good cards not goo cards;)

Life is not a matter of holding goo cards, it's playing a poor hand well.

Merry Christmas 2010!

"Jesus doesn't just want to be our Savior...He wants to be Lord of our life!"

Thank-you for this wonderful quote and reminder this season, Mr. Jacob Wall! Blessings to you and Nancy and your entire family!

Merry Christmas to all!! To ALL!!!

Short an sweet.

I haven't written for so long because I haven't had regular access to a computer for a few months now. I've been doing mini updates through facebook but that's all. I've been so busy being WELL I haven't had much time to post anything.
Last week I got to kick a BIG one off my bucket list by going to Chicago and getting to see the Oprah Winfrey show. It was a great show and it airs Dec. 6th. I can't really tell you what it was all about because we ha to sign a document stating that we wouldn't.
I hope to write more again soon:)

WOW..really? Already?!?!

Our 7 year old daughter, had a 20 minute discussion with her Grandpa Janz, who's a theologian at King's college in London England, asking such questions as, "Why was I born? Why me? Why now? Why do I and everything around me exist?" Thank goodness we have a professor of divinity in the family to answer the questions of our oldest!! And thankfully I was at work;)

Quote I found for today!!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about dancing in the rain!" So let's Dance!!

Health update: not so bad, but not great.

So in the last week I have received some news that does explain most of my "issues" as of late. I don't understand all of it, because I'm not a health professional, but i'll try to explain it simply. None of it seems to be cancer related but all of it appears to be realted to long term side effects from cancer treatment. In the "gyno" region I will need to have surgery. A biopsy has shown cause for concern. It's not an emergency but will need to be taken care of in the fall probably. The extent of the surgery I don't know yet. I will know after meeting with my specialist in just over a week. I'm glad there seems to be a fix for an on going problem I've been having since coming out of chemo induced menopause just over 2 years ago.

While getting the results of the biopsy I told my GP that I had a variety of other random odd health "issues" that I thought I should mention. She took them VERY seriously and ordered a large amount of tests for almost every part of my body. The concern of course is that cancer maybe found. That is not what has come up, thankfully, but what has come up is upsetting. I have tested positive for an auto-immune disease. We don't exactly know which one yet, as I will have to have more tests and meet with another specialist, a Rheumetologist.

She was suspecting Rheumetoid Arthritis at first , but after the test results she suspects Lupus. Lupus would be basically the worst case scenerio, but at this point the most likely from the test results. The other thing it could be is fibromyalsia, which is what my Mom has and was diagnosed at the same age. Because my Mom has and auto-immune disease, it makes more sense that I will have one:( Again, I don't know for sure what I have, but we do know I have something. I feel disappointed that in less than two weeks I have found out that I have two more things wrong with me.

I'll write more when I know more.

But again, I'm happy to be alive to complain about them!!:)

it's true!!

Today I just read: "Burnout never comes from hard work. It's the result
of emotional and physical fatigue combined with a feeling of being
unappreciated." Have you told someone today that you appreciate all that they do?

I will be teaching a workshop on basically this exact topic in the fall. I think I'm calling the workshop "Take care of you and you'll get better." This is about avoiding burn-out, taking care of your basic physical needs; building your immune system, taking care of you emotional, mental and spiritual needs, finding healthy coping mechanisms, asking for and receiving help etc.

I have just been hired for a very part-time job, of one day a week at CBC, Columbia Bible College in Abbotsford, where I did my ECE. The job is administrative assistant to the ECE director, Gwen Reese, at CBC. The job starts the third week of August.

I will continue on at abc restaurant for 25+ hours a week, as I love it there:) and I get medical and dental benefits for my family through abc.

I will be working with the Committee for the CIBC run for the Cure, for breast cancer. I plan to raise as much money as possible for the run for the cure this year. I will be speaking at women's conference's, leading workshops, speaking at highschools as well. It will be a busy and exciting fall and I am so looking forward to all of it!!

Fundraising for Breast cancer starts again!!

I am starting fundraising for the CIBC run for the Cure supporting breast cancer. I have been involved with the run for 11 years. I have raised just shy of $15,000 in the last few years and it's my goal to raise at least $3,800 this year. i picked that number because I am 38 this year. I love getting older and want to celebrate every year:)!!

I would love your fundraising support! If you are able to make a donation please go to the website: www.cbcf.org

- click onto "make a donation"
- scroll down to "support a participate" and click it
-then click "Abbotsford" and add my name
- then click on to my name "Feather Janz"
- click "SUPPORT FEATHER" and add the amount you'd like to donate and how you'd like to pay

Thank-you for your support in this fight against breast cancer!! Together we will have a future without breast cancer!

Sincerely,

Feather Janz and Family

Showing support for Breast Cancer.

If you are on facebook and don't have me as a friend, please request me as a friend and let me know that you read my blog:) I'd also like for you to show support for Breast Cancer by joining the facebook page, "Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure Abbotsford". Thank-you for your support:)
I will be fundraising for this event this year and also be involved in a few other ways) I'll keep you posted!!

Love this quote!

"Being still and doing nothing, are not at all the same thing."

*This was one of Jackie Chan's lines in the Karate Kid.

An Old Nike ad that I've always loved...

A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers. By all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become. Because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics and statistics lie.

quote for today

"All that is needed for wrong to continue, is for good people to do nothing"

A quote I don't agree with...

“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” - Seth Godin

...Easier said than done.You can "set" up your life all you want, and unforeseen, unfortunate things can still happen. You can't control your life, but you can control if you are going to take time to get some R and R, so you can make the best of what ever life brings you. A vacation also helps to put things in perspective and creates life long memories.

"Sometimes when you do something out of the ordinary, you can experience something extraordinary!- Feather Janz (That one is mine and that quote I do agree with;)

I believe, when a study was done that surveyed many folks in a nursing home and asked them what their biggest regret in life was, that the number one response was..."That I didn't risk more or take more risks." The number one regret most people have when looking back on their life, is that they didn't try to step away from the ordinary more often, that they didn't take on a challenge because of the fear of failure, it's the realization that they could have lived a richer more fulfilling life... if they'd dared to do something other than what was set before them. Taking a risk in life, is not an escape, it's the underlying purpose.

I do believe that the second thing on this list of old folks, was the regret they had because they didn't take the time and make the investment to travel more and to see the world. To get out and experience and embrace other cultures makes you appreciate and understand the world you live in so much better and perhaps even better understand YOUR place in the world!

I've made a real effort in my life, from an early age, to do just that...take risks, step out of my comfort zone, and really experience the world around me. I know that these things have helped to form who I am today and have made me a better, stronger and more loving woman.

Perhaps it's because I first heard this message from the great preacher Tony Compolo, as a teenager and it always stuck with me. And also because I was able to hear him preach this same message in person 3 times. The most meaningful being when I took a risk, stepped way out of my comfort zone and served with his ministry of Urban Promise, in Camden New Jersey (just across the Delaware river from Philidelphia)the summer of 1996. I was 24 and I'll never forget sitting in the front row and literally soaking it up...as he had a tendency to split a lot when he really go going with his message;)

Risk More...

I think about this tonight as I apply for a second job, part-time, that is one I may not get but I'll risk trying because I'll never know unless I'm willing to risk failing. Even if I don't succeed at getting this job, I will know that I didn't allow the fear of failure hold me back. I do worry that possible employers might use my poor health in the past as a reason to not take a chance on me, but I know I am well today and I see wellness in my future...with or without this other job.

I happen to think that a little healthy escapism is good for the soul;) When you live a fast paced, hard driven, highly motivated life,a break now and then isn't just nice... it's necessary!! So when is my next vacation?!?!:)


Looking on-line for good vacation deals:)

Feather

another great quote...

"Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms the child."

Quote for today...

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” - Dr. Seuss

Today...

Today is 8 years to the day that I lost my best friend, Carmen(Toews)Anderson. Although here is never a day I don't think of her, this week is especially memorable. She passed away the day after mother's day, with her mother and father in the room; in the same hospital she was born in almost 30 years earlier.A week after her passing was her birthday; we'd just had her funeral...it was a celebration of an amazing woman's life. I miss her terribly all the time, I wish she was still living her life next to mine, but I do have peace. I know I will have eternity where she is, that gives me some peace; but I still miss my best friend.

I posted a memorial note on facebook today; these are what people had to share about Carmen today, when I wrote this...I am reflective, as today marks 8 years since lossing my best friend Carmen (Toews) Anderson...even though time eases the pain, I still miss her just as much! As I help plan our 20th Grad reunion, I know it won't be the same without her there. She was our class Valedictorian and spoke on behalf of our future 20 years ago......now here we are without her. She is missed and will always be missed.

