We set out for a complicated family day, as Chris had to work for two hours in the afternoon scheduled and for three hours in the evening all in the city, and Carmelle had a specialist appointment at Children’s in the morning, so we had planned a family day in and around the chaos of the day. And that was only the beginning!!
So firstly we set out separately, as to meet in Burnaby and leave Chris’s car until evening.
We first had to stop for something to eat, coffee and gas. So I headed into the McDonald’s drive through, my first mistake of the day, and proceeded to order us some breakfast and coffee, we don’t like the cheese on our egg McMuffin which seemed unfortunately to be to much for the window girl to handle. Chris was meanwhile right next door gasing up his car and waiting to gas up mine. Then when I tried to pay her with a $100, that a dear friend gave us to pay for our family day in the city, then she really didn’t know what to do, so the fast food drive through became not so fast (7-10 minutes) which apparently seemed like an eternity for the “gentleman” behind me as he got out of his vehicle and proceeded to hit my passenger window, yelling and swearing for me to get moving! He was at least 60 an definitely old enough to know better!! The fact that he just did this in front of my children, brought out the worst in me and as I yelled, “Get a life, SIR!”. The poor girl at the window was stunned, (more with him than with me I figure) I got my change and quickly moved on. I informed the next girl that the man behind me was angry and maybe even more so since I told him to get a life, but I told her that anyone who yells at a young mom in a mini van with young children on board, who’s bald and quite obviously fighting cancer, really needs to get a life! I apologized to her that she would now have to deal with him and I drove off!
When I told Chris what happened when I arrived at the Gas pump, he was quite willing to march over to the man’s vehicle and give him a piece of his mind, but I told him I already told the Guy, “to get a life.” So I figured, it was taken care of, besides I told Chris it may not have been the guy right behind me, he may have been two cars behind, I hadn’t really noticed. What I did notice is that quite quickly, I regretted what I’d said. I’d wished I’d said something like, “Go in peace.” I thought, perhaps those minutes in the drive through, were more precious minutes in his life than I realized. Maybe his life circumstances are more pressing, stressful and life-altering than mine. I don’t know what’s going on with him, so perhaps I was wrong to assume that he needed to get a life. It was a big lesson in that I don’t have any control over how other people act or behave, but I have control over how I react and respond. In my life I’ve been doing a lot of work on this with my therapist, on my reactions to things around me. I think it’s working because before, I don’t think I would have been as generous with my response to that man. And now I am at the point I’m even reevaluating telling him what I did and insinuating that he does have a life. Anyway, it was time to move on to my life and make my way with my family to the Children’s Hospital for Carmelle’s appointment with the Orthopedic specialist.
As we arrived Cadence vomited, covering the two foot radius around her, this is when I realized that McDonald’s had been a really bad idea. WE rolled down the window, Chris suggested I put on one of my mask just in case she’s contagious, and we looked for a parking spot that was not to be found. We ended up pulling into a “no parking spot” fairly close to the entrance, we were desperate to get out of the puke ridden vehicle and start cleaning up. Thankfully I came prepared with a package of Lysol disinfectant wipes and baby wipes. Carmelle was placed in the back hatch with a juice box, while we dealt with the situation at hand. Chris didn’t want me to touch anything just in case I were to get sick from it. So he went at it cleaning Cadence, stripping her down and changing her in the parking lot. The blanket beside her caught most of it and not the carpet of the van, thank-goddness. What I sight we were, all the doors open to the van, the smell of puke evident, I’m in a surgical mask and bald, one child is undressed, all the puky stuff is on the pavement and we are in a no Parking space. Chris had to rush Carmelle in for her appointment, so I walked Cadence around in her stroller around the van so we wouldn’t get towed. Sure enough a ground’s keeper comes by and informs me that I have to move our van. So I rattle off to him our circumstances, including that I’m on chemo and that the child that got sick isn’t even the one we were bringing here to the Children’s hospital, he felt sorry for us and told me just to move the van enough to not block the wheelchair ramp. Just as I finished talking to him, Cadence managed to knock her stroller and herself right over on to the pavement and have it collapse on her, I turn to see my 2 year old flealling on the ground and screaming. Thankfully she was fine and recovered well from everything, so we could continue on with our day as planned. (Though at that point we contemplated packing it in for the day and not allowing anything else to happen during the course of our planned day.)
Thankfully the Dr said that Carmelle’s slightly rotated hips/knock knees/pigeon-toes were doing much better. We just have to remain disciplined to have her sit cross-legged more.
Chris had work at a church in Point Grey, working on their sound system. The deal was that I’d get to nap there while he worked and watched the girls. I didn’t think there was anyway this was possible, and I was right, though I did manage a bit of a rest. Every 15 minutes Chris was calling me to handle the girls, they didn’t wreck the place to badly, just spilt a big container of bubble mix all over their carpet (opsie! Chris said It’ll just dry!) and off we went!
The Vancouver Aquarium was next on our list of things to do and just as we arrived, it started to rain. We were hungry and went straight to get something to eat, the food was terribly expensive, we should have known, but quite good at least, the crow thought so that swooped down and got what was left, (while we were still sitting there). Most of the shows got cancelled due to the rain, figures, but we had fun and got our exercise. Chris got a good work-out running after Cadence, who was obviously feeling much better!!
Then we headed off to the church where Chris was to work in the evening, where we’d left his car much earlier in the day. Shortly after dropping him off he called me on my cell to inform me that, they’d cancelled with out informing him so he was on his way home. AAHHHRGGG!!!
What made the entire day worth it, was to hear my two year old, in wide-eyed wonder exclaim over and over again at the aquarium, “OH, WOW!”. We certainly don’t need to “get a life”, we’ve got the best life. I have no regrets and I choose to focus on the blessings that are all around. Thank-you Lord for this day, Thursday June 28th, 2007, and the memories we made together as a family.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Getting Naked!
Carmelle (my 4 year old) said to me the other day while sheepishly grinning, "Mommy, your head is naked!!"
Nine years ago today...
At the end of the wonderful night at “Friends for Feather” as Chris finished singing and Justyn shared so passionately about my "Mountain" vision, Vern Hiedebrecht came up to pray. First he shared about being a part of our wedding ceremony nine years, almost to the day, as he prayed a beautiful prayer over our family, with everyone joining hands. Cadence and Carmelle were there, wiggling and holding hands as well. This is a family affair and I’m so glad they were there. The girls provided a health distraction so I didn’t break into the “ugly cry”.
