Happy New Year!

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year 2008! We've been so busy with moving, packing, cancer treatment and Christmas that we haven't thought at all about what to do for New Year's, also my birthday is 3 days later on January 3rd. All I can think about, otehr than getting myself to my appointments at the cancer clinic is getting our home organized. Thankfully as of today I'm half done my radiation treatments. It feels good to be half done. Though the radiation site gets more red and irritated with every treatment. Mostly it's the itchiness that bothers me the most. There is some discomfort, but it's the itchiness that keeps me awake at night. I have cortizone steriod cream to use, but I try to use it as little as possible.It's both my right chest and back right shoulder area that are effected, about a foot square. It doesn't look so great either, any V neck shirts now expose the "rash", but covering it irriates it more, so I mostly let it show. I'm more concerned about my comfort and less concerned about making others feel comfortable by not having to look at it.
We had a great Christmas with our girls and family. Chris's brother Colin stayed with us for a few days and we had company all three nights, Christmas Eve, Christmas night and Boxing Day. Chris did all the cooking and I just did some baking. We enjoyed hosting in our new house. We still get to have Christmas with my Dad tomorrow, the girls are looking forward to stretching out the Christmas celebration.
So much fun!

Merry Christmas to me!!

Well I decided I had enough hair to color blonde, since it was growing in about 4 different colors, and now I look like I actually have a hair-do.(a super blonde buzz cut) Most people would now think that I've intentionally done my hair like this. The two young women at the grocery store check-out said, "Cool shaved hair-do for Christmas!" I explained that it wasn't quite intentional but thanked them for the compliment. Then as I was leaving the cancer clinic from my radiaiton appointment today, a notably masculine woman smiled at me persistantly and said, "You are really beautiful, you know that?" I said thank-you and wished her a Merry Christmas. I'm grateful for ALL compliments!I wish for you that your holidays be filled with compliments and Christmas cheer!! God Bless!!!

A Christmas Wish:“I want a Boy-Toy!”

This was not something we thought we’d hear from our 4 year old daughter quite yet! I had the girls playing at McDonald’s Playplace for some much needed exercise, when the Stawberry Short cake doll that came with the Happy meal, just wasn’t going to satisfy my child. She stood up on her chair and proclaimed, “I WANT A BOY-TOY!!” I scolded her, while stifling my laughter, and I stated, “I know Carmelle, Mommy’s already got her Boy-Toy.” (As I turn 36 in just over a week and Chris is still only 30!) Parent’s around me smirked as Carmelle calmly pleaded for a Boy-Toy (a transformer type robot) I explained that she needed to ask nicely and then I’d consider switching the toys. So I did. When she got the new toy, she gleefully opened the package, looked at it and said, “That’s it? That’s all it does? I want a Boy-Toy that does something!!” By now Auntie Lizzy and I were in stitches and others were entertained around us. As we tucked Carmelle into bed with her new toy, her last statement of the night was, “I don’t want my Boy-Toy anymore, I’m finished with it.” Ah yes…The life span of the average Boy-toy…alas…I have an exceptional Boy-Toy who will last a life time!

Merry Christmas to All!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! I wish for you and your family a memorable and wonderful Christmas season. For 5 days I have nothing scheduled (accept radiation treatment on Christmas Eve)I can plan my days around what we want to do and what we enjoy. I wish for you the same and time to rest and relax. Right now we are getting ready to take the girls to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks". Our Christmas shopping is done, the presents are wrapped, not quite under the tree yet, or else Cadence will unwrap them all:) But we are ready. Chris has been working so hard and he is as of today able to start his first recording project in our studio. It's looking amazing and we can hardly believe it's ours! We plan to have an open house party at the end of January some time, to celebrate our new house, the end of my cancer treatment and both of our birthdays.
Merry Christmas to all and to all the full joy of the season!!

Feather and Family

What the ...hair?!?!?

When they told me my hair would grow back, they didn't tell me that it would grow in places it never grew before!!! I've grown back very think and bushy eyebrows and hair all over my face!! This is new and not the kind of hair I was hoping for. If you are praying for my hair growth, perhaps be specific, and pray for the hair growth on my head only!!! So off I went to an Indian Beauty shop today and had the lady thread, a Indian hair removal technique,pretty much my entire face. It hurt like stink, but as tears rolled down my face and my toes curled, I reminded myself that this is pain that I chose to have. I now have red blotches on my face, but much less hair, Yeah!!