She will be with us in our hearts. I know she is smiling down on all of us.

I often think about her. She was such a loving person!

She was one of the sweetest people I have ever known never a bad thing to say about anyone:)

I wasn't in your grad class, but I remember Carmen from when we were younger. I was sad to hear of her passing. She always seemed like such a genuinely nice person.

Carmen would have wanted for everyone to connect, reconnect and get to know others for the first time. That was what she was all about; kindness.

Even though I wasn't in your Grad class, I remember Carmen to be one of the sweetest and kindest people I had the pleasure of knowing. Thanks for sharing, Feather!

Yes, we'll be missing Carmen very much.

She is missed!! I can't believe it - 8 years ago.

To this day, Carmen remains one of most inspiring women that I have ever met, right up next to you, Feather. It was an honour to have known her :)

She was a good kind person...that would help when needed!
A good personality, and had a nice out look on life! = )
She is missed!! And is looking down over us and watching!
Our angel! = )

I remember her smile....Such a ray of sunshine:)

I miss her too.

Thankfully we have something Glorious to look forward to, something we can barely comprehend and something she already knows. There is peace in knowing that she already knows:) What will never make sense to me here, is sensible to her there!!- Feather

Always smiling, always kind and gentle, always warm, always strong. How she lived her life is an inspiration.

I Loved her kindness and her soft heart... We were all blessed with having someone such as her in our lives.

Carmen could always make you laugh because you could ALWAYS embarass her...You just needed to talk about boys! Carmen made life fun, no matter what we were doing. She could always make you smile.

She always took time to say hi, no matter what clique you were in. She encouraged change and positivity.

I remember her as a wonderful person, inside and out.

She really was such a sweet person....always kind.

The thing I remember about Carmen was her infectious laugh. She had such an amazing laugh and smile, her whole face lit up. It's true, I don't think i ever heard anyone say a bad thing about Carmen, she was liked/loved by everyone.

Carmen always helped me see the good in life, even when I was fighting to hold onto the bad. She helped me change my outlook and I will forever love her for that!!

I remember Carmen's smile and her driving. She had a mischievous laugh and lived with such conviction.

I agree completely. Simply a lovely she was. I bet she is smiling and singing and dancing up in heaven.

What a gem of a girl, our Carmen. Truly a person who lived what she believed and reflected the love of our Jesus so deeply, so genuinely. She is missed, but what a reunion we will have one day. My love goes out to you, Feather, and her adoring family. I fully know that there is a huge void...Thanks for this note and encouragement to stop and remember. :)


We miss you, my dear Carmen.

Reflection of the day.

I have found that those friends that can't be there for you when your time of trial comes; it is a reflection on them , not you. It means they are not stable enough to support you. You are not unstable, when your world is shaken you should be able to lean on those who love and care. If they can't be there for you, when their life trial comes, they will fall apart with no one there to catch them when they fall. We will all have trials and times of hardship, it is then the true character of those around you is revealed. When all is well, that is the time for us to work on our "firm foundation" of character so we are strong when others need us, but also that we won't have far to fall when our time of brokenness and weakness arrives; and it will arrive. There is a time for everything.

Mother`s Day Weekend...

The sun is shining and I feel like the summer weather is here for Mother`s Day, just for me:)!! Summer means the allergy season will die down and that is wonderful. I can feel myself getting stronger everyday.
I`ve been back at work for 3 shifts in 5 days this week and I feel good, I can hardly believe it. I`ve had some moments when I didn`t feel so good, like when i dropped a plate last night and when I didn`t make very good tips...but I was up, out and functioning!! One customer have me a very nice necklace that was hand made by her friend, I`d commented on how nice they were and so she gave me one; i`m wearing it now...so at least one table loved my service last night:)
I think I will go for a walk today and pick up Carmelle from school with Cadence; it`s been a long while since I could do that; at least 2 months. My nose has been healing well since surgery 3 weeks ago; my only set back was in the middle of work in the busy lunch rush i got a very bad nose bleed. I couldn`t stop so my wonderful manager cut pieces of gauze for me to shove up my nose.I love my co-workers:)!! It was much better than the kleenex I was using. It was the first nose bleed since surgery 20 days before, I have no idea why it decided to go off then. The Dr. Did say I could have scab clots for 3 weeks, gross, but true! I think it`s almost completely healed and I`m still loving being able to breath so much better!! The only problem being the bad smelling stuff smells worse; but the great smelling stuff smells even better:)!!
I`m going for a pedicure for my Mother`s Day gift tomorrow:) I work the evening of Mother`s day so I intend on spending all of the day in bed...hoping for breakfast there;)
Happy Mother`s Day to my Mom:)!! and to all the Mom`s out there!! Hope you have an amazing day!!

Happy Mother`s Day!!

Stinkin' funny!

So as mother's of young children it's often impossible to get even one minute not interrupted. Sometimes the only "me" time we get in a day is when we go to the bathroom. On a good day we may get a shower and on a really good day, a bath.

On an average day we'd just like a few minutes to the bathroom in peace. I feel fortunate that we have an on-suite bathroom; which adds just a little more of a get-away feeling.

So today I retreat to my own bathroom for a mini break, when my just 5 year old bursts in my bathroom and dramatically expresses, while pinching her nose,

"Mommy! It stinks in here!! While she simultaneously waves her hand in the air and turns on the bathroom fan.

I exclaim back to her, equally as boldly, "Well it's my potty, and I can poop if I want to!!" Then when I realized what I'd said. sounded like the old 50's tune, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!" I cracked myself up, started laughing at myself and singing my version of the song.

My 5 year old now with hands on hips says, "it's not that funny, Mommy!" and slams the door. All in all it was a good deal, I finally got my privacy and a good laugh and I doubt she'll barge into my bathroom while I'm on the potty anytime soon!

Inspirational Day 2010

If you can, join me and many other women for an afternoon and early evening, for only $10. Hope to see you!


Date: Saturday, May 1, 2010
Time: 1:00pm - 7:00pm
Location: Emmanuel Mennonite Church
Street: 3471 Clearbrook Road
City/Town: Abbotsford, BC

Date:
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Time:
1:00pm - 7:00pm
Location:
Emmanuel Mennonite Church
Street:
3471 Clearbrook Road
City/Town:
Abbotsford, BC

Inspirational Day 2010

Introduction:



When I reflect back on my life,I see so many opposing life circumstances; so many contrasts; sometimes quite extreme.I thought you may find them interesting and probably relate to some of them yourself.



Like my name for example; when I hear my name,"Feather" it is normal to me, when you hear my name "Feather" you probably think, "What were her parent's thinking?!?!" Well, I'm not sure but they were Hippies, so that seems to explain a lot.



Then when I was 26 and got married my name got even more interesting, because I got to add "Janz" as my last name. So that is the first example, of one of my life contrasts. "Feather", on one hand and "Janz", on the other. A good "flower child" name and a good German Mennonite name.



While writing of this I thought of my dog,Lilah, she's half Chihuahua and Half Jack Russell Terrier; she's purposefully bred that way... she's what they call a Jack-chi,a designer breed ...but when comparing myself to this example I'm referring more to the "designer" part! NOT the dog part:)



Anyway my life seems to follow a bit of a pattern; 'Anything but Normal" meets "conservative-Traditional" ...Feather (Anything but normal) and Janz (Conservative-Traditional). I'm sure Chris's Grandpa Leo Janz, the German World Evangelist and the founder of Janz Team Ministries, never would have thought he'd have a Grand-daughter-in-law with the name Feather, just as my Great-aunt Catherine, a committed life-long Nun, would have never imagined her Great-Niece, becoming Mennonite either. Catholic...Mennonite...hmmmm...Roman Catholic...German Mennonite.



Part #1:



-(on one hand) Being raised on an organic food farm, drinking our goat's milk everyday...Now diet Coke is my daily guilty pleasure (on the other hand).



-Raised as the wholesome, natural, "Granola-girl" and now I love my fake nails, fake tan, fake blond streaks,fake hair extensions, make-up, fake eye-lashes, oh and now fake breasts.



-Once Wearing a set of family t-shirts that said "How in the Health are ya?", and "I think therefore I recycle!"; Which we traded in for, "Make Borscht,not Bombs!" and "WWJD" across our hearts. (What would Jesus do)



- I had a guru-worshiping, third-eye mediating, new-age hippie mom; who is now a deacon in a Mennonite church.



- When I was 7, I had my Mom help me write an essay for a contest called "What the Bible means to me" (which I won:), then a year later she discovered what the Bible meant to her.



- I graduated high school with honours and then got a "P" (49.5%i) in college my first semester.



