Regrets?!?!

I was asked today if I regretted not having my right breast removed when I had breast cancer the first time. The short answer is yes. I have asked myself the same questions a few times in recent months. When I reasoned not having it removed, before this diagnosis, I was content with my answers. I really strongly believed in the medical system, I had faith that they would catch any new cancer before it became invasive or life threatening. What I have learnt about medical testing and the effectiveness and readiness of our medical system has shaken me. I had false hope in the process and testing I was receiving. There is very little that is truly effective on young dense breast tissue. Mammograms aren’t very effective until women are about 50 years old. I didn’t know that I should have demanded MRI tests instead of the ultra sound, chest x-ray, mammograms and CT scans I was getting. These tests didn’t show anything until the cancer had spread. I was starting to wonder around the new year. I was suspicious that more was wrong than the tests were showing. I had a gut feeling and I acted on it. I met with a surgeon on February 20th,and discussed finally having the breast removed. I was done worrying about it coming back and the feelings only magnified once I became and wife and even more once I became a Mom. SO it was decided that I would have the prophylactic mastectomy, followed by immediate reconstruction, in the summer time. About 4 days later I saw a pucker in my breast tissue and figured I should go for a mammogram that week. I was to have a CT scan the next day, but it got cancelled. Good thing to because if I’d had it, it wouldn’t have shown my cancer and I would have believed I was just fine. Though the mastectomy in the summer would have shown the problem through pathology and I do believe if that had happened, it still would have been soon enough to save my life. Though early diagnosis would have been preferable, even by a year, but if we’d caught it even sooner there’s a chance I’d considered not have children or not having a second child. So considering that, I’m glad I wasn’t diagnosed that much earlier. My girls are so precious and the centre of my world.
When I chose to keep my right breast, I also said it was because I wanted to keep my breast to breastfeed my children. It was a way fro me to be hopeful about my future at that time, that I would get what I dreamt of for my life, to get married, have babies and breast feed them. I’m so glad I had the chance to breastfeed my girls, but would I rather that than my life, obviously not. If I’d been told that keeping my breast would mean risking my life, I’d have had it removed in a minute and never regretted it. I have never mourned the loss of my breasts or missed my old ones. I sure hope I never have to apologize to my girls for not having the breast removed sooner, because it ends up taking my life. I certainly could never understand why any women, with breast cancer, would risk her life to keep her sick breast. But I was keeping what I thought and believed would always be a healthy breast.(until about a year ago, then I really started to have my doubts)
Perhaps I’ve become quite radical with my views on how to treat breast cancer, but for good reason. I believe now that you can never be to aggressive treating this aggressive disease. So please be diligent and aggressive with your breast health care. DO your Breast-self-exam and GO for your mammograms!! PLEASE! I don’t want you to have any regrets.