This is my first time writing on this Feather’s blog. I am her mother. Many people say to me that it must be very hard to see your daughter go through such a difficult time. It is.
But I must say that the love and support expressed by so many has made it a little easier.
And quite honestly I don’t know how people survive without the love, prayers and help that we have had. Perhaps they don’t. When you are fighting for your life and sicker than you could ever imagine being, support is essential. Without it one would become very discouraged and may give up. That possibility is extremely sad. Since Feathers
first cancer she has come along side numerous others. She has been close to those who have been terminal, spending hours with them in hospital. She has befriended those that needed a friend. And she has dedicated her life to try to save lives by educating women of all ages to take responsibility for their own breast health.
I am very pleased with the way Feather has handled herself over the years, but I have never been more impressed than over this past year. An Herceptin positive diagnosis is not a good one. The treatment is quite new. Women didn’t used to survive this cancer. Now with this new and very difficult treatment they have a 50% chance of survival. Does that sound like something you would like to deal with, especially when you have a two year old and a four year old. Probably not.
Feather handled the chemo like a trooper. She was tough and didn’t complain. She didn’t even complain about the horrible infections that she got from her surgeries. Because of the first infection she had to have a second surgery. The radiation left her with a terrible burn which was treated the same as a severe burn from fire. It was ugly.
The last week of radiation she spent in the hospital. She was extremely sick and put through many nasty tests. When I went to the hospital she could not even talk. She was curled in fetal position and obviously in very bad shape.
Just before Easter Feather suffered a severe convulsion. Chris had to call an ambulance in the middle of the night. When he called us I laid in bed and cried, thinking now what.
I thought at that time that she may not make it. Once again tests were done. Many were repeats, but some were new, including a spinal tap. Feather pulled herself together trying really hard to enjoy Easter and family.
The convulsions continued. Chris took care of her at home. His ability to do that kept her out of the hospital which pleased the Doctors as her immune system was so low they were afraid of more infections. Chris has done a great job. The love expressed through his care is tremendous, and very appreciated by Feather. Feather was on regular IV until a week ago.
For three to four weeks, right up to about April 10, Feather experienced severe memory
problems. She couldn’t carry on a conversation because she could not remember what she just said or what the other person had said. She was very frustrated and so were we. It was downright scary. It reminded me of my Dad who died from Alzhiemers. Yes, it was that bad. Somehow she managed to speak at a fund-raiser with Debbie Fortnum and Lisa Adrienne on April 5th. I had her in the ER Thursday night. She was very sick and often incoherent but she was determined to go and speak as she had said she would if she could. She thought that she had been asked to speak just as part of the program. Feather and Chris had no idea it was a fund-raiser for them. I was reading the article in the Chilliwack Newspaper when Chris called. I had just read the paragraph saying it was a fund-raiser for them and asked “Did you know that?” “No” was the response. Chris asked Feather and she didn’t know. They said “Wow. That is so nice, etc.” Then Feather was determined to go. She spent the whole next day after the event in bed on IV. She said it was worth it.
Unfortunately Feather went through another really rough period from the 7th to 11th with almost non-stop vomiting. Can you imagine? She had already been vomiting everyday but this was much worse. She had to be on IV to keep from getting dehydrated. That was a terrible week, but again she pulled herself together to attend the fund-raiser for her support group.
The following week was much better. By Wednesday she was showing marked improvement. On Thursday she decided to go ahead with the girls birthday party on Saturday. We put some time together to organize it and pulled off a pretty nice party with help from friends and family. But again she over did it and spent the next day in bed and ended up with a severe migraine. But again thinking it was worth it for her girls.
Feather is learning to pace herself. But the equilibrium problem makes her quite sick. She got sick bathing the kids last night. And then again, rather violently, when trying to put laundry away in their bedroom. Can you imagine getting violently sick because you are putting laundry away??? Not a pretty picture is it? The same thing happens if she tries to pick up the kids toys or empty the dish-washer.
The past 3 months have been terrible. When Feather was out of bed Jan. to April 10, she tried to relate to her kids as best she could. She tried to answer emails but generally failed to do so successfully. I could tell by looking at her that she was very, very sick. It broke my heart.
I have read some of the negative comments on her blog and really feel sorry for people that have such a lack of compassion and understanding. Maybe someday they will find themselves seriously ill and wishing they had friends that cared for them the way Feather has. But like Feather has graciously said, she wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
I would like to add: The Nanny isn’t just for Feather and her children, it is for me, too.