- I know how it feels to strive for perfectionism; and then to realize that the only thing perfect in my life is my Savior...(oh and the dentist has I have naturally perfect teeth:)(Dud breasts but perfect teeth!!:)



- I know what it's like to be a fitness model and then only being able to buy my clothes at a plus sized store.



- I know what it's like to have have hundred of people say to me, "I think you dated a guy I know." (There were a "few"!!) and actually being able to have an "official" white wedding.



- I know what it's like to have two Dad's walk me down the isle and I know how it feels to have my Heavenly Father with me, every step of my life.



Part #2:

-From hearing the name of my Lord and Savior, for the first time, as a curse word from the mouths of my parent's friends and them being wed bare-foot on a beach; to me being baptized with Holy water in to the Mennonite Church (MB Conference).



- My parent's divorcing when I was 3 and preparing to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary.



- I know what it's like to be called to the Mission field and to be called back into the home.



- I know what it's like to be a full-time working mom, a part-time working Mom, a stay at home Mom and a bed-ridden Mom.



- I know what it's like to travel across the country, by myself working and then not being able to drive on my own, for months.



- I know what it's like to be interviewed on several national TV programs and to have all the right answers and I know what's like to feel like I know... nothing at all.



-I know what it's like to have money to spare and also how it feels to ask others for financial help.



-I have spent 7 days backpacking the West Coast Trail, in the wilderness and I have spent 7 days debilitated by asthma, stuck in my room with my hepa-filter.



-I know what it's like to keep a house "where everything is in it's place" and what it's like to have a home where nothing is where it belongs (even when God has me right where He wants me;)



-I've gone from being the "healthiest" person people know, to having breast cancer twice by 35 years old.



- I know what it's like to check mark the "I'm in excellent health" box; while between 6 months of chemo and 7 weeks of radiation.( Just A little bit of denial:)



- I've run a half marathon and also wondered how I was going to get from my bed to the toilet, that was only 10 feet away.



-I've lost a breast to cancer at 23, while praying I'd make it to my 10 year dream, of breast-feeding my children, which came to be when I was able to successfully nourish my children with my remaining breast.



- I'm a breast feeding consultant and breast health instructor; even though I no longer have breasts.



- I've already had menopause, due to chemo and then had my fertility come back (though I was medically advised not to use it) and even though menopause was like a form of torture (oh, I have so much sympathy for women going through menopause) but even though it was 8 horrible months, I do look forward to living long enough to go through menopause again.



-I know what it's like to feel "on top of my game" as a mother; and then also thinking "I have no idea what I'm doing."



Part #3:



- I know how it feels to fear losing my child's life, how it feels to think I'm losing my marriage, and how it feels to fear losing my own life; thankfully not all at the same time.



- I know what it's like to be, on what many thought was my death bed and then 7 months later being able to go on rides at Disneyland for 12 hours straight with my kids.



-At one time in my life I was the top player on my soccer team, making the most goals and the had a time when my personal goals were reduced to just trying to stay awake and alert for At least 6 hours a day.



- I've had hair down to my waist for 9 years and I've been bald for 9 months.



- I know what it's like to hold my children so close and never want to let them go and how to surrender them to God, as I felt my life slipping away.



- I know what it's like to forgive but not forget; and still hold resentment.



- I've seen in my husband's eyes, on our wedding day, the look that made me know I was his for the rest of my life, even after only 9 months of knowing each other; then 9 years later, while I was bald and bloated, I still saw the same look in his eyes...even if "'till death do us part" meant only 9 more months together.


- I know how it feels to clean up the drug ridden mess of a loved one and how it feels to be completely high in the Holy Spirit. Amen!



- I know what it's like to be devastated by the death of my best friend at 29; and to have total peace that I will see her again one day (Lord willing, a long-time from now)



- I know what it's like to lie on an operating table 14 times and what it's like to experience healing over and over again.



- I've been a 23 year old cancer patient, a 12 year cancer survivor; a 35 year old breast cancer patient and now a double breast cancer survivor.



- I know how it feels to look in the mirror and see a "stranger", who vaguely resembles me, in my reflection; with no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, no waistline and no breasts...but feeling like I knew myself, ME!... "Feather"... better than ever!



Conclusion #1:



I was stripped bare and all that was left, was the woman God intended for me to be; covered in "His garb of Grace."



You are covered by God's grace. He created you...for His greater purpose, and all you have to do, is surrender and say "Here I am."



The following is a poem I wrote, entitled, "I am both", soon after coming through my cancer battle, almost two years ago.



I AM BOTH.



I can celebrate life and still be grieving.
I can smile and still be sad.
I can have a heavy heart and still shine.
I can mourn and still be dancing.



I am still me.



I can weep and still give a warm hug.
I can set boundaries and still receive gifts.
I can work and still feel like I'm playing.
I can be sick and still know that I'm well.



I am still me.



I can be angry and still seek peace.
I can close one door and still open another.
I can scream out in pain and still whisper, "I love you."
I can stride with confidence and still curl-up with insecurity.



I am still me.



I can ignore what I refuse to hear and still listen with wisdom.
I can fall down in shame and still rise-up with dignity.
I can pray for a miracle while still having doubt in my heart.
I can live life to the fullest and still embrace death.



I am still me.



I can have a child like faith and still feel my age.
I can see a storm cloud and still look for the rainbow.




I can feel the coolness of the rain and still sense the warmth of the sun.
I can know faith with no limits and still see the end.



I am still me.



I can teach my children to be independent and still hold them close.
I can see the positive in all things and not be blind to the negative.
I can stand corrected and still give advice.
I can receive a helping hand and still extend mine.



I am still me.



I can still know that I'm rich with no money at all.
I can still have compassion for the addict and hate the addiction.
I can still have a highlight on the lowest of days.
I can feel like I've still gained "the world" when I've lost so much.



I am still me.





In Conclusion:



Probably the most important life lesson the Lord has taught me, is that even when I feel so weak and I don't believe I can move an inch...He can still use me for His Glory. Even when we are still, He wants us to know that He is God. When we serve, with a serving heart, we don't even have to leave our bed, for Him to move mountains. But when He does call us to "Go", to take action, when we are able; it's time to obey. I'm glad that you were all able to be here today and I hope you will also be able to attend the retreat in October at Camp Squeah; Where I'll have the opportunity to get to know you better and you will certainly get to know even more about me.!


Introduce Lisa:



I’m so glad that Lisa could be here to day and that she will be joining us in October at Camp Squeah. Lisa and I have grown especially close over the past four years. I first heard of Lisa when our mutual friend, Debbie Fortnum, said she know a girl who could really sing and really write music. My husband Chris works in all areas of music; mostly producing other artists, in our studio, so they can have their own cd. Debbie knew Lisa was ready to have her own cd produced. Lisa came in as a young lady who had just lost her Mom to breast cancer and who had poured her heart into her lyrics and sound. When she sat down at our piano and began to sing on of her songs; I knew that she had a gift that needed to be heard. I got chills, as she sang and I didn’t want her to stop. We became close friends as Chris worked with Lisa, and we became even closer when I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year later. Perhaps our biggest bonding moments came when she came with our family to Disneyland, when I was nearing the end of my treatment and things weren’t looking so good for me. 10 days she stayed with us…and she still loves us!! We love you too Lisa!!



PRAYER



"God, I thank-you for everyday and especially days like today; where we can come before you surrendered and re-focused on who you have called each of us to be...your child...your creation...your bride.
Thank-you God for your faithfulness so that we can know, that we are always forgiven and never forgotten.
Thank-you Lord that you designed every woman here for your purpose...Your purpose, which is so much greater than our own.


God, you are Great, you are Mighty, you are never changing and you are good...even when we are broken and beaten down, you are unchanging, you are always good... you are good...all of the time.
Thank-you for this time, of basking in your Goodness and garbing ourselves in your Grace.
Amen.



Sing with Lisa:



You are Good




I cry out
For Your hand of mercy to heal me
I am weak
I need Your love to free me
O Lord, my Rock
My strength in weakness
Come rescue me, O Lord



You are my hope
Your promise never fails me
And my desire
Is to follow You forever
For You are good
For You are good
For You are good to me

You may not find this funny...I think it's hilarious!!

A study revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. If she is ovulating, she is attracted to a man with rugged and masculine features. If she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire. No further studies are expected. That is all.

