The baseline of human physical existance, an infantile state, is to eat, sleep and poop. This is where I find myself, dependant and void of all the independance I once cherished. Even here I require medicinal intervention to achieve the lowest form of existance. I have troubles in all three of these areas, none of which are coming by me naturally at this time. In order to sleep I have to take sleeping pills, as I otherwise lay there with my mind racing and making restful sleep impossible. To eat, I have to inject anti-nausea medications before I can consider eating a small amount of food, so I don't vomit later. To do the later, I have to take several laxitives a day to try and maintain some regularity. I learnt this the hard way, when I realized, painfully that it had been 10 days since I'd had such movement. Basically I'm in a position where I can't expect anything else from myself but these 3 things and others need to understand that this is where I'm at.
Having fond memories of what it once felt like to be independant,
Feather
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My heart aches for you... but I love your honesty and realness. I can only imagine what a struggle this is for you. I will keep praying for you. I wish I could take your suffering even for a week or two to give you a break. Wish I could help with a ride, but I am working today.--Amber
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