This event was the most honouring of my life, next to my wedding day. The fact that it fell almost exactly 9 years to the day, I find symbolic. Today, June 26th is our actual Anniversary day, though we went out and celebrated last night (Chris forgot it was today (today being Tuesday) and booked work and band rehearsal, oh well) we had a wonderful dinner at the Keg and the leftovers were great even tonight. Our usual babysitter wasn’t available so her Mom came and wouldn’t let us pay her. That was very nice.
We feel blessed right, left and centre, especially when we found out that another $525 came into today, due to the fundraiser. That now puts our total at just over $6,500!! Wow!
Some extra good news was needed today as I endured the worst physical pain that I’ve had since surgery. I had quite intense bone pain, caused from the bone marrow being stimulated by the neuprogen injections to produce more white bloods cells. It was to be expected and I’ve had a bit of it, but this morning was more than I’d expected. Chris took very good care of me, and this was the much needed and romantic anniversary gift for me today. He’s been getting much better at giving me my injections by the way:)
I’ve actually been grateful for my roll of belly fat lately, it makes getting these injections much easier.
My actual anniversary gift, which I got already, is a silver heart locket that contains pictures of my girls. Chris got extra gifts for Father’s Day. I know, not very romantic on my part, but I went over budget on Father’s day gifts and we are trying to have some spending discipline over and above our usual good habits.
I think I’ve adjusted well to my baldness. I feel comfortable exposing it to others, as I did at Friends for Feather. I opened my talk to everyone with a joke I came up with. I held up a bald eagle feather and said, "What’s the difference between this and this?"( pointing to myself.) I said, “This is a bald eagle feather.” “And This… (refering to myself again) while taking off my head scarf, “IS a BALD FEATHER!” I proceeded to change my wigs and hats all through my talk, as to show everyone how I may look when they see me next, possibly even bald. SO far I’ve had trouble with people Not recognizing me. I think I’ll surprise myself and others with heading out bald more than I thought I would. I’ve grown quite use to it around the housenow, I usually only wear a hat or scarf only to keep my head warm or to keep the sun off of it.
I thought I’d miss my hair more. I always thought of my very long blonde hair as a bit of a “security blanket” for me. For some reason I thought I’d be less confident without it, which isn’t the case at all. I suppose it’s reassuring to know it’s a “phase” and that one day it will grow back. I reckon I’ve embraced, though not warmly, that fact that this is where I’m at in my life and being bald is a part of it. I am what a women who’s fighting breast cancer looks like, and I am that woman. If the rest of the world needs me to wear a wig so they can feel comfortable with my situation, well quite frankly I say, “To bad, so sad, suck it up!!”
Not to say that I won’t bring “Ami-Grace” and “Peggy-Sue” out sometimes. Then I get to control who and when people get to, just know what I’m going through. I suppose some days I might just prefer to have a little denial. My therapist would say, “That’s normal.” Though I’d say, “I’m anything but normal!”
This event was the most honouring of my life, next to my wedding day. The fact that it fell almost exactly 9 years to the day, I find symbolic. Today, June 26th is our actual Anniversary day, though we went out and celebrated last night (Chris forgot it was today (today being Tuesday) and booked work and band rehearsal, oh well) we had a wonderful dinner at the Keg and the leftovers were great even tonight. Our usual babysitter wasn’t available so her Mom came and wouldn’t let us pay her. That was very nice.
We feel blessed right, left and centre, especially when we found out that another $525 came into today, due to the fundraiser. That now puts our total at just over $6,500!! Wow!
Some extra good news was needed today as I endured the worst physical pain that I’ve had since surgery. I had quite intense bone pain, caused from the bone marrow being stimulated by the neuprogen injections to produce more white bloods cells. It was to be expected and I’ve had a bit of it, but this morning was more than I’d expected. Chris took very good care of me, and this was the much needed and romantic anniversary gift for me today. He’s been getting much better at giving me my injections by the way:)
I’ve actually been grateful for my roll of belly fat lately, it makes getting these injections much easier.
My actual anniversary gift, which I got already, is a silver heart locket that contains pictures of my girls. Chris got extra gifts for Father’s Day. I know, not very romantic on my part, but I went over budget on Father’s day gifts and we are trying to have some spending discipline over and above our usual good habits.
I think I’ve adjusted well to my baldness. I feel comfortable exposing it to others, as I did at Friends for Feather. I opened my talk to everyone with a joke I came up with. I held up a bald eagle feather and said, "What’s the difference between this and this?"( pointing to myself.) I said, “This is a bald eagle feather.” “And This… (refering to myself again) while taking off my head scarf, “IS a BALD FEATHER!” I proceeded to change my wigs and hats all through my talk, as to show everyone how I may look when they see me next, possibly even bald. SO far I’ve had trouble with people Not recognizing me. I think I’ll surprise myself and others with heading out bald more than I thought I would. I’ve grown quite use to it around the housenow, I usually only wear a hat or scarf only to keep my head warm or to keep the sun off of it.
I thought I’d miss my hair more. I always thought of my very long blonde hair as a bit of a “security blanket” for me. For some reason I thought I’d be less confident without it, which isn’t the case at all. I suppose it’s reassuring to know it’s a “phase” and that one day it will grow back. I reckon I’ve embraced, though not warmly, that fact that this is where I’m at in my life and being bald is a part of it. I am what a women who’s fighting breast cancer looks like, and I am that woman. If the rest of the world needs me to wear a wig so they can feel comfortable with my situation, well quite frankly I say, “To bad, so sad, suck it up!!”
Not to say that I won’t bring “Ami-Grace” and “Peggy-Sue” out sometimes. Then I get to control who and when people get to, just know what I’m going through. I suppose some days I might just prefer to have a little denial. My therapist would say, “That’s normal.” Though I’d say, “I’m anything but normal!”
And thanks go to...