You may not find this funny...

still and discouraged

Shortly after writing the previous blog entry, in which I express how thrilled I am to have been feeling so well for just over three days, I had what I believe is the worst asthma attack I have ever had:( IT was brought on by Cadence spraying a "bleach" based cleaner in the house and very close to me, she thought she was helping to clean, which is so sweet...but she took the cleaner bottle from outside that we use to clean up when our dog Lilah does a doo-doo on the patio, outside only.She had no idea now bad this was for Mommy and really either did I , because I've never reacted that badly. Before I even saw or smelt the cleaner, I started to have trouble breathing and I looked around to see what could possibly be triggering my asthma, then I saw...as I asked her to stop and fairly frantically told her take it outside and wipe up the spray, my asthma attack progressed to the point that I started to throw up; no wanting to scare the girls any further I ran to the master bath and grabbed the phone to page Chris; who was thankfully working just downstairs. I continued to gag, gasp for breath, while trying to use my inhaler. Chris set up my nebulizer and while I sucked on that he turned on the second air filter for our room, locked the bedroom door, so I could be protected from the strong bleach smell in the rest of the house. As I grew weaker and the tightness and pain in my chest increased another symptom arose that I've only felt once before, but was by far the worst; my throat started to swell more and more. I took a benadryl, added my other puffers as it continued up my throat to the back of my tougne. Now I paged Chris again and I was starting to get a little scared, was this an anyfalactic(sp?) shock symptom?!?!? The only thing I could think of right then was to start sipping my children's liquid benadryl, and as I sipped it the swelling started to go down fairly quickly and within 20 minutes those symptoms were gone. I think I'll be making a trip to the Dr tomorrow to try and figure out what that was and what to do about it if it were to happen again. So that was it, the rest of my day was spent recovering in bed, resting and doing what I could do to re-group, which did involve a big cry, of WHAT NOW!! Which was joined by a flood of my tears.
Setbacks seem to be getting harder and harder to bear. So then I read the blog posting a did right before it happened...and I am quickly reminded. Then there is peace.

Peace out,

feather

Life lessons

I suppose the biggest lesson I've grown to understand in the last three years, is that even when you are weak and broken, unable to even move, our faith in Him can still move mountains!Sometimes the most significant act is the one of surrender. Now instead of being forced to stop, I better understand how valuable it is to take the time to just be still...and know.

Like a breathe of fresh air...

I can hear the words of my "un-real" Dad (step-Dad) as I go to write this blog; "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched!" I'm referring to the fact that I, Feather, am feeling so much better in the last two and half days!!:)The concern I suppose is that I may "jinx" it and end up under the weather again very soon. My specialist told me that it would take 6-8 for my lungs to calm down after my terrible run of asthma attacks; it appears she was right, that's why she gets paid the big bucks, it was exactly 6 weeks to the day when I realize now, I started to feel better. I'm sure that it also had something to do with the fact the I had the surgical stints removed from my nose that day, and those suckers were big, yikes!

Now, instead of blogging, I should be searching my house, van and all the unlikely places in my home for where my Symbicort inhaler could be. This medication is what has basically enabled my lungs to return to "normal". This is a medication I will have to use a few times a day for the rest of my life, it works, but unfortunately costs just over $100 a month; With it my chances of having a relatively normal breathing life are quite good (thus the reason it is important for me to stop blogging soon and find it). I couldn't find it yesterday but thankfully I still had one liquid steroid pulmicort I could use in my nebulizer yesterday.

And yesterday, what a day that was. I attended and spoke at the annual Breast Cancer Awareness breakfast and got home just in time to run around putting the finishing touches on the girls big birthday bash. Every year I do one party for the girls, because their birthdays are so close together. This way we can afford a few extras we couldn't afford to do twice. So this year's theme was Mickey Mouse and friends. I'd collected Mickey stuff from dollar stores for almost a year, which made the grand adventure more affordable. Chris's Mom made the two large chocolate cakes earlier in the week when they were here for a visit from England, and Chris made icing from scratch (got the great baking skills from his Mom) and then constructed and Mickey shaped head and a Mickey and friends "castle". The girls helped him decorate with many sprinkles and placed the Mickey and friends figurines I'd collected (washed with bleach, dried and then put on the cake; and yes I am allergic to bleach now so someone else washed them when I wasn't home:)

Needless to say it was a chaotic, organized mess of FUN!! The party started with Mickey themed crafts, gift opening (the girls got many wonderful gifts, everyone was so generous:) then we played "pass the present' which the kids loved took, lots of time and they all got a small gift to take home. Then came the Mickey head Pinata!!
I'm always confused that we design the party around their favorite character and then proceed to bash the stuffing out of his pinata form; and not only that, take great delight in seeing this beloved be demolished?!? Somehow it's the perfect ending to a perfect party. The kids all took home loot bags full of Mickey themed "stuff" and it appears it was a huge success! The best part for me was that this year I could fully participate; in the last few birthday parties I've been to sick on the day to play ( but I plan and prep way ahead and always requested help:)
Carmelle said her favourite part of the whole party was greeting her friends at the door when they arrived, awhhh, love it; those are the phrases that reassure you that you must be doing something right.

Friday, the day before, I also had a speaking engagement. Though I felt rather "rusty" it went well, especially since I had to start speaking at 7:30am in Chilliwack, and I am not a morning person. I spent basically the rest of friday preparing for the girls birthday party, on their pro-dev day, with the help of Shelby, our handy-dandy babysitter:)

Thursday was interesting...Especially the part when the DR. pulled out very long stints from my nose; I had no idea how high the sinuses actually go up in your head.As the second one came out and I took my first breath with my newly reconstructed septum, I felt light headed from the flood of oxygen. WOW, what a feeling! I had no idea how efficient the nose actually was until that very moment. I can now breath through my nose with ease, I honestly think I can smell better and taste more. The surgery was worth it; the pain, discomfort, blood etc was all worth the new knowledge of how to breath. "Just breath" has a whole new meaning to me now.

The Doc, Dr. LEE, a gorgeous young asian woman; who happens to have my middle name as her last name:) told me that she could tell in surgery that my septum had been that way since birth, so I had literally never known how to really breath, I had no idea what I was missing! We discussed my tonsils being removed, which was next on my "surgical repair" list (a little different than the "repair" list if Heide Montag-Spencer:) Dr. Lee initially suggested I reconsider having my tonsils out, since I respond to anesthetic with so much vomiting (she had not seen my tonsils previously as she'd been on maternity leave when I'd been there for the pre-op appointment a few months ago) So then she saw my tonsils for the first time, she almost gasped when she saw how bad they were (huge, deep pockets on both sides; and I won't go into detail for he sake of those with weak stomachs) She couldn't believe I'd not had them out sooner. I'd thought about it in my mid-20's but traveling always got in the way, then my ENT (Ear. nose and throat doc) at the time thought he could fix the issue by cotorizing them every 3-4 months, we did that for 4 years before he realized it wasn't working; that was like torture and took at least a week to heal every time:( By then we'd been thinking of starting a family, so that crossed tonsil surgery off the list for a few years...then I finally had surgery booked 3 years ago; the very day I found out I had breast cancer. So cancer treatment and recovery trumped tonsil removal until now. But by now my sinuses had gotten so bad, from allergies, they had to do my nose first so I can breath through my nose when my throat is so swollen from tonsil removal. So in a few months I'll be bed ridden for 2 weeks with that surgery.

But until then, the plan is to return to work part-time in a week and slowly work back up to full-time eventually By summer the allergy season lessens, the sun is hot and my favourite season has arrived. No more vitamin D pills, I can just step out side for it and with that life will return to "normal"...what ever that is?!?!

Still Searching for my inhaler, but breathing so much better,

Feather

April 22nd, 2010

Happy 5th b-day to my baby girl, Cadence!!

Happy EARTH day to everyone else:) BE kind to this planet in a new way today. I did my part; I gave the world Cadence 5 years ago:) lol oh and I've switched to all enviro- friendly home cleaning products, one more step...what step will you take? And then another...

Also today I can finally breath properly!! I had the stints removed from my nose this afternoon; from septum reconstruction and sinus surgery last week. I've never known how easy it feels to breath through your nose! WOW, what a difference, it was certainly worth the pain and discomfort. I'm curious if I'll also taste my food like never before?!!? hmmmm...what to try first?!?

My daughter, Carmelle was very happy to tell me that she took good care of her planet earth today, by picking up garbage:)Our planet earth, what a special gift:)

I'm having a party and you are invited!!

So here it is...I'm having a Tupperware party. I never thought I would but there are many things in life I never thought I'd do:)

I figure that if the Tupperware that my mom has had since I was a kid, pretty much still looks like new 30 years later, then why not get some; so I can hand it down to my girls one day:)
Plus I need a social life and I haven't been well enough with allergies, asthma, and sinus surgery, to get out much:)

So come to my house Tuesday April 27th at 7pm and have some fun and get some Tupperware, bring a friend and you get a prize. RSVP or just show up, 604-854-2800

I want you all to come and I also want to be able to stay at my own party, so that means no perfumes and no smoking before you come in and no smoking while you are here. Sorry, but it's the only way I'm going to get better.

