Our Girls.

We are often asked how our girls have been through all of this. We usually respond,that they are doing well and that we've all been lucky to have such great care-givers for them for the past year and a half. We'd like to think that they haven't been negatively affected at all and to cling to the phrase, "Children are so resiliant."
This cancer experience has taken up almost half of Cadence's life, she doesn't remember life being any different, she hardly recognizes me in pictures with long hair. Carmelle remembers me having long hair and going to work. She's told me all year that she's glad I don't leave for work anymore; she seems to forget how many times I've left to go to Dr's appointments, for tests, to the hospital and been sleeping.
We know our children have been changed by my breast cancer diagnosis and battle, and that we've had to focus on quality time as a family and not quantity. A positive thing has been that the girls have learnt to adjust well to change. They have had many positive experiences with many wonderful caregivers and have adjusted to obeying different authority figures. Each of this caregivers has offered things that are different than what Chris and I offer, so our children are perhaps more well rounded then they may have been. I believe that children thrive when receiving care and attention not just from their parent's but from many people who love and care about them.
Having said that, consistancy is always best for children and we've tried to achieve that for our girls as much as possible but we haven't always been able to. Inspite of this our girls are doing very well socially, their physical development is great and their personalities are strong and not to be missed:) Carmelle's vocabulary amazes me; I just asked her where her blue fork was and she told me it was "camoflaged" by her blue plate, I'm not sure how to spell it and my 5 year old is using it properly in a sentence! Though because her speech is so good, she often speaks for her baby sister, Cadence who's 3 and a half, who has been "babied" very much this year;and isn't speaking as she should by now. We will put her two years of pre-school, when Carmelle only did half a year, and I'm sure she'll be ready for Kindergarten when she's 5. We also haven't achieved complete potty training yet either. She was basically totally potty trained right before I went in for MAstectomy, and then she reverted and is now where she was then. The last two days she's been in panties, but with a few to many accidents. We are going to try and focus on it a lot over the month of August.
Cadence has much seperation anxiety and doesn't handle change very well, which we know has much to do with the events of the last year and a half. Carmelle has developed bad habits and behavioural issues of her own, with way to much whining being the most obvious. She is very excited to go to school and I know it'll be hard for Cadence to have her going three days a week when she isn't. I'm planning to do special one-on-one activities with Cadence when Carmelle is in school. I'm hoping she'll grow to look forward to that time, in her big-girl panties:)
Our girls have made this time easier in so many ways, even though childcare was a huge stress through most of it (financially and otherwise). My girls made me smile everyday, they gave me a reason to get up and going when I didn't feel I had the strength, they gave me hope and vision for our future and made "being-sick" a little easier. When I wondered sometimes why I was doing treatment, it made it easier on me to focus on it being for them, I'd do anything for my girls...because they have done everything for me.

For my girls, Carmelle and Cadence:

When I felt like giving up the fight, you gave me a reason to win.

When I felt weak, you gave me strength.
When I wanted to cry, you made me laugh.
When I felt like sinking, you threw me a line.
When I couldn't walk, you made me want to dance.
When I lost my voice, you sang for me.
When I lost sight of the goal, you gave me vision.
When I lost touch with reality, you held my hand.

When my arms were limp, you carried me.
When my heart ached and felt like breaking, you mended my soul.
When my mind wondered to dark places, you brought me home.
When my spirits were low, you picked them up.
When I couldn't reach out, you came to me.
When I couldn't speak, you said me, "I love you Mommy."

When I could hug, you squeezed even tighter.
When I could give you a kiss, you gave me one-hundred.
When I looked at you, your eyes twinkled back.
When I reached for you, you jumped into my arms.
When I stood, you lead the way.
When I moved forward, you ran ahead.
When I walked, you cleared the way.
When I stopped to ponder all that you have given to me...you held my hand.

From you Mommy