Media attending: The Abbotsford NEWS
The TIMES (taking photos)
Venue
Northview Community Church
Guest Speakers
HON Ed Fast
Mary Reeves
Melissa Putnam
Lizzy Vanderzswan
Vern Heidebrecht
Master of Ceremony
Justyn Rees
Donations
Home Again, Home Again
Pistachio’s
Painting-Charna
Ronald Allen Clothiers
Praise 106.5
Pampered Chef -Julie Gill
Arbonne Swiss Skin Care-Becky Bazata, Jennifer Miles, Michelle Ott, Chrissy Deutsch
Still Photography-Chantelle Davidson (Sweet Shot Photography)
Home Staging - Vicky Peters
Tip Toe Nails
Vocal Training-Darcy D. Studios
House of James
Jewelry Designer-Bev Ellis
Jewlery Designer-Amy K.
Athletes in Action
Nu Tea Imports
Private Donations
Advertising
Praise 106.5
Abbotsford News
Poster Design-Cindy Thomas
Events Coordinator
Darlene Heriot
Jenn Baerg
Barb Wightman
Rosslyn Delmonico
Silent Auction Coordinator
Chrissy Deutsch
Laura May
Meals Coorinator/T-Shirt Coordinator
Corina Kropp
Kitchen Coordinators
Shelley Franklin
Noel Neufeld
Monica Carscience
Lorie Peters
Facilities Coordinator
Dave Baerg
Cakes
C ya ‘Latte
Fraser Ridge Bakery
Cottage Bakery
Save On Foods- Mission
Private Donations
Special Music
Blue Rain (Tod Wickens, Nat Bosch)
Stephanie Reddicopp
Shelby Sperling
Darcy D
Emily Harder
Chris Janz
Classical Ensemble
Shannon Neufeld
Heidi Bergen
Celes-tina Hernandez
Sound
Northview-Shawn Zacharias
Table Set Up
Holly Heriot
CD Table
Austin Forseth
Photographer
Sweet Shot Photography
Chocolates
Hostesses
Private Donation
Tea
Nu Tea Imports
Coffee
Coffee Vitality Drink Company
Donations Pick up
Bob Lee
David Delmonico
Decorations
Jenny Loewen
Lois Swan
Hostesses/Greeters
Helen Friesen
Julie Gill
Corina Kropp
Barb Wightman
Sandra Griffith
Tasha Forseth
Jane Kyle
Marlene Neufeld
Christy Zacharias
Wendy Kandt
Esther Feitje
Flora
Holly Barkwell
Terry Abraham
Gail Biggar
Private Cash Donations
Donation-$200.00
Donation-$100.00
Donation-$ 25.00
We have had close to 100 people participate in this event in some way. If we have missed your name for any reason on this list, please know how grateful we are for your contribution of service and time to this event and for the Janz family.
Thank you for your attendance this evening. By your presence you have offered Feather and Chris a priceless gift of support and encouragement. Please make yourselves at home as we enjoy a wonderful experience tonight!
Masters of Ceremony:
Justyn Rees and Rosslyn Delmonico
6:00 Special Music: Blue Rain (Over Me)
6:05 Welcome
6:10 Special Guest: HON. Ed Fast
6:15 "Friends for Feather-Giving"
6:20 Special Music: Darcy Deutsch and Emily Harder (One)
6:25 Dessert & "Friends for Feather-Giving"
6:45 Special Music: Darcy Deutsch (Word of God Speak)
6:50 Guest Speaker: Mary Reeves
6:55 Guest Speaker: Melissa Putnam
7:00 Special Music: Blue Rain (Need you More)
7:05 Special Music: Stephanie and Friends- Blue Rain &
Shelby Sperling (Trust You)
7:10 Guest Speaker: Lizzy Vanderzwan
7:15 Special Music: Stephanie Reddicopp (I Believe)
7:20 Special Music: Johnny Markin (Jesus My Only Destiny)
7:25 "Friends for Feather Giving"
7:30 Special Music: Chris Janz (Absolutely Beautiful)
Special Music: Chris Janz (No One Left to Save)
7:40 Guest Speaker: Feather Janz
7:50 Special Music: Chris Janz (Found Myself in You)
7:55 Final Greetings
Blessing/Prayer: Vern Heidebrecht
*A video of this event was made, if you missed it and would like to see it email Feather at fjanz@featherjanz.com
The TIMES (taking photos)
Venue
Northview Community Church
Guest Speakers
HON Ed Fast
Mary Reeves
Melissa Putnam
Lizzy Vanderzswan
Vern Heidebrecht
Master of Ceremony
Justyn Rees
Donations
Home Again, Home Again
Pistachio’s
Painting-Charna
Ronald Allen Clothiers
Praise 106.5
Pampered Chef -Julie Gill
Arbonne Swiss Skin Care-Becky Bazata, Jennifer Miles, Michelle Ott, Chrissy Deutsch
Still Photography-Chantelle Davidson (Sweet Shot Photography)
Home Staging - Vicky Peters
Tip Toe Nails
Vocal Training-Darcy D. Studios
House of James
Jewelry Designer-Bev Ellis
Jewlery Designer-Amy K.
Athletes in Action
Nu Tea Imports
Private Donations
Advertising
Praise 106.5
Abbotsford News
Poster Design-Cindy Thomas
Events Coordinator
Darlene Heriot
Jenn Baerg
Barb Wightman
Rosslyn Delmonico
Silent Auction Coordinator
Chrissy Deutsch
Laura May
Meals Coorinator/T-Shirt Coordinator
Corina Kropp
Kitchen Coordinators
Shelley Franklin
Noel Neufeld
Monica Carscience
Lorie Peters
Facilities Coordinator
Dave Baerg
Cakes
C ya ‘Latte
Fraser Ridge Bakery
Cottage Bakery
Save On Foods- Mission
Private Donations
Special Music
Blue Rain (Tod Wickens, Nat Bosch)
Stephanie Reddicopp
Shelby Sperling
Darcy D
Emily Harder
Chris Janz
Classical Ensemble
Shannon Neufeld
Heidi Bergen
Celes-tina Hernandez
Sound
Northview-Shawn Zacharias
Table Set Up
Holly Heriot
CD Table
Austin Forseth
Photographer
Sweet Shot Photography
Chocolates
Hostesses
Private Donation
Tea
Nu Tea Imports
Coffee
Coffee Vitality Drink Company
Donations Pick up
Bob Lee
David Delmonico
Decorations
Jenny Loewen
Lois Swan
Hostesses/Greeters
Helen Friesen
Julie Gill
Corina Kropp
Barb Wightman
Sandra Griffith
Tasha Forseth
Jane Kyle
Marlene Neufeld
Christy Zacharias
Wendy Kandt
Esther Feitje
Flora
Holly Barkwell
Terry Abraham
Gail Biggar
Private Cash Donations
Donation-$200.00
Donation-$100.00
Donation-$ 25.00
We have had close to 100 people participate in this event in some way. If we have missed your name for any reason on this list, please know how grateful we are for your contribution of service and time to this event and for the Janz family.