April 24th is the Breast Cancer Breakfast; Choosing to Smile!!

I am inviting you to the Breast Cancer Awareness Breakfast,Saturday, April
24, 2010 – 10am.

April is cancer month and this is a wonderful time spent with women in your life; especially if breast cancer has touched your life. I will be there and I'd love to see all of you out having a great time and supporting an incredible cause.


Breast Cancer Awareness Breakfast - Springboard for donation to Breast Cancer Patient Navigator Program


Abbotsford, BC …”The April 24, 2010 Breast Cancer Awareness Breakfast at South Abbotsford Mennonite Church (32424 Huntingdon Road, Abbotsford) will be the public springboard for a donation of $145,000 to the BC Cancer Agency for Abbotsford Centre's inaugural Breast Cancer Patient Navigator Program,” says Marie Shepherd, Chair of the Fraser Valley Branch of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation.



“The Abbotsford Centre's' patient pilot navigator project will assist breast cancer patients by expediting access to services and resources, and improving the continuity and coordination of care throughout the cancer continuum. It offers an umbrella of support and links with other professionals in the treatment process, while allowing them to discuss any concerns in a caring environment,“ adds Shepherd.



The Patient Navigator Program is due in large part to the tireless fundraising efforts of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation members in the Fraser Valley, especially that of the late Jean de Pape, who was a breast cancer survivor and instrumental in rallying this group of dedicated volunteers more than 15 years ago.



Dr. Frances Wong, Chief Physician and head of the radiation oncology department for the BC Cancer Agency at both, the Abbotsford Regional Hospital and Cancer Centre and the Fraser Valley Centre in Surrey, will explain how the new Patient Navigator works. Education, screening and detection are Dr. Wong’s key areas of interest and as someone whose step-daughter has undergone breast cancer treatment she recently commented: ”Being someone who has a family member with a cancer diagnosis, I continue to challenge all those who are touched by cancer indirectly to step up and join the BC Cancer Agency and its ongoing mission against cancer.”



Keynote speakers at the April 24th Breast Cancer Awareness breakfast are Julie Houlker, Glenda Standeven and Michelle Rickaby, authors of the new book and movement “Choosing to Smile.” This trio of friends will inspire you with their story - their collective journey with breast cancer and how they chose to face life's adversities with a smile.

Julie Houlker, a 14 year cancer survivor who has faced breast cancer three times, is undergoing chemotherapy and picked out a sassy wig to wear for the occasion. Glenda Standeven is a 22 year survivor, who was a young mother of a three year old boy when she lost her entire right leg, hip and pelvis to bone cancer in 1988, and within three years of her surgery, she gave birth to her second son despite only sporting half a pelvis.

Michelle Rickaby, also a 22 year cancer survivor of Hodgkin's lymphoma, had two infant daughters when she faced diagnosis of the same disease that had claimed her brother. In addition, she lost her mother and step-mother to breast cancer, following her diagnosis.



Rita Walker will chair the awareness breakfast which will continue its tradition of the highly emotional lighting of the candle of hope, along with the honoring of a founding and dedicated leader of the Fraser Valley Branch.



Tickets to the Saturday, April 24, 2010 – 10 am Breast Cancer Awareness Breakfast at South Abbotsford Mennonite Church (32424 Huntingdon Road, Abbotsford) are $20 each and include a hot buffet breakfast. Advance tickets are available at Zammy’s Lingerie & Foundation (2630 West Bourquin Cres.), Ronald Allan Clothiers (33428 South Fraser Way) and Roses & Rutabags (33771 George Ferguson Way). No tickets at the door. For more information, contact June Ross 604-853-3983

My "nose-job"...

No I didn't have any "rhynoplasty" done (however you spell it?!?) But I did have quite the procedure done to my nose and sinuses yesterday but it was called a deviated septum reconstruction and a procedure called thurboplasty, or something like that. Anyway,now that it is fixed, I must wait a week or so before the project is complete. The two stints that have been placed my nose, to hold it together in the right place to heal, will be removed in week.When I look in the mirror I can see a bit of a cosmetic touch that I like. The tip of my nose is lowered just a bit and the middle part of my nostrils is straight, where it was crooked before. Not that I did it for that reason. My main motivation was to have my nasal passages be able drain better so it wouldn't continue to get so many terrible nasal infections. My allergies already cause my nose so many problems like severe post-nasal-drip, sneezing, leakage etc. Because of all the infections and inflammation over the years, I'd developed all kinds of lumps, bumps and polys in there. IT also has a direct connection and reaction at my asthma; mostly because of the chronic and severe post-nasal-drip.

After having this surgery the hope it that I'll finally be able to properly breath out of my nose, that my risk of nasal infections will all but disappear, this will basically alleviate the post-nasal-drip that is aggrivating my asthma and so my nose will look a little cuter (especially without it having to be blown clean every 5 minutes (there;s nothing very attractive about that!)

For now, I'm very sore still, it's been just over 24 hours since the surgeon, Dr,.LEE got to know my sinuses better than I do. The first bump in recovery was a concern that my pulse-ox wasn't higher. That means my body wasn't getting enough oxygen. I was having difficulty breathing properly. I felt very closterphobic from it as I kept trying to cathc my breath but I couldn't. They but me on oxygen hoping it would stay up bu once they took the oxygen away, my levels dropped again. At that moment the nurse calmly told me that I might be staying the night in hospital.

Yikes! I was so out of it, I'd just come out of the anesthetic and was very doozy. I think I should have had a nebulizer treatment to help perk up the lungs. But no one though of that?!? It was a little scary. But at least I wasn't vomitting like usual, not yet anyway.

The pain was managed with some good drugs and before I knew it I was being hurried to go home. Not before the surgeon told me the surgery went great. A friend of a friend picked me up. I'd never even heard of her before that meet in the recovery daycare room. Janet kindly drove me to her home to rest before she could take me to Carol fcor the remainder of my journey home.

While at Janet I started to feel all the effects of the drugs the hospital gave me wearing off. So I took the 2 t'3's they gave me with some gravol and we headed on our way. Not even 5 kms down the road and up cam e the plain toast and gingerale.I don't know how it is possible to throw up so much more than you think you've eaten?!?
Thank-fully we had the ziplock bags and wet wipe prepared. Also grateful for the wad of tissue I grabbed, because with the vomitting came the none stop nose bleed!

I switched to Carol's vehicle and I'd tried to warn her about possible vomit and blood and there it was; all the way home. By the time we got me home, the pressure had caused the left side nasal splint to come lose and shift down a bit. If it wasn't already uncomfortable, now it really was. SO I pressed it just the right way, I hope, and pushed it right back up where it was supposed to be. Ouch.

The vomiting finally stopped because I called ahead and got Chris to get me injectable gravol, so he could give me a shot when I got home. I was throwing up so much I couldn't keep any pain pills down and the pain was getting worse. Finally I was in my own bed, my stomach calmed and I could take some pain medication. No my nose however did not stop bleeding for a while longer. They had said if it bleeds and you can't get it to stop then to go to the ER. Thankfully it finally stopped many hours later.

I had a decent sleep last night, though I hope I have more sleep tonight. I've so tired all day. I know my body has been through a lot lately, but I still have to rest and take it easy.

A big shout out to all the wonderful people who came together to make this whole ordeal a wonderful experience; Julia Savali and her family(Valerie, Camille, and Sophie) who let me sleep over and then all got up at 5am to have me at UBC hospital by 6am. To Janet who picked me up on very short notice, when they released me so early. I had a nice rest at her home, she blessed me with a comfy couch, watching the BLINDSIDE and amazing Arbonne products. Next I was greeted by Carol Z. who drove me all the way to Abbotsford, she;s lived in Vancouver for 19 years and this was only her second time in life out our way?!? How brave of her to venture out with my when she hardly knows me and I ended up puking most of the remaining trip:( Some how with both ladies I was able to have quiet good conversations, between the up-chucks. I did warn them all of may vomiting after surgery, and they all came prepared with bags big and small, ziplocks and an assortment of tissue and wet wipes for clean-up.lol

I made it home with one hand holding a bag full of bloody tissue, and in the other handa bag that looked like I was bringing home the girls a new goldfish...but sadly it was just me and what was left of my stomach contents.

Now with the help of several frozen pea bags, many pillows, nasal wrap gauze, more gravol injecions in the backside so I can keep down some pain meds, my bed and my blankie...I'm at home and on the mend. So looking forward to being able to breath through my nose like a normal person!!

No bruising or real swelling; but that may come later, I'll keep you posted.


