother. I've been able to share and talk with many, even some who laugh and cry back and forth, but it has been a great life learning experience that I am grateful for.
I am also very thankful for the attentive medical attention I am receiving,that is why I am here. My DR. is amazing and he has worked hard to have me where I can get the medical attention I need, it's the only way I can get tests done quickly without long waits because there is still some cause for concern at this point.
As it stands I will be spending the entire weekend at home with the family for Easter. IF anything arises medically I have a bed to come to at the hospital right away, no long ER waits, but I have an official "pass" for the weekend, very interesting?!?
I have to stop myself from laughing when other patients in this ward come to me and ask me why I am here because I am obviously "normal"!!! To be honest I've never felt so normal, stable and sane in my whole life:)!!!
Lord willing there is nothing to be found by these tests but I am grateful for them. I will have surgery again, like I mentioned previosly, in the not to distant future (couple weeks or so). Today I will go home and spend some time with my family again and then I will come back here once the children are asleep. Once I've had a good,long restful nights sleep, adn my vitals are monitored by the nurse, I will head home again tomorrow morning. With reassesment and converstations with my medical team, this seems to be the best option for me at this time. It calms my heart to know I am being so well cared for:)
Visitors are welcome anytime, give me a call on my cell, or come on through and see me in Baker !. It is an open ward, just like the medical, I am in room 121. If I am not there they can page me or call my cell. WE can visit inthe lobby if you aren't sure what some of the patients may do, but it can be rather entertaining at times, sad at others, and mostly quite "normal":)
Take some time to figure out how "normal" you are today!!:)
Feather
To be honest it has been one of the more interesting experiences of my life:) And again I believe I am right where I need to be. They nurses have been amazing! As well as being able to have my medical needs closely supervised, I've also been able to find a medication that helps me to sleep better at night and a medication that helps me with some of my anxieties.
I have met an incredibly diverse group of wonderful people that I otherwise would have not likely met. Though it has truned out that there are a few that I have discovered I only have one degree of seperation from. We've celebrated with one patient her birthday and in the same week her becoming a grandmother. I've been able to share and talk with many, even some who laugh and cry back and forth, but it has been a great life learning experience that I am grateful for.
I am also very thankful for the attentive medical attention I am receiving,that is why I am here. My DR. is amazing and he has worked hard to have me where I can get the medical attention I need, it's the only way I can get tests done quickly without long waits because there is still some cause for concern at this point.
As it stands I will be spending the entire weekend at home with the family for Easter. IF anything arises medically I have a bed to come to at the hospital right away, no long ER waits, but I have an official "pass" for the weekend, very interesting?!?
I have to stop myself from laughing when other patients in this ward come to me and ask me why I am here because I am obviously "normal"!!! To be honest I've never felt so normal, stable and sane in my whole life:)!!!
Lord willing there is nothing to be found by these tests but I am grateful for them. I will have surgery again, like I mentioned previosly, in the not to distant future (couple weeks or so). Today I will go home and spend some time with my family again and then I will come back here once the children are asleep. Once I've had a good,long restful nights sleep, adn my vitals are monitored by the nurse, I will head home again tomorrow morning. With reassesment and converstations with my medical team, this seems to be the best option for me at this time. It calms my heart to know I am being so well cared for:)
Visitors are welcome anytime, give me a call on my cell, or come on through and see me in Baker !. It is an open ward, just like the medical, I am in room 121. If I am not there they can page me or call my cell. WE can visit inthe lobby if you aren't sure what some of the patients may do, but it can be rather entertaining at times, sad at others, and mostly quite "normal":)
Take some time to figure out how "normal" you are today!!:)
Feather
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
MRI results
So I've had a few people ask about my MRI results. Thankfully the area they did the MRI doesn't show any signs of cancer. The area they checked is a fairly small area, my right breast mound area and under the right arm, in the arm pit area. The lymph nodes seem clear there. Unfortunately the way the lymphactic system works through out the body, these results do encourage me,but do not convince me that what has been going on in my body couldn't be cancer related.
Though I am feeling stronger, I feel only about 40% of what I would consider "normal" for me. I feel in many ways that I am starting at square one, and other ways I see that I have come so far.
I just had an amazing visit from an abc restaurant customer. A police officer that I had served many times over the past 4 years. He knew a fair bit about my story and he was diagnosed 7 months ago with stage 4 cancer. He has a primary site and I believe 2 or 3 metestatic sites.He was here for radiation and chemo today, and he came to share with me and very much encouraged me. He was given 6 months to live 8 months ago and he believes that he has a treat able disease that he will live with for the rest of his life, but he is surviving now and intends to fight every day from now on.