Thank you for your attendance this evening. By your presence you have offered Feather and Chris a priceless gift of support and encouragement. Please make yourselves at home as we enjoy a wonderful experience tonight!
Masters of Ceremony:
Justyn Rees and Rosslyn Delmonico
6:00 Special Music: Blue Rain (Over Me)
6:05 Welcome
6:10 Special Guest: HON. Ed Fast
6:15 "Friends for Feather-Giving"
6:20 Special Music: Darcy Deutsch and Emily Harder (One)
6:25 Dessert & "Friends for Feather-Giving"
6:45 Special Music: Darcy Deutsch (Word of God Speak)
6:50 Guest Speaker: Mary Reeves
6:55 Guest Speaker: Melissa Putnam
7:00 Special Music: Blue Rain (Need you More)
7:05 Special Music: Stephanie and Friends- Blue Rain &
Shelby Sperling (Trust You)
7:10 Guest Speaker: Lizzy Vanderzwan
7:15 Special Music: Stephanie Reddicopp (I Believe)
7:20 Special Music: Johnny Markin (Jesus My Only Destiny)
7:25 "Friends for Feather Giving"
7:30 Special Music: Chris Janz (Absolutely Beautiful)
Special Music: Chris Janz (No One Left to Save)
7:40 Guest Speaker: Feather Janz
7:50 Special Music: Chris Janz (Found Myself in You)
7:55 Final Greetings
Blessing/Prayer: Vern Heidebrecht
*A video of this event was made, if you missed it and would like to see it email Feather at fjanz@featherjanz.com
Monday, June 25, 2007
More than imagined.
Last night's event, "Friend's for Feather" was more than I could have imagined, and I thought I had a pretty good imagination. :) The first thing I noticed was the beautiful decorations, pink and black floor to ceiling banners with pink & white hanging crystals, white lights and a pink rose corsage for me to wear. So many faces of so many I know, to share in making the evening such a success! A wall lined with amazing donated items for the Silent Auction, all beautifully displayed and arranged. A gorgeous painting that stood out from the rest, from an amazing artist. (A stepping path along a gorgeous beach, stepping off into the distance on the most beautiful of days, one much like this day.) The details were overwhelming I could hardly take it all in, I had to taking deep breaths and pull myself together through the entire evening. I didn't want to miss anything due to a veil of tears. AND the food table, WOW!! I wish I had a bigger appetite, though I did sample many items and then had to stop due to heart burn:) I ended the evening snacking on Rolaids:) The chemo causes very severe heartburn, which has become one of the worst side effects for me at this point. The amount of people who helped out with the night was amazing, thank-you Ladies, my friends, for all you've done to make us feel loved and supported! I need to especially thank Rosslyn who birthed the idea and ultimately made it happen, with a "gaggle" of woman to help her. (I'm not implying you are geese I'm just keeping with the "birds" theme!!:)
And to Corina (who I think I referred to by her maiden name last night, I'm such an idiot!!! She's been married longer than me (Which is 9 Years tomorrow by the way, Chris and I are going out tonight to celebrate:) Sorry Corina! Love ya). She's been the one to make sure we've had meals brought to our door for 6 nights after each chemo and for the 2+ weeks after my mastectomy. She also came up with the idea to do T-shirts, with "Birds of a Feather fighting together" written across the chest and has made it happen. The T-shirts were on sale by pre-order last night (if you are interested I could email you the design, they are $20 each). The shirts will also be available at ABC restaurant in Abbotsford in about 2 weeks, you could get yours there. Corina has done so much for me that her young son recently asked her, "Mommy, do you work for Feather?" Needless to say she's doing so much. Thank-you my Friend!!
Thank-you to all of our Friends who gave so generously, the evening was already a success before we counted the numbers. The total amount raised for our family was just over $5,600 (!!!) and another $455 for the Run for the Cure. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you all!!! I was thankful for the great music by Stephanie Reddicopp, Blue Rain ( Todd Wickens and Nat Bosch)Darcy Deutch, Emilie Harder, Johnny Markin and of course Chris Janz!! To Justyn Rees for emceeing and sharing and hitting the nail on the head as always. :) TO Lizzy for making me feel like a carefree little girl again as she shared so eloquently. And to everyone for laughing as hard as they did at all of my jokes :) I was honoured to have Past-Mayor of Abbotsford Mary Reeves speak and also Ed Fast, our Local MP give a tribute. Thank-you for your time and your kind words :) I could go on and on, and perhaps I will more later but for now I must go and make my children breakfast! God Bless!
And to Corina (who I think I referred to by her maiden name last night, I'm such an idiot!!! She's been married longer than me (Which is 9 Years tomorrow by the way, Chris and I are going out tonight to celebrate:) Sorry Corina! Love ya). She's been the one to make sure we've had meals brought to our door for 6 nights after each chemo and for the 2+ weeks after my mastectomy. She also came up with the idea to do T-shirts, with "Birds of a Feather fighting together" written across the chest and has made it happen. The T-shirts were on sale by pre-order last night (if you are interested I could email you the design, they are $20 each). The shirts will also be available at ABC restaurant in Abbotsford in about 2 weeks, you could get yours there. Corina has done so much for me that her young son recently asked her, "Mommy, do you work for Feather?" Needless to say she's doing so much. Thank-you my Friend!!