PS. If you ever have this done, don't put a bag of frozen peas on your forehead, and then try to sit up a bit, or it will cause the hard bag of peas smash down on your so sore nose:(

Today's quote is one from me.

Man should not be judged by when they fall or where they land, but rather by how they arise.
- Feather Janz

Bed-ridden:(

Just when I thought allergy season couldn't get worse, it did:( Monday I could sense it, Tuesday I could feel it and by Wednesday I was getting worried. Then I was up until 5 am because my sinuses hurt so much It felt like my face was lifting off my skull!
Medication kicked by then so I could sleep a bit.I now have a full blown sinus infection, I may end up on anti-biodics again:( I got another nasal decongestant medication today so hopefully I'll be able to sleep better tonight. I need to start improving or else my surgery might get canceled. That would be bad since my surgery is to fix the very problem I'm suffering from now.
With this my asthma has flared up badly again, it's all part of it. Fixing my sinuses will help improve my asthma as well. It's hard to explain how that all works but they assure me it will and that the surgery will be worth it. I'm looking forward to the experience of breathing out my nose, something I've never done. The Dr. figures my septum has been deviated since birth, since I never knew anything different I never knew to complain about it.
hmmmm...since I never knew anything different, I never knew to complain about it.

Good-bye dear friend.

I've lost a wonderful friend to the this dreaded disease. Jasmine was a young and beautiful Indo-Canadian woman, that I've been close with for just over a year and a half. Jasmine spent her mid-20's fighting and fighting some more to beat this disease.

Now she is gone and she fought the good fight; she stayed standing every round even when she got knocked down again and again she'd get right back up. She had this quote on her fb page and I know she believed it until she took last breath,

"I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated."

I miss you... Jasmine my friend.I am a better woman for knowing you, thank-you for being you.

HELP, please:)

We are in need of help with childcare the next couple of weeks. Anyone available to help? We'd appreciate any help we can get. I'm in recovery mode,after the rough three weeks of health issues that continued to escalate, making last week the hardest yet.

I'm dealing with some unforeseen complications with my ovarian cyst bursting, that we didn't for see. We are praying now that I don't get worse in the next few days, or that will land me back in the hospital. I need healing mode, I need to be to be read and capable for my surgery. I have surgery on the 15th,having my nose/sinuses repaired, at which time I'll need full-time help for a week.

Chris is wokring even more because I'm unable to work and our income has taken a beating again. We need Help with the girls and the house/yard.

I also need a ride to my surgery on the 15th to UBC; ( I won't know the exact time until the day before:( and I'll also need a ride home several hours later after recovery. HELP pls:) anyone?!?!?

We appreiciate all help and we have learnt when to ask...so we are asking:)

Something else?!!?...REALLY?!?!?

I am home after 3 days in the hospital. Tests have shown I had a large ovarian cyst burst and continued to cause localized internal bleeding. This caused 4 hours of the worst pain I've ever had; until the drugs kicked in. Parts of labour were that bad; but at least with labour I knew what the pain was for! The unknown was scary:( Now I know.
Once I was there it was also realized that my potassium levels were very low; so I was kept in for testing, monitoring, potassium etc. They were also getting my asthma under control, so I feel much better now. Though while there I also had one of the worst headaches I've ever had; in the top 3 for sure!(probably because of the potassium issue) ... the worst headache I've had in my life was on July 2nd 2008, that's how bad that headache was, I remember the day!! That time my potassium was extremely low; life threateningly so. This time was no way near that bad; but a concern.

I'm feeling much better now and I hope and pray I stay that way for while:)!!

Resting,

F

YES, I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!

I've been using the nebulizer at home 3-4 times a day for two weeks. I did go off of pednizone 12 days ago, but I've been on it again orally for 2 days. But it's not getting better. This often means a trip to the ER, IV prednisone, and something to help with he pain so I can sleep. It's 11:30am and I've only managed to sleep 2 and half hours, in the last 26 hours:( tired...and tired of being sick and tired.

Basically I feel like I've been sick for three years. Breast cancer diagnosis 3 years ago, all the treatment mastectomy, lymph node dissection, 6 months of harsh chemo, every infection possible, every test possible( including a spinal tap:( heart issues ( running out of potassium almost killed me, severe asthma issues for two years, several hospitalizations, shingles, oestio-arthritis from treatment, memory issues (which have gotten better over time) not only did chemo make all my hair fall out, my toe and finger nails did as well. Weight gain from the steroids used to help treat everything; 55 lb gained:( I got severe stomach ulcers that caused internal bleeding; now i have severe acid-reflux and will probably have to take medication for that daily for the rest of my life. Again every tests possible; many MRI's, not as many CT scans (to much radiation)

oh yeah and how could I forget, 28 radiation treatments and 12 months of IV herception treatments, which weakened my heart. I have laberthyntitis for 6 months; which is basically severe vertigo every day that caused me to vomit everyday for 6 months ( the only things that was good for was 45 lbs of weigh loss)I've had my brain scanned, my lungs, my bones, my liver, my uterous and ovaries, my colon (that was fun) and many mouth ulcers and oral thrust from treatment that went to my esophagus. I had injections daily in my stomach through chemo to keep up my white cell counts or else they were 1.1; they should be 7-12. any thing under 2 basically means you've lost your immune system.

Having said all that...I'M HAPPY TO BE ALIVE TO COMPLAIN:)!!!

Anxiously awaiting....

I keep waiting to feel better and just when I think I'm getting there, wellness escapes me. I've had to make the very hard decision to take more time off of work. In total I will probably end up being off for 6 weeks. I'm so thankful to my wonderful employers at the Abbotford abc restaurant, for being so supportive and understanding. My goal is to return to work on May 2nd; but I've got a long road of recovery ahead of me before that.
At times I feel very emotionally overwhelmed, that once again I find myself in poor health. I've been going through a grieving process of sorts, as I finally come to terms with the fact that I am not a healthy person; I may never be. for the first time in my life I really feel limited by my health. I now have to always be cautious of my environment and I can't plan to being as adventurous as I have been in the past. I do have a sinking feeling in my heart as I understand the whole weight of my circumstances.
It has been considered that my lung problems could be cancer related as in; worried that cancer has possibly spread to my lungs. My specialist will be reviewing my chest xrays and blood work to be more confident that this is not the reason for my problems. Women with my combination of issues (breast cancer that spread to lymph nodes and asthma) as 4X more likely to develop lungs mets(cancer spread to the lungs) than with breast cancer patients who don't have asthma. The encouraging part is that once asthma is controlled, my risk for lung mets becomes the same as any other breast cancer patients. For most of the last year my asthma has been under control, all but a few weeks a year ago and now.
April will be a busy time with Easter, Nose/sinus surgery April 15th, Chris's parent's arriving for a week visit and the girls birthday party on April 24th. Other than those things the only other thing I will be doing this month is recovering and resting. R and R is in the daytimer!!

Marching on,

feather

Just breathe...

I am laying low and trying to catch my breath; literally. Asthma has had me down for at least a week of bed rest right now. About two weeks ago I noticed that my asthma was acting up. I increased my medications; allergy meds and inhalers, but it just kept getting worse. Due to the severe seasonal allergies and a cold/flu virus,(the girls had it but were only sick for a few days; with asthma the same cold takes over) even with the high doses of prednisone steroids I started using, I continued to get worse. Then when I took the girls to the opening ceremonies of the paralympic games; which was amazing; the smoke used for the light show, took my asthma over he edge and landed me in the hospital that night.I've reacted to this "concert-light smoke" before, but because of the other contributing factors, it was really bad this time.

Then with antibiodics, more steroids, and purchasing a nebulizer machine for home, I was hoping to stay out of the hospital.But with even doing everything right, I still couldn't get the asthma under control and ended up in the ER again. Adding more medications and bed rest has helped a little, but the Dr. (respiratory specialist) says it will take a while for my lungs to calm down. With only one trigger yesterday; freshly cut grass, I had another huge asthma attack.

Yesterday, After a day of appointments and tests at VGH,in the RAU (Respiratory Ambilitory Unit)I've been told I have severe asthma. This is now a life altering condition for me and one I will have to treat and be aware of everyday for the rest of my life (at the moment I feel very debilitated by it, but my specialist assures me that it will get under control in time and I will be able to breath normally again soon). I will be having more tests; pulmonary function tests April 9th and VGH; and seeing an asthma specialist in Vancouver May 26th.