Regrets?!?!

I was asked today if I regretted not having my right breast removed when I had breast cancer the first time. The short answer is yes. I have asked myself the same questions a few times in recent months. When I reasoned not having it removed, before this diagnosis, I was content with my answers. I really strongly believed in the medical system, I had faith that they would catch any new cancer before it became invasive or life threatening. What I have learnt about medical testing and the effectiveness and readiness of our medical system has shaken me. I had false hope in the process and testing I was receiving. There is very little that is truly effective on young dense breast tissue. Mammograms aren’t very effective until women are about 50 years old. I didn’t know that I should have demanded MRI tests instead of the ultra sound, chest x-ray, mammograms and CT scans I was getting. These tests didn’t show anything until the cancer had spread. I was starting to wonder around the new year. I was suspicious that more was wrong than the tests were showing. I had a gut feeling and I acted on it. I met with a surgeon on February 20th,and discussed finally having the breast removed. I was done worrying about it coming back and the feelings only magnified once I became and wife and even more once I became a Mom. SO it was decided that I would have the prophylactic mastectomy, followed by immediate reconstruction, in the summer time. About 4 days later I saw a pucker in my breast tissue and figured I should go for a mammogram that week. I was to have a CT scan the next day, but it got cancelled. Good thing to because if I’d had it, it wouldn’t have shown my cancer and I would have believed I was just fine. Though the mastectomy in the summer would have shown the problem through pathology and I do believe if that had happened, it still would have been soon enough to save my life. Though early diagnosis would have been preferable, even by a year, but if we’d caught it even sooner there’s a chance I’d considered not have children or not having a second child. So considering that, I’m glad I wasn’t diagnosed that much earlier. My girls are so precious and the centre of my world.
When I chose to keep my right breast, I also said it was because I wanted to keep my breast to breastfeed my children. It was a way fro me to be hopeful about my future at that time, that I would get what I dreamt of for my life, to get married, have babies and breast feed them. I’m so glad I had the chance to breastfeed my girls, but would I rather that than my life, obviously not. If I’d been told that keeping my breast would mean risking my life, I’d have had it removed in a minute and never regretted it. I have never mourned the loss of my breasts or missed my old ones. I sure hope I never have to apologize to my girls for not having the breast removed sooner, because it ends up taking my life. I certainly could never understand why any women, with breast cancer, would risk her life to keep her sick breast. But I was keeping what I thought and believed would always be a healthy breast.(until about a year ago, then I really started to have my doubts)
Perhaps I’ve become quite radical with my views on how to treat breast cancer, but for good reason. I believe now that you can never be to aggressive treating this aggressive disease. So please be diligent and aggressive with your breast health care. DO your Breast-self-exam and GO for your mammograms!! PLEASE! I don’t want you to have any regrets.

Seeing spots!

So I just had Carmelle at the Doctor's office for the fourth time in two weeks. We had her in for a bladder infection, due to her having the stomach flu the week before with vomitting and diarhea. But the medication we had her on didn't work, so we went back and got another one. That one didn't work either and by last sunday she was peeing blood. SO I brought her to emergency. WE waited four hours to find out that she has a very serious bladder infection that was resistant to the other antibiodics. So we got a third kind. This morning when she woke up, she was covered in thousands of spots all over her body. So she's had an allergic reaction to the anibiodics. The Doctor figures she has a Penicillin allergy! Sick!! I have an allergy to penicillin, but it didn't develop until I was 21 years old after using in many times over many years. This was the first time Carmelle has ever had antibiodics in her life!This is upsetting for me, she's already showing signs of inheriting my medical genetics, I just hope it stops with this. She's now off the medication, please pray her bladder infection doesn't return and that her hives clear up. She's had Benadryl, Reactine, Advil, an Oatmeal bath and she's covered in Calimine lotion from her head to her toes. She seems to be feeling a bit better. It's hard seeing your kids sick. It's easier being the sick one.

I'm Still managing to have a social life!