Thank-you to all of our Friends who gave so generously, the evening was already a success before we counted the numbers. The total amount raised for our family was just over $5,600 (!!!) and another $455 for the Run for the Cure. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you all!!! I was thankful for the great music by Stephanie Reddicopp, Blue Rain ( Todd Wickens and Nat Bosch)Darcy Deutch, Emilie Harder, Johnny Markin and of course Chris Janz!! To Justyn Rees for emceeing and sharing and hitting the nail on the head as always. :) TO Lizzy for making me feel like a carefree little girl again as she shared so eloquently. And to everyone for laughing as hard as they did at all of my jokes :) I was honoured to have Past-Mayor of Abbotsford Mary Reeves speak and also Ed Fast, our Local MP give a tribute. Thank-you for your time and your kind words :) I could go on and on, and perhaps I will more later but for now I must go and make my children breakfast! God Bless!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
See you tonight at "Friends for Feather" !! OH Friends of MINE!!
6 pm at Northview Church!!
I look forward to seeing you all there. It's going to be so much fun!
Love you,
Feather
I look forward to seeing you all there. It's going to be so much fun!
Love you,
Feather
Saturday, June 23, 2007
I think I had a blonde moment
I think I had a blonde moment but I'm not sure...If I'm bald and have no hair can I technically be blonde still?!?! I suppose I can be whatever I want to be, Hmmm:)?!?
A sassy burnette one day, a hot tempered red head the next and a dumb blonde when it's convienient! Sounds good to me!
When I wear my wigs, which I haven't done much of yet...I decided I needed to get to know them first, so in doing so I decided to name them. One of the many things I thought about as I laid in my bed half way between sleep and awake, and didn't have the strength or mind power to do much else. So let me intorduce you, even before you meet them. The sassy long, blonde (borderline platinum) wig I've decided to call "Peggy-Sue", she's named after my maternal Grandmother, Margerette (Who's always gone as Peggy). It's also a fun song from the late 50's, and one of the lines in the song is, "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty Peggy-Sue." And I hope to feel pretty when I wear it. It's the kind of blonde I always wanted to try but never dared because I didn't want to look like... well you know. :) Now I can do it if only for a short period in my life and I can take it off when I want and put it on when I want!!
The other wig is more conservative, her name is "Ami-Grace", short for Amazing Grace, and was the name that my baby brother Daniel would have been if he'd been a girl. Speaking of Daniel, he's getting married this Novemebr the 3rd, to Darling Rachel Barksdale, we love her!
A sassy burnette one day, a hot tempered red head the next and a dumb blonde when it's convienient! Sounds good to me!
When I wear my wigs, which I haven't done much of yet...I decided I needed to get to know them first, so in doing so I decided to name them. One of the many things I thought about as I laid in my bed half way between sleep and awake, and didn't have the strength or mind power to do much else. So let me intorduce you, even before you meet them. The sassy long, blonde (borderline platinum) wig I've decided to call "Peggy-Sue", she's named after my maternal Grandmother, Margerette (Who's always gone as Peggy). It's also a fun song from the late 50's, and one of the lines in the song is, "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty Peggy-Sue." And I hope to feel pretty when I wear it. It's the kind of blonde I always wanted to try but never dared because I didn't want to look like... well you know. :) Now I can do it if only for a short period in my life and I can take it off when I want and put it on when I want!!
The other wig is more conservative, her name is "Ami-Grace", short for Amazing Grace, and was the name that my baby brother Daniel would have been if he'd been a girl. Speaking of Daniel, he's getting married this Novemebr the 3rd, to Darling Rachel Barksdale, we love her!
Oops I did it again!!
Anyway, I was telling you about Ami-Grace, well she's shorter, about shoulder length and has a little more curl, she's darker blonde and also has bangs. If you spell her name literally, I like what it has to say, I hope about me. "AM-I-GRACE?" I intend to carry myself with grace through this whole ordeal. So when you see me with Ami-Grace or Peggy-Sue, don't forget to say hello!
As you can see I had a lot of time this week to just to mindlessly think about whatever. I've also been experiencing the craziest dreams of my life, and not all good, but I'll spare you the details.
This week was a little longer than I'd hoped, it took a day longer this time for me to feel up and ready to go at my day. I feel pretty normal today, and I have a full day planned. Last night I spoke at the opening ceremonies of the Canadian Cancer Society's "Relay for Life", at Abbotsford'd Rotary Stadium. It was very inspirational and emotional as I joined many cancer survivor's and patient's for the Survivors Victory Lap. I hope that in the future I'll be able to walk the 12 hour Relay, for many years to come!
At Northview church this weekend there will be a special feature about my story, they video recorded interviews with us earlier this week, on Wed morning when I was still; quite out of it. I pulled out my many acting and interview skills and hopefully no one will notice how drugged I was:)
Love ya all!!
As you can see I had a lot of time this week to just to mindlessly think about whatever. I've also been experiencing the craziest dreams of my life, and not all good, but I'll spare you the details.
This week was a little longer than I'd hoped, it took a day longer this time for me to feel up and ready to go at my day. I feel pretty normal today, and I have a full day planned. Last night I spoke at the opening ceremonies of the Canadian Cancer Society's "Relay for Life", at Abbotsford'd Rotary Stadium. It was very inspirational and emotional as I joined many cancer survivor's and patient's for the Survivors Victory Lap. I hope that in the future I'll be able to walk the 12 hour Relay, for many years to come!
At Northview church this weekend there will be a special feature about my story, they video recorded interviews with us earlier this week, on Wed morning when I was still; quite out of it. I pulled out my many acting and interview skills and hopefully no one will notice how drugged I was:)
Love ya all!!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Friends for Feather!!
Please Come so we know we have Friends... not that we doubt our friendships, but it would sure would suck to show up sunday night and have only 4 friends there (the organizers and their parent's). Though we'd cherish the four of you like crazy, perhaps the four of you could tell two friends and so on and so on and so on!
What: FRIENDS FOR FEATHER
When: Sunday June 24th 6-8pm (silent auction gallery opening at 5:45)
Where: Northview Church (rear (south)entrance)
RSVP to: friendsforfeather@hotmail.com
IT's a free evening of music, dessert and fundraising for our family!
We'd love to see you and some others:)
God Bless.
Happy Summer!!
What: FRIENDS FOR FEATHER
When: Sunday June 24th 6-8pm (silent auction gallery opening at 5:45)
Where: Northview Church (rear (south)entrance)
RSVP to: friendsforfeather@hotmail.com
IT's a free evening of music, dessert and fundraising for our family!