Right now the main focus is to get me well enough so that I can have my scheduled nose/sinus surgery on April 15th. Due to years of allergies my sinuses are a mess and the situation is made much worse by the fact that I have a deviated septum.This condition causes sinus "drip" problems which greatly aggrivate my asthma. So by "breaking" my nose and re-setting it; my issues will lessen in the long run; though hurt terribly at the time:(

It appears that I have had asthma my whole life, without a diagnosis until last year. I don't have the traditional "wheeze" with my asthma, so it has been misdiagnosed and untreated for a long time. As a kid and youth the only way it showed up was when I exercised really hard, especially in the rain, I'd have a sore "burning" chest and cough until I ended up vomitting! Who knew?!? I just thought I needed to be in better shape.
In my very early 20's I had repeated long boughts with bronchitis and pnemonia; not realizing that the severity of my illnesses was due to asthma. (Also working in smoke filled restaurants certainly was the main culprit) Once I stopped jogging in the rain and working near smoke; I seemed "healthy"; but still had asthma, just was avoiding the main triggers without really realizing it.
Then I got cancer and all other health issues became secondary. In 1999, I had a year long battle with sinutitis and bronchitis and blamed the children I was working with, in daycare, for making me sick. When I did stop working with the kids, I did get better, but this all was related to my asthma as well. When asthmatics get regular cold/flus, which you get more contact with when you work with kids or have children, the viruses and infections are much harder to get rid of and are much harder on the person. I just thought I was a real wimp when I got sick; because i'd get so sick and I thought if I'd "just take better care" of myself, I wouldn't get so sick. All the while I had asthma, which now explains so much!

It was then I was told the first time that I should have my nose/sinuses operated on about 12 years ago. I was also told I should have my tonsils out, which is on my surgery "to-do" list for later this year.
Not until I was done cancer treatment 18 months ago did an oncologist figure out that I had really bad asthma; it was now worse than ever due to many factors; including my lung being damaged by radiation therapy and chemo has caused severe chronic acid-reflux; which makes asthma much worse.

It seems now we will finally be getting to bottom of it and I should be feeling much better soon. For now, my lungs are having trouble getting me enough oxygen to keep me awake and alert. I'm on the nebulizer machine several times a day and it could be weeks before I can function normally again. But I am holding out hope that with lots of rest, the right meds and the TLC I'm getting from my dear husband, I should be much better in a week or so.

Catching my breath again,

Feather ·

Verse for the new spring season!!

"Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take." Joshua 1:9 The Message

Trying to make sense?!?

"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit. "No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way." ~Winnie the Pooh

Along the way to a full recovery I have be derailed by a severe bought of bronchitis; only to be complicated by nasty allergies and bad asthma:( I hope to be on track again soon.

15 years

Today has been fifteen years since I heard the words for the first time, "You have cancer".
In 6 days it will be 3 years since I heard for the second time,"You have breast cancer."
It's a memorable, meaningfull and thought provoking time for me.
ON friday my oncologist at the cancer agency tolod me that I am doing so well, I don't have to go back again for 6 months!!:)I have been feeling great!! And I'm able to work 4-5 shifts a week at abc restaurant, which is very hard physical work.Now

Now That I'm well, it's time for the sugery's that I'd put off 3 years ago; deviated septum, tonsils removed and severe vericous veins in my leg. Plus the right breast reconstruction that has to be re-done.


My allergies and asthma has been acting up, but it's nothing I can't handle.
I have my sinus surgery on April 15th. I have to have my nose and sinuses re-set and cleared to. I'll probably end up with eyes for a few days.

Life is good,

Feather

Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics

The golden winter Olympics have certainly been the highlight of our home over the last 16 days. We will miss all the excitement,patriotic pride, outings to the events, maple leaf 'tattoos", and watching our athletes bring home the most gold in history! We are sad to see the 'world' go home:( This has been a party of a life time that will forever be celebrated!
We are looking forward to taking in as much of the para-olympic games in two weeks.

We certainly finished on a high note:) the following poem, written by my "unreal" Dad, Gary wagner, states it well:)



olympic sonnet



canada beats the usa
with sid the kid in overtime:

hockey remains our game today.

the losers pout and whine while i’m

properly proudly patriotic.

on robson street the church bells chime,

and fans gaily idiotic

high-five others to them unknown.



the anthem sounded so melodic
as above the rink our flag was flown.

jerome assisted on the play

that made the game again our own.

with lou in goal what’s else to say?

canada beat the usa!



wag
february two eight twenty ten

Quote today...

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see all else." CS Lewis

itunes...

If you are into downloading good music from itunes, you should check out "Today" by Matthew David; this is the Olympic theme song that Chris wrote, composed, played and recorded, for the city of Richmond. I posted the lyrics below in a previous post.

Also our good friends,the band Starfield, are currently #1 on itunes in Canada!! Their newly released cd "The Saving One" features a song that Chris titled and co-wrote called,"Glory is Rising".

Chris's cd "FLY" is available on itunes as well. Every time these songs are purchased, my husband makes his living:)

To being unique...

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."- John F. Kennedy

My husband's contribution to the 2010 Olympic games...

Chris wrote the Olympic theme song for the city of Richmond. He calls it "Today", it's alias is "Dream it":)
You can find it on youtube; sung by a friend Matthew David (Matt Cooper)The city of Richmond did a great video for it; you'll see Chris in the background playing piano:)
Chris wrote, composed, played and recorded every instrument, in our studio.(Epimino Sound)Chris mixed, mastered, live recorded the choir on location, and had our babysitter, Shelby Sperling (a very gifted young vocalist) do the female background vocal:)
Matt will be singing Chris's song on Canada AM this Saturday morning, from the Richmond Olympic Oval. We will be there for 4am film time as a family, hopefully you'll see us. The Canadian Tenors will also be singing. It should be an amazing show!!

Tune in!!

The following are the lyrics of Chris's song.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Today
Words and Music Copyright Chris Janz 2009

Verse 1

It's begun, you live to see the chance of a lifetime,
You can run, you can fly, you can win, here and now is the right time

Come on, come on, it's just beginning

Chorus

It starts with a dream and then becomes
The heart of a seed and the soul of a love
You start to believe that belief is enough
The future's just a dream away
And we believe the future starts today

Verse 2

It's a call, in the ground in the air that we're breathing
Through it all, you have always been believed in

We're born to shine and more than ever
This is the time to show it better
Walk through the fire, there's no surrender
Let's give a fight the world will remember

Bridge

The dream is more than one we're all together
Dig deep, and find the strength within
And we believe that this will last forever
Our dream, our future now begins

Quote today...

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." C.S. Lewis

My message to other breast cancer patients...

I often have women contact me for advice and information about breast cancer. My message lately has often had the same theme as the following message
I sent a woman recently. This message my speak to other women's hearts as well, so I've decided to share it.

My Dear,

I hope your test results are fine. But I feel prompted to tell you that the only real regret I have in my life was not taking the advice of some Dr's, when I was 23 with my first diagnosis of breast cancer, to remove my other breast at that time. Experiencing advanced breast cancer, lymph node positive, at 35, with a husband and 2 young children was horrific. IT was a nightmare that could have been avoided if I'd done the radical surgery and had my right breast removed when the left was.I actually had the ball rolling to have the right removed, after having our two daughters, for prevention; the surgery was booked for July and I found out I had breast cancer again in March. By July it may have been to late.
I am haunted by the fear of reccurance basically everyday. Because the cancer had a chance to enter my lymphatic system, it could threaten my life for the rest of my life. I wish I had taken the advice 15 years ago and avoided this tragic event for myself and my family, that started almost three years ago and hasn't really ever stopped.
The decisions you make are very personal ones, and I respect that. But since you reached out to me I thought I'd take the opportunity to express my inner most thoughts, feelings and emotions attached to this. I hope and pray you are well at this time and that you will always remain cancer free.
While writing you I feel very emotional, even shedding tears. I so wish I could go bakc and change that one thing in my life.
Though I believe that God uses all things for good and His glory...I do so wish I'd made a different personal decision so many years ago.
Just as an aside; I happen to LOVE my new silicone breasts. They are my new girls:) I joke and call them adopted...because I love them just as much as I would if they were my own:) There are definately "perks" to these girls and I can honestly say I have never missed the others. Especially since they were trying to kill me, I was ok with letting them go.
Hind sight is 20/20...but perhaps I've given you a peek.
This is a radical disease that I believe deserves an equally radical approach to fighting it.
Dr. Lennox has an amazing reputation and I've heard he does great work; getting in to see him is a privilege, I've never had the chance. If you are already on his patient list, and he has a file on you, you'd be able to get into see him much more quickly than someone else. Right now it's a 2-3 year wait for him. IF you've seen him within the last 7 years that is; they discard patient files after 7 years. If it was more than 7 years, I woulds still try to get in to see him anyway by calling his office and explaining. But that's just me...
This is your life, your breasts, your breast cancer and your decision. I believe that, but sometimes I wish it wasn't so hard to live with my decisions!!