As I was driving to Surrey on Thursday for my Radiaiton treatment, I was called and informed that my radiaiton machine broke down. I was in it just the day before, I wonder when it started malfunctioning?!?! So my appointment was cancelled and they assured me that it wouldn't interfere with my treatment, thought my oncologist had mentioned that the more treatments I miss the more they will tack on in the end. Thankfully this day I was heading to Tania's place in Surrey to drop off my kid's with her, to watch while I went to treatment. So instead I stayed at her place a good part of the day and enjoyed a nice lunch and long visit. It ended up working out very well. Most Thursdays now I'll be bringing the girls to Tania's while I go for treatment, the girls get a playdate and I get to visit with my friend of 25 years.
Since that machine is difficult to mix my Friday radiation appointment got bumped to 5:24pm, the traffic was terrible, but I made the best of it again by meeting my friend Maria for a movie at the Guildford theatre, instead of driving home in rush hour.Monday my appointment is at 5:24 again, but we'll go directly to my Christmas staff party at abc restaurant. I feel so touched that even though I haven't been able to work since April, they still consider me a part of the staff. Chris and I are looking forward to a great meal and a night out!

Christmas is a Comin' !!

It hit me all of a sudden that Christmas was less than two weeks away!! This put a fire under my butt to get it looking like Christmas around my home, even if it ment setting up around the boxes. Christmas is a comin' wheather I'm ready or not! I'd hoped to be completely unpacked and set up before decorating for Christmas, but I realized this just isn't going to happen, and that's okay! So out came the Christmas decorations and up they went. Chris took Carmelle to get a tree, and he siad she made it perfect when she started to sing "Jingle Bells" in the van on the way to get the tree. We will have a perfect Christmas even if everything isn't just the way we'd like it. We will experience the miracle of Christmas, even as we battle cancer.
Some how I managed to write many Christmas cards and got them sent. I've also got a basket of cards ready to deliver to our new neighbours, to introduce ourselves. Carmelle and I plan to do this together this afternoon. I've discovered that there are not one but three teenage girls living next door, yeah, babysitters!! Our new house is the best Christmas gift ever!! We love our home, studio and neighbourhood.
We feel so blessed! I was reflecting on six years ago when I was turning 30 and feeling sorry for myself because I was the only one of my friends that didn't own our own home or have children. Now I have all I could have dreamt of, two beautiful girls, an amazing home, a great studio(business)...but I don't have my health!?!? I do however feel great considering everything my body has been through, I'm grateful for that. I also realize that 8 months ago when I was diagnosed my biggest prayer was, please Lord please don't let us lose our house. Little did I know that he had something much greater in store. He knew we'd get this house and studio, more than we could imagine, but all part of His plan.

Experiencing the Miracle of Christmas,

Feather and Family

Having Fun?!?!

As I headed out the door today for my 5th radiaiton treatment, my husband said, "Good-bye, I love you, Have Fun." I responded, "I'll have as much fun as I can while being radiated!" I think he half forgot where I was going. He says he was just trying to be funny! Though I do try to make the most of my outings. I try to run an errand, purchase a drink/snack or make it a social event by bringing a friend. So far I don't dread them, especially now that they go more quickly and aren't so uncomfortable. I get zapped 6 times, from 4 different angles for a total of about 45 seconds. The whole procedure from beginning to end is about 15 minutes with set up etc. So from when I arrive in the parking lot until I head out is about 30 minutes; Relatively painless. Am I having fun?!?! Not exactly, but I do try to make the best of it. I kind of view it as a part-time job for 6 weeks. I get more and more sore each day, which causes me some concern, but I'll just keep taking it one day at a time.

Not the kinda "Sun" I was hoping for.

So after only 4 radiaton treatments the entire right side of my chest, and right side of my back, look and feel like they've had a bit to much sun. When a shirt rubs it feels sensitive, like I have a mild sunburn. Sometimes some parts feel a bit itchy, but when I scratch it stings. I lotion generously twice a day, in hopes of delaying the sides effects, like a serious sunburn. It will come eventually no matter what I do, but I feel that the better I care for my skin the better it will feel. My situation of course is a little unique as the skin is thin and has much more scar tissue, which is more suseptable, due to the infection I had and the wound that took 6 weeks to heal closed, back in May. It also doesn't feel so good when the girls bump me or even give to tight of a hug. It's a good thing I don't need a bra, bacause that would be super uncomfortable for sure.So I'm a little nervous about how sore it will get; I'll just have to wait and see.