While Feather was really sick the first 2 weeks of April I was here everyday, overnight most of them. I have helped as much as I possibly could since her diagnosis and felt that Lizzy was an answer to prayer as I was exhausted. I would love to be able to do more but I am 58 years old and I have Fibromyalgia, a pain disorder that is quite complex, and involves fatigue. It is only by God’s grace and mercy that I’ve been able to do what I have, and I am most thankful for that. We as a family are extremely thankful for all the help we have received. People have been most generous with their time and money. Words are not sufficient. We would like to be able to hug everyone but we don’t even know all those who have given. Please know that you are most appreciated. Feather has wanted to send thank you cards to everyone but neither her nor I have the time and energy. We say THANK YOU now. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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9 comments:
I think you and Feather are amazing. I admire you both for your optimism...and I think it's great that her friends are helping her out with a nanny. We are praying for healing and we want you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers always.
I just wanted to say....
I run the Young Adults with Cancer Support group that Feather attends. Unfortunately, I have only known Feather about a year now, she was an amazing spirit who held my hand (a total stranger) during the survivors walk at Relay For Life and I felt a connection and contacted her... The support group began months later and I was honored to have her as part of the group. She is a valued inspiration and we are happy to have her presence.
I was just reading your entry Gloria, and I just needed to pitch in here... Because, YES.. I can imagine all those things and Feather is so lucky to have the support and encouragement that she does.
My cancer is chronic, and over the past two years I have had a posterior fossa craniotomy (Brain surgery) as well as a partial nephrectomy(Partial kidney removal) and while I had some support through my brain surgery because my husband could not be home to care for me and my three young children, my family stepped in, and my husbands mom stepped in and helped through my kidney surgery so my husband could attend the hospital, but when I arrived home and needed 24/7 care for over 8 weeks.. because I couldn't even shower myself, it was only my husband who cared for me, as well as a 1,6, and 10 year old. I have never had any extensive help.... This has left everything you have just spoken off (minus chemo and radiation) to my husband, who coincidentally is disabled due to a serious back injury. Yes, our luck is crap, and so is Feather's.
You asked how people do it without the support? and the answer is, we don't.... your right. Everyday is a struggle and every obstacle is a major upset. My health has deteriorated faster than need be due to depression and excessive stress and fatigue and my husband's injury continues to worsen as he takes on far too heavy a load for his abilities.
As I said, Feather has amazing friends and family... Your continued support makes sure that she can make it through her challenging time and come out with a nice clean bill of health. She will be all the stronger for it.
There are two sides of the fence, and no, not everyone can have a nanny, but isn't that unfortunate? Why would someone intentionally make things harder on themselves then they have to? Not one of you would do it any different if you had a choice. I know I wouldn't..
I can't believe that people would actually write negative comments on your blog. I wish you all the best and am praying for your recovery. I hope you are able to get a nanny to help your family. What very good and practical friends you have.
I have known Feather since 8th grade in Sardis, she has always had an incredible spirit! Feather has way of making a person feel beautiful about themselves, just by speaking to them. I can remember when my dad passed away and I was completly distraught, I came home and found beautiful flowers on my porch. Just to help remind life goes on. I don't know how people can leave such mean spirited coments on a blog that is meant(and does) insprire courage, strenght and faith. Maybe we should create a way to have an anual fundraiser and have a fund set up to help young people with cancer. So that if you were in a situation where you needed help with housework or your young children there would be funds available. You would have to apply and maybe it could be based on a financial situation, whatever. Those of us that have children, we are mothers' who love our children and want what's best for them, feel bad for even having a flu for a week. Imagine, how Feather feels not being able to give her girls 100% every day. Walk five minutes in her shoes, then speak. Let us take the negative make it positive, so that until cancer is completely cured, we may have some way to help others. That would be Feathers' spirit! Anyone got any opinions about that?
Cindy
I hope you were not taking my reply in a negative context, as if you reread, It was not written as one. Nor was it written in envy or spite.. Am I jealous that someone has a fantastic support unit? Of course... But I would think that I would be the last to show that in a negative manerism!!!