We'd love to see you and some others:)
God Bless.
Happy Summer!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Two Questions..?!?!?
I've been asked two questions as of late that I found my responses to, to be rather humorous, so I thought I'd share them with you. The first being a question about the safety in my buying second hand hats, "Aren't you concerned about lice?"
"No, because I have to have hair to worry about lice, my dear." I suppose it's hard to think of me without hair :)
The other question being of a more serious nature, "Do you think you are going to die?"
"Well, I'm not going to stop buying and using my expensive anti-aging cream." Was my response.
SO I suppose not, I don't think I'm going to die, though to be honest I do think of it often. But won't we all at some point, have to think about it, if only for a split second?!?!
Hmmmm?!?!?
"No, because I have to have hair to worry about lice, my dear." I suppose it's hard to think of me without hair :)
The other question being of a more serious nature, "Do you think you are going to die?"
"Well, I'm not going to stop buying and using my expensive anti-aging cream." Was my response.
SO I suppose not, I don't think I'm going to die, though to be honest I do think of it often. But won't we all at some point, have to think about it, if only for a split second?!?!
Hmmmm?!?!?
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Contentment and Peace...
IF someone had told me in my very early 20's that I would have found contentment and peace with my body image the way I am now, I would have told them they were crazy!I can honestly say that my body image and self-confidence has not altered. When I see my self in the mirror I am sometimes surprised by my reflection. I remember a "Precious Moments" poster I had on my wall as a teenager that said, "In the mirror of His love I look at my reflection, I accept myself for who I am with all my imperfections." I never would have imagined that I could not only accept myself at 180 lbs, no breasts, no hair and with many scars, but that I could love and Respect myself for the woman that I am today. I thank God for that gift of Self-acceptance.
I hope and pray that God gives you this gift as well, no matter where you are at with your body image and self-confidence.
I hope and pray that God gives you this gift as well, no matter where you are at with your body image and self-confidence.
Friday, June 15, 2007
How Low can you go...?
I was never good at the limbo, when the goal was to go as low as possible. But apparently I'm really good at getting my white blood sell counts to drop very low post chemo:( Shoot, not the outcome I was hoping for, but I had a gut feeling because I felt so terribly on Wednesday night. The mouth sores are a symptom of the low count. The good news is that the $20,000 in medication that I'll need over the next 7 chemos, will only cost us $145!! Our oncologist put in a request for a Pharamacare grant and we were approved for the full amount. The only problem was we still had a remanining $945 deductible to pay. The another grant called the victory grant was made available to us for $800 of the deductible, thus we were left with the $145 pay. We were so relieved, since even the $145 was not in our budget. The crappy part for me is that I have to get 7 injections over 14 days, every two days, in my tummy given by me or Chris at home. That's 49 extra injections, Yuck!
Chemo went well, I'm feeling fairly well so fair, mostly tired and I reazlied I really can't stand the smell of cooking chicken.
Partly I'm tired because I had a wonderful night in Vancouver last night:) Chris and I stayed at the Best Western and I got to meet up with my friend Sandra, and old childhood friend that I grew up in the same street as and went to shool with. She is expecting her first child and we had a great visit. Chris hung out with Colin and I got meet up with them afterwards.
I some how talked them into doing karaoke, and had a moment of regret as I found myself up in front of too many people singing "Papa don't preach" by Madonna, I sounded so much better in my bed room when I was a teenager.( I remember sounding even better than Madonna:) I didn't pull off my best Madonna, but I did pull off my bald head for it's first real public appearance:)It felt good somehow, empowering to prolcaim in my own way that yes I'm bald and sick, but I'm enjoying life and having fun!! Chris and I watched a movie in our room and felt like we had a few great date nights all in one!
My mouth sores are doing so much better, but so it should after we had to spend $60+ on three different mouthwashes and rinses. The Dr said the sores should go away once I start getting the injections for my white blood cells counts.
I just have to say how glad I am that my wound on my right breast (or chest mound as they call it in the medical world) finally healed up completely! I was able to have my first real shower and bath earlier this week. I've had to sponge bath and wash my hair in the sink for 9 and a half weeks (because if the open wound and bandages). Having the water from the shower head pulse on a newly bald scalp is the craziest feeling. I would say you should try it, but maybe not, just take my word for it :)
Hey I'm on Facebook now, come and find me and be my friend!!
Chemo went well, I'm feeling fairly well so fair, mostly tired and I reazlied I really can't stand the smell of cooking chicken.
Partly I'm tired because I had a wonderful night in Vancouver last night:) Chris and I stayed at the Best Western and I got to meet up with my friend Sandra, and old childhood friend that I grew up in the same street as and went to shool with. She is expecting her first child and we had a great visit. Chris hung out with Colin and I got meet up with them afterwards.
I some how talked them into doing karaoke, and had a moment of regret as I found myself up in front of too many people singing "Papa don't preach" by Madonna, I sounded so much better in my bed room when I was a teenager.( I remember sounding even better than Madonna:) I didn't pull off my best Madonna, but I did pull off my bald head for it's first real public appearance:)It felt good somehow, empowering to prolcaim in my own way that yes I'm bald and sick, but I'm enjoying life and having fun!! Chris and I watched a movie in our room and felt like we had a few great date nights all in one!
My mouth sores are doing so much better, but so it should after we had to spend $60+ on three different mouthwashes and rinses. The Dr said the sores should go away once I start getting the injections for my white blood cells counts.
I just have to say how glad I am that my wound on my right breast (or chest mound as they call it in the medical world) finally healed up completely! I was able to have my first real shower and bath earlier this week. I've had to sponge bath and wash my hair in the sink for 9 and a half weeks (because if the open wound and bandages). Having the water from the shower head pulse on a newly bald scalp is the craziest feeling. I would say you should try it, but maybe not, just take my word for it :)
Hey I'm on Facebook now, come and find me and be my friend!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Prayer request
My mouth sores have gotten worse. They have spread to my tongue and throat. To add further complications I have also developed thrush in my mouth as part of it all. The lymph nodes along my jaw line have swollen up and I feel like I have an ear infection. Along with a headache and sore throat I feel worse than I did in the week following chemo. I've ended bed ridden from this side effects tonight, which is very frustrating and hard for me emotionally, as I thought this last couple of days before my next chemo treatment would be the best for me. I'd planned to get a lot done in these days and have some great quality time with my kids and husband. I'm saddened by this outcome. I'm resolved to surrendering to the treatment process in the week following the chemo treatments, but not now. I feel as though cancer is robbing me of my time and energy, that would be better spent on my family.