My Christmas greeting!

Janz Family Christmas Letter 2007
Well, this has been a year to remember and in some ways one I’d prefer to forget. Thankfully there were many shining moments that I’ll cherish forever that happened this year in the midst of our chaos. Through it all, God’s faithful hand has Guided, protected and blessed us, right into this Christmas season.
Our year began like any other, the New Year bringing new hope for our future as Chris and I respectively turned 30 and 35 years old. I thought hitting my mid 30’s was hard on me as I didn’t quite feel myself and was lacking the energy level I was use to. Little did we know, but I grew to suspect that I in fact was fighting a spreading and aggressive disease. After much ado, I was diagnosed with advanced Her2 positive Breast Cancer on March 16th. (We didn’t get the full diagnosis until after my Mastectomy on April 5th.)
I came home from the hospital on Easter Sunday afternoon and I shared a lovely Easter celebration with my family in the midst of many flowers and cards that had been sent by so many. The support never stopped pouring in through the year, through meals, gardening, childcare, housework, financial support, words of encouragement and most importantly prayer. We had three very successful fundraisers to help us with devastating loses and expenses; loss of income, childcare, housekeeping, prescriptions and other medical related costs. We first had “Tea Time for a Cure” on April 24th at abc restaurant, then “Friends for Feather” at Northview Church on June 24th and “The Janz Family Benefit concert”, featuring Kelsey, Colin and Chris Janz on Sept 21st. Through these events we were able to raised $20,000 for our family! Thank-you all for your support and willingness to be generous, you kept us a float during a very difficult time.Myfundraising for The Run for the Cure this year was very successful, $5,415 was my final total!
We had many prayers answered this year, some we didn’t even really know we had. Like the fact that we prayed we wouldn’t lose our house in the midst of my health crisis and now we find our selves owning and living in our dream house with a full recording studio for Chris to work from home in, that will save us so much in the long run. We are so grateful that we were contacted by caring friends who wanted us to have this house. They wanted to bless us and they have. We were also so happy to know that we could make over a $100,000 on the sale of our home that we’d only been in just over 2 years. We were even more excited when the house sold before we even listed it and saved us on real estate fees. Everything fell into place and we were assured that it was all meant to be!
We now call 34451 Thoreau Ave, Abbotsford BC, V2S 7H6, HOME! (As of Dec 1st, the snowiest day of the year, that’s a whole other story!!)The basement has a suite for Lizzy, my best friend who has been living with us since the beginning of Sept, and has been helping us with childcare and housekeeping and is just being a really great friend. Chris is excited to start working out of his own recording studio in the New Year. The girls, Carmelle (4 ½) and Cadence (2 ½) are growing, exploring and use to having more hair than Mommy. I’ve recovered from Mastectomy and lymph node dissection surgery, I’ve over come 6 months of chemo therapy treatments, I’ve just begun 6 weeks of 30 radiation treatments (each day traveling to Surrey cancer clinic) and I continue on with herceptin IV treatment, once every 21 days at the Vancouver Cancer Clinic, until August ’08. I’m over half way done my 18 month ordeal and I feel strong, healthy and healed. If you are interested in keeping up to date with our journey you can log on to my blog that I write regularly, through my website :www.featherjanz.comGod Bless you and your family this Christmas season, He has certainly blessed us!

What's your issue?

People don’t easily anger me, but someone did and they knew it, when they informed me that the root cause of all cancer is people having issues. I abruptly pointed out that all people have issues, so how come not everyone has cancer?!?! The arrogance of this comment angered me, as the person saying it doesn’t have cancer, therefore are they pointing out that then they must not have any issues?!? And I obviously do, since I’ve had cancer not once, but twice?!?! Now I’m not saying I don’t have issues, I know I do, but I don’t believe I’ve ever met someone who doesn’t have issues and if they think they don’t, then I believe that their issue is denial! I must add to this, what about all the children and infants that have cancer, are they also riddled with “issues”?!?!?
This person shared with me many of her views, beliefs and opinions that made me feel uncomfortable, before making this final comment. I thought it rather interesting when I realized that if I freely shared my views, beliefs and opinions with her, I would have run the risk of being labeled a Bible Thumper. I suppose if we openly share what we truly believe then we run the risk of being stopped. I won’t stop sharing what I believe, but I will walk away when they are sharing with me something I could do without. Hopefully they won’t be too offended and they will just respect where I’m at.
I’ve learnt to embrace my issues; that they are a big part of making me who I am today. I’ll continue to work on my issues and quite possibly develop new ones. I hope I have plenty of time to create all sorts of new issues to deal with!!

