At the beginning of this week I took Feather to emerg again with severe pain in her head and chest. It's now Wednesday night, and the short visit that I had hoped it would be has turned into a few days as they continue to try and find an effective way to treat her symptoms. I wish she was home; even if she's sick in bed, the house feels complete with her here. I like being able to treat her myself, as it makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING to help. With her in the hospital there's really nothing I can do except for continuing conversations with her doctors and nurses. I have to remember that she is getting the care she needs there, even if the house feels empty without her. At this point there's no real effort to explain her symptoms as her cancer docs are worrying about what's next, and what her body is doing. I'm hoping that she can come home tomorrow and that there is an effective list of meds that they come up with so that I can keep her comfortable at home.
Today was the first day that I had some help with the kids at home which I grudgingly admit was needed. I ended up sleeping almost the entire afternoon to get me caught up after about 2 hours a night for the last few days. We still have not heard about what the next step is after her scans, and we're anxious to get a firm diagnosis on whether or not we have more cancer to worry about.
My heart has really sunk the last few days as I grapple with the prospect of this whole thing starting over again with chemo and other possible treatments. Life continues to feel like it's on hold; I try my best to make some time for writing and for moving forward musically, but it seems like it's a hopeless endeavor at the moment. The last few days sleep has brought vivid and disturbing dreams about hospitals and doctors, and it seems that no matter how hard I try to force some degree of normalcy on our life, it's an lost cause.
The good news is that Feather does seem to be feeling better today, and I'm hopeful that we'll have a solid plan of action for her treatment at home as well. To those that I've talked to on the phone the last couple of days, my apologies for my scattered conversation. My catch up on sleep today has remedied most of that :)
Please continue to pray for strength for all of us. I cannot help feeling somewhat defeated and helpless lately as my world continues to feel very small, and taken up with the mere act of survival. Pray for Feather, that her pain may subside, and that despite the scans lately, that she would be brought back to health. Pray for the girls, that their amazing spirits would continue to thrive and rise above this mess that our family is in. They really are amazing, and are doing so well in the face of all this.
Feather is in 3 west at MSA hospital in the TV lounge and would love visitors. However, I am hoping that she can come home tomorrow. But we'll see. Give me a call (853-2966) if you're not sure, or give her a call on her cell to chat (854-2800). Thanks again to all for reading, praying and standing with us in this battle. I'll post more as I know more.
Chris
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11 comments:
Chris,
Please know that you can call me any time. Whether you need an ear, shoulder, or soup:) I can come in the evenings and help with the girls, please just know I only two minutes away. You guys are always in my heart. That would be plural, for your whole family.
Love you all
Cindy
Chris and Feather,
Please know that our family is praying for your family. I pray that God will give you all His strength and the drs wisdom. I am very glad to hear that you all had a wonderful holiday. We love you guys and pray for the best outcome.
Brian and Nicole Huband
Praying from afar.
Leana
Chris,
I truely appreciate the time you take to update the blog especially at a time when it's probably the last thing you want to do. It gives us specific prayer requests and of course insight on the brutal reality of your life at the moment. Hang in there brother, you're doing a fabulous job as husband and father...one step at a time is all you can do and nobody expects much more. I hope Feather will be home soon! Our continued prayers are with your entire family and physicians.
Hey,
watching from the sidelines we've seen what a roller coaster this journey has been, kinda like the Matterhorn combined with the teacups just after you've eaten a big meal... and we are not sure what God is doing but we know He's got your back, and so do we for that matter. We think about you every day and we look forward to being able to play Pit or Rook, camping at Ross lake again and all of the good times that are ahead of us.
As important as it is to take care of Feather, be sure you are taking care of yourself also.
We'll talk to you soon.
Peace out,
Forrest and Amanda
The warmest, loving, most faith filled thoughts we can muster to you all.
-tracy & jer
Thoughts go out to you all!
Thanks for keeping us updated Chris.
Having read about your journey from the beginning, I can only pray that my husband would be as supportive and loving as you seem to be, if this were to happen to us.
Keep standing strong Chris, I hope you can close your eyes and feel the incredible love and supportive thoughts emitted from complete strangers like myself. I had a good cry last night after reading the latest news. I will continue to pray for Feather, yourself and your beautiful girls - that you will have many days ahead of positive news, and happy times!
Hi Chris and Feather, I have been checking in on your blog for some time now - since I heard part of your story at Northview church. You don't know me, but it's kind of weird as I feel like I'm getting to know you... because you share so openly. Although I've been a "silent" reader, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you, and will continue to pray....for your health, strength, peace, comfort, and for your family/girls too. I was happy to hear you had a well deserved break with your family in Disneyland. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that there are people out in the community lifting you up in prayer as I'm sure there are other "silent" readers out there besides me! I hope you get some answers soon so that you can figure out the next step. Thinking of you,
Laura Eeg
Chris,
We just got back from a short trip to the States to enjoy the 4th. (My hubby is American.) Now I sit here at 12:30 a.m. and am feeling rather stunned at the news I've just read about Feather.
Again, let me assure you of our love and prayers. I will be sending out another mass email to family.
The words below are so powerful and encouraging in light of your cry for prayer and help from the Lord!
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably MORE than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be all glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. “
These beautiful words, inspired by the Holy Spirit and written by Paul to the church in Ephesus, continue to resonate within our hearts today. They call us to lift our heads to the One who is able, they challenge us to be bold with our asks and they remind us to be ever mindful of Who is at work within us and through us with a power that is uncontainable, unstoppable, eternal.
SO COME BOLDLY TO THE THRONE! He IS able!!
Love, thoughts and prayers!
My heart goes out to you and your family, Chris. I am praying for you.
Love,
Phyllis
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
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