God works through His creation in might and wonderful ways:)
May God bring blessings to you today and may you be "present" to receive them!
Feather
Though I am feeling stronger, I feel only about 40% of what I would consider "normal" for me. I feel in many ways that I am starting at square one, and other ways I see that I have come so far.
I just had an amazing visit from an abc restaurant customer. A police officer that I had served many times over the past 4 years. He knew a fair bit about my story and he was diagnosed 7 months ago with stage 4 cancer. He has a primary site and I believe 2 or 3 metestatic sites.He was here for radiation and chemo today, and he came to share with me and very much encouraged me. He was given 6 months to live 8 months ago and he believes that he has a treat able disease that he will live with for the rest of his life, but he is surviving now and intends to fight every day from now on.
God works through His creation in might and wonderful ways:)
May God bring blessings to you today and may you be "present" to receive them!
Feather
Heading home?!?
Mostly I have been feeling a little better each day. My body took a beating from all the antibiodics,infections and minor surgery. It was thought that I would be getting sugery this week, but that doesn't look possibel now, the extra long weekend bogs things down (less OR time) So instead of heading home before I was ready and able, my Dr's had an idea, one I wasn't so keen on at first but when you feel as weak as I was you generally will just do what you are told:)
SO their suggestion, which I didn't have to do, was my choice, and I knew would be until I was feeling better, rested and more able; I resigned myself to the outpatient/volunteer psych program. I got a lovely room to myself, a great view, great food, and generally really good company!!
I know it was the best choice and I feel remarkably better today. I really needed the extra rest. I also got lots of scrapbooking done, enjoyed watching American Idol on the big screen (I am an Adam Lambert Fan!!)and hope to go home tomorrow, barring no more complications.
Three weeks in the hospital is not my idea of a good time, but I needed to be here and I have tried to make the best of it. I am still rather sore. I will be getting surgery still to remove the right reconstructive implant, probably in couple of weeks. Unfortunately that is right when Chris will be gone on a tour:( I'll figure it all out when the time comes. Right now it's one day at a time as I recover and rest. I think I'll take a nap soon:)
Thanks everyone for the visits, flowers,gifts, cards and prayers.
On my way,
Feather
SO their suggestion, which I didn't have to do, was my choice, and I knew would be until I was feeling better, rested and more able; I resigned myself to the outpatient/volunteer psych program. I got a lovely room to myself, a great view, great food, and generally really good company!!
I know it was the best choice and I feel remarkably better today. I really needed the extra rest. I also got lots of scrapbooking done, enjoyed watching American Idol on the big screen (I am an Adam Lambert Fan!!)and hope to go home tomorrow, barring no more complications.
Three weeks in the hospital is not my idea of a good time, but I needed to be here and I have tried to make the best of it. I am still rather sore. I will be getting surgery still to remove the right reconstructive implant, probably in couple of weeks. Unfortunately that is right when Chris will be gone on a tour:( I'll figure it all out when the time comes. Right now it's one day at a time as I recover and rest. I think I'll take a nap soon:)
Thanks everyone for the visits, flowers,gifts, cards and prayers.
On my way,
Feather
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Recovering
I am still quite sore from minor surgery Thursday and still feeling the effects of anesthetic, but I am able to do a little (on pain meds) and continue to recover.
I took a 6 hour break from the hospital today, first time in 18 days, and it did feel a little odd to be back in the "real" world.
I feel so grateful that I get to spend this time in THIS hospital, it is so bright and shiny!! Not that I want to be in the hospital but if I have to be in one, this is the place to be. Abbotsford regional hospital and Cancer centre opened mid-August last year and is gorgeous.
So I got "out" so I could go to my girls birthday party. Cadence is 4 and Carmelle is 6, they share a party. The princess extravaganza was a hit! The girls were spoiled and the cake I ordered actually tasted really good. I'm so glad I could be there.
I'm healing and awaiting possible surgery this week. The right implant from my breast reconstruction will be removed soon. The sooner the better I hope so
I can recover and move on.
Sincerely,
Feather Janz
I took a 6 hour break from the hospital today, first time in 18 days, and it did feel a little odd to be back in the "real" world.