PMS, Bring it on!!

Well…how do I put this…my fertility returned today!! I was very excited, I never thought I’d ever say that!! It is a sign that my body is healthy and bouncing back. The Dr said it would be 5 months to 5 years, if it returned at all. This was more like 5 weeks, so I’m very happy knowing that my body is doing what it should at almost 36. I realized that I’ll take PMS over menopause anyday, and hopefully for at least another 15 years. The hot flashes and night sweats have been gone for a few weeks and I’m hoping the extra weight will just fall off me as well. I’m also sleeping better. I think my poor sleep, partially had to do with menopausal symptoms.
Not that I plan to use my fertility for anything… but I guess it’s just nice to know it’s there and that I still have a choice to use it or not to use it, even if I don’t.

1 down and 29 to go!

I got to shave my legs for the first time in months…not that I really missed it, but my hair has started to grow back fully in the last week. I’ve got full eyebrows and eyelashes, only the hairs are all 2-3 millimeters long. I’m sure I’ll have a crew cut hair-do by Christmas.
I went for my first radiation appointment today, it was much longer than I expected. It was just as difficult as the planning appointment, that was incredibly uncomfortable. My arm fell asleep and was very painful for about half an hour. When I thought I was just about to cry, the radiation therapist called out that I could move my arm. I told her those were the sweetest words I’d ever heard, it was a huge relief to move my arm. I have to stay perfectly still during treatment, can’t even move a millimetre or they have to start again. They assure me that the future treatments will go much faster, I sure hope so. As I was leaving the Surrey clinic, the first thing I saw as I left the doors was a rainbow. It was very uplifting, as I took it as a reminder of God’s faithfulness in my life.
I headed to Guildford to meet my friend Maria for dinner and Christmas shopping. We had a great time visiting and I got lots of gifts to check of my shopping Christmas list. It was a great way to make my day enjoyable and also miss the rush hour traffic on the way home. Mostly I’ll head to my appointments alone, some days bringing people with me. I don’t mind the time to think and be alone, though I guess I’ll see how a feel after doing this for weeks. One down, 29 to go!

Our NEW Address:
34451 Thoreau Ave
Abbotsford BC
V2S 7H6
*same phone number

Home Sweet Home

Our “Home Sweet Home” isn’t so “sweet” yet, though it is starting to feel like home. We have beds to sleep in, the kitchen basically functioning and some boxes unpacked. There is so much more to do, it’s very overwhelming. The move it’s self, I’ll try to forget. Many things went wrong and could have gone more smoothly, but do any moves go as well as you’d like?!?! I guess not. Moving an entire family and household is incredibly stressful, we plan to never do it again! We are grateful for all the help we had from the Trinity student volunteers, our family members and Mark and Rachel Thiesen. My cousin Chandra and her husband Willie came down from Dawson Creek and helped us unpack for two days. Lizzy has been a huge help as usual and she’s all moved into our basement.
The snow on moving day made us especially cold and grumpy. Last time we moved it was in August and the hottest day of the year, I don’t which is worse…the bone chilling cold or the feverish heat?!?
It’s hard for me to see the end in sight; Us being settled and actually being able to decorate for Christmas. The thought of all of this and getting Christmas shopping and cards sent, gives me a rush of anxiety. I’ve decided that if none if it gets done, it’ll be okay; Especially since I start radiation therapy tomorrow, every day for 6 weeks. That will be a big part of my holiday season, though I don’t want it to be all I remember about this Christmas. I’d really like for things to be as normal as possible.
I think I’m even blog writing to avoid unpacking. As much as I want it to get done, I find it very overwhelming. Right now I’m just tired and all I want is a nap. The girls haven’t been feeling great and were up a lot in the night. Chris is working long days this week and doesn’t have much time or energy to do much more right now. Thankfully he has a few weeks off over Christmas and will have time to set up the studio; that will be like full-time work for him for a few weeks.
Please pray that I have the energy, time and focus to get everything done before the week of Christmas.