Italy?!?...
So it appears that the birthmark on the back of my head really does exist! IT has not been seen in 35 years. My Mom told me of it's existence but I'd never seen it, until now! And now everyone has the chance to see it! IT reminds me of Italy, a country I have yet to see and I intend on seeing one day, and not just on the back of my head:) My friend calls such marks, "Stork bites", which I' d never heard but though cute. So next time you are close to my head, for a limited time only, in the next 9 months or so, feel free to ask and I'll give you a free tour.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Announcement...
In the category of "My life is a soap opera" Feather Janz has won acting honours for her realistic performances in, " The Bald and the Beautiful" and "The Young and the Breastless". Stay tuned for award winning and undeniable true to life portrayals of her own character. She wanted to be an actress since early childhood, though this isn't the role that she though would bring her the most acclaim. But since the role has served her well in the past and brought her to where she is today, she states that the script of her life is one worth reading and that she fully intends for you to see much, much more of her for many years to come! (JUST having some fun!!)
Seriously though, I am all of the above in one way or another....I'm Young, Bald, Beautiful and well..breastless. May I stress the Young and Beautiful part again, though I may be in denial, the reality is that I am also Bald and breastless. As of today my hair started coming out in handfuls, and before I could get it all over the house, my husband took me out side with the girls and shaved my head. Carmelle took a few hands fulls out to, she thought it was a fun game. I wanted her to understand why we were shaving it off. When it was all done, she said with the sweetest grin, "I still love you, Mommy!" Daddy said, "Mommy is still beautiful, isn't she?", "Yes, she is!!" Was Carmelle's response. Thankfully my good friend Rosslyn came by just in time to video and photograph the whole endeavor. So there it is, my seemingly attractive scalp, (or so I'm told) though I doubt someone would tell me I have an ugly bald head at this point. Telling me that bald isn't a good look for me, might get you removed from the, "Possible dinner guest" list.
I'm working it, though "G.I. Feather" doesn't have much of a ring to it, I am getting very comfortable in my camouflage digs.
I've got a collection of scarves and hats built up as well as two wigs, though I'm going to make a real effort to connect with my cue ball look, as it is the real look of my current circumstances. It is who I am right now, or at least a big part of it. I am what a breast cancer patient looks like. I can't deny to anyone around me that this is who I am and what is going on in my life.
I'm fighting for my life, and now I look the part. I intend to put in an award winning performance from beginning to end. Thanks for your votes, I need all I can get, and it is my goal to have everyone remembering my performance for many years to come. And if you'd like to offer a standing "O" please be my guest. I see you, I hear you, I can feel you urging me forward, onward to victory! I have a battle that needs to be won, and I'm approaching it head on!
From the set of my reality show,
Good-day,
Feather
Seriously though, I am all of the above in one way or another....I'm Young, Bald, Beautiful and well..breastless. May I stress the Young and Beautiful part again, though I may be in denial, the reality is that I am also Bald and breastless. As of today my hair started coming out in handfuls, and before I could get it all over the house, my husband took me out side with the girls and shaved my head. Carmelle took a few hands fulls out to, she thought it was a fun game. I wanted her to understand why we were shaving it off. When it was all done, she said with the sweetest grin, "I still love you, Mommy!" Daddy said, "Mommy is still beautiful, isn't she?", "Yes, she is!!" Was Carmelle's response. Thankfully my good friend Rosslyn came by just in time to video and photograph the whole endeavor. So there it is, my seemingly attractive scalp, (or so I'm told) though I doubt someone would tell me I have an ugly bald head at this point. Telling me that bald isn't a good look for me, might get you removed from the, "Possible dinner guest" list.
I'm working it, though "G.I. Feather" doesn't have much of a ring to it, I am getting very comfortable in my camouflage digs.
I've got a collection of scarves and hats built up as well as two wigs, though I'm going to make a real effort to connect with my cue ball look, as it is the real look of my current circumstances. It is who I am right now, or at least a big part of it. I am what a breast cancer patient looks like. I can't deny to anyone around me that this is who I am and what is going on in my life.
I'm fighting for my life, and now I look the part. I intend to put in an award winning performance from beginning to end. Thanks for your votes, I need all I can get, and it is my goal to have everyone remembering my performance for many years to come. And if you'd like to offer a standing "O" please be my guest. I see you, I hear you, I can feel you urging me forward, onward to victory! I have a battle that needs to be won, and I'm approaching it head on!
From the set of my reality show,
Good-day,
Feather
Sunday, June 10, 2007
What goes around, comes around!
Some of the full effects of the chemo are coming around now. I've got a mouth full of ulcers, so much so that my cheeks are swollen (makes eating difficult), my blood counts I can tell are low and my lymph nodes under my right jaw bone are puffy and sore, and my hair falls out more and more each day (thank goodness I have so much of it, it's hanging in there:) I'm having some trouble sleeping at night (night sweats, yeah menopause!) and my girls are sick with colds that I can't afford to get. They don't understand when I wear a mask around them and try to stay away from them, especially when they just want mommy hugs! Please pray for these things.
Chris is home, he enjoyed four days in Whistler with his best friend Chad. It was a much needed get away for him. Plus it's the last time Chris will have with Chad, his best friend, before Chad and Naomi move with their young family to the Phillipines as missionaries for 4 years. Please pray for them as they leave on Tuesday, we will miss them.
If you are interested in attending an evening dessert and music night, to support Chris and I, on Sunday June 24th from 6-8 pm, called "Friends for Feather" please email: friendsforfeather@hotmail.com to RSVP IT's at Northview Community church on 32040 Downes Rd in Abbotsford. It's a night of entertainment and fundraising. There will also be a silent Auction. Hope to see you in two weeks!
Please check out my Arbonne website: www.featherjanz.myarbonne.com
IF you have any questions about Arbonne please email me, fjanz@featherjanz.com
Five more days until Chemo again. Please pray that my white blood count is good, because if it's not it can delay chemo treatments and the medication to boost your count costs just under $3000 for one treatment!!!!
