If one more person tells me that if I just keep positive I’ll beat this thing, I think I’ll scream!! “Frankly I don’t think cancer gives a rats-ass, whether I’m positive, negative or otherwise!” I do, however, believe that being as positive and optimistic as I am, makes living through this a lot more pleasant.
I can’t imagine going into a dark hole and just staying there, that’s not me, if I saw that hole I’m sure I’d peek inside and quickly decide it wasn’t for me, no matter how long I had to live. I’m grateful that by nature I see the upside of most situations and when I don’t, I decide that’s exactly what I’m going to do whether I like it or not. I usually realize that I do like up rather than down and that I prefer living with a cup that’s half full.
So when people infer that being negative will bring me down, possibly even into to my own premature grave, I say, how dare you! I deserve a moment of despair from time to time, without thinking, oh crap, I just put one foot in my own grave! I believe it’s possible to mourn and grieve my situation, with a smile on my face, but if I want to bawl my eyes out, so be it, perhaps I’m even crying out some of the cancer cells while I’m at it!!
I’ve know some amazingly optimistic, positive and hopeful women who are no longer with us. They were hopeful until the end, and not because they were in denial, but because they choose to live that way, no matter what! One such woman, was Cindi Esau, she was one of the most inspirational women of my life. She set a shining example to me of how to live life in that face of death, with a heart of gratitude for each and every day, even her last day. Cindi lost her battle with breast cancer when she was 35, leaving behind a husband and young child, in 1996. I think of her often as I go through my journey now and I reflect on the “bosom buddie” talks that she and I shared and I remember how she inspired me to be more.
So as I awake each day and reflect on what I’m grateful for, I also prepare to kick some serious cancer a_ _ ( you know what!!)
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2 comments:
Feather,
You go kick butt girl! You have an amazing attitude and every right to cry it out or whatever you feel. Behind you in prayer and knowing that God is doing miracles in your life!
I don't know if one of your natural remedies also included melatonin or if your doctor would allow that but there's another idea. Available at Costco, Superstore and pretty much all over the place now. Chemo has a way of playing with your sleep cycle, right? I'm also behind the foot massage and evening primrose.
Much love,
Flo
You go girl!!!
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