I feel so grateful that I get to spend this time in THIS hospital, it is so bright and shiny!! Not that I want to be in the hospital but if I have to be in one, this is the place to be. Abbotsford regional hospital and Cancer centre opened mid-August last year and is gorgeous.
So I got "out" so I could go to my girls birthday party. Cadence is 4 and Carmelle is 6, they share a party. The princess extravaganza was a hit! The girls were spoiled and the cake I ordered actually tasted really good. I'm so glad I could be there.
I'm healing and awaiting possible surgery this week. The right implant from my breast reconstruction will be removed soon. The sooner the better I hope so
I can recover and move on.
Sincerely,
Feather Janz
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wish me luck.
It's the middle of the night, I awoke after 3 hours sleep due to physical discomfort just shy of pain. They gave me a pill of something an hour ago, I'm not sleeping the discomfort is still there, only now I have heart burn from the pill. I don't for see myself falling asleep anytime soon:(
It is also the anxiety of the day ahead of me that keeps me up. The laperscopic (I think that is how it is spelt?!?!)procedure I have scheduled today will be done in Delta. The surgery time is 11am and I head there at 8 am with Medi-Van, it's just like an ambulance but only transports patients.
I'm hoping to catch up my sleep while laying dowon in the van to and from Delta and probably sleeping lots afterwards; I hope.
I'm looking at the four batches of flowers that I have received from friends and family, and they look so lovely even in the dim light. I also admired the beautiful yellow daffodils that fill all the tables of the main lobby of the hospital. They took my breath away and filled my eyes with tears. I can' help but get emotional every April when they come out from Cancer Month. As I looked down into the lobby from my third floor, I saw them 20 to a vase and 10 vases on 10 tables. The numbers of flowers represent to me the lives that I have know to be lost to this terrible disease; But also the hope, in the promise that they will return every spring.
I believe that I to will return in the spring:)
Forever the "Flower Child",
Feather
It is also the anxiety of the day ahead of me that keeps me up. The laperscopic (I think that is how it is spelt?!?!)procedure I have scheduled today will be done in Delta. The surgery time is 11am and I head there at 8 am with Medi-Van, it's just like an ambulance but only transports patients.
I'm hoping to catch up my sleep while laying dowon in the van to and from Delta and probably sleeping lots afterwards; I hope.
I'm looking at the four batches of flowers that I have received from friends and family, and they look so lovely even in the dim light. I also admired the beautiful yellow daffodils that fill all the tables of the main lobby of the hospital. They took my breath away and filled my eyes with tears. I can' help but get emotional every April when they come out from Cancer Month. As I looked down into the lobby from my third floor, I saw them 20 to a vase and 10 vases on 10 tables. The numbers of flowers represent to me the lives that I have know to be lost to this terrible disease; But also the hope, in the promise that they will return every spring.
I believe that I to will return in the spring:)
Forever the "Flower Child",
Feather
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
What's up!?!?!
What's up with me? Good Question:)!! No... really I will spare you all the details.
I have a minor surgery tomorrow, probably not up for visitors Thursday. Friday I welcome anyone:) But things change for me often please check here for any updates.
I will be having my right reconstructive breast implant removed fairly soon, not sure when. I won't be eligable for new reconstruction on that site for a year. The skin has to fully heal and due to the radiation, infection etc, they would have to wait a year. I am making peace with this.
Being away from my family has been hard. But if I write much more about thaht I will just start crying again. The girls birthday party is Saturday, if all goes well I can get leave for the party in the afternoon. Thankfully Chris,Jessyca, Mom and friends will be handling the party. I will just be there to enjoy it and take lots of photos for more scrapbooks.
One good thiing about being here is that I have been able to get so much scrapbooking done:)
Finding the silver-lining,
Feather
I have a minor surgery tomorrow, probably not up for visitors Thursday. Friday I welcome anyone:) But things change for me often please check here for any updates.
I will be having my right reconstructive breast implant removed fairly soon, not sure when. I won't be eligable for new reconstruction on that site for a year. The skin has to fully heal and due to the radiation, infection etc, they would have to wait a year. I am making peace with this.
Being away from my family has been hard. But if I write much more about thaht I will just start crying again. The girls birthday party is Saturday, if all goes well I can get leave for the party in the afternoon. Thankfully Chris,Jessyca, Mom and friends will be handling the party. I will just be there to enjoy it and take lots of photos for more scrapbooks.
One good thiing about being here is that I have been able to get so much scrapbooking done:)
Finding the silver-lining,
Feather
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