As for the annual fundraiser, that is what I do.... I run a group called YACC and am in the process of registering it and hopefully one day getting charity status for exactly what you are speaking of. We are in the middle of a huge effort (Part of whihc Feather already assisted with on April 12th's fundraiser) to raise funds for Young Adults with Cancer to go to Quebec for a an awareness and support retreat/seminar. I am in the process of ensure as much funding to help our local Young adults attend as I possibly can. Shortly thereafter, a fund will be created and a treasurer appointed and we are doing jus that, raising and appointing funds as needed within the Young adult community. Did you know there are only 9 community support units across Canada that are specifically for young adults with cancer, and we are one of them? Did you know the survival rate in Young Adults with Cancer has not risen at all since the early 70's? Awarness around Young people with cancer the affects and everything involved, the issues that are specific to families 18-40 is SO SO SO Lacking..... WHile other surivival rates climb, we stare our fates straight on.... We can sustain someone with cancer, often times, for many years.... so the senior population has a much more optimistic road ahead... but how do you sustain someone for 30, 40 years? My goal is to see my girls grow up.... I would be the first person in my family, with my heriditary cancer, to do that... I think Feather's thoughts are on the same path... I don't think we are greedy to ask that... You know what? I'm not even asking to turn 60! I am quite happy with 54 if I can make it that long... How about Barb, another local lady who has to take oral chemo every day for the rest of her life... projected at 30 years.. maybe? Lucky she has no kids.... HOw about Kristie who has been fighting a rare ovarian cancer that came back before she even had time to remise... How much of her 3year olds life has she lost, is she greedy to want to have acouple years cancer free or to have her family taken care of? A new lady to our group, Christine, who has every disk in her back shattered and is in surgery right now having yet another one replaced with a plastic disk, in a president setting surgery that has grim outlook... Both hips have huge tumours in them and they don't even know what to do about that.... Janelle who is now going into 24/7 hospice at 23 years old because due to her breast cancer, he liver is failing and she can't care for herself...
All of us need help.... All of us are proud, including Feather, or guess what? We wouldn;t have survived!!! Because it takes alot of -something- to wake up everyday and deal with what we do.
So why is everyone so hostile? How about being thankful for everything you have and as I said before, if you don't want to help out, then don't. But have the grace and the respect to shut up about it, because until you are there, like all these women... you have no idea.
I am sorry feather to be so bitter and hijack your blog... You know I love all you girls and you know I am doing everything I can to try and make money a non issue...for whatever the reason.. I will continue to do so.. That is why I feel I am here...Because it is hard enough to ask for help.....
Jewelz,
sorry if you thought my comment was to you, no it was not. It was directed to others who commented the other day about the nany situation. I know Barb too, she is a fantastic lady! I defently think you are on the right path. My mom had been struck with cancer very suddenly and all of a sudden found herself trying to survive on very little money after years of being able to support herself. There definetly needs to be something out there so people have somewhere to go for help. I would be more than willing to volunteer anyway I could. I am so fortunate that I work for a company that has great benefits and if I got sick I would have that. I know most people are not that lucky. As in my moms' case she had just bought her own home and used her savings for that, thinking she would have it payed off and more money saved at retirement. Unfortunately, it was only about six or seven months later she was hemeraging(sorry spelling) and had to have two or three bags of blood, then an emergency hysterectomy. Then she had to undergo radiation that left her on permanent disability. She almost lost her new home. It was devasting to watch her go through that. It is sad that here in Canada we don't have more options for people in these situIations. I got very upset when I read some of the things people had written on here the other day about Feather. I have seen Chris and Feather yesterday, and you can see he is wore out too. He is not only trying to work and provide for his family, but care for Feather and the girls. He looks tired, but I don't think he would complain. It is quite obvious how much he loves and cherishes his family.
Cindy
I have only very recently got to know Chris and Feather... but I am so deeply encouraged by them and how they are weathering each day. Their lives are an awesome picture of what true faith is... and Jewelz comment that said: "You asked how people do it without the support? and the answer is, we don't.... your right." I totally agree. I think that it is awesome that Feather and Chris have all the help that they do. Anyone going through what they are should have this, even though I know it often doesn't happpen. I am praying for healing too and I want to encourage Feather and Chris and their families to keep walking through this dark valley...and those of us around you will continue to cheer you on and help in anyway we can!--Amber
I'm shocked that people would be negative about Feather hoping to get a nanny!! Wow. There should be more support for people going through this! It's hard enough to be a mom to young kids when you're healthy, but when you're going through suffering I can't imagine how hard it would be.
I was feeling very sorry for myself this morning because of some problems that I am dealing with. Then I read Gloria's comments and Feather's April 24th blog. I quickly realized how much I have to be thankful for! How incredibly insignificant are my problems!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Chris and your family, Feather! Your unwavering faith in God has been instrumental in strengthening my faith.
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