Inspirational Day 2010

Introduction:



When I reflect back on my life,I see so many opposing life circumstances; so many contrasts; sometimes quite extreme.I thought you may find them interesting and probably relate to some of them yourself.



Like my name for example; when I hear my name,"Feather" it is normal to me, when you hear my name "Feather" you probably think, "What were her parent's thinking?!?!" Well, I'm not sure but they were Hippies, so that seems to explain a lot.



Then when I was 26 and got married my name got even more interesting, because I got to add "Janz" as my last name. So that is the first example, of one of my life contrasts. "Feather", on one hand and "Janz", on the other. A good "flower child" name and a good German Mennonite name.



While writing of this I thought of my dog,Lilah, she's half Chihuahua and Half Jack Russell Terrier; she's purposefully bred that way... she's what they call a Jack-chi,a designer breed ...but when comparing myself to this example I'm referring more to the "designer" part! NOT the dog part:)



Anyway my life seems to follow a bit of a pattern; 'Anything but Normal" meets "conservative-Traditional" ...Feather (Anything but normal) and Janz (Conservative-Traditional). I'm sure Chris's Grandpa Leo Janz, the German World Evangelist and the founder of Janz Team Ministries, never would have thought he'd have a Grand-daughter-in-law with the name Feather, just as my Great-aunt Catherine, a committed life-long Nun, would have never imagined her Great-Niece, becoming Mennonite either. Catholic...Mennonite...hmmmm...Roman Catholic...German Mennonite.



Part #1:



-(on one hand) Being raised on an organic food farm, drinking our goat's milk everyday...Now diet Coke is my daily guilty pleasure (on the other hand).



-Raised as the wholesome, natural, "Granola-girl" and now I love my fake nails, fake tan, fake blond streaks,fake hair extensions, make-up, fake eye-lashes, oh and now fake breasts.



-Once Wearing a set of family t-shirts that said "How in the Health are ya?", and "I think therefore I recycle!"; Which we traded in for, "Make Borscht,not Bombs!" and "WWJD" across our hearts. (What would Jesus do)



- I had a guru-worshiping, third-eye mediating, new-age hippie mom; who is now a deacon in a Mennonite church.



- When I was 7, I had my Mom help me write an essay for a contest called "What the Bible means to me" (which I won:), then a year later she discovered what the Bible meant to her.



- I graduated high school with honours and then got a "P" (49.5%i) in college my first semester.



- I know how it feels to strive for perfectionism; and then to realize that the only thing perfect in my life is my Savior...(oh and the dentist has I have naturally perfect teeth:)(Dud breasts but perfect teeth!!:)



- I know what it's like to be a fitness model and then only being able to buy my clothes at a plus sized store.



- I know what it's like to have have hundred of people say to me, "I think you dated a guy I know." (There were a "few"!!) and actually being able to have an "official" white wedding.



- I know what it's like to have two Dad's walk me down the isle and I know how it feels to have my Heavenly Father with me, every step of my life.



Part #2:

-From hearing the name of my Lord and Savior, for the first time, as a curse word from the mouths of my parent's friends and them being wed bare-foot on a beach; to me being baptized with Holy water in to the Mennonite Church (MB Conference).



- My parent's divorcing when I was 3 and preparing to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary.



- I know what it's like to be called to the Mission field and to be called back into the home.



- I know what it's like to be a full-time working mom, a part-time working Mom, a stay at home Mom and a bed-ridden Mom.



- I know what it's like to travel across the country, by myself working and then not being able to drive on my own, for months.



- I know what it's like to be interviewed on several national TV programs and to have all the right answers and I know what's like to feel like I know... nothing at all.



-I know what it's like to have money to spare and also how it feels to ask others for financial help.



-I have spent 7 days backpacking the West Coast Trail, in the wilderness and I have spent 7 days debilitated by asthma, stuck in my room with my hepa-filter.



-I know what it's like to keep a house "where everything is in it's place" and what it's like to have a home where nothing is where it belongs (even when God has me right where He wants me;)



-I've gone from being the "healthiest" person people know, to having breast cancer twice by 35 years old.



- I know what it's like to check mark the "I'm in excellent health" box; while between 6 months of chemo and 7 weeks of radiation.( Just A little bit of denial:)



- I've run a half marathon and also wondered how I was going to get from my bed to the toilet, that was only 10 feet away.



-I've lost a breast to cancer at 23, while praying I'd make it to my 10 year dream, of breast-feeding my children, which came to be when I was able to successfully nourish my children with my remaining breast.



- I'm a breast feeding consultant and breast health instructor; even though I no longer have breasts.



- I've already had menopause, due to chemo and then had my fertility come back (though I was medically advised not to use it) and even though menopause was like a form of torture (oh, I have so much sympathy for women going through menopause) but even though it was 8 horrible months, I do look forward to living long enough to go through menopause again.



-I know what it's like to feel "on top of my game" as a mother; and then also thinking "I have no idea what I'm doing."



Part #3:



- I know how it feels to fear losing my child's life, how it feels to think I'm losing my marriage, and how it feels to fear losing my own life; thankfully not all at the same time.



- I know what it's like to be, on what many thought was my death bed and then 7 months later being able to go on rides at Disneyland for 12 hours straight with my kids.