All the breast, oops:) I mean BEST,
Love,
Feather
Chris is home, he enjoyed four days in Whistler with his best friend Chad. It was a much needed get away for him. Plus it's the last time Chris will have with Chad, his best friend, before Chad and Naomi move with their young family to the Phillipines as missionaries for 4 years. Please pray for them as they leave on Tuesday, we will miss them.
If you are interested in attending an evening dessert and music night, to support Chris and I, on Sunday June 24th from 6-8 pm, called "Friends for Feather" please email: friendsforfeather@hotmail.com to RSVP IT's at Northview Community church on 32040 Downes Rd in Abbotsford. It's a night of entertainment and fundraising. There will also be a silent Auction. Hope to see you in two weeks!
Please check out my Arbonne website: www.featherjanz.myarbonne.com
IF you have any questions about Arbonne please email me, fjanz@featherjanz.com
Five more days until Chemo again. Please pray that my white blood count is good, because if it's not it can delay chemo treatments and the medication to boost your count costs just under $3000 for one treatment!!!!
All the breast, oops:) I mean BEST,
Love,
Feather
Friday, June 8, 2007
Enjoying each day!
I had a wonderful time in Whistler with my friend Shannon. Even though it rained most of the time we enjoyed just spending time together and relaxing. We did fit in walks, shopping, a movie, naps, great meals and coffee time. The fresh mountain air was lovely, just what I needed. I've been feeling well, tired and needing naps each day, but well. Chris is gone for a few days so being alone with the girls has been interesting. As I struggled to get Cadence to sleep last night she fought and head butted me right in the portacath, it about knocked the wind out of me. The port site is inflammed and not healing very well with Cadence set backs, it's very sensitive and sore.
Today I'm heading out to Chilliwack to visit family and friends with the girls. It helps having other people around to help care for the girls. I get very overwhelmed very easily. I burst into tears at the pool, when Carmelle was at swimming lessons. I was upset because I could tell her behaviour has been effected by our circumstances. The hardest part in all of this is seeing those that I love most having a hard time and struggling in their own way. I didn't let her see me cry, and there was an old bible school friend there, someone I haven't seen in years, but had heard of my diagnosis, to comfort me. She reminded me of all those that are supporting me and holding me up with prayer, and that God's arms are always around me. I thank God for all of you!
The harsh reality of my situation hits me in waves, but most of the time I feel hopeful and enjoy every moment of every day!
Today I'm heading out to Chilliwack to visit family and friends with the girls. It helps having other people around to help care for the girls. I get very overwhelmed very easily. I burst into tears at the pool, when Carmelle was at swimming lessons. I was upset because I could tell her behaviour has been effected by our circumstances. The hardest part in all of this is seeing those that I love most having a hard time and struggling in their own way. I didn't let her see me cry, and there was an old bible school friend there, someone I haven't seen in years, but had heard of my diagnosis, to comfort me. She reminded me of all those that are supporting me and holding me up with prayer, and that God's arms are always around me. I thank God for all of you!
The harsh reality of my situation hits me in waves, but most of the time I feel hopeful and enjoy every moment of every day!
Sunday, June 3, 2007
The Fog has lifted...
I dare say that I even feel normal today, that nothing even happen out of the ordinary lately. We got up normally and got the girls ready for church. I still wanted my normal Sunday afternoon nap after lunch, and when I woke up I still felt normal. So I guess that's it, I've got about 13 days to live life normally before I go into the chemo fog again. The last week is very hazzy and I don't remember very much of it. But I don't suppose that's not really a bad thing:) I am worried about getting sick, right now I'm experiencing what I hope is just allergy symptoms. I really can't afford to get sick, as I'm highly prone to it becoming an infection. If I get an infection it'll take a long time to heal and would put off chemo continuing, which wouldn't be good. Now is when my blood counts will drop the lowest, 10-15 days post chemo.
My good friend Shannon, is out from Lethbridge, she had originally planned to come when I was on my second chemo, which would have been now. So instead she and I are going to Whistler for a few days, to enjoy her time out here. We'll be staying at Best Western, and hopefully it won't rain the whole time:) If it rains like crazy this week my parent's may end up coming to stay with us, they are on Flood watch in Greendale. I'll write again at the end of the week.
My good friend Shannon, is out from Lethbridge, she had originally planned to come when I was on my second chemo, which would have been now. So instead she and I are going to Whistler for a few days, to enjoy her time out here. We'll be staying at Best Western, and hopefully it won't rain the whole time:) If it rains like crazy this week my parent's may end up coming to stay with us, they are on Flood watch in Greendale. I'll write again at the end of the week.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Heading out...
Day eight has arrived and I'm heading out for the evening. Chris is playing tonight for a Mission's Benefit Concert for our Friends Chad and Naomi Bjorgan, who are going to the Phillipines. I'm going to be there, I'd love to see you there!
WHEN: Saturday June 2nd, 7pm
WHERE: Life Center Community Church
3665 Kingsway @ Boundary, Vancouver
The evening will be full of great music by Chris Janz (www.chrisjanz.com), Russ Rosen (www.russrosenband.com), Badgentina (www.badgentina.com) and The Wildings. Chad of course, will be on drums. This is a child friendly affair and should be a great night of fellowship, worship and dancing. Admission is free and there will be a love offering taken for both the Stewart and Bjorgan families, who will be leaving for the Philippines to serve at the Mercy Maternity Clinic in the coming weeks. If anyone has questions please call Chad at 778-233-9493.
WHEN: Saturday June 2nd, 7pm
WHERE: Life Center Community Church
3665 Kingsway @ Boundary, Vancouver
The evening will be full of great music by Chris Janz (www.chrisjanz.com), Russ Rosen (www.russrosenband.com), Badgentina (www.badgentina.com) and The Wildings. Chad of course, will be on drums. This is a child friendly affair and should be a great night of fellowship, worship and dancing. Admission is free and there will be a love offering taken for both the Stewart and Bjorgan families, who will be leaving for the Philippines to serve at the Mercy Maternity Clinic in the coming weeks. If anyone has questions please call Chad at 778-233-9493.
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