God Bless you. I have already said a tearful prayer for you. My heart aches for you when I don't even know you. I know where you have been. I've been in your shoes.

Take care of you and feel free to keep in touch.

Sincerely,

Feather Janz

The verse I needed today.

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7)

Not sure if I'm happy:)

"I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens." — Charlie Brown

Read today had to post...

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater--give her sperm she will make a baby, give her a house she will give you a home, give her groceries she will give you a meal, give her a smile she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her any ......crap, be ready for a ton of sh*t.

Quote for today.

"A pharisee is hard on others and easy on himself, but a spiritual man is easy on others and hard on himself" (A.W. Tozer).

A response...

A blog reader has sent this to me...I appreciate the response. Being a woman of faith, I recognize that my God is the creator of all things, all men and all gifts.I appreciate all of God's creation and the resilient spirit He gave to each and every one of us.

From "Eric"...

You might like this also…

Response to Invictus

Art thou in truth? Then what of him
Who bought thee with his blood?
Who plunged into devouring seas
And snatched thee from the flood?

Who bore for all our fallen race
What none but him could bear,
The God who died that man might live,
And endless glory share?

Of what avail thy vaunted strength,
Apart from his vast might?
Pray that his Light may pierce the gloom,
That thou mayest see aright.

Men are as bubbles on the wave,
As leaves upon the tree.
Thou, captain of thy soul, forsooth!
Who gave that place to thee?

Free will is thine — free agency,
To wield for right or wrong;
But thou must answer unto him
To whom all souls belong.

Bend to the dust that head unbowed
Small part of Life’s great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul.

~Orson F. Whitney

Invictus: the poem and the movie.

The following poem was the foremost piece of literature that sweeten the soul of Nelson Mandela during the most bitter of times. Because if these words and his heart of forgiveness, he arose victorious against his enemies each day and one day was their strong leader, with no trace of bitterness in his soul. When they tried to break him, he only healed more soundly. when they tried to make him invisible, he became one of the most known names of our modern times. When he was told, it can never be, he took the challenge and made it even more. He never feared to dream, dreams bigger than himself. He sought inspiration in all aspects of life; to keep him always moving and looking forward and never accepting stagnancy.


INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Verse for today!!

"We are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8: 37- 39

Hurting for Haiti...

I suggest you read this blog from a young missionary in Haiti, who I believe is from here in the Fraser Valley, http://mafkrul.blogspot.com/, the read will break your heart, move your soul and urge you to do whatever you can to help. It's a personal account of faith and survival, midst the destruction and devastation.

I'm trying to figure out how we can help.Post Christmas most of us are bogged down financially, but I think it's important to find a way to give. I've decided I'm going to go back to work earlier than I thought I would, so that we have some extra income to give.I'm bouncing around ideas in my mind of how to raise money for relief efforts in Haiti.

What we can all do is pray, raise awareness, give what we can (the Canadian Government will match your donation) and not forget the suffering.

Interesting way to spread awareness...

You may have heard of the recent movement on Facebook where Women are encouraged to post the color of their bra,as their status, to show support for the fight against breast cancer. And of course I see this as a VERY worthwhile cause but...

I won't be posting my bra color on my facebook status, though I do appreciate the effort to draw attention to the cause of breast cancer, I feel that bras can be a touchy subject for many breast cancer patients and survivours. Many can never wear a normal bra again (usually nothing sexy or cute) and some will never have a need for one again. I respect the effort however and I get the point; it certainly worked at getting people talking about an important subject:)

I have heard of awareness organization that have the following slogans, "Save the tata's" and "save second base"; though I think they are funny and get people talking about breast cancer(which is great)...it's not just about saving breasts, it's so much more than that!! It's about saving womens' lives!! AND we are so much more than our breasts.
IF our breasts are trying to kill us, then good-riddens! I'm not about saving breasts to risk a life. Though I hope women can stop losing their breasts to this disease, I am much more concerned with their lives!! I can honestly say I have never missed mine. They were my"enemy",trying to end my life. Love the breasts you have ladies!! But if they turn on you, please don't be afraid to say good-bye to them
I've grown to appreciate and love my reconstructive breast implants, I often call them my "adopted-girls", I love them as much as if they were my own. These ones do belong to me, they aren't real, but they are REALLY mine!!

An old friend just sent me the following...very interesting:)


Gents....you may have heard of the recent movement here on Facebook. Women were encouraged to post the color of their bra as their stats as a show of support for the fight against breast cancer. This is a worthwhile cause. With the encouragement of a friend of mine I propose a similar type of movement to show our support for testicular and prostate cancer. If your of a mind, post the color of your underwear as your status to show your support to end prostate and testicular cancer. Hopefully we can bring as much recognition to this form of cancer as the ladies have brought to breast cancer. If you choose to participate, send a copy of this note to all of your male friends and encourage them to show their support as well. Thanks for your time and attention.

So I posted this on my status:

I was asked by a friend to suggest, due to recent movement on fb for women to post the color of their bra in support of breast cancer, that we now request men to post the color of their underwear to show support for testicular and prostate cancer. Why not!! I'm all for raising awareness:) I'm just waiting to see "comando" as a response:)

Support research and awareness for all cancers...we've come along way and most people can now say the word, that was the "C" word for so many generations.

Just curious?!

So I thought for curiosity sake I'd make a list of every kind of medical Doctor I have seen and interacted with along my health journey...or is it my "un-healthy" journey:)

I was actually shocked myself when I realized it was so many, and I'm probably missing some...sad but true.

When I look at list I do have a whole new found respect for our medical system here in Canada, especially here in British Columbia:)

So here it goes...
-GP's (General Practitioner)several

-oncologist (cancer specialist) three (since my cancers were considered different diseases, I had different Dr's.Then my first oncologist went on MAT leave and I've stuck with the one I have now. Dr. Gelmon, she's great!!i continue to go to Vancouver cancer agency to see her every three months)

-radiation oncologist (over sees radiation treatment for cancer)I had all my radiation in Surrey.

-gynecologist and OBGYN (lady stuff and birthing) four

-respiratory specialist (asthma) one

-lung specialist (due to lung damage from radiation therapy) one

-Rheumetologist (not exactly sure what he did, but he was the best looking Dr. I've ever seen:)I was sent to him because of all my aches and pains in bones and joints since treatment.

-ENT (EAr nose and throat guy) 3- I have long running issues with my tonsils and a deviated septum (sinuses)the plan is to have both surgically fixed this year.

-neurologist- brain Dr. (and yes I have one:)!! one; for spinal tap and assessing the dizzy disorder I had for 6 months in 2008.

-cardiologist- heart specialist etc, I saw him for my vericos veins.

- Internist- one because of the gastric tear I had in Jan 2008. Now I'll be seeing him for a colonoscopy, lucky me:)

-radiologist ( the Dr who reads the scans)several

- psychiatrist- on more than one occasion:)

- general surgeons- three

- plastic surgeons -2 (the sounds so "OC" of me:)

- urologist- one (apparently I have a crazy big bladder which creates issues!!)

- dermatologist- I've struggled with acne for years but I've seen a few for many different reasons over the years.

So that's it a guess...and that doesn't include all the interns I have had, especially because my "case" is so unique and all the walk-in clinic and ER doctors!!

I don't want to forget nurses, they are such a crucial part of the Medical system. They are who keeps the medical system moving, Doctors couldn't do their work with out them. I have had a few Dr's and nurses with undesirable bed-side manner, but most are amazing!!

So it looks as though I have seen 35+ medical Doctors over the years. That makes me feel very well cared for. I thank all of them for keeping me alive and allowing me a much better quality of life due to their great work.

And yes there are a few Doctor's I've never had to see...but perhaps in the many more years I have to live I will:)!! If (when!!)I live that long, I may be seeing much more of my plastic surgeon lol!!

Quote for today.

"Your true character is revealed by the clarity of your convictions, the choices you make, and the promises you keep."

My 75th birthday?!!?

Today I turn 38. It's been almost 3 years since I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer, I often wondered then if I would make it to 38. Now I am here, and I AM HERE!!
Today I feel great! Today I feel like I never went through anything at all. Tonight I am leaving on a jet plane for Las Vegas with some girlfriends:)

Today my husband gave me a birthday card, wishing me a Happy 75th birthday...?!?!? What you ask? Well, not only are we thrilled that I've beat cancer so far, but he intends to give me this card again in 37 years:) Which means I've lived only just over half my life, at least!!

Here's to turning 38 and looking forward to being 75!

Quote for today; the day before my birthday:)

"The best use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it." – William James