-At one time in my life I was the top player on my soccer team, making the most goals and the had a time when my personal goals were reduced to just trying to stay awake and alert for At least 6 hours a day.



- I've had hair down to my waist for 9 years and I've been bald for 9 months.



- I know what it's like to hold my children so close and never want to let them go and how to surrender them to God, as I felt my life slipping away.



- I know what it's like to forgive but not forget; and still hold resentment.



- I've seen in my husband's eyes, on our wedding day, the look that made me know I was his for the rest of my life, even after only 9 months of knowing each other; then 9 years later, while I was bald and bloated, I still saw the same look in his eyes...even if "'till death do us part" meant only 9 more months together.


- I know how it feels to clean up the drug ridden mess of a loved one and how it feels to be completely high in the Holy Spirit. Amen!



- I know what it's like to be devastated by the death of my best friend at 29; and to have total peace that I will see her again one day (Lord willing, a long-time from now)



- I know what it's like to lie on an operating table 14 times and what it's like to experience healing over and over again.



- I've been a 23 year old cancer patient, a 12 year cancer survivor; a 35 year old breast cancer patient and now a double breast cancer survivor.



- I know how it feels to look in the mirror and see a "stranger", who vaguely resembles me, in my reflection; with no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, no waistline and no breasts...but feeling like I knew myself, ME!... "Feather"... better than ever!



Conclusion #1:



I was stripped bare and all that was left, was the woman God intended for me to be; covered in "His garb of Grace."



You are covered by God's grace. He created you...for His greater purpose, and all you have to do, is surrender and say "Here I am."



The following is a poem I wrote, entitled, "I am both", soon after coming through my cancer battle, almost two years ago.



I AM BOTH.



I can celebrate life and still be grieving.
I can smile and still be sad.
I can have a heavy heart and still shine.
I can mourn and still be dancing.



I am still me.



I can weep and still give a warm hug.
I can set boundaries and still receive gifts.
I can work and still feel like I'm playing.
I can be sick and still know that I'm well.



I am still me.



I can be angry and still seek peace.
I can close one door and still open another.
I can scream out in pain and still whisper, "I love you."
I can stride with confidence and still curl-up with insecurity.



I am still me.



I can ignore what I refuse to hear and still listen with wisdom.
I can fall down in shame and still rise-up with dignity.
I can pray for a miracle while still having doubt in my heart.
I can live life to the fullest and still embrace death.



I am still me.



I can have a child like faith and still feel my age.
I can see a storm cloud and still look for the rainbow.




I can feel the coolness of the rain and still sense the warmth of the sun.
I can know faith with no limits and still see the end.



I am still me.



I can teach my children to be independent and still hold them close.
I can see the positive in all things and not be blind to the negative.
I can stand corrected and still give advice.
I can receive a helping hand and still extend mine.



I am still me.



I can still know that I'm rich with no money at all.
I can still have compassion for the addict and hate the addiction.
I can still have a highlight on the lowest of days.
I can feel like I've still gained "the world" when I've lost so much.



I am still me.





In Conclusion:



Probably the most important life lesson the Lord has taught me, is that even when I feel so weak and I don't believe I can move an inch...He can still use me for His Glory. Even when we are still, He wants us to know that He is God. When we serve, with a serving heart, we don't even have to leave our bed, for Him to move mountains. But when He does call us to "Go", to take action, when we are able; it's time to obey. I'm glad that you were all able to be here today and I hope you will also be able to attend the retreat in October at Camp Squeah; Where I'll have the opportunity to get to know you better and you will certainly get to know even more about me.!


Introduce Lisa:



I’m so glad that Lisa could be here to day and that she will be joining us in October at Camp Squeah. Lisa and I have grown especially close over the past four years. I first heard of Lisa when our mutual friend, Debbie Fortnum, said she know a girl who could really sing and really write music. My husband Chris works in all areas of music; mostly producing other artists, in our studio, so they can have their own cd. Debbie knew Lisa was ready to have her own cd produced. Lisa came in as a young lady who had just lost her Mom to breast cancer and who had poured her heart into her lyrics and sound. When she sat down at our piano and began to sing on of her songs; I knew that she had a gift that needed to be heard. I got chills, as she sang and I didn’t want her to stop. We became close friends as Chris worked with Lisa, and we became even closer when I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year later. Perhaps our biggest bonding moments came when she came with our family to Disneyland, when I was nearing the end of my treatment and things weren’t looking so good for me. 10 days she stayed with us…and she still loves us!! We love you too Lisa!!



PRAYER



"God, I thank-you for everyday and especially days like today; where we can come before you surrendered and re-focused on who you have called each of us to be...your child...your creation...your bride.
Thank-you God for your faithfulness so that we can know, that we are always forgiven and never forgotten.
Thank-you Lord that you designed every woman here for your purpose...Your purpose, which is so much greater than our own.


God, you are Great, you are Mighty, you are never changing and you are good...even when we are broken and beaten down, you are unchanging, you are always good... you are good...all of the time.
Thank-you for this time, of basking in your Goodness and garbing ourselves in your Grace.
Amen.



Sing with Lisa:



You are Good




I cry out
For Your hand of mercy to heal me
I am weak
I need Your love to free me
O Lord, my Rock
My strength in weakness
Come rescue me, O Lord



You are my hope
Your promise never fails me
And my desire
Is to follow You forever
For You are good
For You are good
For You are good to me